help please!

Sweetie, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a rough time. Self-injury isn't the answer though. Have you tried doing something else when you feel the need to SI? Depending on who you are, things like journaling, drawing, singing/playing an instrument or even just going out for a jog can help to release bottled up emotions.
You said that your Mum doesn't understand and sadly this is the case for many people. If we can't understand it we shut it away and pretend it didn't happen - however this approach never actually solves what's happening. Is there anybody else close to you who you can talk to about this? We are always willing to listen and talk to you on here, but there's only so much we can do over the internet - having someone in real life is much more effective (and they can give real hugs).
If you ever want to talk, my PM box is always open
Shalom,
Steffi

livingdeadgirl07 said:

One of my friends said that he'll come to church with me. He's a Christian but he's pretty messed up right now and is into drugs and stuff. Hopefully going to church together will help us support each other.

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That's great! I'm glad you have someone who you can share this struggle with.
Hugs and prayers,
Steffi

livingdeadgirl07 said:

Okay, I'm really scared right now because although I haven't self-harmed in quite awhile, I'm so frustrated these days that I'm starting to feel like I have no other options other than that to get out my emotions. I really don't want to but I don't know what else to do. So much is going on, and has been for awhile and I'm pretty well at my wit's end here. I really don't know what to do. Someone please help

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livingdeadgirl07, I know just how you feel. Soooo many billions of overwhelmingly frustrating things have occured in my life in the last year or so I have been really, really tempted at times in the past couple of months to do SI....I think three times I have given in but the thing I try to do is vent my anger and whatever other feelings I'm having in another way. Kick dirt, throw rocks and sticks, snap sticks, punch pillows and the bed, kick trees, etc. Journaling, songs, etc. doesn't help me when I'm stressed out and need to vent, but they do help some people.

When I'm at my wits end, as you say, and want so bad to injure, I have to do something rough and intense, like kicking and punching, so that's why those work for me. I've found that I cannot pray during those intense moments, either, though some have suggested that such action will assist in my resisting the temptation to injure, because I am so angry at that moment that all that comes out is disrespectful and offensive words to my Savior. I've learned to just keep my mouth shut and talk to Him later about things.

Anyway, just my two cents.

livingdeadgirl07 said:

Okay, I'm really scared right now because although I haven't self-harmed in quite awhile, I'm so frustrated these days that I'm starting to feel like I have no other options other than that to get out my emotions. I really don't want to but I don't know what else to do. So much is going on, and has been for awhile and I'm pretty well at my wit's end here. I had to leave my boyfriend of 2 years when I came back to Christianity because he was unaccepting of it, recently I heard that he got his new girlfriend pregnant, but now they're saying it's untrue, I'm going through a lot of family problems, and I have no Christian friends to talk to. I try to talk to my mom but I just can't she just doesn't get it, or doesn't want to I don't know. I have a really hard time expressing my feelings, which is why I've used self injury for such a long time in my life. I feel like I have no other option but to start cutting my wrists 10 times a day again to get someone to notice I need help here. I've been to about 6-7 different counsellors but none have really helped me. I really don't know what to do. Someone please help

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Feelings are pretty powerful and I do so remember when they raged inside of me when I was your age. I had so much sad and confusing feelings back then and it felt like I was going to blowup with all the raging feelings. I don't know why that is, but I suspect some of that is physiological and hormonal and the some of it is pychological and about how we relate to things in our lives.

We are here for you. All of us who post in the MH forums are survivors of MH issues and events. We understand and we do so care. You can pm most of us here anytime and we will respond in due time. Knowing this you should know that you are not alone. I think each one of us, if we could, would reach right through this computer screen and give you a big friendly hug and tell you that we are here for you.

Feelings are a nuisance and some of it is brought on by our thinking and how we think. How we think is an expression of how we relate to things of this world.

I think that what has helped me in my recovery. See, I come from a history of sexual abuse and lived a life of self contempt and self injury in different forms. What really helps is to focus on God at all times.

We should be living each day and taking each breath for God. That is what it is to be in Him. A friend told me to get out of the driver's seat because that's God's job. When I try to get into the driver's seat I crate so much ill feeling and anxiety for myself. When I got out of that seat and gave to God (surrender my will to control) is when real peace started puring into my heart.

