Help Please!

[Kathi8888]

Hello,

I am a 26-year-old woman who has been married to my husband for 1 and a half years. He is 32. Ever since we've gotten married he's been saying he didn't want to wait too long to have children, but recently it has become a major deal to him. I love children and am actually the director of a day care center, and I know I want to have kids some day, even someday soon, but I just don't feel ready this very second. I'm very nervous about having children in general, pregnancy included, and I would first of all like some advice on how people knew they were ready or got through fears that they had. I want to be excited about having kids, and not just doing it to make my husband happy, but being scared to death inside. Secondly, my husband has become pretty hostile to me about the subject lately. He's been completely losing patience, saying I apparently wasn't "ready to grow up" and move away from home. I honestly feel like if I felt like I was getting more support and understanding from him I would be more likely to feel better about having kids, like we would be going through it together, but lately he's just been pushing me away altogether. Is this my fault? Do you think he has the right to push it this way and I'm wrong for making him wait? I guess I'd just appreciate any advice and prayers for the situation, and if anyone else has gone through it. Please let me know. Thank you so much and God bless!

 

[b.a.t]

I think the two of you should do some long hard praying and maybe God will give you the answers.
It is a very hard situation, both wanting different things.
I went through a similar situation a long time ago. I had a stillbirth and desperately wanted another bay but my husband didn't, after some long prayers it turned out I wasnt ovulating anyway and couldn't concieve. Then seven years later I fell pregnant with my daughter who is now 10 yrs old. Thats why I say pray God always answers, If the time is right he will make it happen.
Thinking of you and praying for you..
Love bev..

 

[parentingzen]

This is a hard one. First and foremost I would say that this conversation would be best to be had with your husband. Just talking things through can help you figure out what you want. I would suggest that you sit down and sort of have rules about your conversation. Such as; no yelling, listening to what is being said, making sure that one person has time to talk before the other talks over them, etc.
Then talk about it and make sure your husband knows that you want to talk about it so you can both come up with a time table for when you will start trying.
To tell you the truth, many people are scared about pregnancy and having a child. As my Mother would say "If we all waited til things were perfect to have a child, no one would be here!"
With that being said, make sure your husband knows your fears, and why you are having them. Maybe after talking this through you will know exactly why you are having fears too. Then figure out how he can help you get over those fears for a future date. It doesn't have to be this second, but in time, you will feel ready. Even if you want to wait to have a baby 5 years from now. If there are certain things you wanted to do before having a baby, or if you saw your situation in a certain way before you had a baby, or whatever it is, it will help him know that you aren't just putting this off to put it off. Just make sure that he is included in the decision. Sometimes just coming up with a family plan will help both of you to have something to look forward to in the future.
Hope that helps!
-Amy

 

[Pinki]

I definitely think you need to talk things through.

I don't think it is right that he pressures you, but perhaps you need to talk about what you think it might take to get you "ready" to start a family.

Becoming parents is a huge responsibility. It will change your lives completely and your little world will be completely turned upside down. Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing, will depend on your (you and your husband's) readiness to face those challenges together.

If you are not ready, but you "give in" there is the danger of becoming resentful. That won't help your marriage, or your children!

I think you will "know" when you are ready, and my guess is that it will be when you feel most loved, and supported, within your marriage. Feeling pressured is unlikely to get you there!

I hope you have your answers soon. Ask God. He is a good listener too ;-)