Help: I hate my sister

[forsakic]

Hi friends, I'm a believer who is struggling with a consuming hate for my sister.

Since she was born, my family recognized that she had a very sour disposition. She was mean, violent and selfish. Throughout her life, she has abused my overly lenient mom by forcing her to cook for her, to drive her around -- since she refuses to go to driving school -- and to essentially serve her will.

My sister is 25 and has never lived away from home, so she doesn't understand a lot of things. She naturally has contempt for other people, judging them and criticizing. Her arrogance is out of control. Just the other day, she felt slighted by an employee at the drug store, and she wrote in a complaint about the employee because she felt her pride was attacked.

My mom, who is in her 60s, doesn't have the emotional strength to stop coddling her since she's afraid that my sister will regress into the rageful person she was before she started taking mood medication. So, my mom has resigned to do whatever it takes to prevent my sister from getting angry, which involves picking her up from a bus stop that is 2 blocks from our house.

My sister's religion is materialism. She spends her days browsing shopping websites, watching TV and worshipping celebrities.

* * *

I hate her for how she abuses my mom. I can't stand her lifestyle.

God forgave me, so I should forgive her too, but it's extremely difficult. Can anyone here relate to having a terrible sibling?

 

[AngelDove1]

love the sinner.......
hate the sin

God's commandment,not mine
"love your brothers n sister"

focus on the word of God
n not on your sisters shortcomings.
sometimes we point fingers,
but there are 3 pointed back at us.

Your peace will come from
the word (Bible).
N hearing the word (of God).

where are your fruits of the spirit?

not in your back pocket I hope.
none of us are perfect.

the Lord puts siblings, like ur sister
in our lives,to test us.
will u grow? or go round the
mountain a few times,till u get it.
how will you handle it?

people fall(parish) for the lack of
knowledge.pray for wisdom.

be prayin 4 ya

I suggest u do the same

 

[wonderwaleye]

Dear Angeldove1

You MUST look on your sister as being sick mentally. Because that is exactly what she is!!!

Now are we going to hate sick folks? I think not. She PROBALY isn't even getting the right medical care as it is very difficult to get.

You will find the parents are more protecting of a child that is mentally Ill. I know that for a fact as I have a son the was injured buy the Army' deadly vaccines. He will NEVER change!!! Your situation sounds GREAT compared to his!!!

Just ask yourself " WWJD " WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? "

THEN ALWAYS REMEMBER:

“ Believe “ in Greek is a verb and has three components which are: hearing, accepting, and then " ACTING " upon that which you have accepted. X Even though you can't see him, GOD is there!!! O ( click on the x and drag to the O ) ( then see who is with you ) steven

 

[YourChild]

hmmmm i c...well first of all i want to point out that human personalities - in this fallen world, is framed by demons and having a lack of knowledge of God's Word.

rage of anger, pride, self-centerness...these are are demons, one of each kind, living inside a person and having their ways with the person...

pretty much she needs to be saved and get those demons cast out of her.

for your part though, you must keep praying for her and stay firm...resist the temptation of getting angry and hating her. if you let hatred build up in you, that will hinder your walk with God and thats exactly what the devil wants.

I was once an out of control freak going on rages of anger against my family members and others,trying to have my ways and being really rediculously self-centered...not to the extreme but i was pretty bad myself...but God has changed me and He is still purging out the filth in me as time goes by.

But yes, keep your sister in prayer and dont fall for the temptation. I understand exactly what you're going through and I know it is hard. What is your name? I would like to keep you in my prayers.

 

[live4grace]

Hi friends, I'm a believer who is struggling with a consuming hate for my sister.

Since she was born, my family recognized that she had a very sour disposition. She was mean, violent and selfish. Throughout her life, she has abused my overly lenient mom by forcing her to cook for her, to drive her around -- since she refuses to go to driving school -- and to essentially serve her will.

My sister is 25 and has never lived away from home, so she doesn't understand a lot of things. She naturally has contempt for other people, judging them and criticizing. Her arrogance is out of control. Just the other day, she felt slighted by an employee at the drug store, and she wrote in a complaint about the employee because she felt her pride was attacked.

My mom, who is in her 60s, doesn't have the emotional strength to stop coddling her since she's afraid that my sister will regress into the rageful person she was before she started taking mood medication. So, my mom has resigned to do whatever it takes to prevent my sister from getting angry, which involves picking her up from a bus stop that is 2 blocks from our house.

My sister's religion is materialism. She spends her days browsing shopping websites, watching TV and worshipping celebrities.

* * *

I hate her for how she abuses my mom. I can't stand her lifestyle.

God forgave me, so I should forgive her too, but it's extremely difficult. Can anyone here relate to having a terrible sibling?

This is a long-standing situation so you have lots of baggage and learned responses. You sound like you have a complete lack of hope that things will improve. Of course, God is bigger than all this.

Now, it sounds like your mother has to own up to her enabling attitude towards your sister. You can't do that for her, but you should talk to her. I suggest you all go together to someone who will hear out the situation and be able to start reconciliation.

Your sister also needs to learn to be less selfish but she also might have a personality disorder and not be able to. Has she ever been evaluated for conditions like Aspergers Syndrome (mild autism). People in that state will naturally tend to be selfish because they cannot process what other people think or feel. It just never crosses their mind. They can learn those things over time.

So your mom has to act here but you can be a force to help her do so.

You also need to be in prayer to forgive your sister and mother a lot, because this is clearly hard for you. Seek help if you have to for that.

I'll pray for your strength and resolve here.

