Help!! I am a loser...

[Mikey1]

Hello Everyone,

I'm hoping that maybe somebody can help me with something I've been struggling with all my life. The problem is that deep down inside, I feel that I am a complete loser. I feel that I really can't do anything right, and that I sabotage everything I try to do. I think I came to this conclusion in the mid 80's when I lost my sales job due to inconsistent performance.

The reason that I lost this job was that all my life I have suffered with Crohn's disease, which is a chronic inflammation of the intestine. In layman's terms, this means that I usually get very sick after eating, and most mornings I wake up with diarhea for a few hours. It is so hard to brush these episodes off each morning and then get out there and feel like I can succeed.

I have my own service-based business right now, and the good thing about it is that my hours are flexible to accomodate my illness. But the problem is that I make just enough money to live on, and I could be making much more if only I could motivate myself to try harder. But I know what it is that stops me...It is a deep-down, absolute belief that I am a loser and that I cannot possibly succeed. I honestly feel deep down inside that I can't do anything right. By the way, the reason I'm concerned about making more money is that I'm not able to put very much money away for the future, and I'm definitely no spring chicken.

The weird thing is that I've been a Christian for well over 10 years and I'm repeatedly told that I'm very respected for my scriptural knowledge and for the way I conduct my life as a Christian in spite of my illness. I do conduct myself well in the presence of others, but God knows and I know that I am absolutely convinced, to my very core, that I am a loser.

At this point, I have no idea what to do about this. I'm having great difficulty regularly attending church because in my area there are no solidly Bible-based churches, and it is very hard for me to travel 32 miles in the morning to the nearest one (a Calvary Chapel).

Well, that's it. I've pleaded with God, I've tried to talk to myself, I've done everything in my power to stop feeling like a loser, but I sense that this is on such a deep level that it is impossible for me to climb out of it. I pray that someone can steer me in the right direction because I feel so lost and helpless.

Thanks for listening!

Mikey

 

[Iktomi]

Hey Brother.
First, you aren't alone. There are many struggling with problems similar to yours. Sometimes knowing that helps a bit.
Second, you are going to have to learn to see yourself as God sees you. You can't put yourself up against the standards in your head or the standards of the world and come to the conclusion that you are a loser. You are a child of God. Loved by Him and forgiven by Him. You have to allow His sacrifice to be sufficient for you!
I would recommend that you spend your time praying not for motivation, but that you find the center of God's will for you. No matter what it is, no matter how the world sees it, no matter how much or how little money is involved, doing what God wants you to do should be your number one goal.
If you are at all like me, and have trouble knowing God's will for your life, then here's what you do. (Besides praying, of course.)
You do everything you are currently doing in your business but you do it for God and for God alone. Every step you take, every service you provide should be first and foremost FOR GOD. What may be a trivial job for you can be to His Glory! God can begin to work in you and change your outlook of you first set your sights on Him. I know that seems far away, but I'm speaking from experience here. Things I detest can become things I love if they are in God's will. Being in God's will CHANGES your feelings completely!
He is with you always.
I'll be praying for you.
Remember that if you are in a hole, the Way begins in the hole. The moment you set your eyes with His then you are walking with Him.

 

[Iktomi]

BTW...if none of this reply really hits home for you, feel free to elaborate and I and others will keep talking with you!

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

The problem is that deep down inside, I feel that I am a complete loser. I feel that I really can't do anything right, and that I sabotage everything I try to do. I think I came to this conclusion in the mid 80's when I lost my sales job due to inconsistent performance.

Well, that's what satan WANTS you to think! But it is not true my friend. In fact it is a lie straight from the pit of hell. Sure it is true that we can do nothing on our own strength yet also true that we can do all things through Christ Jesus who lives in us. And since we have his Holy Spirit living in us, we are able to do all things through him and him all things through us. Failure is a really tough thing to deal with. I've experienced it myself yet it really is good thing when you think about it. Because it brings us one step closer to success and also builds our character. When we speak words of outloud such as "I am failure"; "I'm a loser"; "I can't do anything right"; "I'm no good.", etc. we give satan a foothold into our lives by the spoken word. It also causes our spirits to send that negative message to other people's spirits, which will actually cause the other people around us to respond to us in the way we curse upon ourselves; because the spirit will do everything in it's power to help each other spirit in those around us accomplish the goal it setting forth. For example if you have the inclination that because someone or someone(s) has/have hurt you in the past; that every person that you allow into your life on the same level will also hurt you. If this is spoken outloud (for satan can not hear our thoughts) it will automatically attract to us other people who WILL hurt us. Because we are what we say and we become what we say. Thats why there are numerous scriptures about the power of the tongue.

