- May 5, 2019
- 190
- 161
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- United States
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I have a friend named Tina and we have been friends since I graduated from HS in 2008. She says that I am her best friend and although I don't really like the whole best friend thing, I feel like she is mine too. Out of all of my friends, she is the best. She is the one that I feel best with with sharing stuff, etc. We are the kind of friends who can go months without talking or hanging out because we get each other and we can get back together with no hard feelings. Or so I thought. Recently, she introduced me to her friend, Sid. Sid is super friendly and nice and goes to the same mega church that Tina goes to. I had a change in my husband's schedule, so, we needed an evening service. Well, their church came to my rescue a few times with great times for evening services. I have became good friends with Sid. We have so much in common. We like all the same stuff. It's like we're twins. She's just a few years younger than me, so she's in my age group. She's just late 20s and I am early 30s. She tells me I am her best friend. I have known her since November.
I was immediately invited to this new friend's life group. We started it in late Jan/Feb. I was excited to go to this group. It's a married couple's group. My husband can't attend due to the night shift he works Mon-Sat. So, I am the singleton in the group. We have Tina and her husband (plus their two babies), Sid and her husband (plus a little girl), an unmarried couple (sometimes they bring his kids), and then me. Weekly, she and her husband makes dinner and we all bring something like drinks, plates, ranch dressing, etc. We did one life group topic with Dave Ramsey's debt stuff. We tried to do Fireproof and it didn't work out. We all wasted our money on it, basically. It has turned into a social club. Tina brought up the vacation that she and her husband planned with Sid and her husband. Tina's in-laws owns a beach condo and they get to use it for free. It was awkward for me to sit there and listen to plans when I came to hear God's plans at life group. The unmarried girl asked what they were talking about. Sid filled her in on their vacation. It just left a sense of being left out to me and that unmarried couple. Here we are at group doing stuff together but we have to listen to half the group's planned, free vacation that no one else was invited to. So from roughly Feb through July, we did one program and barely anything out of another. Never on God topics. That's not the only problem.
Sid uncovers that we need a life group leader. Well, we do. I thought she was the leader. She then says she felt called to open up her house. So she was never planning on ever being a leader. I am just looking for a leader who can help me grow. She wants a small group, but is not wanting to lead. She even told us that we were supposed to have a new leader- a man and wife. They never showed. She also talks bad behind everyone's back. I also think she lies to me a lot. The first thing she ever said that made me think she lies was that she was at someone's pool in Knoxville, TN and that Reba and Dolly Parton show up to swim at whoever's house she was at. She's from the rich side of town, so maybe. She also claims she cared for a very popular SEC coach who passed away. She said she took this coach out to eat the day before they died. They died of Alzheimer's. My grandma died from that and you don't go out to lunch the day before you die. She also told me that she had been raped and went to court with all the other girls this guy had raped. They all looked alike is what she said which is common for a rapist to have a theme sometimes. She says her parents helped open the church we go to which opened in 1995. She was born at the end of 1994. It opened right after she was born. But then she goes on like she grew up in another state. None of the where she grew up and lived makes any sense. I even googled her mom and dad's names to see where they lived. It showed at one time the dad lived in Alabama when she was really little. But she says she grew up in GA and was on her family's watermelon farm. First of all, it's not her family like mom and dad. It's like uncle's or grandpa's farm. It's not even hers or her household's growing up. She does all this big talk about it like she's trying to one-up everyone with it. Her husband mentioned tonight that her parents lived in a 4000 sq ft home. That didn't make sense. They're really simple people from what I have learned. I looked up that house and it is like 1300 sq ft. There's been other things said to that I just don't believe or things that don't add up. It's to the point that I feel like she lies to me and that maybe she might think I'm stupid so that she can pump me full of more lies. Like I believe her... But then again, if she has been raped, maybe she has some sort of trauma. ??? She kinda comes off as delusional too. But it's hard for me to believe because her family is so strict on her growing up. She claims like she came from this super devout Christian family, but her ways do not even reflect that. She cusses cuss word after cuss word. Not like nobody here has never done that, but I mean, when I am mad that's one thing. Not gonna say a bad word casually for fun. One night, she cancelled group and I brought pizza over to share with her and her husband. We were talking and she brought up that condo beach trip with Tina. She said that Tina wanted the unmarried couple to come with. Crazy. That girl says that she is my best friend and invited an entire group around me to go on vacation with her and never once asked me. Not a big