Help... please... sticky situation :(

[iouaname16]

I have a bit of a sticky situation. I need advice, I don't know what to do.

My friend Heather is really close to one of our youth leaders, Michael. Heather is 15, and Michael is 21.

They are really close. A little too close.

Heather talks on the phone with Michael all the time. For hours every night. She showed me her cell phone bill and she made over 200 calls to him last month. and that isn't counting the calls he made to her.

There is a rule at out church that youth leaders shouldn't be alone with a student of the opposite sex. Not even in the car taking them home. I understand. The rule makes total sense. But Heather and Michael don't follow it. they are alone all the time.

I know that they are close friends. but well...

Tonight, she told me that last night, he kissed her. She said that she only let him kiss her cause she couldn't say no. That worries me.

She and him are alone all the time. they call each other at 1am. She said that she trusts him not to do anything like this again, but I just don't know. If they are alone all the time like this...

Part of me feels like I should go to my youth pastor. But I don't want to upset my friend. I swore I wouldn't tell anyone. But I think she could get a lot more hurt this way.

maybe I am just being paranoid.

Help please. I need advice I don't know what to do

 

[NewSong]

Pray about it and if you are the opposite sex also from Heather then examine your motives and go to the youth leader and confront it. If you are the same sex as Heather then you need to confront it with Heather in LOVE. PRAY first!

If you are worried only about rule breaking, don't touch it. If you are concerned for the two of them and their well-being then perhaps asking for help from the pastor would be appropriate--this would also take someone off the hook that may be in a position of youth leader that perhaps has a little more maturing to do. There may be nothing ungodly about it.

Do nothing without the LOVE of God ruling your heart.

 

[Anti Existance]

If those two are really in love with eachother just let them go, this because you should always support true love.

 

[UnitynLove]

Calm Down and Cheer Up!

Today it seems as if everyone is under stress. It has become a normal part of everyday life—and as long as we can keep that stress within reasonable limits, there's no problem. But when we allow it to exceed its reasonable limit, trouble begins.

For example, a chair is built to sit on. It is designed and constructed to bear a certain amount of weight. If it is used properly, it should last a very long time. But if it is overloaded beyond its capacity, it will begin to wear out and can eventually break down completely under the strain.

In the same way, you and I were designed and created to bear a certain amount of physical, mental, and emotional strain day after day. However, problems arise when we allow ourselves to come under more weight than we are capable of supporting.

A word we don't hear very much about today is prudence. Prudence means "careful management: ECONOMY." In the Bible, prudence or prudent means "being good stewards or managers of the gifts God has given us to use." Those gifts include time, energy, strength, and health&—even material possessions. They include our bodies as well as our minds and spirits.

Just as each one of us has been given a different set of gifts, each of us has been given different levels of ability to manage those gifts. Some of us are better able to manage our gifts than others.

Each of us needs to know our limits—we need to know how much we are able to handle. We need to be able to recognize when we are reaching "full capacity" or "overload." Instead of pushing ourselves into overload just to please others or to satisfy our own desires to reach our personal goals, we need to listen to God and obey what He is telling us to do. We must follow His wisdom if we really want to enjoy blessed lives.

Did you know that anything could cause stress? And what causes you stress may not bother anyone else. What bothers you today may not give you any problems tomorrow. Stressors can be big things or little things. For example, going to the grocery store and becoming upset by high prices may be a stressor for you. Then the process of paying for your groceries (especially if money is tight) may become a stressor. The checker in your lane runs out of change in the register and has to shut down temporarily. You switch to a new lane and learn you have selected five items that don't have the prices on them. The checker has to call for a price check on each one while you wait, and the line behind you grows. These small, seemingly innocent circumstances pile up until you feel that you may explode from the pressure.

Nobody can remove all the things—big and little—that cause stress in our lives. For that reason, each of us must be prudent to identify and recognize the stressors that affect us most and learn how to respond to them with the right action. We must recognize our limits and learn to say No! to ourselves and other people.

