Help--not seeing God as a tyrant??

[MachLoop]

Hey all,

I have been struggling with this issue for a long while. In June, I went through the hardest time in my life (because of OCD), but I now realize it was from God, and He was bringing me closer to Him--so I am thankful for it.
However, with my OCD, I have had a VERY difficult time forming a relationship with Him. My OCD makes me believe He is like the Eye of Sauron: always bearing down on me and making me feel like a disgusting, sinful worm.
My OCD constantly attacks me about what I am doing--no matter what it is--and tells me that no matter what, God's will is, 99% of the time, opposite my own. If I want something, or want to go somewhere, or want to do something...God is "against it." I have no idea when this is true and when it is not.
Not only that, but everything religious has an OCD aspect to it: almost every day, I must pray, read the verse of the day, read my daily Proverbs, read the Psalm of the day, and read my daily journal before I can do anything else--and even when I do that, it is constantly pressing me to do more before I relax or even do my work. And if I don't, my OCD tells me I will fall back into sin, go to hell, or God is going to kill me in some awful way.
I HATE it, and I know true Christianity cannot be this way.
Can anyone help???

Austin

 

[amaui]

I, too had the hardest trials in June. And now they are back again. It must be difficult for you, but dont give up or give in to the ocd thoughts. One thing ocd will try to convince u of is that if you dont do this or that you will go to hell, etc. Its simply not true. Even though you may believe these thoughts, try not to worry about losing your salvation. It's secure in the Father. The compultions you feel to read daily psalms and stuff are probably ocds way to make you relieve your anxiousness thats accociated with the disorder (if that makes any sense) ignore the compultions and know that God is not waiting in heaven to punish u every time you mess up. You are inside of Gods will when you remain in a relationship with him. And when you fall away, he will gently guide you back. So when you feel like every choice you make is against Gods will, think realistically about it. Or pray about it. You have to learn to decern Gods voice from ocds voice, but since you have this condition, it will try trick you . Can you give me an example of some of your thoughts?
God bless you. Have a good day.

 

[MachLoop]

Thank you very much for your response! It was very encouraging.

Well, my thoughts are pretty sporadic, and they attack me nearly 24/7.

For example, if I don't do all the things it tells me to do in the morning, it tells me I am sinning because I am not giving God the "first fruits."

If I don't pray for EVERYONE every time I pray, it tells me they are going to die, or be harmed, or not come to Christ, all because of me. Or it tells me I am selfish because I pray for certain people and not others.

And if I hear someone say something in a song, or on TV or something, that is "bad," I have to "rebuke it" or the person is "going to hell" or something.

All of this just makes me delay doing these things, and I end up getting no work done because I didn't do the OCD things first.

 

[amaui]

Everything you said is like 100% ocd. These thoughts can be hard to shake off, and you may feel like if you don't do whatever the thoughts tell you to do, something bad will happen. And if you ignore these thoughts, you are filled with anxiety. But its what you have to do. You have to fight the compultions. Different things work for different people, but ocd grows worse over the years and you entertain it. If you feel compelled to do something, dont. Practice fighting it. And all the thoughts you told me of are ocd, i believe, so dont fall for them. get your work done. And above all, stay strong and I will pray for you, always.

 

[MachLoop]

Thank you!! That was so encouraging!!

And yes, they are incredibly hard to shake off...I feel very anxious: I shake, my heart races, I get sick, and I just feel like my body isn't whole or something.

But it is a war, and I KNOW God--the true God, not OCD--will always be there for me.

Thank you very much, and thank you for your prayers! You are a blessing truly, and I will pray for you as well!

May God bless you and your family!

 

[kodadog1024]

Hey all,

I have been struggling with this issue for a long while. In June, I went through the hardest time in my life (because of OCD), but I now realize it was from God, and He was bringing me closer to Him--so I am thankful for it.
However, with my OCD, I have had a VERY difficult time forming a relationship with Him. My OCD makes me believe He is like the Eye of Sauron: always bearing down on me and making me feel like a disgusting, sinful worm.
My OCD constantly attacks me about what I am doing--no matter what it is--and tells me that no matter what, God's will is, 99% of the time, opposite my own. If I want something, or want to go somewhere, or want to do something...God is "against it." I have no idea when this is true and when it is not.
Not only that, but everything religious has an OCD aspect to it: almost every day, I must pray, read the verse of the day, read my daily Proverbs, read the Psalm of the day, and read my daily journal before I can do anything else--and even when I do that, it is constantly pressing me to do more before I relax or even do my work. And if I don't, my OCD tells me I will fall back into sin, go to hell, or God is going to kill me in some awful way.
I HATE it, and I know true Christianity cannot be this way.
Can anyone help???

