HELP-I messed it up again

[youthwalk]

Last night I ended it with my bf of 31/2 years. About nothing. Literally. Except that I was edgy due to a mood swing ( I'm bipolar) and got too angry. There wasn't even a reason to be angry. Now I don't know what to do.

I hate the fact that this happens at times because of how much control I lose when I'm in a bad mood.

I don't really want to break up. But I said it. What do I do now?

 

[YouthPastor]

FIrst, are you on medication for the bipolar?

You can go to hime and ask forgiveness.

However, Let me be honest, if I had a girlfriend, regardless of the reason, kept breaking it off - it would only happen a couple times before I would not take her back.

I would go to him - ask his forgiveness.

If you are not on medication, I would get on some.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

What was your relationship like. Was there much conflict? How happy were you in it?

 

[youthwalk]

1. I'm on Lithium. I recently restarted it after a period of not taking any and it was wonderful because I was in full control. But I started relapsing so I restarted and it's been tough. I'm readjusting to it.

I can't say that it's only been me breaking it off for no reason. We both do and usually it's due to a conflict we realise isn't huge a couple days later and we'll get back together.

2 it wasn't the worst relationship. In terms of how supportive we are of each other and the sacrifices we make for each other it's one of the best. Also in terms of what we went through together. It hasn't been easy. we used to fight alot in the process of understanding each other. But that stopped.

I was really happy. We both were. We planned to get married in 3-4 yrs.

I know it sound fickle to keep breaking up like that and still talk abou marriage but we were going really well. We've gone to counselling together both at church and with my Pdoc. It was going really well.

The reason I'm so worked up now about something that if thought about logically is pretty minor (since we broke up over nothing) is because I was trying so hard to stay in control and I keep failing.


He's been great so far. There were negative and positives but he's been really understanding.

I don't know.

 

[f U z ! o N]

The reason I'm so worked up now about something that if thought about logically is pretty minor (since we broke up over nothing) is because I was trying so hard to stay in control and I keep failing.


He's been great so far. There were negative and positives but he's been really understanding.

I don't know.

woah do you mean control as in control of the relationship? if so you can't always be in control. my ex girlfriend tried to control so much that she eventually destroyed the relationship. please don't try to control the relationship, work together

 

[youthwalk]

No. I mean in control of myself. Not the relationship. Laugh* I'm not looking for a play dead boy toy.
Bipolar makes it a bit (an understatement) difficult to fully control how you feel, think or even act. It's hard. And THAT'S what I mean.

 

[f U z ! o N]

No. I mean in control of myself. Not the relationship. Laugh* I'm not looking for a play dead boy toy.
Bipolar makes it a bit (an understatement) difficult to fully control how you feel, think or even act. It's hard. And THAT'S what I mean.

ah ok! sorry for the misunderstanding!

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Yeah, bipolor disorders and other issues can cause huge problems. Your guy must be great to be sticking it out with you. You should probably get some individual counseling for yourself, just to help you to learn to cope better with the bipolar and all.

Hope things get better. I think it would be ok to go and tell him that you made a mistake and all, but that is up to you. You two should try and not break up so much though, because that might mean you will have a harder time staying together when married.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Does your boyfriend know you have bipolar? If not, tell him and explain why you said what you did. If he does already know, explain what happened anyway, and tell him you said it out of an episode/anger/bipolar craziness, and you didn't really mean it.

I have bipolar as well (ultra rapid cycling bipolar II, to be precise). It is absolutely essential that any man you marry knows all about bipolar and is emotionally strong enough to handle you. If he isn't able to handle you, then he isn't right for you.

Praying for you


kayli

 

[Hope_0004]

Hey Sweetie... sorry you are going through that. Must be extremely tough.

I agree with everyone else - there's something wonderful in just admitting that you were wrong, that you love him, and you want him back.

However, there's something disconcerting about a person who habitually breaks and makes up... it can send a person reeling. Although I know you have issues that make it extremely difficult to overcome emotions and that's probably just the tip of the iceberg, I know that when there is something hateful I'd like to say that I can't control, well... my best bet is to tell myself that I'm taking that phrase/thought/actual word out of my vocabulary entirely. I remind myself of it constantly until it becomes like second nature. Don't know if that would work, but it is worth a try.

 

[youthwalk]

Thanks all.
Starling 2003: I'm in individual counselling both at church and with my pdoc. I have been for three yrs. He's accompanied me to a couple sessions with my pdoc and we go together at church when we can.

Invisiblebabe: Yes he does know. He's been coping well. It's really tough. I'm bipolar II as well with rapid cycling although the cycling has become less rapid. I'm up to a couple weeks before a major mood swing.

Hope_004: Thanks sister. I know that something's wrong with the break up/make up thing. I just can't put my finger on why I do it. I suppose secretly I think that the best think for him would be to leave. I know I don't WANT to break up and I know that he doesn't WANT to break up but I guess I keep thinking that sometimes what we want isn't always what's best. You know? I think I'm trying to spare him any further frustration and in doing so I hurt his feelings.

 

[YouthPastor]

I can't say that it's only been me breaking it off for no reason. We both do and usually it's due to a conflict we realise isn't huge a couple days later and we'll get back together.

You both break up from time to time due to a conflict that a couple days later you realize was not that big of a deal and then you get back together????

To me this breaking up and getting back together again is a little unhealthy.

 

[f U z ! o N]

You both break up from time to time due to a conflict that a couple days later you realize was not that big of a deal and then you get back together????

To me this breaking up and getting back together again is a little unhealthy.

yes it is and i know from experience

 

[Mskedi]

It sounds like your relationship is bipolar as well.

If he takes you back, you need to discuss this breaking-up, getting-back-together pattern. It needs to not be an option anymore. In a serious relationship (and one that's lasted 3 years and going towards marriage sounds serious), this shouldn't be happening. You can't just escape from little things by breaking up. How would you ever function while married if you never learn to deal with the small stuff?

Good luck.

 

[youthwalk]

A question to the last three posters: What do you suggest? End it for good?

Mskedi: didn't appreciate the bipolar comment. As factual as it may be, if you're attempting to be helpful that won't cut it.

It's not that we can't deal with small stuff because we've dealt with so many huge issues and little things in between. My problem is that when mania sets in I make foolish decisions. When mania sets in it is frustrating for anyone close to me (and no one is humanly closer than him). Believe me it hasn't been easy so I suppose we need to reconnect and realise that the huge things have been dealt with already and that we should enjoy what we've worked for now and later.

Thanks anyway and God bless you all,

Brianna

With the help of my pastor and pdoc and alot of understanding on both sides we're working through it.