If the stressors are not managed properly, one by one, they can mount up to bring us to the breaking point. Because we may not be able to eliminate or reduce many of the stressors in our lives, we must concentrate on reducing their effects on us. When we can't control all of our circumstances, we must adapt or adjust our attitude so we don't let them pressure us.

It seems that the very atmosphere of the world today is charged with stress and pressure. But the good news is that we don't have to operate in the world's system, reacting like people in the world who have no hope for peace in their lives. The world responds to difficulties by becoming upset and stressed, but our attitude and approach should be entirely different.

We need to have a change of attitude. I have noticed that the right attitude and approach to a situation can completely turn a situation around. Instead of stressing out and getting tense, I calm down by taking a deep breath and trying to get some perspective on the situation. I know that if I approach a circumstance already stressed out, I am setting myself up for misery before I begin. Instead, I just refuse to allow the circumstances to dictate to me how I'm going to feel. I may not be able to control the situation, but I can control how I respond to the situation. I take an offensive approach and decide beforehand what my attitude will be. That way, I'm in control. I have opened the door for God to work supernaturally and help me.

You, too, can choose to calm down and cheer up. Try it—you'll like it!

 

[madison1101]

You need to go to the senior pastor and the discuss this with him. Michael is committing a crime. He could be arrested for this. He should not be working with teenagers and should be fired. I know Heather is your friend, but he is an adult and should not be in a romantic relationship with a minor. I don't care about true love, I care about Heather being emotionally damaged by Michael's behavior.

 

[mwb]

You should say something. Heather is only 15. Michael should know better. Someone needs to talk to him. It may seem innocent now but your friend is under 18 & should be watched more closely by her parents. If they are not aware of her activities, they should be made aware. Fifteen year old girls should not be on the phone at 1AM.

It's always better to error on the side of caution.

 

[sequins]

You need to go to the senior pastor and the discuss this with him. Michael is committing a crime. He could be arrested for this. He should not be working with teenagers and should be fired. I know Heather is your friend, but he is an adult and should not be in a romantic relationship with a minor. I don't care about true love, I care about Heather being emotionally damaged by Michael's behavior.

I agree, this is a very dangerous situation. She is only 15 and needs to stay away from that guy. He should be fired!

 

[qpmomma]

If those two are really in love with eachother just let them go, this because you should always support true love.

If she's 15 and he's 21 and they are in America it's illegal.

Plus, he is in a leadership position and should not take advantage of that position. I think you should pray about it. If you feel you need to go to your youth pastor to protect your friend, do it. And it'll protect your youth leader as well. If it is innocent and nothing is going on, they still should not be in a compomising situation where ppl wonder what's going on. As a youth leader, that's my advice. If one of my teens thought I was innapropriate with another student, I would want to know so I could be more careful. We are here to protect and teach.

Christina

 

[newyorknewyork]

i think go and talk to your pastor - that is my opinion
you can even tell him that you are nervous about the two of them finding out you have told their secret to the pastor
im sure he'll understand

 

[Alpine]

woah! all the red flags are going up here. First, it isn't proper for a youth leader to be involved with one of the youth. Ask yourself this, what if he was 40 years old? Wouldn't the red flags go even higher? Well, its actually no different here. She's a minor and he's is in a position of leadership. In a position of ministry, he as the youth leader is not supposed to be THAT close to his impressionable flock.

We can only hope this relationship doesn't become sexual because then it becomes a crime. People get in trouble for this kind of thing. Your pastor needs to know asap before these two do anything that might be worse then a kiss.

 

[Charlee]

You need to go to the senior pastor and the discuss this with him. Michael is committing a crime. He could be arrested for this. He should not be working with teenagers and should be fired. I know Heather is your friend, but he is an adult and should not be in a romantic relationship with a minor. I don't care about true love, I care about Heather being emotionally damaged by Michael's behavior.

I agree here.

Until she is 18, she is still a baby. I would say something to your Sr Pastor.

This may/may not be the first/last time he's done this. He is a grown man, she is a child. Consentual or not, its not appropriate.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

I have a bit of a sticky situation. I need advice, I don't know what to do.

