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looksgood

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My gf and I are going through a hard time. I don't even know if I should call her my gf, thats how bad. She is dealing with a lot. And one thing is trying to find out who she is and finding her self worth. Something happend a few years ago that destroied her self image. Now her counciler is telling her she should not be in a relationship with me cause it is keeping her from geting well. She is so hurt and scared. We love each other but she tells me she cant give me what I need. That she can't love me cause she doesnt love herself. I want her to get help. But I dont want to lose her. I love her way too much.
 
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goat37

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There is that old cliche' : If you love something, let it go... and if it returns to you, it was meant to be.


I believe that is very true. Be willing to let her go if that's what you have to do in order for her to get the help that she needs, or to figure out what she wants. I know you don't want to lose her, and there is no guarantee that you won't, but just give her love whether she can reciprocate or not, and make sure that her needs come first, over your own. Remember, love is unselfish.

Love can be the greatest feeling in the world, and sometimes it can certainly feel like the worst. Loving someone through the bad times will make all the good times feel that much more special and wonderful.
Keep God at the center of everything you do, and you will do the right thing... whether it feels like you did or not.
 
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desi

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Didn't someone tell you to marry her already? If you are going to do a LDR stuff like this will happen. Sooner or later she will be gone if you don't make a decisive move. Of course now you have to play the fishing game to get her back.



Give some slack and let her go a bit... then slowly reel her back in when she tires of running...
 
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looksgood

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Well, I couldn't sleep tonight cause I was worried bout her. So I called, and we are still together. Still have a lot to go through, but we will make it. I am not going to put more preassure on her to plan our future. She just needs to take things one day at a time right now. But if when it is time to make a choice, then if she can't come here, I WILL go there. Keep us in your prayers. I know there will still be times she will try to say we need to just be friends. But I know that isn't what she wants. It is just her problems talking.
 
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Pope Gonzo

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If you're not going to pressure her, then why did you call to make sure you're still together? You both need to take things one day at a time. In fact, I'm gonna challenge you to take an entire week of just praying for her. Don't call her, don't have her call you(unless it's an emergency, obviously... and missing her isn't an emergency), or email each other, or find some other way to communicate. In an LDR, there are two things you can do for her: 1)talk to her, and 2)pray for her. If #1 isn't helping problems, the only thing you can do is pray.

There's a time for selfish love, and this is not it. If you're convinced that this love is from God, then he will help her in a way you just can't.
 
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Tuffguy

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I know this might sound cold man, but did you ever think of what a permanent life with this person would be like. Say you got married, and are living together. How would that go? Can you handle her issues and baggage for the rest of your life? I know you love her and thats great, its very admirable that you are sticking by her. You also have to be able to separte emotion from reality.
Just trying to look out for ya man.
 
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wheels4Christ

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goat37 said:
There is that old cliche' : If you love something, let it go... and if it returns to you, it was meant to be.
Click to expand...

how would you feel if you let her go, she heads to airport, flys off and plane falls down and she dies? would that also was meant to be??

reverse it: she buys ticket, you refuse to let her go, you delay her and you guys find out later her flight crashed. she sees that you saved her life because you cared... there's a new spark in relationship

All I am saying is, nothing is easy. You want something, fight (figuretively speaking NOT violence) for her. Never give up.

My opinion: tell her you will support her in whatever decision she makes but be it known that you are not going anywhere that fast. Best of luck and God bless.
 
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nuarc

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Ive got to agree with tuffguy on this one. You must listen when people tell you who they are. If she needs time you need to give it to her. If she feels pressured and concerns herself with what you want she will shove her issues under the rug until later in the relationship- what if you are married by then? have you read some of the stuff in the marriage boards? if some of those people had handled thier issues and baggage before they got married, perhaps things wouldnt be so difficult for them now. Im not saying dump her and take off, but maybe it's wise to lay low for a while. Encourage her, she'll never forget it.
 
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desi

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He's probably got those rose colored glasses on...
 
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charligirl

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beautifully said

Give her the space she needs, but let her know you are just waiting in the wings until she is ready.
 
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looksgood

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Pope Gonzo said:
If you're not going to pressure her, then why did you call to make sure you're still together?
Click to expand...
Actualy, that was not why I called her. I was ready and planing on leting her know I would still be her friend if nothing else. But the reason I called was not cause I wanted to know how WE were. I wanted to know if SHE was ok. There is a huge story to all of this but it is enough to say I was very worried about her safty.



I have thought about this, and I know she has issues, but the best thing about it is that her issues can be worked out and treated. If not, I have lived with family with the same issues my whole life and I know how to deal with it. It is not a burden to me. And I do know emotion runs high in these things. But I also know enough to take my time and build something based on a stronger foundation than emotion and infatuation. Thanks for trying to look out for me though . I am not planing on anything so soon though. I really just want to make sure she is taken care of. And if it means just being a friend then so be it. I was more than willing to do that. And I still am should the need come. But when I talked with her she told me she needed me to be there for her not as just a friend but compleatly. I do know the gravity of the situation. No worries with that. I am going to wait on everything except being there for her.

Give her the space she needs, but let her know you are just waiting in the wings until she is ready.
Click to expand...


That is exactly what I did. The only reason I called (and I debated on if I should) was because I was afraid for her safty. It wasn't cause I missed her, it was cause I was worried bout her. But she did tell me she needs me and doesn't want to lose me. And she will not, even if I have to wait for her.
 
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goat37

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what the...? I am not talking about just giving up on her and not fighting for her or anything... I was referring more to the fact that she says that she's not ready, and so when you are in love... that means that you respect the other persons wishes whether it's what YOU really want or not...

If you love someone... and you are together... and the other party tells you that they can no longer see you, or no longer wants to be with you... If you truly love them, you will want to see them happy and respect their wishes... whether it's with you or without you. I am not saying that you shouldn't let them know how you feel about them, and tell them that you will always love them... but you have to be willing to let them go if that's what they really want.
 
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