Help on staying pure

[cryptoquip]

I am an 18 year old man in a loving, God-centered relationship with a 19 year old woman. I am in College, living alone, and responsible for myself. Now, i've had a checkered past. I had no control over my lusts at all, and would frequently ogle and lust after women I didn't even know. I masturbated constantly, and was absorbed in pornography. I recommitted myself in my faith, and decided I would place God at the forefront. Immediately after, He brought along the woman I'm currently courting.
I just want a little guidance from people who have been through this, or even just people who have a strong opinion on the subject. How do I divert my attention? How do I deal with it when it's so overbearing that it's getting in the way of my schoolwork? Does it get easier?
Thanks in advance, God bless!

 

[dayhiker]

ya, it gets easier when your old and your hormones slow down.
Other than that you can find lists of ways to deal with it on the web. I'm somewhat suspicious of them personally.

 

[dbj6417]

you need to have quality thought in order to be pure.

 

[pop8910]

Accountability is something I find helps. If I know that I'm not going to hide it, that puts me off. But it also gives me someone to pray with and talk stuff through.

 

[dbj6417]

that is good. But, need to clean internally. Visualize that light of god is cleaning inside out. Do meditation and have quality thought. Inner richness is another thing you can have.

Brad

 

[MZS]

You need accountability and a sense of spiritual urgency. A trusted other person to keep you accountable with a filter that has such an option for the other to check on you from any other computer would be helpful. Also, you need to have purpose in life bigger than yourself. Find a person willing to "keep the password" and check on where you have been on the internet. See fightingthebattle.com for more information on this.

 

[iambren]

The Bible's answer is to get married, better to marry than to burn. Realize,however, that getting married doesn't remove the drive entirely. You will still have to practice self control when that cute secretary flirts with you, wife gets a headache, baby keeps you up at nights and it's been a good while since you've had some.

I agree with the poster that drive lessons with age but for me it was in the 40s. Long time to wait....good luck.

 

[Migdala]

Ask Father to take away the temptation. When you notice someone hot, just simply look away and think about Yeshua. If you're at home and get the urge to touch, read your Bible and ask God to deliver you from the temptation.

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

And if you really want to stay pure, unplug yourself from the internet.

 

[The Nihilist]

Masturbated constantly, you say? Glad I didn't go to thanksgiving at your house.

 

[mattevt85]

Ask Father to take away the temptation. When you notice someone hot, just simply look away and think about Yeshua. If you're at home and get the urge to touch, read your Bible and ask God to deliver you from the temptation.

Oh if only it was this easy! I'm sorry and I really don't mean to be rude, especially since I'm new, but responses like this are worse than useless. It's the same "advice" spouted ad-nauseum by people who just don't get it. I understand that some people think they are being helpful, but it just comes off as self-righteous.

I really recommend that men take these issues to the Men only forum.

That said:

I've been in your shoes OP. The thing that ended up helping me was God made it physically impossible to keep ANYTHING from my girlfriend. It ate at me to the point of losing sleep. If I had a secret it followed me everywhere. It was the first thing I thought of when I woke up. I realized that if I didn't come clean it would NEVER go away and I would carry it to the grave.

I came clean about my ENTIRE past and feel very very free. I liken it to the damaged forests that are burned to the ground so that they can grow up healthy again. We're still rebuilding but the future has never looked brighter.

My bible passage. is Eph 6:10-18, unequipped soldiers are ineffective.

Once I reach enough posts to send PM's I'll be happy to swap messages with anyone and everyone.

 

[bklatinarab92]

Whats up, im in a similiar situation as you, we both agree we should wait. but sometimes shell come over and i burn with passion.. its very hard not to kiss her! plus love and lust draw a very fine line! im not through it yet! but im walking right next to you bro! what helps me is have people hang out when your together! you wouldnt do as much in thier presence and dont bring her home! your just asking for temptation! try and love her as christ loved mary magdeline he didnt need to kiss her to have her kiss his feet! i wouldnt mind keeping each other accountable! cuz i have a feeling we can relate mucho! o and remember that daddys watching your every move thats something that helps me resist touching yourself! and alot of other things. feel free to add me pm me w.e =] hope it kinda sorta helps ! theres a bunch of other little things! With Christ Love- Vincent Cruz

 

[Monaleezza]

Ok, so I typed my solution on here clicked send and got timed out, so... here we go again.

Lets get PRACTICAL.

• Firstly, Throw away whatever you own that hinders you; porn, lingerie catalogues, block your computer permanently from accessing sex sites, avoid clubs and places with scantily clad women; the lot!
• Next get a hobby and stay busy. Go gym, learn an instrument, join a band, tutor a child, play a sport, art classes...
• Then stay out of the house with your girlfriend. Be proactive, plan your dates so they aren't on the sofa or in the bedroom. Go to the movies, to see a show, to a restaurant, to an adventure park, anywhere! And if funds are an issue, help a neighbour in the garden, go for walks by a river, long drives to a rural area, read together, wash the car. There are loads of option.
• And of course, get a male friend who you can be accountable to. And make sure he is willing to call you and ask you if you have looked at porn/women/masturbated today and challenge you on it.
• Get a mentee!! A young person who you can support through their own crisis. That way you can have an incentiive not to fail.
• There is a book on EVERYTHING. Log onto Amazon and look for a highly recommended book that supports Christians struggling with sex/lust addictions or something like that.
• And finally don't ignore the opportunity to get your life straight with God. Tell Him your weakness and regularly ask Him for strength to overcome.

Hope that's been helpful. I'm sure you'll do well

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

And if none of the above solutions really work for you (or you're tempted to remove whatever filter you put on your computer) Get Rid of Your Computer!

 

[ParentofChildren]

here here

 

[ChrisSloan]

I also Find this incredibly difficult. Me and my girlfriend have agreed that we will wait but I just cannot control myself when I'm around her.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, God didn't design us to hang out with a GF for a long time and not have sex. When God said go forth and multiply God designed our hormones and attraction to the opposite sex such that that is the one commandment most of us obey!

 

[gzt]

The first thing I would recommend is taking this all one step at a time. Also, don't think about this in terms of "purity" - that makes it sound like what is called "ritual purity", where certain things defile you and then must be ritually cleansed and the things aren't necessarily to do with virtue and what is right but are merely a list of taboos or proscriptions. You need to think about why something is wrong and use the language of virtue and sin rather than ritual purity. The Bible uses some of both, so it's not completely wrong to do so, but I find using too much of the "purity" discourse is distracting and gives people a lot of bad ideas.

The first thing I would say is that addiction is hard to break and you might need help to get over it. Sex ceases to be a demon when it ceases to be a god, as CS Lewis says, but getting to that point is hard. I don't think it's realistic to expect yourself to go from "masturbating all the time" to not masturbating at all in an instant, but if you could try to go cold turkey on the porn and keep telling yourself that you're "just not the kind of person who watches porn" anymore, that might be a good start. You might want to get more specific advice elsewhere about that.

One thing to be aware of is "extinction bursts". Google the subject, read up on it so you know what to expect. Don't beat yourself up if you give in, just reaffirm that you're not that kind of person.

 

[PaulOguns]

You know, David in Psalm 119:11 says that "your word have I hid in my heart that I may not sin against thee"

The key to staying pure is to fill yourself with the word of God and be committed to obeying them. Out of the abundance of our heart the mouth speaks, I also believe that we act out of the abundance of our heart.

If we fill our hearts with the right things (the word of God) then we will do the right things even when tempted.