I have a HUGE decision to make in my life right now and I need a lot of help on trying to make the right one. My older sister, who is 21, just recently asked me if when I turn 18 I would move in with her. Well, my dad says that its not a good idea because she just wants me to move in for her benefit and that I'll do whatever she tells me to. The thing is she said she would help me get a car and a job in her area and then I would be able to help her with my nephew, who is 1. I really don't think she just wants me to move just for her benefit I know she loves me and wants whats best for me. The problem is if I move I'll be 2 hours away from all my friends and most of my family. I'll also be sort of on my own, as in my dad won't be there to help me anymore. A lot of my friends say its a good idea because it will help me grow up a lot and learn to be more like an adult than a teenager. I just want some advice on what someone else would do if they were in my shoes. I've been praying a lot about this, I just dont know if God can hear me.
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help please
- Thread starter Acickea926
- Start date
First of all, God certainly can hear your prayers and He does care. There are a lot of factors that could and should influence your decision on the matter. These are things for you to think about, not questions that I want you to answer on here:
How well do you and your sister get along? Is she the sort of person who calls all the shots and tends to run other people's lives as your father is suggesting? Are you the sort of person who would let someone else run their life for the sake of peace or not wanting to have a conflict or whatever?
What would your plans be if she wasn't making you this offer? Do you intend to go to school or get a job or what? Geographically, where do you want to live? What are your goals in life? What are your other options? What are some other things that you could do which would result in you becoming an independent adult?
What would be the good things about living with your sister and what would be the bad things. And what would be the good and bad things about other options you are considering?
And most importantly, what do you think is God's will for your life, for the short term, for the long term?
Most people end up moving away from their friends and family for at least a while after they finish high school. And a lot of people don't like the idea of doing that but they do it anyway. But it doesn't matter what most people do or don't do - this is your life, only you and God know all the details, and only you can make the decisions. Listen to the advice of those who know you and the situation, especially your parents. But remember that ultimately the decision is yours.
How well do you and your sister get along? Is she the sort of person who calls all the shots and tends to run other people's lives as your father is suggesting? Are you the sort of person who would let someone else run their life for the sake of peace or not wanting to have a conflict or whatever?
What would your plans be if she wasn't making you this offer? Do you intend to go to school or get a job or what? Geographically, where do you want to live? What are your goals in life? What are your other options? What are some other things that you could do which would result in you becoming an independent adult?
What would be the good things about living with your sister and what would be the bad things. And what would be the good and bad things about other options you are considering?
And most importantly, what do you think is God's will for your life, for the short term, for the long term?
Most people end up moving away from their friends and family for at least a while after they finish high school. And a lot of people don't like the idea of doing that but they do it anyway. But it doesn't matter what most people do or don't do - this is your life, only you and God know all the details, and only you can make the decisions. Listen to the advice of those who know you and the situation, especially your parents. But remember that ultimately the decision is yours.
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LegomasterJC
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Know that God does hear you and wait on his answer, meditate on his word frequently, worship always, pray always... (prayer is a form of worship) and really try to put out all the distractions in your life so you can hear him... Again some of my own advice I need to continue to follow more.
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Hello,
If I were in your shoes I would weigh all the options so that I made to best possible decision. I'd probably make a pro's and con's list too. For instance, how solid are the job prospects; how reliable of a roommate will your sis be; are you going to be able to go to school; what will you do if it falls through; etc...Making solid prudent decisions is a hallmark of being a successful Christian. God gave us a mind to reason with, so it is best that we use it. Praying is always the first step, however, God is probably not going to call you on your cell phone with specific instructions so you must listen to your soul, weigh the options, make a decision in good faith, and see that it is executed. Many of us fail at this crucial thing, which is prudent decision making, and end up falling into a pit because we followed our emotions instead of He who is enthroned in our souls.
Peace-
If I were in your shoes I would weigh all the options so that I made to best possible decision. I'd probably make a pro's and con's list too. For instance, how solid are the job prospects; how reliable of a roommate will your sis be; are you going to be able to go to school; what will you do if it falls through; etc...Making solid prudent decisions is a hallmark of being a successful Christian. God gave us a mind to reason with, so it is best that we use it. Praying is always the first step, however, God is probably not going to call you on your cell phone with specific instructions so you must listen to your soul, weigh the options, make a decision in good faith, and see that it is executed. Many of us fail at this crucial thing, which is prudent decision making, and end up falling into a pit because we followed our emotions instead of He who is enthroned in our souls.