Johnny was really enjoying the fellowship he was sharing with his fellow brothers and sisters over dinner at Denny's. Everything was going well till Mary made a funny little joke at Johnny's expense.

"Mary, I don't receive that."

Mary looked perplexed. "What are you talking about Johnny?"

"Your joke is not just a joke, but a curse." Johnny was beginning to get angry at Mary's lack of understanding of such a basic issue. "There is power in your words Mary. When you spoke that joke you were giving a demon legal right to come into my life and torment me with thoughts of inferiority and rejection." The more Johnny thought about this, the more he grew impatient with his friends lack of concern and foolish speech.

"Johnny, it was just a little joke. Relax. I meant nothing by it."

"No, you don't understand. What you said is a curse. I have been learning from Cleansing Stream that every word that comes out of my mouth is either a blessing or a curse. Mary, you are advancing either God's Kingdom or Satan's kingdom."

"Johnny, you are really going too far with this." Mary pleaded.

"Well, you are just being ignorant of Satan's devices."

Isaac Newton did poorly in grade school.
Beethoven's music teacher once said of him "as a composer he is hopeless."
When Thomas Edison was a boy his teacher told him he was too stupid to learn anything.
F.W. Woolworth got a job in a dry good store when he was 21, but his employer would not let him wait on customers because he "didn't have enough sense." Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.
A newspaper editor fired Walt Disney because he had no good ideas.
Winston Churchill failed the 6th grade. Steven Spielberg dropped out of high school in his sophomore year. He was persuaded to come back and placed in a learning disabled class. He lasted a month and dropped out of school forever.
[COLOR=Black]Einstein, too, had trouble with school. "Because he spoke haltingly for the first nine years of his life and would only answer after a prolonged period of reflection, Einstein's parents thought he was mentally retarded. His grades in school were so poor that a teacher asked him to quit, saying, 'Einstein, you will never amount to anything.'[/COLOR]

2 Corinthians 12:10 Jesus said "My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Romans 8:35-37 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us TONS of eternal glory that is beyond comparison.

Rom 5:1-5. "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whome we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his live into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

I asked for strength, that I might achieve, I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey. I asked for health, that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity, that I might do better things. I asked for riches, that I might be happy, I was given poverty, that I might be wise. I asked for power, that I might have the praise of others, I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God. I asked for all things that I might enjoy life, I was given life that I might enjoy all things. I got nothing that I had hoped for - but everything I had hoped for. Almost, despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am... most richly blessed. Unknown Confederate Soldier That's all very well, Lord, but the experience of failure is very unpleasant. It hurts! Bankruptcies, marriage break-ups, getting fired from one's job, teenagers going berserk, rumours of war in the Middle East, ethnic or tribal strife in Eastern Europe or South Africa - they're constant reminders of human failure. In my own life Lord, I have not lived up to my earlier ideals. I have let you, others and myself down. Sure, it's the 'human condition' - all have sinned, all fail, all make mistakes. So I need reminding today that most of your great people in the Bible failed, but came back stronger and more useful afterwards: Abraham, Jacob, Moses, David, Elijah, Jonah, Peter, John Mark, Paul... Probably that's because their egos got in the way too, and the process of risking and failing and being humbled is needed before we can be of much use to you or others. Unless I have failed, I will never succeed. What looks like failure in a success-mad world may prove to be successful in the longer run. So forgive me, Lord, if ever I say 'I am a failure' rather than 'I have failed'. So, Lord, just as you did not cast away your people who failed in the past, but forgave them, restored them, and recommiss- ioned them, so I, now, too, accept your grace. Remind me anew that while failure is always possible, failure is not final. Thank you Lord, Amen. Benediction. In the sunshine and in the shadows, through the calm and the stormy days, when life is good and when it's hard, when things go well and when they fall apart, may you know deep within your spirit that God is still smiling, and all will be well. Amen.

this prayer is taken from a good article on overcoming fear of failure found here: http://www.pastornet.net.au/jmm/articles/9672.htm

The reason that I lost this job was that all my life I have suffered with Crohn's disease, which is a chronic inflammation of the intestine.

