Help me Believe again!!!!!!

[skiergirl24]

I really want to believe again. Please, I am not on here tryng to prove to anyone that God doesn't exist. I want to believe...but I have reached the end of my rope and feel I have NOTHING left to grasp onto to help me believe that God is GOOD and not EVIL. I have been thorugh a lot in my life. I know everyne suffers.....Im not looking for pity. I was raped as a young child and repeatedly molested. I developed OCD, ADHD, PTSD and severe depression. I had an unhappy childhood but managed to pull myself htrough all of that...still it was never easy. I was sent to therapy at age 5 for threateing to kill myself. My father did not know how to handle my behavior so he used to hit me...he threw me out of a moving car once and left me lying on the side of the road. The one person who stood by me was my mother - she is my best friend. At age 24 I wound up having to have major surgery - had my entire colon removed for a rare disorder that is highly correlated with being molested as a child. I was sick as a dog for 5 years before that surgery. I could not eat, would vomit bile etc. The receovery was long and painful but I got through it. My mom hasd breast cancer when I was 14 and it recurred in 2004...right after I had surgery. The cancer has spread to her bones and liver and is terminal. Right now she is not doing well. My mom is the only person in the world I trust and I love her more than anything. I don't know what I will do when I lose her. I try to believe there is a god...but I don't believe anymore.

believe in a GOD...but he is a scary EVIL being...something is allowing this to happen! Okay, so God gave us free will and wants us to prove our love and devotion to him by suffering here on earth. He lets all this happen because this is a temporary life and we will all be rewarded for our suffering by being with him in heaven. To me that sounds like an abusive husband...beating the heck out of his wives and kids on a daily basis and then telling them "Oh but I really DO love you, I love you!" We must PROVE allegiance to him and him alone. What does that sound like to you? To me it sounds like Jim Jones or any other evil cult leader. I think it is scary to believe in an entity so uneblievably pompous and evil that he would LET people suffer like this to prove their devotion to him. And prayer...doens't God have a divine plan? If so, what is the use in praying if he is going to do what he wants anyway!? Why would God let Hitler destory 6 million Jews? Why would he let the Trade Centers fall? Why would he let innocent people be slaughtered in war? Why would he let an innocent 4 year old be raped and sodomized for years until she had a nervous breakdown and wound up in Westwood Lodge at age 9? WHY? He cannot be "busy" because he is all powerful...he can do whatever he likes. He chooses not to help us. If you believe in the Bible then he is pusnishing us ...cast us out of eden for disobeying us. A HUMAN being who treated his children in such a manner would be pout to death by lethal injection. But it is okay for "GOD" to treat us like this? Then who wants to be with im in Heaven anyway? Who wants to associate with such evil. Our reward after life is to go and be with this EIL CREATURE?

PEople tell me evil is a result of the DEvil's workings in the world. Well, okay, but if GOD is all good and all powerful, why doesn;t he protect us from the DEVIL? And then the argument of free will. We all have free will...so those who do evil things are doing them because god gave us free will. But didn't God create us in his image...to be GOOD? then where does this evil come from? If we are created in God's image and we are evil, then God must be evil.

Why doesn't GOD show us the way? Why is everything so hazy and cloudy? Why won't he just show up and show us he existsw? A matter of faith? BEcause he wants us to believe and show our allegiance to him? Again...that sounds like an evil dictator NOT A LOVING GOD.

I have tried and tried and tried to come up with an explanation for all of this.....but I cannot. And I want to! I want to believe.

Does anyone have any information, inspiration? Words of wisdom? Why? I don't get it? HOw can a GOOD LOVING God be governing this world?

Again, I do not mean to offend anyone...I jsut don't know wherelese I can turn. I want to believe so adly but I have lost all hope.

-M

 

[SRAMS]

Im really sorry to hear your situation. It definately isnt a good one to be in. The fact is that this world we live in is cruel and hatefull and full of evil. The Bible says that satan owns this world, but not God's people. Bad things happen to really good people. One day you think everything is ok, and then something else goes wrong. People will tell you it is a faith tester, but it isnt. The things that you endore in this world are not always going to be good, but if you keep your heart in the right spot, you will find happiness through God. I hope that these tragic events that has happened to you havent caused you to hate, or even effect you for the rest of your life. God doesnt just let bad things happen, he can only comfort you and protect you from the evilness that surrounds us every day. If you keep God in your heart and stop searching, it will find you and you have to take comfort in that. I myself am going through a rough spill, but I promise you this, if you keep our God in your heart he will comfort you and ease your pain. I can only pray for you and hope that these words will help you. Let go of your anger, it will only cause you more and more pain. You do not need to hold on to that evilness that was once in your life..