deal, but kinda hurtful when you think about it. I have been friends with this girl for 14 years. She has been friends with Sid for maybe 2 years and friends with the unmarried couple for not even 6 mo. Sid doesn't want unmarried couple to go because she is uncomfortable with them sleeping together in this condo and it's turned into a life group outing. So, she tells her mother who is friends with the owner, Tina's inlaws, and somehow the unmarried couple gets x'd out of this trip. Sid asks Tina about me going and Tina said she could only stand me in "small increments." Crazy. I'm not shy or introverted, but I am usually a good conversation, not judgmental, and reserved. I'm usually not negative either. At this point over the summer, I really questioned Sid if this was true. It made me wonder if she was trying to get between me and Tina. She already didn't like the fact that Tina was hanging with the unsaved, unmarried girl in the group. My mom told me to get away from them. Backstory for the unmarried couple: they have lived together for a while although he was going through a divorce which finally went through a month or two ago. He says he is saved, and she said she wasn't and never showed any interest. The unmarried couple would talk about non-group things like their sex outside of marriage, in perverted ways. Sid says on the night I missed group that the guy grabbed the girls boobs and talked about what he wanted to do with her. Sid started to question about having group or kicking people out because even Tina was really being a jerk to her. Tina's actions made me wonder if Sid was right. Then, Tina invited everyone to her baby's bday party. They all started talking about invites and I didn't get one. She said it was on the way. It never came in the mail. But I got the FB invite and I still went.
Tina has acted really weird ever since Sid and I became friends. I'm pretty much ok with not being friends with her anymore. She has been mouthy with Sid (according to Sid), but hasn't said anything to me. I suspect jealousy maybe. There have been many times where I could not meet up with Tina because of distance and my schedule. But we have always been really cool with each other. Ever since the "small increments" comment, I have decided that if I hang out with Tina, that I will just hang out if Sidney is involved. We had a dinner date with the group and Sid didn't come. I got caught up at a store and I decided not to go. Tina asked if I was coming and I told her no. I then asked her what she thought about group. I asked if she liked it, was getting something out of it, etc. I even told Sid that I asked. Well, later on, Sid says that Tina sent her those messages about me asking about group and how it bothered her. Too bad she couldn't have talked to me about it. I went on a walk and prayed about this group getting better or ending because it's going nowhere. I would be hopeful that we'd all find another group. Well, Sid texts me and wants to talk to me about life group. She is done and wants to start it up later in Aug/Sept. Fine by me. That was my out for the group.
Sidney and I have gotten even closer. She all of a sudden decides to have dinner tonight to talk about life group. We all met and we didn't talk about anything, but the unsaved girl isn't unsaved anymore which is good news. She found The Lord at church about a month ago. Now she's wanting to have group all over again and I just don't want to. The first thing tonight when I showed up Sid's husband said the F word multiple times and so did a few other people. More sexual snide remarks. More snide remarks coming from the unmarried man in the group. He treats women in the group like they are stupid as a joke. He is pretty funny though. He told me to move my *explicit* car tonight too. Like really. I am just too old for this. I am the oldest person in the group (32). I am 4 years older than most except Tina, she's just a year younger. It's really more cussing than bible verses. I am the only person who has brought a bible and opened it. Originally, she said that we would read a few bible verses and talk about it. We haven't talked about scripture at all. The pastor is about to reposition and pass the torch to his son as pastor and everyone in group is now thinking about leaving this church. Sid opened up and said, "I HATE ZAC!" That's the new pastor. See, saying she hates a bro in Christ. Really? She wants me to come back over this week to discuss what we could do for this group.
How do I go about this? How do I tell this girl who has clinged onto me that I don't want to be a part of this anymore. She looks up to me soooo much and I just am not being spiritually fed here. She even wants to kick four people out and that just leaves me and her with her husband. We can't just kick people out. I really enjoy our friendship and I believe she cares a lot about God and wants to be closer too, but I feel like she is just an emotional trainwreck and all over the place. I've been left out by who I thought was my best friend, I've had to listen to ungodly talk in what I was trying to call worship (even by the "leaders" or "homeowners"). I'm alone without my mate who I believe would jerk us right out of that group. I'm also thinking about another church too because I think my husband would love this church that my cousin goes to. The only thing I know to share is that maybe since we are all interested in a new church, we could all go to a new church together and then discuss that church/ find a life group in those churches and see if we can just find us a new place to go. Another, I am thinking about an anonymous letter to the church about checking into the life groups because the one I am in isn't helpful.