This could either be something God wants to heal you from. I don't know whether you have sought out healing through the Holy Spirit for this condition or not. But if you have and don't feel you are meant to be healed from the ailment, maybe it is meant to be a thorn in your flesh to keep you humble. I can relate I also have things in my life that do that very thing to me. Have a discussion with God about it and see what he has to say.

I'm repeatedly told that I'm very respected for my scriptural knowledge and for the way I conduct my life as a Christian in spite of my illness. I do conduct myself well in the presence of others, but God knows and I know that I am absolutely convinced, to my very core, that I am a loser.

You are not a loser. God does not think you are one! And as far as conducting yourself well to others, God doesnt look at the exterior but at the heart. If you need help with these things you shouldnt let pride stop you from going to your brothers and sisters in Christ and humbly confessing your weaknesses and asking for their help and prayers. You may find in fact that they will respect you TEN times as much atleast! for being honest with them and being humble. Not only that people will be able to relate to you that much better if they realize you struggle with things that all humans do in one sense or another. I think you should find the courage and boldness and humility to be honest with those around you. Sharing with us on here is a good first step. But you need the fellowship of those around you. And if you don't share your problems, how will anyone be able to help you?

I've done everything in my power to stop feeling like a loser, but I sense that this is on such a deep level that it is impossible for me to climb out of it

If you have done everything in Your power, no wonder you aren't getting anywhere. We can do nothing in our own strength that is worthy of anything but with Christ's strength perfected in the humility of our weakness; we can do all things.

one last thing, I would reccomend you do some praying and studying on who you are in Christ. (this is also something I need to work on myself for my own lack of self confidence, etc.) I don't know if you have done this before but a great way to find out what God REALLY thinks about you is to journal. Sit down with a pen and paper and start worshipping God, singing praise songs and adore him, open up to the presence of the Holy Spirit, Tune out the world around you and tune into God. Have your bible at arms reach. Then start asking him questions...write the questions down on paper and rest in his presence, writing down the spontaneous thoughts that drift into your head. They may be in the form of pictures, a legible voice or more often just thoughts but clear thoughts. Write these down. Start the first question, asking "God, what do YOU think of Me?" Pray against anything of your own flesh or of satan from getting into your head. And when God speaks to you don't let your rational left brain convince you that it's all your imagination. You are God's temple, the Holy Spirit lives inside you and he longs to speak to you. We as his children just need to learn to listen. Anyways anything you receive that is condemning or fearful or hurtful, dismiss. It is not from God. Check everything you receive upon the scriptures and if it goes against the word of God, throw it out.

This is who you are in Christ Jesus. Anything you feel or believer or hear that contradicts this is of Satan, NOT of God.

I am God's child (John 1:12)

I am Christ's friend (John 15:5)

I am united with the Lord and I am one spirit with Him (1 Corinthians 6:17)

I have been bought with a price: I belong to God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20))

I am a saint, a holy one (Ephesians 1:1)

I have been justified (Romans 5:1)

I am a member of Christ's body (12:27)

I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 2:18)

I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins (Colossinas 1:14)

I am complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10)

I am free forever from condemnation (Romans 8:1,2)

I cannot be seperated from the love of God (Romans 8:35-39)

I am a citizen of heaven (Philippians 1:6)

I have been established, anointed, and sealed by God (2 Corinthians 1:21-22)

I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7)

I have been chosen and appointed by God to bear fruit (John 15:16)

I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me (1 John 5:18)

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! (Philippians 4:13)

 

[Alternate Carpark]

Great posts Beauty4Ashes and iktomi.

The problem is that deep down inside, I feel that I am a complete loser. I feel that I really can't do anything right, and that I sabotage everything

Mikey1, I lived with the exact same mindset for 35 years.
It's all encompassing and extremely debilitating. It robs you of hope and enthusiasm for life.
It says that there's no point to trying to achieve goals or even to contemplate planning any.