God gives us this moment which I call "now." We spend alot of time in the past and the future and both of those time concepts bring up pain, anxiety, sadness, worry etc. When we stay present in God and center our focus on Him we are in the present. God gave us "now." That is his gift to us. The past needs to be surrendered to Him and the future needs also to be surrendered to Him. God has our future and the past is gone. We are now and God is now. Stay in God and keep God thoughts. Look for him in everything. Everything you hear,see, smell, taste, touch should be related back to God. Our senses are all God's gifts. Good smells, beautiful songs, reading God's word, touching a soft and cuddly puppy all gifts from God.

God's will is for us to be one with Him in every moment, in every thought, in every feeling, in every action, in every breath and heartbeat. When you do this you can find total surrender. Let go of the control of all that is bothering you. Give it to Him and find pleasure, love, postive affirmation in Him. Find everything you need in Him.

I have made great strides since I have come to understand my existence and the reason of my existence and how it relates to God. I have found much peace and contentment practicing staying in Him.

Blog your feelings and relate them back to God. Feelings are feelings, but they are not fact. Our mind wants to make them truth. They are just feelings. Feeling trigger our behavior because we are feeling out of control. Feelings are feeling and not fact. If you try to stay in God, you minimize all those triggering thoughts that bring up those icky feelings.

Work on trusting God. Say God I trust you to take care of me and to take care of all my needs. I surrender my concerns to you. You are in control. I will let you lead me. You are my guide. You are my God. I will follow you. I give you all that bothers so that I will not be distracted from You. Being in You God, I have peace.

These Godly concepts have been my path to recovery. I am doing so well these days and let me tell you, things are not peachy at all in my life. Work sucks. I'm aging.

But you know what, thats secondary. God is primary.

Hang in there. Stay focused on God. Let Him guide you. Let him take care of you. Surrender your control. Surrender your will. Let God reign. Let Him arise in you.

We are here for you and we understand what you are going through. We have been there.

May God bless you in every aspect of your life from this moment on. We all love you.

Cling to Him,
InHisgripkim

livingdeadgirl07 said:

Thanks guys. Yeah, God has been trying to teach me to trust Him for everything for awhile now. It's something I really struggle with because I have a lot of control issues from feeling so out of control hroughout m entire life. But I'm working on trusting him which is hard because it includes getting out of the house and spending time with people (I have serious anxiety issues about going out, to the point of pretty well becoming agoraphobic.) But I've gone out a few times this week, once to meet a christian friend who I hadn't yet met in person, but knew because we had gone to the same school. And even though it's hard, and the anxiety makes me physically ill, I always feel really proud of myself after. So once again, thank you. Your support gives me strength, and a little bit of a push yo get things done.

God bless.
-Brit

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Hey:

Good to hear back from you. You are so young that you got a big head start over me. My recovery just started over 6 years ago. That's when I found Jesus or rather He found me. Our life should really revolve around the Lord. We seek approval from Him. We seek everything we need from Him. That protects us from fears of rejection, failure, lonliness etc. I talk to Him all day. If Im running late for work and can't find things, I'm right there asking Him to help me get my act together and help me find the things I need before I get out of the house.

Fear. Fear of what? I think that the only thing I fear would be death of a loved one. The grief is hard one to get through. But we get through it because it's a life cycle. Born, live, death......then home to Jesus.

You got nothing to fear. Is it life threatening? If it isn't you shouldn't be at all concerned.

Ask yourself what is bothering you? Ask "is this a worry brought on by things of this world?" If it is then it all has to be surrendered to God. I have found that I need only be concerned about the Kingdom of God and what He wants from me. I should be concerned about seving or fulfilling His will.

We get so bogged down with fleshly concepts of rejection, ungliness, fear of rejection, fear of being unloved and it's all things of this world. We have what need from God. He gives us love. He doesn't abandon us. He is with us always. He is there when we are down. He is there when we are happy.

All what I'm saying takes time to get. It takes times to integrate it. I call it being fully integrated with God or truly being one with God.

