Help plz--marriage

[chakup]

Ok brief background, me and my wife were seperated about 9 months ago and on the verge of divorce. I came back hoping things would work. My wife has been depressed for a very long time so she is not always easy to work with or be around. She is abusive to me; will hit, kick, scratch, try to break my stuff; and abusive to our pets. The hard part is she is also dishonest and will admit to nothing and whenever we talk to anybody, her story is she does nothing wrong. I want our marriage to work but am at my wits end and don't know if I can do it anymore. I guess please just pray for us.

thanks

 

[allieisme]

Sounds like to me she needs anti depressant pills if you believe in taking things like that, and it also sounds to me that she might need to take some anger management classes..

 

[Suzannah]

wow, I will definitely pray for you . I would suggest a session with a pastoral counselor. A friend of mine had a similar situation and they went to a pastor WITH a witness who knew both sides of the story. The position of the witness was only to hold each one accountable for his and her part. In the end, they were able to make a strong new beginning. Is this possible for you? I will pray for you and I hope in the meantime you will come back and share your journey with us.
Love,
Suzannah

 

[Takesha]

Chakup,

I am praying that the Lord will bless you for trying to make you marraige work.

It is so easy to just "ditch and run" when things are difficult and I respect you for your willingness to try.

Your wife may have a chemical imbalance and need some medication to help her with her depression. Or she might have a hormonal inbalance as well. These of course are physical.

I will lift you up to the throne of grace and ask God to soften your wifes heart and open her eyes so that she will see her need for salvation.I will also ask God to give you wisdom and strength and draw you closer to him.

Takesha

 

[Blindfaith316]

God Bless you for sticking it out in the day and age where the decision to divorce is as easily made as changing your t-shirt!!!

I am praying for you both!

Is your wife a christian? I would def, talk to a pastor, QUICK. She sounds demon posessed, kicking, biting, scratching are not normal adult behaviors!

 

[chakup]

We are going to counseling and trying to make things better. We both have issues that we struggle with. Our relationship is one of extremes, one day we are soaring, the next day we crash and burn. I appreciate everyone's prayers, God is good.

chaz

 

[Horse Luver]

Man, that sounds like you're going through a lot!! Just remember, God CAN save your marriage. Do a lot of praying and reading the Bible.....which is pretty normal advice. But He really will help you!! I've heard testimonies of how God saved ppl's marriages...it's awesome. God can give you the right words to say to her, the strength to carry on, hope for the future, and faith that can move mountains. He's the simple answer to every problem. Keep on prayin' dude.

 

[desi]

Chakup, has your wife, marriage always acted like you describe? It sounds like a manic sort of young love.

 

[Yitzchak]

I am curious about your wife's reason for lying about some of the bad things she does privately........ Is it embarassment or are there some sorts of fears??? It is important that you find a context where she feels safe to be truthful.........In order to make progress, there needs to be truth so the real issues can be adressed.
I would assume if she changes the story or lies it is because she is afraid of something and possibly feels little hope for receving any benefit from that kind of risk. it is certainly not a good sign when someone lacks integrity to be truthful but if you are committed to working on the relationship, that issue will have to be addressed early on.

 

[Top Cat]

I will pray for you also chakup. I am also struggling with a husband who has manic depression. As a result he is hypersensitive and paranoid that i'm having affairs. We were only married for one year when this happened and it happened on our anniversary of all the stupid times. He is taking medication and is a christian. I am finding it very stressful as I am also a mental health support worker and feel like i'm working 24 hours a day sometimes. Like you and your wife we have our good days and bad days. But it also affects me as I am paranoid now whenever anything is mentioned by my husband that may sound like an accusation. He attributes it to guilt. but you feel like your constantly under fire and so go on the defensive. I am also a quiet person naturally as well as quite private about my feelings and all this is just making me more guarded and introverted.
I am fighting resentment. I'm sorry I did mean to encourage you but I guess its good to share experience. All the best with your wife and with your marraige

Top Cat

 

[Maharg]

Ok brief background, me and my wife were seperated about 9 months ago and on the verge of divorce. I came back hoping things would work. My wife has been depressed for a very long time so she is not always easy to work with or be around. She is abusive to me; will hit, kick, scratch, try to break my stuff; and abusive to our pets. The hard part is she is also dishonest and will admit to nothing and whenever we talk to anybody, her story is she does nothing wrong. I want our marriage to work but am at my wits end and don't know if I can do it anymore. I guess please just pray for us.

thanks

Hi Chakup,

Have just said a prayer for you and your wife.

love Maharg

 

[rainbowprism]

It is ALWAYS God's will to save and mend marriages!

 

[allieisme]

It is ALWAYS God's will to save and mend marriages!

AMEN!

 

[Harry the Heretic]

I would highly recommend this Christian counseling service. If you have the resources and can get to Branson Mo.

http://www.smalleymarriage.com/services.asp

 

[TheMainException]

You are a brave soul to try and make this marraige work...at this point, I don't suggest that you keep trying if she is that mean. Man, I'm starting to think that she doesn't even care about you at all. And she REALLY needs anger management classes, BAD. No matter what though, PRAY.

 

[Yitzchak]

I will pray for you also....one piece of advice for you though....depressed people often are not fully aware of the magnitude of harm that their actions cause...they tend to get skewed perspective and lost perspective totally and thus dismiss how their actions effect those around them....This is part of the illness and thus my advice is not to go all or nothing in the sense of suddenly leaving them after months or years of no consequences for their actions.....
Rather than going with all or nothing, I suggest that whent he behaviors become abusive and hurtful, that you seperate for a short time and then make another go at it....that will give it a chance for it to sink in how seriously their actions are effecting you.It may take several short seperations before they really start to get the help they need.