Help discerning a situation?

[flowerforever7]

Hi,

Just want to get some honest feedback about something; regarding whether or not a situation was OCD stained and about a vow I made as a result of the situation?

The other night I was trying to think pleasant thoughts. I do some makeup artistry, but found out that I have to have a liscence to do that in a state I am planning to move to. So I have been planning to go to esthetician school once I move. I was thinking about how I could do bridal makeup. Then, I started to think about how makeup is really a form of falsehood/deception and started to think that on a person's wedding day, [also because this is a ceremony before God] that a person should be as natural as possible and should maybe even forego makeup because it is a form of deception. Or at least that I should not be promoting deception myself by applying makeup to someone's face for this type of occasion. (I have struggled with feeling convicted about this for a while.) I started to get frusterated, and had a quick burst of anger and the word f* you shot out while I was picturing the Holy Spirit. I felt so angry afterward! I hate that I do this / this happens! So basically, ofcourse because I did that I felt that I could no longer use any of the products I was thinking about using or do the makeup artistry thing because of my curse toward the Holy Spirit. Then, I thought, well it was just about wedding makeup so maybe I can still do makeup artistry, just not wedding makeup artistry. Then I thought with conviction well I will just not do wedding makeup artistry. Then I remembered that in esthetician school this is most likely something you are taught, and as a career as an esthetician in a salon you will be asked to perform regularly. So now I can't go to esthetician school because I would ultimately be doing wedding makeup artistry and would be breaking my vow not to, and would also be sinning against God & the Holy Spirit by choosing to do this because I feel convicted about it and more so because of the frustration I felt at denying myself of this and the word f* you toward His Holy Spirit. What are your thoughts of this situation?

 

[gracealone]

Hi Flower
My thoughts on this, as well as what I would do; I would say, this is OCD, even if I didn't feel reassured that it was. Then I'd invalidate the whole scenario by not just going to the school to get licensed but I'd make it my speciality to do makeup for people on their wedding day. At first this would make me feel very anxious but I'd know that this is what typically happens when you expose yourself to the fear. But I'd stick it out for as long as it took for my brain to quit putting so much validity on the whole experience. I get mad too when my OCD shoves in and tries to take something good and turn it into something bad. So the anger was really at the OCD. But what the OCD is really trying to freak you out about isn't whether or not doing makeup for women on their wedding day is sinful but whether or not you are blaspheming God or going against Him and therefore possibly in a state of condemnation. That's the root fear. But OCD can take literally everything and anything and twist it round to fit the theme and make us feel afraid. Anyhow, don't let it shove you around. Go to school, thank the Lord for the opportunity He has given you to do this and for the gift of artistry that He's given you. Then "whatever ye do, do it heartily as unto the Lord." Tell the OCD to take a hike! (Unless of course you find a verse in the Bible that says; "thou shall not go to cosmetic school or do makeup on a person who is getting married.")
Mitzi