Keep on working. Accept your strongholds and your SI. When we fight it we get the frustration factor going. Part of recovery is acceptance. Read about Paul and his thorn in his side. Go to my blog. There is a section on Paul. It follows the story "The Pear." We are all pearls of God. But read about his thorn. He accepted it and that gave him peace of mind.

Once I accepted my condition, my recovery really took off for the good. No frustration and let downs anymore. I have it and I will always turn to God to provide my healing. The more peace of mind we have, the more we heal. Seek God constantly.

Love,
Kim

hey hon,
i used to cut from 2003 - 2004, and 3x since.... its really hard when i get upset not to give in, but i pray and that helps alot. u can get thru this sweetie. i am here if u ever need a (Christian) friend to talk to. i am 20...

im here for support and prayer and to listen. pm me and i'll give u my email addy if you'd like to talk sometime. i get tempted alot, when i get: depressed, down, upset, mad, etc, but yeah, it'll be ok... u can do this!!!

i did it like a LOT and then i stopped for 3 months in 2004 then started again then stopped in july 2004, but i cut 3x since i was raped in febuary 2006, but was fine other than that... God will pull u through, hon. it's gonna be ok. yes it'll be tough and scary and hard at times, but u can do it! (stop cutting) hugs!

~michelle~

pm me anytime if u need to talk bout anything.

bless your hearts.

I wish I had something wise and comforting to say but I'm at a loss at the moment. I did want to say I read your post and I am praying for you. I know what it feels like to be literally crawling out of your own skin, so amped up with anxitey and overwhelment that you feel you simply must self harm. I've been free from it for over 5 months...and you can too if you trust God for your strength and find other ways to calm down and get that emotion out. Anyways I will surely pray for you!

Its hard for someone to understand the feeling of cutting unless they SI themselves,I'm 35 and I've struggled with this from the age of 14,I understand how you feel when you say that feels like its the only thing you can do,I would pray and pray for the Lord to heal me,I found out that it's not easy breaking this habbit.I had to call upon the name of Jesus over and over,I've tried several things to try and help me stop,one was this twistie toy,I got it at WalMart,it is a link of plastic different colors and you can twist and turn it different ways,this helped because my hands were moving and I helped me with the fidigty feeling of wantin to cut,I would twist this for as long as I needed,I also would play christian music and praise and worship the Lord,the more I thought of him and reaching to feel his presence,the less my mind was on me and my feelings,I hope that something I've shared here may help you,I will be praying for you,I know god will move,if you ever need to talk you can PM me and I would be happy to try and help you,may the Lord bless you in the name of Jesus,amen.

HOLYROLLER71 said:

Its hard for someone to understand the feeling of cutting unless they SI themselves,I'm 35 and I've struggled with this from the age of 14,I understand how you feel when you say that feels like its the only thing you can do,I would pray and pray for the Lord to heal me,I found out that it's not easy breaking this habbit.I had to call upon the name of Jesus over and over,I've tried several things to try and help me stop,one was this twistie toy,I got it at WalMart,it is a link of plastic different colors and you can twist and turn it different ways,this helped because my hands were moving and I helped me with the fidigty feeling of wantin to cut,I would twist this for as long as I needed,I also would play christian music and praise and worship the Lord,the more I thought of him and reaching to feel his presence,the less my mind was on me and my feelings,I hope that something I've shared here may help you,I will be praying for you,I know god will move,if you ever need to talk you can PM me and I would be happy to try and help you,may the Lord bless you in the name of Jesus,amen.

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the biggest thing I've found that helps me when i want to cut--and I'll be honest in saying that since God removed the addiction from me a year ago next month I have been tempted innumerable times--is to do something in SI's place that basically has the same affect on me psychologically (NOT PSYCHICALLY). like, when i did SI i was very very harsh about it, so much so that at the end there it was getting life threatening, so now in it's place i need to do something drastic. like kick trees, break things (preferable immaterial objects such as sticks, etc.), throw heavy rocks, etc.

what i mean is, if you are a former intense injurer, don't try to fulfil your temptation to injure with something soft and gentle like journaling or croqueting. go lift heavy weights at the gym or go jogging faster and longer than normal....i.e. do something that makes you exhert energy and such.

this has helped me tremendously. hope it helps someone who reads this.