Austin

Yea, your relationship with Jesus / God was never meant for us like how you described. Yes, I do think God wants Him to be first in your life, but it's more than that. He wants to be a part of your everyday life, your smallest thoughts, your largest problems. And He's not there to always throw the beat down, to constantly bash and correct you. He is a loving Father. He wants the best for you. He doesn't want you to be a robot, say the same things over and over, pray the same prayers, and not read His word because you feel you will be punished if you don't. He wants you to read it to become wise, to be filled with love and compassion. That Bible is a love letter to all of us. It's not a set of rules and regulations. Jesus Christ came down and tore those rules in half because we could never obey them all. It;s when we give our lives to Christ that we start doing them out of gratitude. We will always fall short of God's glory and until we get to Heaven, we will never be perfect. God knows this. He knew this from the beginning. OCD sucks and it's even worse when you throw God into the mixture. Limit yourself daily to His word. Like read one verse, meditate on it and start your day. Start small and work your into larger readings. But if your reading chapter after chapter because you feel you have to because God will punish you, well, God doesn't want it that way. You'll get there bro. It takes time AND patience. God bless.

 

[gracealone]

Great counsel Amaui.

Everything you said is like 100% ocd. These thoughts can be hard to shake off, and you may feel like if you don't do whatever the thoughts tell you to do, something bad will happen. And if you ignore these thoughts, you are filled with anxiety. But its what you have to do. You have to fight the compultions. Different things work for different people, but ocd grows worse over the years and you entertain it. If you feel compelled to do something, dont. Practice fighting it. And all the thoughts you told me of are ocd, i believe, so dont fall for them. get your work done. And above all, stay strong and I will pray for you, always.

 

[gracealone]

The OCD is definitely shoving you around. No.. God isn't expecting such rigid and painful rituals from you, it's the disorder making you feel like this. But.. having said that many, "true Christians" have suffered from OCD in nearly the exact same way you are. So you're not alone.
The counsel you were given that said to avoid giving in to these compulsions is solid. I know that's hard because you are doing them to gain a temporary feeling of reassurance and because the anxiety probably gets really bad if you don't. But doing them validates the threats that the OCD is throwing at you and that just increases the hold the disorder has on you. If you avoid the compulsions you will be teaching your brain to let go of the obsessions and in time they'll begin to bother you less and less. No over night solution here but you can definitely improve over time by allowing the obsessions to just be there without giving in to the need to perform the compulsions. Painful process... so sorry.
Praying for you.
Mitzi

Hey all,

I have been struggling with this issue for a long while. In June, I went through the hardest time in my life (because of OCD), but I now realize it was from God, and He was bringing me closer to Him--so I am thankful for it.
However, with my OCD, I have had a VERY difficult time forming a relationship with Him. My OCD makes me believe He is like the Eye of Sauron: always bearing down on me and making me feel like a disgusting, sinful worm.
My OCD constantly attacks me about what I am doing--no matter what it is--and tells me that no matter what, God's will is, 99% of the time, opposite my own. If I want something, or want to go somewhere, or want to do something...God is "against it." I have no idea when this is true and when it is not.
Not only that, but everything religious has an OCD aspect to it: almost every day, I must pray, read the verse of the day, read my daily Proverbs, read the Psalm of the day, and read my daily journal before I can do anything else--and even when I do that, it is constantly pressing me to do more before I relax or even do my work. And if I don't, my OCD tells me I will fall back into sin, go to hell, or God is going to kill me in some awful way.
I HATE it, and I know true Christianity cannot be this way.
Can anyone help???

Austin

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Hi,

You mentioned you had trouble knowing if God approves of you or not. God is certainly not against you. The bible says "If God be for us who can be against us". God is on your side, the bible says "If we sin we have an advocate with the father Jesus Christ", and advocate is one who speaks in your defense, who presents your case continually. Even if we sin God is wanting to restore us, Gal 6:1 says "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness", do you see how God wants his ministers to restore a sinning believer in "meekness", meaning gentle kindness, not with anger or judgment. God is love he cares deeply for you, he is not judging you. What you are experiencing is just a constant bombardment by Satan, you are not possessed or something, the devil just attacks Christians in their minds. When ever you start hearing those condemning thoughts just pray to God and say to him "God I know you love me, please send away these thoughts that trouble me, so I can live in your peace". If the thoughts continue to trouble you don't think "maybe they are true" stand on Gods word that he "is love", loves you and forgives all your sins, eventually Satan will give up.

 

[messkat]

Newbie here. I've been on the_scrupe_group on yahoo groups trying to learn about this since I heard about it and think I might have a mild form of "religious OCD/scrupulosity". Otherwise known as what Martin Luther and John Bunyan struggled with.

I can relate to the struggle with believing everything I do is wrong, that I have no idea when my thoughts are true. I can sort of relate to thinking I have to do too many spiritual things before I start my day. But I've never officially been diagnosed with OCD.

I'm curious how you think one learns to discern between OCD and God. Also does anyone else worry that their faith is just OCD and not true faith, that their spirituality is merely compulsive and not true faith? How would you discern that?