I don't know what to do. My husband goes through days of "normalcy", not often, but enough to keep me in line.
We married 4 years ago, second marriage for both. He was my Christian superhusband, hard-working, loving, gorgeous and spiritual. But from the very beginning, if I expressed any concern he would make blah blah blah hand signs to me and tell me I was to blame because I don't work hard enough.
3 years ago, my husband quit his job because we had a baby on the way and he travelled extensively. After he quit his job, I asked if he would mind helping out a little more around the house, and finishing up the projects, since he was not working. He told me that since I didn't appreciate the 20% of the housework he was doing, he would show me and stop. In three years, I have done it all. I do all the housework, and if I complain he tells me I am lazy and filthy and it would all be done if I'd work harder. He doesn't work or even try. I have a demanding executive job and give him spending money, extremely nice cars, a lovely home and we have two beautiful young children. He stays out all night.
I recently put a tracking device on him and found out he divides his time between two women. I also found out he extensively surfs porn, even while giving beautiful sermons on the damaging effects of pornography. When I confronted him, he said the other women were just friends. Even though he stays there, literally, all night most nights. He is the Christian Authority on All Things that are wrong with everyone else in the world. Yet he spends his days in bars, and his nights with these women...and tells me I am not good enough so he has no choice but to get away.
When I confronted him about the other women, he said he'd stop. But keeps seeing them anyway. Spent a half day Sunday in Bible Study alone on the porch talking about our issues. By Tuesday he was back taking woman #1 to lunch. With OUR family money, all of which comes from my job. Wednesday he said he was studying his Bible. Because I bugged his computer (bad, I know, but I have been gaslighted for years)...I knew he was surfing porn. When I confronted him about this, he told me what a vile evil woman I am and said he is separating from me and leaving his family.
I also told him it was not fair that he would not work. By the way, earlier this year he asked me to buy him a house to fix up and that would be his new Real Estate business. He has told people he owns 25 properties in 3 states and is bidding on strip malls. In truth, his one property sits untended and he has only put in about 8 hours of the 100 hours or so it will take to get it rented, in 5 months. When I confronted him about this, he just reminded me how lazy I am.
Wednesday night he spent with woman #2. Thursday day with woman #1.
You may think it is terrible I tracked him, but he has been gone most of the last 4 years and telling me if I worked harder for him he would consider doing the basics of being a husband. He would be with me if I just measured up to his standards. He must be allowed to come and go as he pleases, and do as he pleases. If I cry, he mocks me. If I get angry, he tells me I am such an unstable b*tch (his words, I am sorry) that he has no choice but to leave. He steals money. Pawns things so he can have nights on the town. And I am supposed to bail him out.
He has physically hurt me. Stolen from me. Lied countless times. Cursed me out and told me no other man would want me if I asked for a little help. Abandoned me quite literally, good times and bad.
Ironically, he considers himself a perfect Christian in all things and that he has never broken up with a woman. It was the unstable women in his life that bailed out on him. He does not believe in divorce. Only quiet servitude. Tina, if you just had a gentle, quiet spirit and worked harder, I would be there for you. But you are not, so I have to do what I have to do. No matter that I have practically lain on the floor for him to walk on me.
He has purchased guns and is acting unstable. I don't want a divorce, I want my kids to have a father, I have been a devoted Christian my whole life, but I am scared. I try to walk by Ephesians 5. I give and submit until I am broken. I try to accept his excuses for leaving us all alone almost every night. I cannot even be heard by him, yet he sees himself as this awesome spiritual leader. But if I dare suggest he isn't perfect, he lashes out. Verbally and emotionally trashes me. And then leaves me, for my punishment. I don't know what to do.
Help!
We married 4 years ago, second marriage for both. He was my Christian superhusband, hard-working, loving, gorgeous and spiritual. But from the very beginning, if I expressed any concern he would make blah blah blah hand signs to me and tell me I was to blame because I don't work hard enough.
3 years ago, my husband quit his job because we had a baby on the way and he travelled extensively. After he quit his job, I asked if he would mind helping out a little more around the house, and finishing up the projects, since he was not working. He told me that since I didn't appreciate the 20% of the housework he was doing, he would show me and stop. In three years, I have done it all. I do all the housework, and if I complain he tells me I am lazy and filthy and it would all be done if I'd work harder. He doesn't work or even try. I have a demanding executive job and give him spending money, extremely nice cars, a lovely home and we have two beautiful young children. He stays out all night.
I recently put a tracking device on him and found out he divides his time between two women. I also found out he extensively surfs porn, even while giving beautiful sermons on the damaging effects of pornography. When I confronted him, he said the other women were just friends. Even though he stays there, literally, all night most nights. He is the Christian Authority on All Things that are wrong with everyone else in the world. Yet he spends his days in bars, and his nights with these women...and tells me I am not good enough so he has no choice but to get away.
When I confronted him about the other women, he said he'd stop. But keeps seeing them anyway. Spent a half day Sunday in Bible Study alone on the porch talking about our issues. By Tuesday he was back taking woman #1 to lunch. With OUR family money, all of which comes from my job. Wednesday he said he was studying his Bible. Because I bugged his computer (bad, I know, but I have been gaslighted for years)...I knew he was surfing porn. When I confronted him about this, he told me what a vile evil woman I am and said he is separating from me and leaving his family.
I also told him it was not fair that he would not work. By the way, earlier this year he asked me to buy him a house to fix up and that would be his new Real Estate business. He has told people he owns 25 properties in 3 states and is bidding on strip malls. In truth, his one property sits untended and he has only put in about 8 hours of the 100 hours or so it will take to get it rented, in 5 months. When I confronted him about this, he just reminded me how lazy I am.
Wednesday night he spent with woman #2. Thursday day with woman #1.
You may think it is terrible I tracked him, but he has been gone most of the last 4 years and telling me if I worked harder for him he would consider doing the basics of being a husband. He would be with me if I just measured up to his standards. He must be allowed to come and go as he pleases, and do as he pleases. If I cry, he mocks me. If I get angry, he tells me I am such an unstable b*tch (his words, I am sorry) that he has no choice but to leave. He steals money. Pawns things so he can have nights on the town. And I am supposed to bail him out.
He has physically hurt me. Stolen from me. Lied countless times. Cursed me out and told me no other man would want me if I asked for a little help. Abandoned me quite literally, good times and bad.
Ironically, he considers himself a perfect Christian in all things and that he has never broken up with a woman. It was the unstable women in his life that bailed out on him. He does not believe in divorce. Only quiet servitude. Tina, if you just had a gentle, quiet spirit and worked harder, I would be there for you. But you are not, so I have to do what I have to do. No matter that I have practically lain on the floor for him to walk on me.
He has purchased guns and is acting unstable. I don't want a divorce, I want my kids to have a father, I have been a devoted Christian my whole life, but I am scared. I try to walk by Ephesians 5. I give and submit until I am broken. I try to accept his excuses for leaving us all alone almost every night. I cannot even be heard by him, yet he sees himself as this awesome spiritual leader. But if I dare suggest he isn't perfect, he lashes out. Verbally and emotionally trashes me. And then leaves me, for my punishment. I don't know what to do.
Help!