 

[Onlythingavailable]

I'm truly, extremely sorry for what you have been through. I know you said you don't want pity, but your story just tears at my heart.

I believe evil happens because sin exists in this world. God doesn't do the terrible things, sin and the devil cause them and drive man to do horrible things. You asked where sin comes from, and my answer is from the fall of man in the Garden of Eden. Whether you believe in it literally or figuratively, it depicts the fall of man and how sin crept in. Ever since then every single human being born has had the taint of sin within them. This can be seen everywhere, there is no human without sin.

If evil is in everyone, God would have to wipe us all out to destroy it. But God loves us and He doesn't want to destroy us, so instead He sent His only son to the world as a sacrifice, a payment, for our sins. Jesus is the way to salvation, to freedom from sin, God's way of saving us. God isn't holding back His wrath because He likes evil, but because He wants as many as possible to be saved.

I know you don't feel like it, but I know that God loves you. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me.

 

[skiergirl24]

Someone sent me a personal message and even though it says I have 5 posts I cannot reply

 

[skiergirl24]

Thank you Onlythingavailable. I appreciate your taking the time to respond!

 

[skiergirl24]

Thank you SRAMS

 

[Onlythingavailable]

If I may say so, your good cheer, even after all you have been through, is truly amazing. It really is an inspiration.

P.S The PM system and post requirement are really weird, sometimes it takes a while before it works.

 

[LoG]

PEople tell me evil is a result of the DEvil's workings in the world. Well, okay, but if GOD is all good and all powerful, why doesn;t he protect us from the DEVIL? And then the argument of free will. We all have free will...so those who do evil things are doing them because god gave us free will. But didn't God create us in his image...to be GOOD? then where does this evil come from? If we are created in God's image and we are evil, then God must be evil.

God created us in His image but then through Adam and Eve we took matters into our own hands:

Gen 2:17 But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

It is that knowledge which was our undoing. Not God and not the devil. We tend to focus on one or the other, Good or Evil, and whichever is the one we choose to follow, will determine to whom we give our allegiance.

Why doesn't GOD show us the way? Why is everything so hazy and cloudy? Why won't he just show up and show us he existsw? A matter of faith? BEcause he wants us to believe and show our allegiance to him? Again...that sounds like an evil dictator NOT A LOVING GOD.

He did show us the way especially in the gospels. Repentance, forgiveness and love. Unfortunately there are some church doctrines that confuse the issue. They also confuse the roles both God and satan play in the life of a believer and in the effort to make God sovereign in all the affairs of men, they in effect make God responsible for all the evil that has occurred since Creation.
This however is not scriptural. Men are responsible for evil and the devil simply goads them to follow what they want to do anyway.

The small minority who come to repent and desire to focus on the good will be allied with God. He actually wants to show His allegiance to us who desire the Good, not the other way around.

I have tried and tried and tried to come up with an explanation for all of this.....but I cannot. And I want to! I want to believe.

Sometimes we have to read the bible for what it says and not according to what our church or doctrine says. I did this a number of years ago and finally saw the loving God I had heard rumours of but that my former church kept a big secret.

Does anyone have any information, inspiration? Words of wisdom? Why? I don't get it? HOw can a GOOD LOVING God be governing this world?

God the Father is the Lord of this earth but the devil is the ruler of this world. By listening to the Devil in the Garden we gave him legal rights to rule over us.

2Co 4:4 They do not believe, because their minds have been kept in the dark by the evil god of this world. He keeps them from seeing the light shining on them, the light that comes from the Good News about the glory of Christ, who is the exact likeness of God.

Joh 12:31 Now is the time for this world to be judged; now the ruler of this world will be overthrown.

Joh 14:30 I cannot talk with you much longer, because the ruler of this world is coming. He has no power over me,

Joh 16:11 and they are wrong about judgment, because the ruler of this world has already been judged .


All these verses are speaking of Satan being the ruler of this world.

Again, I do not mean to offend anyone...I jsut don't know wherelese I can turn. I want to believe so adly but I have lost all hope.

-M

Jesus wishes to show us that Good will overcome Evil. Through love and forgiveness we are healed from all the influences that evil has had over us, whether at our own hands or that of others.

 

[Johnnz]

Yours is the cry of your broken heart. It will not respond to reason easily. Abstract theories will never override the pain that is there.

But, what choice do you have? Leave out God and what is left? It's just life (There is no meaning, purpose in anything let alone suffering). I just have to work as hard as I can and get over it.

God gives us two avenues that do work.

a) Hope for now. Jesus can help me rework my pain and brokenness. The catch is your pain is a barrier. But you will either climb that barrier of turn from it.

b) Hope for the future. One day all pain will go forever. That can be just pie in the sky or something to really hang onto as you recover.