I was immediately invited to this new friend's life group. We started it in late Jan/Feb. I was excited to go to this group. It's a married couple's group. My husband can't attend due to the night shift he works Mon-Sat. So, I am the singleton in the group. We have Tina and her husband (plus their two babies), Sid and her husband (plus a little girl), an unmarried couple (sometimes they bring his kids), and then me. Weekly, she and her husband makes dinner and we all bring something like drinks, plates, ranch dressing, etc. We did one life group topic with Dave Ramsey's debt stuff. We tried to do Fireproof and it didn't work out. We all wasted our money on it, basically. It has turned into a social club. Tina brought up the vacation that she and her husband planned with Sid and her husband. Tina's in-laws owns a beach condo and they get to use it for free. It was awkward for me to sit there and listen to plans when I came to hear God's plans at life group. The unmarried girl asked what they were talking about. Sid filled her in on their vacation. It just left a sense of being left out to me and that unmarried couple. Here we are at group doing stuff together but we have to listen to half the group's planned, free vacation that no one else was invited to. So from roughly Feb through July, we did one program and barely anything out of another. Never on God topics. That's not the only problem.
Sid uncovers that we need a life group leader. Well, we do. I thought she was the leader. She then says she felt called to open up her house. So she was never planning on ever being a leader. I am just looking for a leader who can help me grow. She wants a small group, but is not wanting to lead. She even told us that we were supposed to have a new leader- a man and wife. They never showed. She also talks bad behind everyone's back. I also think she lies to me a lot. The first thing she ever said that made me think she lies was that she was at someone's pool in Knoxville, TN and that Reba and Dolly Parton show up to swim at whoever's house she was at. She's from the rich side of town, so maybe. She also claims she cared for a very popular SEC coach who passed away. She said she took this coach out to eat the day before they died. They died of Alzheimer's. My grandma died from that and you don't go out to lunch the day before you die. She also told me that she had been raped and went to court with all the other girls this guy had raped. They all looked alike is what she said which is common for a rapist to have a theme sometimes. She says her parents helped open the church we go to which opened in 1995. She was born at the end of 1994. It opened right after she was born. But then she goes on like she grew up in another state. None of the where she grew up and lived makes any sense. I even googled her mom and dad's names to see where they lived. It showed at one time the dad lived in Alabama when she was really little. But she says she grew up in GA and was on her family's watermelon farm. First of all, it's not her family like mom and dad. It's like uncle's or grandpa's farm. It's not even hers or her household's growing up. She does all this big talk about it like she's trying to one-up everyone with it. Her husband mentioned tonight that her parents lived in a 4000 sq ft home. That didn't make sense. They're really simple people from what I have learned. I looked up that house and it is like 1300 sq ft. There's been other things said to that I just don't believe or things that don't add up. It's to the point that I feel like she lies to me and that maybe she might think I'm stupid so that she can pump me full of more lies. Like I believe her... But then again, if she has been raped, maybe she has some sort of trauma. ??? She kinda comes off as delusional too. But it's hard for me to believe because her family is so strict on her growing up. She claims like she came from this super devout Christian family, but her ways do not even reflect that. She cusses cuss word after cuss word. Not like nobody here has never done that, but I mean, when I am mad that's one thing. Not gonna say a bad word casually for fun. One night, she cancelled group and I brought pizza over to share with her and her husband. We were talking and she brought up that condo beach trip with Tina. She said that Tina wanted the unmarried couple to come with. Crazy. That girl says that she is my best friend and invited an entire group around me to go on vacation with her and never once asked me. Not a big deal, but kinda hurtful when you think about it. I have been friends with this girl for 14 years. She has been friends with Sid for maybe 2 years and friends with the unmarried couple for not even 6 mo. Sid doesn't want unmarried couple to go because she is uncomfortable with them sleeping together in this condo and it's turned into a life group outing. So, she tells her mother who is friends with the owner, Tina's inlaws, and somehow the unmarried couple gets x'd out of this trip. Sid asks Tina about me going and Tina said she could only stand me in "small increments." Crazy. I'm not shy or introverted, but I am usually a good conversation, not judgmental, and reserved. I'm usually not negative either. At this point over the summer, I really questioned Sid if this was true. It made me wonder if she was trying to get between me and Tina. She already didn't like the fact that Tina was hanging with the unsaved, unmarried girl in the group. My mom told me to get away from them. Backstory for the unmarried couple: they have lived together for a while although he was going through a divorce which finally went through a month or two ago. He says he is saved, and she said she wasn't and never showed any interest. The unmarried couple would talk about non-group things like their sex outside of marriage, in perverted ways. Sid says on the night I missed group that the guy grabbed the girls boobs and talked about what he wanted to do with her. Sid started to question about having group or kicking people out because even Tina was really being a jerk to her. Tina's actions made me wonder if Sid was right. Then, Tina invited everyone to her baby's bday party. They all started talking about invites and I didn't get one. She said it was on the way. It never came in the mail. But I got the FB invite and I still went.
