Help, I found out my son is gay!

[Johny]

I joined this forum looking for guidence.

Long story short, I'm a very religious guy and I hold my beliefs dear to me. I hold my faith in God above all other.

Anyway, I came home early yesterday from work, I knew my wife was out as she always is gone at this hour during week days, she's an active member of the pro life lobby. Anyway, I came home and I heard noises from my sons bedroom, so I walked in on him and a older guy, about 19, doing the act of sodomy. I was in dissbelief! I threw the corruptor out of my house against my sons wishes. I didn't want to look at him, let alone speak to him.

I waited till my wife came home and told her about what I had witnessed. She wanted to let it slide, said we should bring him to a priest to make him repent and it would all be ok. I wasn't ok with this, besides, he said he'd never go. He showed his horns by shouting at us, his parents and saying he's gay and that we should just accept it. He said, (though know that I do not in anyway share in these blasphamous views) that if Jesus and I don't agree with his lifes choice and punish him for being who he is, then we are bigger sinners then he is! He then locked himself in his room.

He's 16 years old, and here in the UK that means he's old enough to live out of the house if he wants that means I can't force him to do what I say. My wife doesn't want him to move out but I don't want him to stay here. He wants to stay and the law forbids me to kick him out agianst my wifes wishes. Things are not as they used to be when I was a kid.

My wife wants me to forgive him so things can return to the peaceful way they used to be, but I know if I do that I'll be damning myself to hell. I cannot and will not forgive this.

I remember 24 years when one of my distant relatives, a boy, was found to be gay too. He was 15, and my uncle and his eldest sons took care of him. I'd hate to do it, but I feel the only way to bring back some sort of normality is to call them up and let them fix the problem. Thing is if I did this and my wife found out, she'd never forgive me.

What should I do?s

 

[beechy]

love him. tell him why you think he's wrong, if you must, but reassure him that you love him and you'll always be there for him as his father. how could you entertain anything else? he's your SON.

 

[AngelusSax]

What beechy said. And also remember that gossip and slander are talked against as much as homosexuality is... so if you forgive those, then forgive this too. Doesn't mean you have to condone it, but forgive.

 

[XCWE48]

ultimately, what the Bible is about--and thus what our Christian faith is about--is love, I believe. Rather than getting into the whole kettle of fish (i'm sure there is frenzied posting across this thread as i speak...), please let me say that i hope you'll find the strength to deal with this situation lovingly.

and i'm honestly just curious if you feel you can answer this--what would you have felt if you found your 16 year old son with a female? I'd be upset that my 16 YO was in a sexual relationship at all, independent of the gender. The first thing I'd want to do is talk with him about it and try to impress upon him the importance of being safe and loving, and perhaps examining more closely *why* he felt the need to have sex, *how* he felt that it fit into his values, and *whether* he was indeed ready for this kind of relationship and all it involves.

 

[Johny]

I am a good Christian, and unlike many, I haven't strayed from faith. Just because scociaty gets perverted by the sickness pushed by the media and other things, doesn't mean that we should do.

That distant relative of mine? Well I don't know for sure what happened to him, what I do know is his elder sister hated my uncle and his family for whatever it was that they did. They told my dad they took care of him and as far as I know he dissapeared for a time. Then he showed up dead 7 months later from a drug over dose in another city. The police said he had run away and got hooked on drugs but my mother said that my uncle had a hand in his death.

 

[Lyric's Dad]

You must understand that this is sin like any other. Your son needs your love. You have to forgive but you do not have to accept it. Your son is being tempted by the enemy and needs your love and prayers. Don't lose contact with him. He needs Jesus right now and you may be the link for him. Below is a link to an organization that may be able to help. God bless and my prayers are with you and your family.

www.exodus-international.org

 

[SavedByTheShoes]

you said you can't forgive him. though i dont agree with being gay either you have to forgive your son. god has called us to forgive. theres thata story in the bible"taking the plank out of our own eye first so you can help your brother take out the dust in his" the first thing you have to do is forgive them and than trust in God. this is a subject that we as humans really can't say anything on because we don't know what God thinks about being gay 100% other than they should not... do what you found them doing. good luck!

 

[AngelusSax]

The question is, Johny... do you want to be forgiven perfectly for any and all sins that you have committed, and will undoubtedly commit in the future, by God? Remember, we're called to forgive as God forgives... perfectly (that, I believe, was the point of Jesus saying to forgive seventy times seven... seven was the perfect number, and seventy times seven... forgive perfectly).

Forgiveness isn't straying from the faith... in fact, only in forgiveness can you really be practicing the Christian faith.

 

[CSMR]

You have posted in the wrong section if you want Christian advice. There are people here that don't hold any sexual morality whatever apart from hedonism. There need to be serious steps to discipline your son of course, while trying not merely to antagonize your son which will keep him as far from God as he is. I cannot see the good that throwing him out of your house will do. Keep him there and put him under a regime to check his behaviour and reform his mind.

 

[Johny]

you said you can't forgive him. though i dont agree with being gay either you have to forgive your son. god has called us to forgive. theres thata story in the bible"taking the plank out of our own eye first so you can help your brother take out the dust in his" the first thing you have to do is forgive them and than trust in God. this is a subject that we as humans really can't say anything on because we don't know what God thinks about being gay 100% other than they should not... do what you found them doing. good luck!

I have a question, something that has really been bothering me.

