I
IndustrialGirl87
Guest
So for the last five to six years I have suffered from depression which has been medically diagnosed every time. In August 2012 I had been on anti depressants and during this month I attended my very first Christian Seminar called Soul Survivor but I had forgotten to take my tablets with me. Though whilst I was there I had such an amazing time that I didn't need them and was sleeping quite well. It was such a powerful atmosphere there and a strong sense of the holy spirit that afterwards I thought I didn't need my medication anymore.
How wrong was I?!!!
In January this year I went to a church weekend away and shared a room with a friend that unfortunately snored and the weather wasnt that great either and for the last couple of months I was not feeling myself. The next day at the weekend away I tried to join in a game but got upset and confused although the people who I was playing with where kind enough to help I just felt I wanted to be on my own. I did ask the girl who played with me and helped me if it was ok to join them at dinner when the time came though I got my bag caught as I tried to catch up to the girl at the time I had also been talking to someone else and I just lost it I swore and ripped my glasses which where on my head off and though them and then burst out crying.
The next couple of months went in a kind of blur then again in August this year I went back to Soul Survivor this time to serve on team in catering serving all the other teams that help run the event I had signed up for two weeks on team.
In those two weeks I cried and was agitated by anything anyone did or said I thought really bad things about people but then the next I was having fun and just thinking it was because the Holy Spirit was working in me. I also had a third week there but this time it was called Momentum and it was more for my age as Soul survivor is for youth groups up to 18.
So I had decided to cook for the Students from the Uni near where I live at momentum but this time they drove me made with washing up in cold water and being completely messy that I down toolsed and flip at them with a message I wrote then took myself off to a couple of seminars in the end the next day after that I decided to go home it was the last day anyway but I had had enough I had spent 16days camping.
When I returned home though things didnt really get any better a few weeks down the line I stopped running my own business which was only very tiny I was a beauty therapist I only had 3/4 ladies but they where normally house bound at the time I just didnt care. In September this year I started a cooking course, I was also diagnosed with depression again two weeks later I stopped going. I also had been cooking for the Students cafe which attend my church on Sunday evenings and I had taken over being of this year but had helped out since November last year. I found it tough going the last couple of sundays I did as i was only going in to cook for the students and not going to the services.
In the end my mum spoke to the guy who was in charge of the student leardership team i was apart of to let him know that I was taking a break.
So now I dont do anything.
Yesterday (Friday 29th November) I went to see a conusllor she was a step 3 person normally people would see there GP who is step 1 and an assessor step 2. When I was the lady on friday she asked me what problems I had and its only once you are back home that you think of more which it typical! but anyway I told her that I find it hard when people dont wash up properly Im scared of catching something nasty, I worry that the house will get broken into I find I have to have certain objects in my room in a certian way before I sleep if i dont i feel something bad will happen. I worry that something bad will happend to my family when they are not back when they say they will. I find it very hard to trust people, I find it hard to connect with people and establish relastionships. There are more but I this is an essay as it is. Anyway I did a few self diagnose tests online I know these are not to go by but I scoured high on depression which is been diagnosed but I also did test on Bipolar and Mania and I scored quite high on both. It dose say that depression can misdiagnosed. I feel I may have this but I dont know how to put it do my doctor. I was told though when I saw the lady on friday that I look like a Step 4 as my issues are quite deep rooted and go right back to a young age.
I really dont know what to do anymore my thoughts are all going at the same time its had to handle would be nice to have someone who has/is going though the same as me hope I have posted in the right area. Thanks for reading
How wrong was I?!!!
In January this year I went to a church weekend away and shared a room with a friend that unfortunately snored and the weather wasnt that great either and for the last couple of months I was not feeling myself. The next day at the weekend away I tried to join in a game but got upset and confused although the people who I was playing with where kind enough to help I just felt I wanted to be on my own. I did ask the girl who played with me and helped me if it was ok to join them at dinner when the time came though I got my bag caught as I tried to catch up to the girl at the time I had also been talking to someone else and I just lost it I swore and ripped my glasses which where on my head off and though them and then burst out crying.
The next couple of months went in a kind of blur then again in August this year I went back to Soul Survivor this time to serve on team in catering serving all the other teams that help run the event I had signed up for two weeks on team.
In those two weeks I cried and was agitated by anything anyone did or said I thought really bad things about people but then the next I was having fun and just thinking it was because the Holy Spirit was working in me. I also had a third week there but this time it was called Momentum and it was more for my age as Soul survivor is for youth groups up to 18.
So I had decided to cook for the Students from the Uni near where I live at momentum but this time they drove me made with washing up in cold water and being completely messy that I down toolsed and flip at them with a message I wrote then took myself off to a couple of seminars in the end the next day after that I decided to go home it was the last day anyway but I had had enough I had spent 16days camping.
When I returned home though things didnt really get any better a few weeks down the line I stopped running my own business which was only very tiny I was a beauty therapist I only had 3/4 ladies but they where normally house bound at the time I just didnt care. In September this year I started a cooking course, I was also diagnosed with depression again two weeks later I stopped going. I also had been cooking for the Students cafe which attend my church on Sunday evenings and I had taken over being of this year but had helped out since November last year. I found it tough going the last couple of sundays I did as i was only going in to cook for the students and not going to the services.
In the end my mum spoke to the guy who was in charge of the student leardership team i was apart of to let him know that I was taking a break.
So now I dont do anything.
Yesterday (Friday 29th November) I went to see a conusllor she was a step 3 person normally people would see there GP who is step 1 and an assessor step 2. When I was the lady on friday she asked me what problems I had and its only once you are back home that you think of more which it typical! but anyway I told her that I find it hard when people dont wash up properly Im scared of catching something nasty, I worry that the house will get broken into I find I have to have certain objects in my room in a certian way before I sleep if i dont i feel something bad will happen. I worry that something bad will happend to my family when they are not back when they say they will. I find it very hard to trust people, I find it hard to connect with people and establish relastionships. There are more but I this is an essay as it is. Anyway I did a few self diagnose tests online I know these are not to go by but I scoured high on depression which is been diagnosed but I also did test on Bipolar and Mania and I scored quite high on both. It dose say that depression can misdiagnosed. I feel I may have this but I dont know how to put it do my doctor. I was told though when I saw the lady on friday that I look like a Step 4 as my issues are quite deep rooted and go right back to a young age.
I really dont know what to do anymore my thoughts are all going at the same time its had to handle would be nice to have someone who has/is going though the same as me hope I have posted in the right area. Thanks for reading
