Help needed

[Catherineanne]

Praying for you now.

Thank you so much, Izzy. I very much appreciate prayers at present.

My mum was admitted to hospital yesterday. I spent the whole day with her and my dad, first at the doctors and then at the hospital, until she was admitted. Then I brought my dad home with me. Mum has a lung infection, and was struggling to breathe. Dad was very upset, and I couldn't leave him at his home on his own.

I did not have a priest that I could text to ask for prayers. Words fail me at this point.

 

[Catherineanne]

In every crisis of life our priest stands quietly beside us. Except this one. It is very difficult to separate this abandonment from abandonment by God.

 

[Catherineanne]

Catherineanne;
Your situation is complex to be sure and I cannot offer any advice. What I can do is pray and you may count on that.

Thank you.

 

[Rurik]

http://www.churchofengland.org/media/56749/grievanceprocadvice SA.pdf

I don't know wear you live but the diocese would have some form of practical application of this policy. I would engage with that in this case. There is a need to sort this out openly with an acceptable resolution for all. It is also important that you receive the pastoral care you need, how ever you may need to accept that this is not going to necessarily be within the context that you are used to.

I don't know if this helps but it comes from the background of having been a warden and as a current lay minister. This is how I would deal with a situation like this if it came up within my current community.

 

[razzelflabben]

Don't feel bad. I can hear the love in your posts, and I am very much in need of love.

None of us is perfect, but God's love is, and however poorly we reflect his love, it remains perfect.



That is such a good point; 'love is not love, which alters when it alteration finds.'

I will think about this particularly today. Thank you so much, R.



Yes, it is important to remain faithful to what we know, even when other people don't. If I end up behaving with anger, or vengeance or causing further damage to the church, then I will be the same as those who have caused me harm. The only difference is timing. And that vengeance from me will enable them to justify what they have done.

At present there is no justification other than that I am unwell, and that this can result in me needing more support than other people. Pretty well to be expected from a vulnerable person. But I was very careful to give back to the church far more than I took from it; I knew I asked a lot, but I made sure I gave back ten times as much, and more.



No, your words are very comforting. I very much appreciate you caring, at such a difficult time in your own life.



Thank you. I already begin to see all of those things, through your posts. Thank you so much.

just wanted you to know, that I love you, and even if I'm not posting anything, I'm a PM away. Praying for you! How's your mom today?

May you find healing in the arms of Jesus, strength to endure to the end, and treasures hidden along the path you walk, treasures more precious than rubies.

 

[Catherineanne]

Thanks, R, I know these are not easy days for you. You are in my prayers as well.

Mum is being kept in another day, perhaps two. The hospital is not sure what is wrong with her as yet.

Meanwhile a feud has broken out between my two brothers, which does not help anyone. Everyone not speaking to everyone else and muttering dark threats. What a family!!

 

[razzelflabben]

Thanks, R, I know these are not easy days for you. You are in my prayers as well.

Mum is being kept in another day, perhaps two. The hospital is not sure what is wrong with her as yet.

Meanwhile a feud has broken out between my two brothers, which does not help anyone. Everyone not speaking to everyone else and muttering dark threats. What a family!!

may the peace of God reign not only in you but in your family as well.

 

[Winter]

I am very sorry you are going through this Catherineanne. I will be praying for you.

Perhaps this is God's way of wanting you to move on. Perhaps He prefers that you enter a new church, a new environment. This sounds so ridiculously cliche, but as they say, when one door closes another opens. Maybe its a blessing in disguise. Maybe its a sign.

But you hurt and you need time to heal from this. Prayers ..

 

[Crandaddy]

I'm afraid I can't (as of right now, anyway) come up with any advice additional to that already offered by others, Catherineanne. What I can do, however, is offer my prayers, and that I shall!

 

[Maid Marie]

I feel for you greatly, especially when you have to go through difficulties with your parents without pastoral support.

A friend went through something similar in her church. She was abandoned by her pastor in her time of need. And it spiraled her down until she had to be hospitalized. She is ok now and is in another church. She doesn't really fit in with that church but God is there and she feels loved.

As I read what you've gone though, I pray that God would comfort you greatly as well as send someone to comfort you in the way that minister to your soul. I also pray that he'll send you to a church where you can feel his Spirit and experience his love through other parishioners. And I also pray that you will be healed like my friend so that you can have joy again.

 

[Catherineanne]

A friend went through something similar in her church. She was abandoned by her pastor in her time of need. And it spiraled her down until she had to be hospitalized. She is ok now and is in another church. She doesn't really fit in with that church but God is there and she feels loved.

Yes, that is what I have found. Other churches have been welcoming and very loving, so they are not home as yet, but they have been kinder to me than my own church, and the difference is considerable.

As I read what you've gone though, I pray that God would comfort you greatly as well as send someone to comfort you in the way that minister to your soul. I also pray that he'll send you to a church where you can feel his Spirit and experience his love through other parishioners. And I also pray that you will be healed like my friend so that you can have joy again.