Say I do forgive him, and our lives return to normal. I always wanted one day, when we die, to be with all my loved ones, that includes my son, in heaven. However, my sone said he will never apoligize or ask for forgiveness regarding is blatent homosexuality. He said it would be like asking for forgiveness for being Black or Jewish or something.

If he never asks for forgiveness regarding this matter, but apart from that is a good person, will he be allowed into heaven?

 

[Johny]

You have posted in the wrong section if you want Christian advice. There are people here that don't hold any sexual morality whatever apart from hedonism. There need to be serious steps to discipline your son of course, while trying not merely to antagonize your son which will keep him as far from God as he is. I cannot see the good that throwing him out of your house will do. Keep him there and put him under a regime to check his behaviour and reform his mind.

How can I, he, I can't phyiscally force him not to be gay. I can't stop him from doing things like this, especially when he gets older. What should I do?

 

[Johny]

Ok, I admit concidering having him hurt was not a thought out plan. I was very upset and I got cought up in my emotions, still, what should I do? Some say displine and a Regime, but how?

 

[Johny]

I have sinned yes, but I am sorry for it and I do ask for forgiveness. He's not sorry for being gay.

 

[AngelusSax]

I have a question, something that has really been bothering me.

Say I do forgive him, and our lives return to normal. I always wanted one day, when we die, to be with all my loved ones, that includes my son, in heaven. However, my sone said he will never apoligize or ask for forgiveness regarding is blatent homosexuality. He said it would be like asking for forgiveness for being Black or Jewish or something.

If he never asks for forgiveness regarding this matter, but apart from that is a good person, will he be allowed into heaven?

According to John 3:16, whoever believes in the Son of God will be saved.

The Law is there to show us where we fall. It does crush us. But the blood of Christ, His perfect love, covers a multitude of sins, homosexuality included. Greed included. Sloth included. Gluttony included. Gossip included. Murder included. All included, save blapshemy of the Holy Spirit (the outright denial of the existance of God even through your dying breath).

Behold, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!!!

 

[Treedweller]

You need to show him Christ's love. Give your son to God and pray for him, would Jesus reject him? He said he came for the sick.

 

[WeLikeSheep]

I wish I knew who your son was so I could tell him he's a beloved child of God no matter what anyone says. I don't envy him at 16 having to deal with the aftermath of being discovered. Clearly you are upset, and given your life views, I have compassion for you. What to do? Pray. Not for him necessarily, but for God to open your eyes and your heart to your son. You don't have to agree with him, just love him as he is and where he is.

It's your home and if you don't want him having sexual relations there (with anyone), you can tell him that. He can also leave, which given what you've initially said, might be best for him. I don't recommend it, but he may have no alternative. It breaks my heart to hear of so many kids in the US who run away b/c of parental disowning. The odds of them making it are pretty low.

Brow-beating him and telling him he's going to hell won't change him or solve anything. Dragging him off to a psychiatrist or a priest won't either. Many people have benefitted from reading about how other parents have dealt with their children's sexuality. "Is the Homosexual My Neighbor?" is supposed to be a good one (and Christian). Again, you don't have to agree with him, just try to understand him.

(This just came to mind: my father left my mother for another woman when I was a teenager. While I was upset, I didn't "disown" him. He and my step-mom have now been married over 20 years and I love them both. I don't stand in judgment of them though I might have wished a different outcome.)

 

[WeLikeSheep]

You know what's sad DH, I hear about these stories all the time, so it might very well be true. One of the main reasons I continue to attend an officially "welcoming" church. People come in broken and battered and have been told God hates them and they're going to hell. Nope, I tell them, you just left it.

 

[John812]

Sodomy is clearly condemned by God. There are numerous verses in the bible that condemn sodomy. Yes, you ought to love your son, just like you ought to love everyone. You should tell him to stop commiting sodomy or have any physical relationship of that nature with another man. Your son needs to repent of his sin.

I don't think that if a person has feelings (which may be chemical/biological,natural in which case they can't stop having those feelings) for a member of the same sex that it is a sin. I do think that acting on those feelings is a sin, however.

 

[fragmentsofdreams]

How can I, he, I can't phyiscally force him not to be gay. I can't stop him from doing things like this, especially when he gets older. What should I do?

Pray for the strength to love him. Let him know that you love him. When you feel you have the strength to talk to him without anger, try to get him to explain to you what he is experiencing.

Give him time. Overacting now could seriously damage his relationship with and with God for a long time.

 

[mpshiel]

Pray for the strength to love him. Let him know that you love him. When you feel you have the strength to talk to him without anger, try to get him to explain to you what he is experiencing.

Give him time. Overacting now could seriously damage his relationship with and with God for a long time.

Good point, so often I hear of people who have problems relating to God as a Father because of the way thier fathers have reacted to them. I guess personally I can't quite understand the "you're my son and if you don't agree with me then I will get people to physical harm you." - I suppose that is one popular view of God but is it the one you want to pass on?

Right now it sounds as if there are two distinct viewpoints - his and yours and until somehow the two of you are able (perhaps with a mediator) to at least express and accept what the other person is saying and feeling then you have no starting point. Yes, you can make life intolerable in an attempt to force your son to obey you RIGHT NOW (again, is that the message of God you want passed on?). But in doing so, you will pit the love and fear your son has of you against what he is feeling and believing right now. Is that something you are willing to lose? Are you really willing to have your son walk out of your house and your life forever if you can't get your way today?