Help me forgive...

[New Creation]

How do I forgive when the person who hurt me has not asked for forgiveness?
I know I can't hold on to it forever, and I don't want to either. God is slowly helping me through this but I was hoping that he would speak something to one of you to give to me.
Thank you brothers and sisters.

 

[Lilli]

There is a lot of misconception about forgiveness in the minds of Christians. The biggest misunderstanding is that forgiveness is between me and the person that has offended me; rather, it is between me and God.

Forgiveness is a decision, a choice based on an act of the will, (not a feeling) done by faith before God, in which we give up our right to hold another person accountable for the wrong they have done to us. This choice is made rationally because, not only has Christ forgiven me totally, but He has also made me someone who I was not before...a forgiving person in Christ.

Forgiveness is a crucial element in resolving anger and bitterness toward others. It is necessary in order to experience Christ as Life.

 

[C.A.B.L]

The answer above is the best one I've ever read.

 

[IKTCA]

Sister NC:
Here is the Lord's command: If you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. You have to forgive the person in order that you can be forgiven. You are not doing him a favor by forgiving him, because if you don't, you will die.

Bitterness is holding you as hostage. Though you know you must let go of bitterness, you cannot. Your power is in the very command of Jesus that convicts you. Ask Jesus to help you so that you can obey the command. He will surely help you.

I am praying for you. Obey the Lord and please him.

Rupert

 

[New Creation]

Thank you for your words and your prayers....

please, don't stop praying. I've a ways to go.

 

[Airdude]

I had some wise council to post, but I can't say it any better than the two previous post. So I will just say amen to them and God Be with you.

 

[Christina M]

I think there is a lot of confusion about the word "forgiveness". What does it really mean?

While itcka remarked on the scripture that says "If you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses", there is also scripture that says we are to forgive IF the person ASKS for forgiveness! Luke 17:4 "And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, 'I repent,' you shall forgive him."

God Himself does not receive us until we ASK for forgiveness (repent). 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness".


So, when it comes time to get on with life and get rid of the agony and torment of abuse, betrayal, or whatever someone else has done to you, and they have not asked for forgiveness, I truly believe the word to describe it is not "forgiveness". A better word could be "surrender" ... "Lord, I cannot seem to get past what so-n-so did, but I surrender it all to You."

 

[HomeBound]

I agree Christina M

We are told to Love them as well, so it might go beyond surrender just a bit.

 

[free2b]

Forgiveness is not a natural human instinct, it takes an effort and it isn't an easy effort. But unforgiveness leads to anger, bitterness, resentment, hatred and violence. It's a decision of your will, not your emotions. Feelings will change as you forgive. Forgiveness doesn't mean the act against you was "ok", it just means you choose to let God judge your offender rather than you. A person doesn't have to ask for forgiveness to be forgiven, you can still forgive them with God. To go up to someone and tell them you forgive them may seem a little self-righteous...they probably wouldn't appreciate it. All you can do is forgive a person with God and let God do the rest.

 

[Flynmonkie]

But unforgiveness leads to anger, bitterness, resentment, hatred and violence. It's a decision of your will, not your emotions. Feelings will change as you forgive. Forgiveness doesn't mean the act against you was "ok", it just means you choose to let God judge your offender rather than you.

All you can do is forgive a person with God and let God do the rest.

Amen! excellent post! And Happy Birthday!!

 

[HoT-MetaL]

When you forgive somebody you release a prisoner - yourself.

God Bless, metal.

 

[Rose074]

Okay, here's from my own experience. I had a disagreement with my best friend. We both said and did some things that we should not have done, and to add to the hurt our husbands got involved and said and did some things that they should not have done. I was angry and hurt but after a few days I realized I was way out of line. I called her and asked her to come over. She came over with her husband and I apologized, they both pointed out again what I had done wrong, I apologized again. I also told him that the things he had said to me were hurtful, he shrugged his shoulders and said NOTHING! They preached at me and told me they accepted my apology but that they couldn't be friends with us anymore. Neither one of them ever apologized or admited doing anything wrong. It took me weeks to get past the hurt that they wouldn't apologize. It was eating me up inside. It got so bad that I couldn't spend anytime relaxing because my mind would turn to that situation and it would just hurt over and over again. I finally had to realize that I had to stop letting them effect my life. I had to ask God to help me forgive them even though they had not asked for it. It was hard but it was worth it.

It will take some time and there may be more days in the future that the pain comes back, just let it go again, turn it over to God. He will take care of you. My favorite verse says it all "Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything" Phil 4:6 So don't worry, just pray.

 

[Christina M]

I finally had to realize that I had to stop letting them effect my life. I had to ask God to help me forgive them even though they had not asked for it.