It is a dark cloud that follows you where ever you go. It is your constant companion that says,
"You are insignificant and God is very disappointed in you and you will never amount to anything."

The advice already given is the truth concerning who you really are,
if you can deeply truely believe in your heart what God says and thinks about you,
your 'loser' perception of yourself will be removed completely.

If you think you are a loser, you will believe you are one and your life will reflect what you believe.

Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind,
that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

When you feed on positive truths about who you really are from God's point of view,
you will transform from 'loser' to beautiful amazing child of God.

It may or may not be removed immediately, this is between God and you as to how long it will take.

This is how God dealt with the 'loser' mindset I had.
About 5 years ago, I was contemplating how my worthless life was restricted,
and that I was never going to amount to anything, especially for the kingdom of God.

I was sitting down asking God and trying to figure out what was wrong with me and God says to me, "You are a loser !"

"What !! Why are you saying this to me, don't I have enough problems without you adding to it,
what is the point of you telling me this, of course I am a loser !", I shouted back in bewilderment.

I shook my fist at Him in frustration as to why He would say such a thing to me.
But then it started to hit me as to why He said it. He confronted me with the truth of how I percieved myself.
He wasn't accusing me of anything or wasn't trying to make me feel bad.
He was just shedding His light on what my problem was.

About a week later, after backtracking through my entire life, right up to my early childhood,
I could see how the 'loser' minset had done ALL the damage to my life.
I was devastated at how encompassing this problem was.


What He did was get me to analyse my whole life and without a shadow of a doubt,
confess and acknowledge that my 'loser' mentality is the thing that has robbed me of so much life.

I sat there in awe at how true it was, me thinking I was a 'loser' was the thing that ruined everything thus far.
Once He saw that I had a complete revelation of that fact, He then said this to me.
"You are NOT a loser, you only THINK you are"

There is a big difference between absolute truth and our perception of what we believe is the truth.
God has since then shown me the absolute truth of who I am, and it is the exact opposite of being a loser.

As you allow God to show you the truth about who and what you really are, He will do far more than you could imagine
and you will be completely free from these internal jails that we live in.

 

[Claude J Robichaud]

[CENTER] Dear Mikey[/CENTER]


I empathize with you because of what that de-abilitating medical condition is doing in your life. Because our lives too often involve becoming pre-occupied with worldly affairs (you know, making money, paying bills, etc), we sometimes become too self absorbed. The enemy of our souls who is always at work behind the scenes sometimes takes advantage of these periods of self absorbtion to implant subtle suggestions into our minds. They are not dangerous in themselves but if we seriously begin paying attention to them, they can begin agitating our hearts. I suspect that this is what one of Satan's little helpers has been doing in your life since you lost your job in the 80's. It might sound a little ridicoulous but they really do go on although we don't percieve them. Ask yourself this,"Does Jesus who purchased you at so great a price feel that way about you?" What do you honestly think he would say to you concerning this evaluation that you have made of yourself if he were to appear to you this evening in a vision?

Come on Brother, you've been serving the Lord for 10 years. Say this 1000 times if you have too. - I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME! Keep saying it until you believe. Whether that voice that you've been paying attention to is devil or plain old self doubt. Destroy it by depriving it of its power over you. Do not believe these negative little messages and better yet - Do not pay attention to them.

People in society today have a funny way of classifying losers. Its kind of funny really. You can be a loser if you're too smart, or too stupid, if you don't wear the right kind of jeans, or if your hair looks funny. The list goes on and on. On an eternal scale, the only true losers that I am aware of are those who die without God's grace in thier lives. Believe me Mike, you are no loser!!!

Rather, you are to be commended for not only coping with your bodily affliction, but maintaining your consistency of character.KEEP THE FAITH OH MIGHTY MAN OF GOD!!!

THE LORD BLESS THEE
AND KEEP THEE
THE LORD MAKETH HIS FACE TO SHINE UPON THEE
AND BE GRACIOUS UNTO THEE
THE LORD LIFT UP HIS COUNTENANCE
UPON THEE AND GIVE THEE PEACE.
God Bless You Brother
Claude J Robichaud

 

[Claude J Robichaud]

II CORINTHIANS 3:18

And ALL of us, as with unveiled face, because we continue to behold (In the Word of God) as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are CONSTANTLY being transfigured into his very own image in an EVER INCREASING splendor and from one degree of glory to another;for this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

 

[nickie8705]

here I go through the samething and someone once told me that I should look in the mirrow and forget what anyone else thinks and tell myself that I am not a loser.

