Help! Attending funeral tommorrow

[Opalina]

Hi!

I am hoping for a few etiquette tips here! I am not a christian (I'm a Spiritualist) attending my husbands grandfathers funeral tomorrow. While my husband is not religious in any way (agnostic would probably be the best description), his family are born again christians. I am not sure what denomination they are, but the church is the assembly of god. As a non-christian what should I expect? I am not comfortable participating in the service, but dont want to offend-especially at such a sad time for the family. They also tend towards proselytizing. I have never actually been to a funeral of any kind so am just not sure what to expect, or what is appropriate for me at the service. I would appreciate any pointers, advice, or experience!

Thank you!

Blessings!

Opalina

 

[crossrunner]

Just show up and be there and be supportive. Are you attending a church memorial or a graveside service?

 

[coyoteBR]

Try and be generic. Say it was a great loss, and offer yourself to help they in whatever they want: cleaning the house, doing meals, helping with the documents/legal part of the deceased, those little things. Approach the coffin with respect, look sad, stay two or three minutes, without saying a thing.
Avoid saying anything God-related. In Brazil, is common to say that you will pray for the departed one, but even that can offend some branches of christianity... so better try and not mention any spiritual aspects.
Now, if they start trying to convert you... say that this would be a long talk, and there’s lots of other guests that demand more atention of that person. And go and try to stay away from that particular person for the duration of the cerimony.

 

[Opalina]

Thanks for your response!

I think this is just the memorial. I believe there will be a luncheon or gathering of some sort afterwards?

 

[Opalina]

Thanks Coyote!

I was thinking that I would try to keep it along these lines, to try and help with as much of the practical aspects of it as I could. I know that this will be an emotional time and will do my best to try and not get into any conversations about beliefs. Thanks for the tip about saying I will pray for them, too. I hadn't thought about that but that could be taken wrong.

I hope everything is well with you!!!

Blessings!

Opalina

 

[Bookofknowledge]

Sorry for the loss,

No matter what you do, dress modest, be nice, don't over-react and don't miss the chance to show you are part of family.

 

[crossrunner]

Thanks for your response!

I think this is just the memorial. I believe there will be a luncheon or gathering of some sort afterwards?

Just be yourself. As others have said...dress modestly. Be there to listen when the loved ones need someone to listen. God bless you for caring so much.

 

[Diane_Windsor]

Opalina,

Probably too late, but for future reference there are some etiquette books on this. One of which is titled How to Be a Perfect Stranger: A Guide to Etiquette in Other People's Religious Ceremonies. You can find this in bookstores and also on Amazon.

DW

 

[crossrunner]

Opalina...how did it go?

 

[Opalina]

Hi!

Thanks to everyone that responded. I really appreciate it!

It was a very nice service, and it ended up being a good opportunity to spend time with my husbands family as we dont see them a lot. As his grandfather had passed away after a long battle with alzheimer's we all could agree that he was in a better place. The only awkward moment came when I was asked to read scripture at the podium (which was kind of out of the blue) and I did not know what to say. I just said I'd had a cough and bad throat and probably someone else would do a better job. It probably wasn't right to tell a fib, but I was caught unaware and didn't want to go into why I would not be comfortable doing that. Outside of that, I am glad I went and am glad that we got the chance spend time together and get to know each other better, and I know that was good for my husband! Again, thanks everyone

Blessings!

Opalina

 

[coyoteBR]

Good to hear that from you. But I can't help but think that sore-throat excuse was funny.
In the end, I am glad for you getting together with your husband folks.
Will pray for his grandfather.

Peace

 

[Salubri]

I'm glad to see it went well. I have been to a few funerals where there were several tasteless atempts by pastors to try to convert everyone.