Help, Please

[Nichole17]

I was talking to a friend of mine on the phone today, and he asked me what my twin sister and I were going to do for Christmas, at that point I started choking up. I realized in my head the reality of everything going on. My step mother, (who is besides my twin sister the only family I live with), is now widowed and has started her first job and has to work on Christmas. I realized this would be the first Christmas with my father gone, he passed away three months ago. I was filled with so much sorrow and depression. The tears come every night, when I see things that remind me of him. When I see old photographs, I even saw cream of wheat the other night on the stove and couldn't help from sobbing, it was one of the only things he would eat while he was sick. We even have a little blue Christmas tree on our porch, (his favorite color was blue because my eyes are blue), that he told my stepmother to use because it would be like he was here with us. I don't feel like he's here, or like i've heard from him. I know he's in heaven but I feel like God has left me here on earth without the person I love the most, all he wanted was to see me graduate and he didn't even live long enough for that. He won't be there to walk me down the aisle and he can't be my children's grandfather. I'm so heartbroken and I feel like God's left me. My walk with God has been dry since my father died, and I've sought the comfort of guys since. Not that i've recieved that either, my first boyfriend left me (we were together seven months), a week after my dad passed away for another girl. All I keep thinking is that if I had a relationship I would feel so loved and I would be so much more at peace. I miss my father, I need him so much and I will never understand why he was taken from me at barely 17 years old. He was a father and a mother to me growing up, my mother was a drug addict so he raised my sister and I by himself. I always feel so lonely now. I know a lot of people live out much worse lives, and I have a lot to be grateful for, but without my father I feel like my heart has been torn.

This was taken from a paper I wrote earlier this year about him:

"Right now I feel like my faith is being tested, and I am being tried. Sometimes I feel like I’m through. Although in all honesty my journey’s just begun. My story started 17 years ago, and it has been authorized in many ways by my father and my twin sister whom I grew up with. My father raised me by myself from the time I was 2 until I was 9. My biological mother has pretty much been out of the picture since I was 2 due to a drug addiction. Because of my mother’s absence my father truly played the role of mom and dad. I think that’s one of the reasons why I love him so much. His love has shaped who I am. My father has always been affectionate, for instance with the way he would always reach back to hold my hand when we went “cruising for babes,” (which were drives to the beach), or by lovingly overprotecting me. I’d have to say he’s kept me out of trouble with pretty strict standards, which had brought up arguments all throughout my life. However, he has his reasons. My father’s youth and harsh lifestyle lasted until he was 40 years old when he had my sister and I. He turned his life around and prayed to God When my father learned that he was going to have Terra (my twin sister) and I, as I said before, he prayed. He prayed God would allow him to live long enough to raise his girls."

God has been good to me, but I feel like He's left me now. I will never understand my loss or why He's been taken from me.

 

[9T6]

Hi Nichole

Christmas in particular has a habit of bringing to the surface the loneliness and the hurt that lies in our hearts, and the longing for loved ones who have crossed over through the grave. It is a time that we so strongly associate with family togetherness, happiness and love, that the absence of a loved one is felt even more deeply. It is a particularly difficult time when we can remember so many good times spent together in previous Christmas periods. For you this is especially difficult because your father died only a short time ago and this is your first Christmas without him and because he has clearly played such an important and visible role throughout your life.

Your Christmas will be very different this year but I think it is still important to live through it rather than hide from it. But in place of the more superficial aspects of Christmas you might find it more comforting to spend it in quietude and peacefulness with candlelight, photographs and more melancholy carols. If possible spend time at his grave or memorial. You can spend this Christmas period as a time for looking backwards and reflecting with your sister on all the good years and moments that you spent together with your father. By spending the last days of this year in reflection you may find yourself feeling stronger to look forward into the New Year.

Although it may feel like God has left you, you know in your heart that God does not do that. He is there helping you through your grief and carrying you over the worst of the bumps along the way. Grieving is an integral part of human life. It comes to us all at some stage in our lives if we live long enough. But, as much as grieving hurts us, it is worth remembering that the cause of grief is the deep love we have for the person we are missing. And that love is a treasure beyond any price and is the one thing that we humans can take with us beyond the grave. You may even already be able to distinguish the separate feelings of love and grief that are co-existing in your heart even now. If so, then you will be able to focus more on your love for your father and less on the separation that is hurting you.

God has not left you, but it is a test of your faith that you can believe that your father still is. Because whilst you believe that then you know that your separation is only temporary and you will be reunited in the fullness of time, never to be parted again. In that perspective, the time spent in this world is very short and insignificant compared with what is still to come. We need to stay focussed on the promise of eternal life that God has given us.

We do not understand suffering in this world. In general, we can only say that we live in a fallen world where goodness and justice live alongside evil and injustice. We know that we cannot decide ourselves when is the right time to die. Death comes when it comes and it cares nothing for the havoc that it creates and leaves in its wake. In the midst of all human suffering the only one thing that remains enduring, reliable and unchanging is God Himself. Now, in your time of grieving, is the time to rely on him and pray (as I am for you) that he brings peace and comfort to your heart.

Write and tell about your feelings and plans.