Peace-
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I have been talking to my friends about this. My best friend, Kim, she is like a counselor to me because everytime I have a question or something bothering me I go to her. Well, she told me that the as her friend since she was little she would want me to stay, but as someone to help her out she would tell me to go. Then she asked me if it weren't for my friends why would I stay? That got me thinking and the only other 2 reasons for me staying would be my fear of living on my own (well sort of living on my own) and the church that I go to now, because I really like this church and feel like I belong there. The only thing is that there are many churches by my sister's house. I also don't honestly know why I would stay if there weren't any of my friends around. Plus a lot of my friends will be moving soon and Kim has a chance to be an exchange student so she might be leaving the country for a year. We would be able to stay in touch through emails because my sister does have the internet. So really there aren't many reasons NOT to go just the fact that my dad is trying to talk me out if it kind of makes me uneasy. So I have been praying and trying to listen to God.
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bubblegirl23
Resident bubble chick
If it was me, I'd test the waters. Arrange to stay with her on the weekend. Do this for a few months. Find a weekend job & get a car if you can. Try the grown up life part-time and then make your devision. Do this for quite a time so you aren't making a judgement during the "honeymoon period". I once tried living alone (a Bubble girl living alone - long story!) and it's very lonely. How often would your sister be home?
While testing, find out:
How much for rent?
Can you continue schooling?
What benefits/negatives occur by living in this area?
What is the policy on pets?
Who owns the house & do they approve you moving in?
If you decide to do so, get your sister to write down the decisions and BOTH keep a copy. There are way too many eps. of Judge Judy of feuding sisters who misunderstood the arrangements.
Remember, even if you move in & things go wrong, you can go back home!
Bubs
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While testing, find out:
How much for rent?
Can you continue schooling?
What benefits/negatives occur by living in this area?
What is the policy on pets?
Who owns the house & do they approve you moving in?
If you decide to do so, get your sister to write down the decisions and BOTH keep a copy. There are way too many eps. of Judge Judy of feuding sisters who misunderstood the arrangements.
Remember, even if you move in & things go wrong, you can go back home!
Bubs
I am unable to reply to PMs through the CF webpage so please include MSN, ICQ, Yahoo or email contact details at the end of your PM. While asking this I promise to not broadcast your info or intentionally send you spam or viruses. I only ask this because of my Pocket PCs inability.
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J
JVD
Guest
A couple things on both sides of the issue. Teenagers put a lot of value in their friends...as they should, (I have 3 teenage daughters). But, one thing they forget is that generally, in our society all those friends move away to other places, start other lives and while they are still of value to us, they are less important.
Family is always there if you take the time to foster the relationships. It is important not to take family for granted, treat your siblings like friends and they will be VERY valuable to you later in life.
If you are going to move in with your sister be very clear about the understanding before you move in. What are you going to be expected to do. What can you expect your sister to do for you, what will you do for her. The post that suggested writing these things down with each keeping a copy was excellent advice.
How have you gotten on with your sister in the past, do you push each other's buttons? Or are you more compatible? Are you going to continue school or get a job? All these things are important to know before you move.
I haven't heard anything about your mother's advice in this?
Family is always there if you take the time to foster the relationships. It is important not to take family for granted, treat your siblings like friends and they will be VERY valuable to you later in life.
If you are going to move in with your sister be very clear about the understanding before you move in. What are you going to be expected to do. What can you expect your sister to do for you, what will you do for her. The post that suggested writing these things down with each keeping a copy was excellent advice.
How have you gotten on with your sister in the past, do you push each other's buttons? Or are you more compatible? Are you going to continue school or get a job? All these things are important to know before you move.
I haven't heard anything about your mother's advice in this?
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The reason you haven't heard anything about my mother's advice is that I doubt she even knows I'm considering this. She isn't really that much a part of my life. She is there but not really, if you understand. I talk to her when she thinks its convenient (sp?) for her and visit her when she has time. That's the situation with my mother, which is another reason moving would be good! lol
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God works through his appointed authority figures. In your case, that' s your parents. If dad says no, it is best to honor him. In the end, you will be blessed and thank God for obeying the ones he has placed over you.
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Melody42 said:
At the same time, as a person grows from childhood to adulthood honoring parents can be carried out in a slightly different manner. Once a person becomes an adult he/she should make his/her own decisions. Parents should be honored by their adult offspring by listening to what they have to say on the matter and seriously considering their opinions and advice - considering them to be older and wiser. But in the end if an adult makes a decision that doesn't match what his/her parents would have decided it doesn't mean that the adult is not honoring his/her parents. Parents are placed over children as authority figures representing God and so it is good for children to obey their parents - but as children mature into adults the parents need to step aside and give their offspring the opportunity to answer to and obey God directly.
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LegomasterJC
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The question is what the timing should be when you are kicked out of the nest... or let out of the nest.
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TheMainException
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keep praying hard over it...and spend some time listening to God...maybe spend some time alone in a quiet place? I suggest that maybe you first hang out near your dad's place and then when you feel a little more comfortable on your own, move out with your sister.
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LegomasterJC said:
That's an individual thing - there isn't one magical age where a person suddenly becomes grown up. I'm guessing that most people get to the point where they should be allowed to (or possible made to) live on their own somewhere between about 16 and 21. Of course legally in this country, a person is an adult at 18...
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