Help me to believe...

[loki2004]

Where do I start? I have been questioning God's existence for thirty years. All of my adult life I have been searching for some form of spirituality that feels right...eastern religions, paganism...I have an emptiness inside that I alone seem unable to fill. I was raised Catholic, but rejected it at a very early age. I am hoping that someone reading this will be able to set me on the right path. I acknowledge that there COULD be a God...I realize that compared to the vast Universe, my scope of vision is comparable to that of an ant. How can I get to the point where I believe?
Thanks, Loki

 

[IloveyoumyLORD]

My dear Loki

What a huge step you have taken by asking for help!!! CONGRATS!!

The emptiness you are referring to is your huge big heart and soul, aching for someone to move in there! Like I have said in another post, God is a gentleman and will never force Himself on you.... He gave you a sharp mind and choice... He wants you to choose for HIM... and invite Him into your life! If there is a million steps between you and God, all He asks is for you to take one in His direction and He will be there, waiting with open arms, to hold you close to His heart! By the look of it, you have already started to take that step!!

Now you have to tell God that you have decided to invite Him into your life..(He already knows it BTW) but spill your heart my dear!! Give it all to God... just the way it feels and comes out of your mouth... He knows that too!! He loves honesty and He loves being invited into people's lives!
Tell Him that you wish to accept Jesus Christ as your saviour and you want the HOly Spirit as your personal guide and advisor.... TALK TO HIM ALL THE TIME, NOT ONLY A QUICK PRAYER HERE AND THERE.... PRAY ONCE A DAY, ALL DAY LONG!

Now take it one day at a time... build a relationshop with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.... let Him become your best friend, laywer, companion, confidant... take everything, I MEAN EVERYTHING, to Him.... He will show you what to do, what to think, what to decide... MAKE JESUS THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOU LIFE!!! Fill your life with Him and His teachings.... read books, MAX LUCADO IS MY FAV!! Start with "JUST LIKE JESUS..."

Let me know when the big hole becomes filled, day by day, with the most awesome, almighty GOD in this universe!

Don's expect a big bang or overnight change.... one day when you look back, you will realize how full of JOy, Love, Peace and contentment your heart is.... THEN YOU WILL KNOW.... JESUS IS WHISPERING IN YOUR HEART!!

God bless your sox off!

Warmhuggles

MARTI

 

[loki2004]

Thanks, Marti,
for your response. So, I should speak to God as though I believe he is there and listening? Even if I don't really know he exists? I apologize for my ignorance here...Is it one of those "act as if" kind of things? Please let me know.

Thanks so much,
Loki

 

[ukok]

Loki, it's interesting that you mention being raised Catholic but rejecting your Catholicism at an early age, there are many people who are 'raised' Catholic but do not have a concise and accurate understanding of Catholicism and hence, reject their faith...may i ask you at what age this process of rejection began and what basis you had for rejecting it?


God Bless you.

 

[loki2004]

Sure...

I was eleven years old, and I guess it was the idea of God's existence I began to reject, so the religion I was being raised in automatically went out the window with it, to my relief. My Mother started taking me to mass when I was about four years old, and the Monsignor of our church was one of those fire and brimstone guys who would literally yell at us. My earliest memory of church is being frightened by him and asking my Mother (in Mass) "why is that man so mad at us?" As I grew older and our Monsignor retired (or whatever it is that priests do) boredom set in. I fought with my Mother against going to church. I hated having to go to confession and trying to come up with sins...I still feel strongly, most nine year old kids aren't really that sinful. After a while I began thinking, and kind of figured out that God was kind of like Santa Claus for adults, only they weren't willing to ackowledge that he wasn't there. I had never felt God's presence even once in my life, and certainly never left church feeling uplifted. I was glad to leave the whole thing behind, the boring Mass, the shamefulness that we were all supposed to feel. So, now here I am...

 

[crossrunner]

Dear one...
Jesus is knocking at the door of your heart. He so wants to fill that hole in your heart. I know its very difficult when you feel the faith isn't there..Jesus says that if you have the faith of a mustard seed you can move a mountain...so it doesn't take much. It takes faith, dear, to pray. You have that faith.
The Bible also says that if you seek Him, you will find Him. I know you will find Him.
Exercise your faith by asking Jesus to come into your heart. As a poster has already said "spill your heart out to Him". Tell him your hurts, your doubts, your worries. Give it all over to Him and trust Him to save you. Acknowledge your imperfection (The Bible calls this confessing your sin) and ask God to lead you in the right direction and then bury your heart, soul and mind into His Word (the Bible). Start with the gospel of John. Pray that God gives you wisdom and understanding. I will be praying for you sweetie. I know that God will not let you down. He loves you so very much. He's got great things planned for you. Won't you ask him into your heart? Lotsa love and God bless you.

cr

 

[loki2004]

Cross runner;

Thanks so much...I will try...