 

[bliz]

I fear for your mother. YOur sister could easily spend her down to the point where it puts her finances at risk, especially considering her age.

I would encourage you to ask your mother to consider some counseling for herself. She has horribly failed your sister by allowig her to do these things and take advantge of her. Nothing will change until your Mom can stand up to her.

Your Mom probably has a hard time refusing your sister anything because she feels guilty about creating such a monster. She needs help to not get trampled. Please see if you can help her get the help she needs so she can decide how she would loke her life to be.

 

[Trying2BaFaithfulServant]

"Ye have heard that it hath been said, thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say Unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for He maketh His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? Do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? Do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect."

Matthew 5:43-48

*For those who don't know-publicans were tax collectors, and considered in Biblical times to be reprehensible because of their greed.

It is sooo hard, I know. I still fail more often than I succeed in this regard. You want to know what helps me? Well, I'm gonna tell you anyway. When our Savior, Jesus was nailed to the cross, sweating, bleeding, crying from the excruciating pain, and dying, He looked down from that cross. Below Him, He could see His tormenters, His executioners, and these people hated Him. With the little bit of life that was left in Him, what did He do? Did He curse them? Did He pray for His Father to punish them? No, He asked God to forgive them. Can you imagine?!?! So I ask you, what would Jesus do?

Don't hate your sister. Love her. Forgive her for all the wrongs that she has done to you. Pray that she finds peace and happiness in Jesus.

That being said, loving her does not mean you should allow her to use or abuse you. In fact, quite the opposite. And this goes for your mother, too. If you (or your mom) allow her to use you for her own selfish desires, you are enabling her behavior and lifestyle. I would like to recommend you and your mom read a book by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend. It's called Boundaries. I know sometimes it is difficult to set boundaries, especially for people we love, or, in your and/or your mother's case, feel responsible for. However, your sister is 25, your mother no longer has an obligation feed, shelter or clothe her, and she is probably doing your sister more harm than good by continuing to coddle her.

Try reading Boundaries. It is only $15, and it could work wonders... Not to mention it's cheaper than therapy.

God bless.

 

[OptimisticSmile]

I have been where you are. I did not get along well with my brother in law and he made fun of me in public and around the church youth group and i think that had alot to do with my low self confidence and social anxiety in high school and college. I hated him so much at times and i felt so awful. eventually he and my sister got divorced and my family had a hard time with hatred toward him yet I dint at that point. what happened that changed me. I decided to just give up the hate and start praying for him. we are all in the same position without Christ and because God has chosen to reveal himself to us and to show us the reality of sin and worldiness does not give us a right to look down upon others who are worldly. without Christ we may very well be where your sister is . the cool thing that i see in this is that it is natural and expected for us to react with hatred and your sister knows that. Overtime as you are freed from the hate your sister will notice the change in you towards her and that may be the one thing she needs to see. Does that make sense. Romans chapter 12 is a good passage to help us love those that are hard to love.

 

[R3quiem]

I agree with one of the above posts to love the sinner and hate the sin.

I've read about a specific mental illness that makes the patient feel better than anyone else. They feel like whatever they do is perfect and whatever anyone else does is terrible- and usually they themselves are not up to par such as having bad hygene, bad habits, etc. Sounds like she might have that (because you said she's had it since childhood), in which case, she may need different medication. Or she could just be a brat -_-`.

 

[OptimisticSmile]

Narcacisstic Personality disorder i think is what you are reffering to. the whole world revolves around tehse type people and that was like my brother in law.

 

[FenderElctrc]

Pray that the feelings of hate go away. Stand strong. Pray, pray, pray. Have faith. Pray for tolerance.

 

[janny108]

I fear for your mother. YOur sister could easily spend her down to the point where it puts her finances at risk, especially considering her age.

I would encourage you to ask your mother to consider some counseling for herself. She has horribly failed your sister by allowig her to do these things and take advantge of her. Nothing will change until your Mom can stand up to her.

Your Mom probably has a hard time refusing your sister anything because she feels guilty about creating such a monster. She needs help to not get trampled. Please see if you can help her get the help she needs so she can decide how she would loke her life to be.

Your mom ought to read Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. It's in her best interests to give up the enabling/"savior" mentality in coming to her rescue. This poor girl doesn't seem to appreciate anything.

Jan

 

[forsakic]

Hey friends, I really appreciate each one of you giving me advice and ministering to me about this situation. I'll probably post again the next time I'm about to blow a top. But for now, I'll be seeking the Lord's counsel on this. Praise God for blessing us with fellowship.

 

[spr]

You just have to put up with it. I have an entire family that I don't like to be around. We sit in our separate areas of the house and get along as well as we can, and though I'm furious sometimes I manage to keep it inside. Patience, and realizing that we have problems (sin) ourselves too, not just them, thats the one thing that gets us though.

 

[spr]

Oh, advice received already, oh well . Yea.. sometimes counting on others to feel better about something doesn't work... endurance, all I can say

 

[jesuispropre]

I can. I was that girl once. It's easy to get wrapped up in your own little world. And the more you let the selfishness and self-centered attitudes consume you, the more the sins of this world swallow you into a hole. It seems as though your sister is of this world, and doesn't see the bigger picture most Christians do. When words don't sway her, or change the way she's acting, the only thing left to do is pray. For her, for starters, and for yourself, that Jesus may grant you peace of mind and heart that you WILL find a way to forgive your sister for Christ forgave you. I will pray for you and your situation, because I have love for you, as Christ has love for me. It's essential, you see? I hope that all goes well. God bless.