My friend Heather is really close to one of our youth leaders, Michael. Heather is 15, and Michael is 21.

They are really close. A little too close.

Heather talks on the phone with Michael all the time. For hours every night. She showed me her cell phone bill and she made over 200 calls to him last month. and that isn't counting the calls he made to her.

There is a rule at out church that youth leaders shouldn't be alone with a student of the opposite sex. Not even in the car taking them home. I understand. The rule makes total sense. But Heather and Michael don't follow it. they are alone all the time.

I know that they are close friends. but well...

Tonight, she told me that last night, he kissed her. She said that she only let him kiss her cause she couldn't say no. That worries me.

She and him are alone all the time. they call each other at 1am. She said that she trusts him not to do anything like this again, but I just don't know. If they are alone all the time like this...

Part of me feels like I should go to my youth pastor. But I don't want to upset my friend. I swore I wouldn't tell anyone. But I think she could get a lot more hurt this way.

maybe I am just being paranoid.

Help please. I need advice I don't know what to do

You need to say something to someone pronto before this gets out of hand.

His action toward her is absolutely inappropriate. He is violating the christian code of relating to younger sisters with absolute purity. Also he is very close to ruining his life. You need to talk to your youth pastor or someone as soon as possible.
This is one secret you should not keep, especially for your friend. Telling someone is the best thing you could do for her.

 

[roamincatholicgirl]

Not only would it be good for her, but good for HIM. He needs to know that making advances on young girls isn't OK. If he learns this lesson early on, it will prolly keep him from getting involved with another young girl in the future.

Your story resonates with me as one of my best friends in California was in a position a lot like yours, where an older man she trusted (he was 25) ended up coercing her to let him take sexual photos of her. He blackmailed her until eventually she told her mother. Now he's in jail.

You don't want Heather to get hurt, and you don't want Michael to go to jail. He won't likely go to jail for what he's done so far, but don't let it continue. Please let someone know.

 

[sing4him]

I'm with those who say go talk to your pastor. A youth pastor should not be alone with the girls in his group.....or any girl for that matter. We're to abstain from all appearances of evil. Because he is an adult and she is 15 (a minor) that's not only morally and spiritually wrong but it is in fact illegal.

I wouldn't wait to talk to your pastor! I'd go as soon as possible! for ya!

 

[iouaname16]

Thanks everyone. I just talked to Heather on the phone and told her that if she doesn't tell our youth pastor I will. She promised me that she would tell him. And if she doesn't I am going to.

 

[qpmomma]

Thanks everyone. I just talked to Heather on the phone and told her that if she doesn't tell our youth pastor I will. She promised me that she would tell him. And if she doesn't I am going to.

That's the right thing to do.

Take care and God bless!

Christina

 

[mwb]

Thanks everyone. I just talked to Heather on the phone and told her that if she doesn't tell our youth pastor I will. She promised me that she would tell him. And if she doesn't I am going to.

You did the right thing. You were very courageous for discussing this with your friend. You could also report this activity & ask your youth pastor if you could remain anonymous so no one will ever know it was you so your friend is not angry with you.

 

[sing4him]

Thanks everyone. I just talked to Heather on the phone and told her that if she doesn't tell our youth pastor I will. She promised me that she would tell him. And if she doesn't I am going to.

That's wonderful ~ That was definitely the right thing to do! Will be for ya!

 

[ReverendLovejoy]

I do not disagree that what he doing is wrong and should be stopped. From what I have read, he may have kissed her. That is all. Several people have insinuated what he is doing is illegal. This is false. So far, from what has been reported, he is not breaking the law. It could lead to that, but he certainly has done nothing illegal, at least from what has been posted. Perhaps some posters should be less condemning when they cannot be factual.

 

[Savedsis]

Thanks everyone. I just talked to Heather on the phone and told her that if she doesn't tell our youth pastor I will. She promised me that she would tell him. And if she doesn't I am going to.

Good idea...this needs to be addressed...I was youth director at our church and a youth advisor of a youth choir..