Thank you, MM, and everyone else who has taken the time to offer me love and support. I very much appreciate every one of you, and I pray the Lord repays your love a hundred times over.

 

[zaida]

Catherineanne - I will pray for you. You are a very open and honest person - thank you for sharing your story with us. Just a few things I will offer:

Please take care of your physical and emotional health. Have you seen a doctor? I have family members who have suffered from severe depression and nervous breakdowns. Good medical care is essential.Also, have you tried counseling? There are wonderful christian counselors out there. If you need someone to do an internet serach and see what is in your area, I am happy to help with that.

Please rely on all church and spiritual help being offered, even if its in a church that you are not used to. The church where the pastor has been kind - go there if you can.

Remember that you are loved by Jesus, and Mary and all the saints - they are with you in your suffering.

 

[Catherineanne]

Please rely on all church and spiritual help being offered, even if its in a church that you are not used to. The church where the pastor has been kind - go there if you can.

Remember that you are loved by Jesus, and Mary and all the saints - they are with you in your suffering.

Thank you. You are most kind.

Thanks again to everyone who has helped me, or offered advice. I very much appreciate it.

 

[Maid Marie]

I have been unwell since at least 1997 with complex post traumatic stress disorder. I am chronically abused.

AM as in you still are being abused or this is a typo and you meant to say that you were in the past?

 

[Winter]

Catherineanne, as I read your last post (#33) I can't help but feel like the Lord is protecting you. He doesn't want you there. Its a blessing actually.

What hurts is people's behavior. It makes one lose hope in basic decency. I'm struggling with that too in a work related situation.

But as they say, the Lord knows and sees everything. Let it be a comfort in knowing that He is watching over you and has steered you away from that church. Let it be a comfort knowing you did all you could, with all your heart, and the Lord appreciates the love you gave to your church.

Give yourself some time to heal from this and then do as Zaida said - seek a new church home. Those other churches you mentioned seem like good places.

God bless. Continuing to pray for you ...

 

[Catherineanne]

Catherineanne, as I read your last post (#33) I can't help but feel like the Lord is protecting you. He doesn't want you there. Its a blessing actually.

What hurts is people's behavior. It makes one lose hope in basic decency. I'm struggling with that too in a work related situation.

I am very sorry to hear you are struggling with the same situation at work. Nobody deserves that.

May the Lord be with you, and protect you.

But as they say, the Lord knows and sees everything. Let it be a comfort in knowing that He is watching over you and has steered you away from that church. Let it be a comfort knowing you did all you could, with all your heart, and the Lord appreciates the love you gave to your church.

Give yourself some time to heal from this and then do as Zaida said - seek a new church home. Those other churches you mentioned seem like good places.

God bless. Continuing to pray for you ...

Thank you. I have found love in other churches, so you may well be right.

But it is not easy to stop loving my former church, or its people.

 

[Catherineanne]

AM as in you still are being abused or this is a typo and you meant to say that you were in the past?

Chronically abused is a medical term for someone who has been abused, often from early chidhood, and continuing pretty well all their life.

The reason it still applies is that people who are used to being abused will not notice when they are being treated badly. They will think it is their fault for being inadequate.

Anyone else would have walked away from my church a long time ago. I was not able to, because I thought the problem was me. In a way it is. I cannot protect myself as other people can, and so I am more vulnerable to abuse; it is familiar, it is normal, and I will let it carry on until I am very much harmed.

This is why the church has policies to protect vulnerable adults.

 

[Catherineanne]

Update re my mum. She remains in hospital, and they are still not sure what the problem is, but have suggested perhaps an industrial related condition. I won't say what condition, because it is not confirmed, but it is not good news.

We have only been able to talk with the nurses, and they can only tell us about the treatment she is being offered. We need to talk to a doctor at some point next week.

Many thanks to all those praying for my mum and my family; those who post to say so and those who do not post, but simply pray. The Lord will never forget your compassion.

 

[Maid Marie]

But it is not easy to stop loving my former church, or its people.

After I left my dysfunctional childhood church, I felt that same way. In time, I was able to move on but it took a lot of prayer to do so.

 

[Maid Marie]

Chronically abused is a medical term for someone who has been abused, often from early chidhood, and continuing pretty well all their life.

The reason it still applies is that people who are used to being abused will not notice when they are being treated badly. They will think it is their fault for being inadequate.

Anyone else would have walked away from my church a long time ago. I was not able to, because I thought the problem was me. In a way it is. I cannot protect myself as other people can, and so I am more vulnerable to abuse; it is familiar, it is normal, and I will let it carry on until I am very much harmed.

This is why the church has policies to protect vulnerable adults.

At first I thought you were saying that you were in an abusive situation i.e. you had a husband doing something to you. But I can see what you are saying - you've been in that environment for so long that you don't recognize it when you experience it. And then that makes you more vulnerable for abuse. I know some folks like that. One of the ladies at the food pantry this morning would qualify I believe.