 

[thepianist]

I was talking to a friend of mine on the phone today, and he asked me what my twin sister and I were going to do for Christmas, at that point I started choking up. I realized in my head the reality of everything going on. My step mother, (who is besides my twin sister the only family I live with), is now widowed and has started her first job and has to work on Christmas. I realized this would be the first Christmas with my father gone, he passed away three months ago. I was filled with so much sorrow and depression. The tears come every night, when I see things that remind me of him. When I see old photographs, I even saw cream of wheat the other night on the stove and couldn't help from sobbing, it was one of the only things he would eat while he was sick. We even have a little blue Christmas tree on our porch, (his favorite color was blue because my eyes are blue), that he told my stepmother to use because it would be like he was here with us. I don't feel like he's here, or like i've heard from him. I know he's in heaven but I feel like God has left me here on earth without the person I love the most, all he wanted was to see me graduate and he didn't even live long enough for that. He won't be there to walk me down the aisle and he can't be my children's grandfather. I'm so heartbroken and I feel like God's left me. My walk with God has been dry since my father died, and I've sought the comfort of guys since. Not that i've recieved that either, my first boyfriend left me (we were together seven months), a week after my dad passed away for another girl. All I keep thinking is that if I had a relationship I would feel so loved and I would be so much more at peace. I miss my father, I need him so much and I will never understand why he was taken from me at barely 17 years old. He was a father and a mother to me growing up, my mother was a drug addict so he raised my sister and I by himself. I always feel so lonely now. I know a lot of people live out much worse lives, and I have a lot to be grateful for, but without my father I feel like my heart has been torn.

This was taken from a paper I wrote earlier this year about him:

"Right now I feel like my faith is being tested, and I am being tried. Sometimes I feel like I’m through. Although in all honesty my journey’s just begun. My story started 17 years ago, and it has been authorized in many ways by my father and my twin sister whom I grew up with. My father raised me by myself from the time I was 2 until I was 9. My biological mother has pretty much been out of the picture since I was 2 due to a drug addiction. Because of my mother’s absence my father truly played the role of mom and dad. I think that’s one of the reasons why I love him so much. His love has shaped who I am. My father has always been affectionate, for instance with the way he would always reach back to hold my hand when we went “cruising for babes,” (which were drives to the beach), or by lovingly overprotecting me. I’d have to say he’s kept me out of trouble with pretty strict standards, which had brought up arguments all throughout my life. However, he has his reasons. My father’s youth and harsh lifestyle lasted until he was 40 years old when he had my sister and I. He turned his life around and prayed to God When my father learned that he was going to have Terra (my twin sister) and I, as I said before, he prayed. He prayed God would allow him to live long enough to raise his girls."

God has been good to me, but I feel like He's left me now. I will never understand my loss or why He's been taken from me.

Dear Nichole - my heart goes out to you and even more so at this time of the year. It's very true that at Christmas time we miss our loved ones even more, if that's possible. My daddy passed away seven and a half years ago.......and you know what? I still miss him so VERY much at this time of the year. I cry at the silliest things......with you it's cream of wheat....with me it can be a roll of duct tape.

There are no words that I can say that are going to really help you, Sweetheart. I wish there were.....really I do. I'm so sorry for your loss, especially at your young age.....I was 37. Be sure, even though you won't know it, your daddy will be there watching you graduate. He may not get to walk you down the aisle.....but he'll still be there. Even you children - he will see them. What's so sad is the fact that we don't see them!

Hold on to the family ties you have. You said you have a step mother, and I assume that she loves you. Also, your sister - keep your relationship strong. Please know that you and your family will be in my prayers. Feel free to pm me at anytime about anything. I may not be able to do much, but I can listen and definitely pray. May God give you that peace and comfort that only can come from Him.

 

[Godslass]

Hi Nichole,

I think you might find this wee story encouraging:

God's Pen Sally jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of
the
operating room. She said: "How is my little boy? Is he going to be all
right? When can I see him?" The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all
we
could, but your boy didn't make it." Sally said, "Why do little
children
get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my
son
needed you?" The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with
your
son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's
transported
to the university." Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she
said
good-bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red
curly
hair. "Would you like a lock of his hair?" the nurse asked. Sally
nodded
yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag
and
handed it to Sally. The mother said, "It was Jimmy's idea to donate
his
body to the university for study. He said it might help somebody else.
"I
said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I
die.
Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his
Mom."
She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of
someone
else. Always wanting to help others if he could." Sally walked out of
Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of
the
last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the
seat
beside her in the car. The drive home was difficult. It was even
harder to
enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings , and the
plastic bag
with the lock of his hair to her son's room. She started placing the
model
cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had
always
kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried
herself to sleep. It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying
beside
her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said: "Dear Mom, I
know
you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you,
or
stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say I LOVE YOU. I will
always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each
other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you
won't be
so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to
play
with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't
like
the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff
girls
like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat
place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me
around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The
angels are
so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't
look
like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus
himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's
knee
and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him
that
I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good-bye and everything.
But I
already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed
me
some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think
Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off
to
you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you
asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him?' "God said He was in the
same
place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right
there,
as He always is with all His children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one
else can
see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank
piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now.
He
needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get
to sit
at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm, sure the food will be great.
Oh,
I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all
gone.
I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't
stand
to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy
to
come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?
Signed with Love from: God, Jesus &Me.

Take care of yourself,

Godslass