Bless you. There is more to your life than you have endured so far.
John

NZ

 

[SRAMS]

your welcome skie, just post 5 bogus threads, and you will be able to pm

 

[eolculnamo2]

Were you a Christian when all these bad things were happening to you?

 

[BFC777]

Skier,
No words of wisdom can heal your wounds. We can only hope you come to understand. In the same way that God has given you the free will to choose him he has given others the same free will. The sad part is that many others choose evil with their free will. The person that hurt you as a child is evil and will know Gods wrath. It sounds as though life has dealt you a very hard hand to deal with. It wasn't God, he gave us breath to worship him and we blew it because we are bad. I have found that in this crappy world I will try to be light that shows the true love of God. Please hang in there and know that God hurts for you and loves you.

 

[ecuison]

My heart hurts for you. I truly feel pain for what you have gone through and I know it's hard to trust and believe. I have a 4 yr old daughter that I would put my life down for.

Understand that you are precious to God. You are strong because you are past that and are here today. I cannot put myself in your shoes but that doesn't stop me from feeling that pain hearing what you have gone through. I pray that your heart will come to Christ because this is a short life we live. You have to believe that God has greater plans for you (Jeremiaha 29:11). God only knows how weak my flesh is because I struggle to keep my rage and anger from hurting people like that who has hurt you. But it is not my place because I have no authority to judge anyone as God is the only judge of us.

Hold on because I can see you want to believe and there are a lot of people here that can show you how great our King is.

May God protect you.

-Ed

 

[skiergirl24]

Thank you everyone. You all have some inspirational messages and words of wisdom. It is nice to know that people care.

Thanks again. I am not ready to give up 100% on faith...that would leave me with nothing. I just have to figure this thing out..make some sense of it I guess. Perhaps joining a different church might help. Catholicism is not working for me.

 

[BFC777]

I would never put down another Christian religion, my mom raised me Catholic but as I aged I wanted something more. I wanted a one on one with God and it seemed as though the Catholic church always put a barrier between God and I. I wanted to love God like my father and him love me back, I found that in a non-denominational church. (Calvary Chapel to be exact.) I do have some awesome Catholic brothers, it was just not what I needed. Just find a good bible believing church and get involved in a small group. That is where I find Catholics seem to miss the ball.

 

[saraharms1]

I know it seems like God hates you cuz you've been through way more than most. I was not raped or molested as a child but I've dealt with my share of pain. So many times I gave up on God cuz I thought that he hated me. After I'd get kicked out of my house again for some stupid reason or screamed at and emotionally degraded I'd think that if God loved me he'd have made my mom stop drinking and doing drugs. If he had loved me then He would just make my life better. I'd walk down the street kicking and punching things because I was so angry. Life sucked and I wanted a way out. Last summer I truly did give up on everything because my 7 year old cousin and my uncle died and we nearly lost my grandmother. I lost so much and then finally. After I feel so far and got into drugs I came back out but only with God holding my hand.


I am so glad God put me through all I've been through. I'd never ever in a billion years want to do it agian but it gives me the ability to tell people my story and I can level with people and understand most of their pain because I've felt soooo much in my life. God put me through all that so I can be a leader and a caring person. God is by my side. He carries me through everything.

God knows your an incridebly strong person. He will not put us through more than he can handle. No one can say anything to you that will make you feel better about your past or what is to come. No one can say magic words to make the pain go away. no one besides God. Which is why you need to cling to him and never let go or else everything you go through will be soo much harder.

I want to say I'm sooo sorry about what happened to you as a child. No kid should have to go through that. Also about your mother. Cancer has taken so many lives in my family that its unreal. Pray for her though because I don't have a doubt in my mind that God can heal her.




You're in my Prayers
Sarah

 

[restore]

Girl, there r a lot women were abused badly , it is real so sad,I was abused as a child too, and did not believe God is good. but if we keep on this thinking style, our life will never change.....SO. IF U WANT A HAPPY LIFE, PLS FORCE yourself to try hard hard, to go out of the old thinking style. Try more to be around good positive christians, it takes A LOT EFFORTS AND TIME, but believe me, one day when u wake up, u will feel the morning is new again, u will feel a wind blow into your heart, and u can breathe and feel different

Pls also read this testimony, there r even more different hard life testimony, i will tell u when u can pm.
http://www.christianforums.com/t5604655-i-found-god-because-of-abuse.html

 

[RaddMadd]

Read scripture, be surrounded by God to believe again. I was having lack of faith, listened to a Christian song, and my eyes were opened again. Doesn't seem that easy? Was for me. God bless <><

oh and, have you been saved? "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved." -Romans 10:9