Rose, the point of my original opening post is about exactly what you did. Is what you did "I finally had to realize that I had to stop letting them effect my life" really called "forgiveness", or should it be called by another name -- such as "surrender" or "release" (which to me is what it sounds like you did)?

 

[JPPT1974]

I need to apply that lesson more to my life. Because angerness does lead to bitterness, unloviness, and other hateful and hurtful things. And that I need to lean on my Lord and Savior for forgiveness and for guidance in helping me love more and live in His image.

 

[HomeBound]

I understand the whole "Give it to Jesus" thing, but until we understand that it is our job and responsibility to overcome these fleshly emotions, we'll never conquer them. If we continue to look to Jesus to remove what is a natural trait of our flesh, we won't get stronger spiritually.

We all struggle against unforgiveness and when we hold ourselves accountable for the damage we do, we will be strong enough to forsake unforgiveness.

 

[kisstheson]

Dearest Jesus,

You who were despised and rejected (and still are) tortured and abused, hated by so many...You who forgave Your enemies on the cross...You said, "Apart from Me you can do nothing." We are incapable of forgiving and loving like You, precious Jesus. So we give all who have offended and hurt us to You. We ask that You would rise up big within us and forgive them. Thank you for helping us to make the choice to forgive today. As You taght us to pray to our Father, "Forgive us our trespasses and we forgive those who trespass against us." We give You our wounds, our sadness, our hurts because You too have been wounded. We ask that you would heal us by Your stripes and as we behold the crucified Jesus we will become more like You,the Lover or souls.

"Love one another as I have loved you." ~Jesus ​

 

[NorwayUnn]

Dearest Jesus,

You who were despised and rejected (and still are) tortured and abused, hated by so many...You who forgave Your enemies on the cross...You said, "Apart from Me you can do nothing." We are incapable of forgiving and loving like You, precious Jesus. So we give all who have offended and hurt us to You. We ask that You would rise up big within us and forgive them. Thank you for helping us to make the choice to forgive today. As You taght us to pray to our Father, "Forgive us our trespasses and we forgive those who trespass against us." We give You our wounds, our sadness, our hurts because You too have been wounded. We ask that you would heal us by Your stripes and as we behold the crucified Jesus we will become more like You,the Lover or souls.

"Love one another as I have loved you." ~Jesus
​

That was a powerful prayer after Jesus' heart.

 

[PastorMikeJ]

Remember the best example of how the Lord wants us to forgive is found in the Lord's Prayer...."Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us"

So we will be forgiven the extend that we forgive others...

So if we want to be forgiven much we will have to forgive much...So in your heart forgive that person that hasn't asked for forgiviness so that you will be forgiven when you haven't asked for forgiviness..

We all have to remember that sometimes people don't even know that they have done something us that needs to be forgiven....

Well that is my 1.5 cents worth....

God bless you!

 

[Stefania777]

How do I forgive when the person who hurt me has not asked for forgiveness?
I know I can't hold on to it forever, and I don't want to either. God is slowly helping me through this but I was hoping that he would speak something to one of you to give to me.
Thank you brothers and sisters.

I've been studying this subject recently. One of my friends is having a hard time forgiving a friend who did her wrong. I that I could think about was Jesus. He being crucified, turtured, mocked, and just treated completely unjustly. The words that he said were "forgive them father for they know not what they do". I can't get those words out of my head because they're just so full of love and meekness. "forgive them father for they know not what they do". I take his example on that and to be honest with you I've been waiting for someone to do something really bad to me so that I God can put me to test. Will I be able to act the same way that Christ acted while he was being persecuted or will I turn to my evil nature instead?
God bless you.

 

[soblessed53]

I think there is a lot of confusion about the word "forgiveness". What does it really mean?

While itcka remarked on the scripture that says "If you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses", there is also scripture that says we are to forgive IF the person ASKS for forgiveness! Luke 17:4 "And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, 'I repent,' you shall forgive him."

God Himself does not receive us until we ASK for forgiveness (repent). 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness".


So, when it comes time to get on with life and get rid of the agony and torment of abuse, betrayal, or whatever someone else has done to you, and they have not asked for forgiveness, I truly believe the word to describe it is not "forgiveness". A better word could be "surrender" ... "Lord, I cannot seem to get past what so-n-so did, but I surrender it all to You."

Reps to you! Another who agrees with you here. I have always believed this.Even our Lord requires a sincere and repentant heart to be shown before He forgives. Without doing that no person is "born-again",and does not have salvation. I think it is unrealistic and ridiculous to expect a person to be able to forgive a wrong,when their forgiveness is not even asked. However that being said, I also love what Lilli said"Forgiveness is a decision, a choice based on an act of the will, (not a feeling) done by faith before God, in which we give up our right to hold another person accountable for the wrong they have done to us."I have done this in the case of my sister. Turned her accountability over to God, but unless she repents I will never trust her,that would be foolish.