Loki

 

[crossrunner]

Cross runner;

Thanks so much...I will try...

Loki

God bless you sweetie. I am praying for you.

cr

 

[Monica02]

Sure...

I was eleven years old, and I guess it was the idea of God's existence I began to reject, so the religion I was being raised in automatically went out the window with it, to my relief. My Mother started taking me to mass when I was about four years old, and the Monsignor of our church was one of those fire and brimstone guys who would literally yell at us. My earliest memory of church is being frightened by him and asking my Mother (in Mass) "why is that man so mad at us?" As I grew older and our Monsignor retired (or whatever it is that priests do) boredom set in. I fought with my Mother against going to church. I hated having to go to confession and trying to come up with sins...I still feel strongly, most nine year old kids aren't really that sinful. After a while I began thinking, and kind of figured out that God was kind of like Santa Claus for adults, only they weren't willing to ackowledge that he wasn't there. I had never felt God's presence even once in my life, and certainly never left church feeling uplifted. I was glad to leave the whole thing behind, the boring Mass, the shamefulness that we were all supposed to feel. So, now here I am...

How old were you when you quit going to Mass? I suppose kids and teens could find it boring. Maybe you should pray and find a priest you like.

 

[The_White]

'lo loki.

Just wanna say one thing. Don't become a Catholic (don't become an Anglican or baptist or whatever either) Look to God first THEN decide what denomination (if any) suits you. Personally I used to go to a Baptist church and am now at an Anglican college but refuse to labled as either.

 

[IloveyoumyLORD]

Of course He is!! Look at nature, the beauty, the coulours, the orderly way the seasons come and go, the days and nights, the cycles of the moon!!! Look at the shape of a mountain, a gorge, a waterfall..... awesome sunsets.... stars hanging in the night sky, not dropping on your head.... God's hand is visible in all these!

The smile of a stranger, the hug of a loved one.... the eyes of a baby... These are all proof that God is alive and loving you!

Unfortunately He hears more moans and groans from us than praise!!! But He stays the gentleman and He is waiting for you to open your heart and mind for HIm to change your life and your midnset! He loves you unconditionally, even if you do not really believe in HIm.... just try, you have nothing to loose! Tell Him about your doubts and ask for His help.... You will stand amazed!!

God bless you my friend!

Warmhuggles

Marti

 

[ukok]

Sure...

I was eleven years old, and I guess it was the idea of God's existence I began to reject, so the religion I was being raised in automatically went out the window with it, to my relief. My Mother started taking me to mass when I was about four years old, and the Monsignor of our church was one of those fire and brimstone guys who would literally yell at us. My earliest memory of church is being frightened by him and asking my Mother (in Mass) "why is that man so mad at us?" As I grew older and our Monsignor retired (or whatever it is that priests do) boredom set in. I fought with my Mother against going to church. I hated having to go to confession and trying to come up with sins...I still feel strongly, most nine year old kids aren't really that sinful. After a while I began thinking, and kind of figured out that God was kind of like Santa Claus for adults, only they weren't willing to ackowledge that he wasn't there. I had never felt God's presence even once in my life, and certainly never left church feeling uplifted. I was glad to leave the whole thing behind, the boring Mass, the shamefulness that we were all supposed to feel. So, now here I am...

I'm sorry that you had such an awful experience of Mass, it is unfortunate that in those 9 years you did not have the opportunity to explore the Catholic Faith with perhaps catechesis from a caring and patient member of the parish that you attended....however, you must realise that this experience is not representational of masses everywhere!

And you raise an interesting point about the Sacrament of Reconcilliation...my son is 9 years old and he has no problem thinking of sin's..however minor they may seem to an adult..they may well consist of things like 'didn't do my homework' 'didn't do my chores' 'was mean to my sister' and suchlike....but it's the heart that we go with, the penitential heart that makes all the difference A person should never go to Confession begrudgingly, because then he or she can not make a sincere confession...it would have been better to go once a year and have something that you felt truly 'sorry for' than to go more frequently and have to tear your hair out trying to think of something to say!