Tina has acted really weird ever since Sid and I became friends. I'm pretty much ok with not being friends with her anymore. She has been mouthy with Sid (according to Sid), but hasn't said anything to me. I suspect jealousy maybe. There have been many times where I could not meet up with Tina because of distance and my schedule. But we have always been really cool with each other. Ever since the "small increments" comment, I have decided that if I hang out with Tina, that I will just hang out if Sidney is involved. We had a dinner date with the group and Sid didn't come. I got caught up at a store and I decided not to go. Tina asked if I was coming and I told her no. I then asked her what she thought about group. I asked if she liked it, was getting something out of it, etc. I even told Sid that I asked. Well, later on, Sid says that Tina sent her those messages about me asking about group and how it bothered her. Too bad she couldn't have talked to me about it. I went on a walk and prayed about this group getting better or ending because it's going nowhere. I would be hopeful that we'd all find another group. Well, Sid texts me and wants to talk to me about life group. She is done and wants to start it up later in Aug/Sept. Fine by me. That was my out for the group.
Sidney and I have gotten even closer. She all of a sudden decides to have dinner tonight to talk about life group. We all met and we didn't talk about anything, but the unsaved girl isn't unsaved anymore which is good news. She found The Lord at church about a month ago. Now she's wanting to have group all over again and I just don't want to. The first thing tonight when I showed up Sid's husband said the F word multiple times and so did a few other people. More sexual snide remarks. More snide remarks coming from the unmarried man in the group. He treats women in the group like they are stupid as a joke. He is pretty funny though. He told me to move my *explicit* car tonight too. Like really. I am just too old for this. I am the oldest person in the group (32). I am 4 years older than most except Tina, she's just a year younger. It's really more cussing than bible verses. I am the only person who has brought a bible and opened it. Originally, she said that we would read a few bible verses and talk about it. We haven't talked about scripture at all. The pastor is about to reposition and pass the torch to his son as pastor and everyone in group is now thinking about leaving this church. Sid opened up and said, "I HATE ZAC!" That's the new pastor. See, saying she hates a bro in Christ. Really? She wants me to come back over this week to discuss what we could do for this group.
How do I go about this? How do I tell this girl who has clinged onto me that I don't want to be a part of this anymore. She looks up to me soooo much and I just am not being spiritually fed here. She even wants to kick four people out and that just leaves me and her with her husband. We can't just kick people out. I really enjoy our friendship and I believe she cares a lot about God and wants to be closer too, but I feel like she is just an emotional trainwreck and all over the place. I've been left out by who I thought was my best friend, I've had to listen to ungodly talk in what I was trying to call worship (even by the "leaders" or "homeowners"). I'm alone without my mate who I believe would jerk us right out of that group. I'm also thinking about another church too because I think my husband would love this church that my cousin goes to. The only thing I know to share is that maybe since we are all interested in a new church, we could all go to a new church together and then discuss that church/ find a life group in those churches and see if we can just find us a new place to go. Another, I am thinking about an anonymous letter to the church about checking into the life groups because the one I am in isn't helpful.