I have also been told that when I feel that I am a loser or that I am just plain ugly that I have got to tell myself that I and beautyful.

I guess what I'm saying is mybe you should try that try telling youself that you not a loser that you can do what ever you put your mind to.

If this dosen't work as with any problem look to God ask him to help you talk to him.
God loves you think of that when you feel down.

Nikki

 

[Mikey1]

Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has responded. I will reply to each individual message, but I want to be able to devote the proper amount of time to each one.

I am so touched by everyone's concern and by your willingness to take the time to write. I am becoming more and more aware of why I feel the way I do. I have to deal with an extremely painful illness every single day, and it severely limits what I can do. Today I am just starting to recover from a serious cold which I've had for a week, so I guess everything came to a head today.

The bottom line is that I'm simply appalled at the things in life that I ignore and put off, and I'm having a lot of difficulty figuring out how much of it is attributable to my health struggles and how much is just plain laziness or some other character flaw. For example, I need to have some dental work done but I'm so afraid of feeling "trapped" in the dentist's chair (because when I'm trapped in a place without a bathroom, my stomach gets upset). I'm also afraid of the money I'll have to spend, and as you know I only make enough to pay my bills even though I could make a lot more if I applied myself more. I am furious and disgusted with myself about this and about other things that I tend to neglect but at the same time try so hard not to neglect. Things like this cause me to reflect upon what I think of myself, and since I routinely have to struggle with these things I truly believe I'm a loser deep down inside.

Unfortunately, I believe that God is deeply disappointed with me and I often imagine that if Jesus came into the room He would look at me with absolute disgust. I think that I would collapse in shame in His presence, and rightly so because I just can't get my act together. I literally don't know how much of my failures is understandable and due to my illness, and how much is failure due to laziness or foolishness (I'm trying not to use the stu_p_d word).

Don't worry...I'm going to meditate on each and every reply that I received and I will do my best to internalize your suggestions. I say "don't worry" because this post might sound like I haven't heard a word you all have said. I'm just doing a little more "venting" here, but believe me I will consider your answers very, very carefully. Again, I'm deeply touched by the kindness you all have shown me, and I appreciate your promises to pray for me, too. I had some doubts about posting all this to a web forum, thinking it would be very impersonal. But I can easily see that the Lord has some genuine, loving and caring Christians here ready and willing to help and edify. I really needed your help today, folks, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for responding.

Gratefully,

Mikey

 

[Rafael]

Hi Mikey. I'm disabled, myself and have learned much through suffering. All the posts given have been great, and I can't really add much, but to say be encouraged. The Lord knows how to make much out of little, and fixing brokeness is His specialty. Paul said that he was weak, and that in his weaknesses God was made strong.
This world is full of trouble, and humility comes to all God's children to learn. In my case, the hard way, but God's lovingkindness and mercy helps us forget all those things that hurt our pride and we become very happy and content in Him.
The only ones that have it easy in this life, are the ones that David complained about in the Psalms - fat cats that wear their pride like necklaces, but in the end, they received there reward here and are then forgotten for eternity. See Psalms 73 in the Living Bible paraphrase.
Bless your heart, and be encouraged!!

2 Corinthians 12:10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

 

[Alternate Carpark]

Mikey1, You are far less a loser than you think, as a matter of fact, you are an overcomer...why ?
I see two undeniable facts about you already.
1: You posted in here looking for answers. Losers do not search for answers.
2: When you recieve advice, you meditate on it. Losers do not do this.

And if Christ came into your room right now, He would weep for you for the internal and external afflictions you have.

Our Heavenly father is NEVER ashamed of His children, no matter how much we think He may be. As you allow God to enter every part of your soul, you will find that He is actually proud of you for doing so well under your circumstances.

God loves you passionately and HAS, IS and ALWAYS will. Give Him permission to tend to your wounds and He will heal you of them according to His will.