You are quite correct, the sins of a nine year old, may not appear to be as sinful as those of an adult, but then we need to consider why it is that we utilise the Sacrament of Confession...and the many graces that are bestowed upon us for making a sincere and complete confession with a willing heart and true remorsefulness.

God Bless you

 

[loki2004]

Deborah,

As a convert to Catholicism, you will have a much more enthusiastic approach to it than I will. As a nine year old, my sins were similar to your son's...I didn't make my bed, I was angry with my little sister. In retrospect, what really got to me is that these are very human, minor mistakes...that I really didn't feel so badly about. Heck, my Mom often didn't make HER bed. That we were supposed to feel so shameful about everything that is normal. Catholicism to me (as a child) was some kind of scary game I couldn't win at. As an adult, it just doesn't make sense. Perhaps there is no way I can be a Christian if I can't feel terrible about not making my bed...Thanks for blessing me...
Loki

 

[crossrunner]

I never make my bed.....and I never will. http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001 We are only human. And aside from failure to make beds (which I can't imagine being a sin in the first place) we all make mistakes. What makes a relationship with Jesus so wonderful and special is that He covers us with His grace. Its not what we do to earn our way to salvation. Its what He's done for us. I'm still praying for you dear Loki.

 

[loki2004]

Thanks so much,

cross runner...I will let you know how things go. Work, early tomorrow for me, but I am doing as you suggested, asking God into my heart, and I will keep you informed, my sister...

 

[crossrunner]

Thanks so much,

cross runner...I will let you know how things go. Work, early tomorrow for me, but I am doing as you suggested, asking God into my heart, and I will keep you informed, my sister...

Please do! I will be praying.
lotsa love and God bless

cr

 

[chunkofcoal]

Ask God to help you find Him.
As for "fire and brimstone" preachers, some people like that kind of preaching, but for others it is a bit frightening. As I pondered that very thing one time, the thought popped into my head that "He's not the Terminator, He is the Good Shepherd!"
You might enjoy a book by C.S. Lewis called, "Surprised by Joy". It tells the story of how C.S. Lewis went from being an atheist to becoming a Christian.
Something to ponder regarding God's existence - when you read the gospels, note that when Jesus does His miracles He speaks - basically speaking them into existence. For example when He tells Lazarus to come forth. That is the Word of God. Now, as you ponder this, think about Genesis - God said, "Let there be light" and there was light. This is one of the ways that Jesus bore witness of the Father. And the Apostles bore witness of Jesus, for example 1John 1:1-3
Hope this helps.
Blessings.

 

[cjcandace]

Loki

From the content of your message I get the impression that you were an atheist at a very early age. You probably were not able intellectually mature enough yet to understand the 'doubts' that you were having about the 'exitence of a God/dess.' You seem like a bright person whom is very introspective and curious about learning. If you feel that you have an 'emptiness' in your heart and you feel 'sort of lost' then I would suggest you spend some time reflecting on what is going on (not just in your life, but in your heart as well.) Spend some time every day (15 min. or so) writing down your thoughts. Perhaps you will discover the core problems to what you are going through, and there are other things you can do as well. Have goals, surround yourself by people that are positive and open minded but whom also 'believe in you, and your abilities.' If you continue to feel this way I would say that it isn't a bad thing to consider seeing a Psychologist of some sort. Interview many of them and choose one whom fits you best, and makes you feel like you can trust him/her. I, myself, am 21 years old and I was raised a Catholic as well ever since I was born. I was baptised in to the Catholic church, did CCD, and First Communion, etc. I turned away from that faith for some of the reasons you did and of course among other things I had my own reasons as well. For my pre-teen and teenage years I was indoctrinated in to the fundamental christian religion by my dad and his friends, as well as the churches. Now, I am an atheist, which means, that I don't believe in a god/dess. Basically, I believe in humanity. I believe in you, and I believe in me. I believe in what we can do TOGETHER to make our families, our communities, our country, and 'this world' a better place. I hope you find peace and if you ever need someone to talk to email me at astralfairy2002@yahoo.com. Talk to you later!

 

[crossrunner]

Loki...
How are you dear?

cr

 

[loki2004]

Dear cross runner...

I'm hangin' in there. I had to work this weekend, plus today (healthcare) so I have not been on-line. May I P.M. you? Thanks for your concern...
Loki