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Help! Abused,hurting

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by Victoria2020, Oct 30, 2020.

  1. Victoria2020

    Victoria2020 New Member

    6
    +31
    Canada
    Christian
    Separated
    Need guidance. I’m from Toronto Ontario. I’m going through a really really hard time right now because im getting a divorce. I’m only 33 and I wanted a family and my only life I knew now has disappeared and I moved back home to my moms 2
    Hours from my job and i tried so hard to save the marriage but he was emotionally and physically abusive. I had to go he disrespected me verbally physically spit in my face when I didn’t pay a bill the proper amount. It was getting so bad. Yet now I feel like my life is over.
    I have no future. I feel hopeless and feel nothing but pain pain & more pain!!!
    How can god let me go
    Through this when I tried so hard to bring my ex husband to God and he never ever once came to church with me. I failed at that I failed at everything I’m just a big failure but please God please just help me. Even my faith has started to suffer.i need prayers more than ever reassurance is another thing i need because I don’t see my life getting better.
     
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  2. Albion

    Albion Facilitator

    +27,588
    Anglican
    Married
    Hi, Victoria. We are sorry this has happened to you, but your life and all that you wanted out of a marriage is definitely not gone for good.

    However, the transition to the next phase of your life will no doubt take a little while, and the divorce is not easily put behind you. Please do not think life is ruined but do push yourself--if that's what it takes--to resume living a reasonably normal lifestyle rather than retreating into yourself. Things will get better!
     
  3. Pop D.

    Pop D. New Member

    15
    +29
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    We try to bring people to God, but in the end it's their choice whether or not to accept Him. If your husband rejects God, that's his failure, not yours.
     
  4. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

    +4,846
    United States
    Christian
    Private
    US-Republican
    Victoria, you are not a failure, you are a winner. You tried to do the right thing, even at great personal sacrifice, but sin is in the world and people have free will. God has not abandoned you; He is with you and will ever be. Even OT greats like Joseph and David had to experience great pain in their lives in order for godly character and maturity to be developed in them, so they could achieve their high destiny. God promises to use all things for good for those who love Him, and He will use this too for your good. It's a process and may take time, so rest in the Lord and fret not the evil in the world. In due season you will heal and have a renewed and better vision for yourself. Keep trusting in God, as you do what you have to do on a daily basis. It will get better. Trust in the Lord and rest in Him.
     
  5. justtrance

    justtrance Dorcus

    136
    +160
    United States
    Christian
    Divorced
    US-Libertarian
    If you read that same post but it was written by someone else.... would you agree that they're a failure and have no future?

    Look in the mirror and tell yourself you're a child of God and worth more than abuse. And believe it because God loves you... he sent his only son to die for YOU!

    I know the pain you're in, I have been there but the only way you're going to get through it is to let it be what it is (grieve and process), lean more into God than ever before and learn from the hard times.

    I will be praying for you!
     
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  6. Kenny'sID

    Kenny'sID Well-Known Member Supporter

    +6,404
    Christian
    Single
    You didnt fail at anything. It's just as you said, you "tried" and that is all that can be expected.

    "Time heals all wounds" may just sound like a feeble attempt to make you feel better, but I assure you, it's a fact, and things will get better.

    May not be so easy, but try not to be too angry with God. Slowly this WILL subside
     
  7. JohnDB

    JohnDB Regular Member

    +931
    Christian
    Married
    Ok,
    You are right and wrong at the same time.

    This marriage ended in failure. We know what you have said but nothing else.

    But that doesn't mean that you are a complete failure in life. You can learn from your mistakes only if you understand what went wrong and why...and accept those answers. I understand that it hurts...and it hurts so bad it's going to leave a scar in your heart.

    But there is life after divorce...and the best revenge for divorce is living well...a better life than what you had while married.

    And when you are able to stand alone and be comfortable doing so...and willing to share what you have with another... you can date again. (But I'd wait a minimum of two years)

    First year after a divorce is the toughest...highs and lows and crying fits for no real reason whatsoever over the dumbest things.
     
  8. Aussie Pete

    Aussie Pete Well-Known Member Supporter

    +4,861
    Australia
    Non-Denom
    Divorced
    Everything in this life is temporary. I've been through divorce and yes, it is incredibly painful. But life goes on. You are young so your best years are ahead of you. Be glad that you don't have children. I did not see my kids for 15 years, courtesy of a failed legal system that discriminates against men. The Lord got me through.

    Now you know why a believer should never marry an a unbeliever. You can be an encouragement to those who are contemplating such a foolish move. You also need to be assured that God never leaves or forsakes His people.

    We have to realise that we have no power to change people. We may be able to suppress them and coerce them into going our way, but they do not change in their hearts. That's God's job. How many women try to change their men, then complain "your not the man I married!" How many men try to control their wives and then complain that their wives have no personality.

    Salvation is God's business, not ours. We can witness far more effectively by showing the love of Christ to those close to us. If their response is hostile, then the Lord will lead us into the next step. I've had to cut off from my daughter as all I was doing was creating conflict and stress. No, not easy. With my son, it's been much easier. We've grown closer over the years since the Lord brought us back together.

    God promises a future and a hope. He also promises trials and tribulation if we mean business with God. I won't bore you with my trainwreck life, but every failure has been an opportunity to depend less on myself and more on Lord Jesus. He's never failed, not even once. Let Him lead you - He knows exactly what to do.
     
  9. GirdYourLoins

    GirdYourLoins Well-Known Member

    +784
    United Kingdom
    Pentecostal
    Married
    You are the victim in this. By moving back with your mum your have taken a step to take control of your life again, free from abuse. The bible teaches us that the world will hate us as Christians and you have suffered as a result of this. You will need some time to recover from your experiences and you will need to grieve the loss of the life you have left. At the moment you are suffering the effects of your husbands abuse and I would say you should seek help for that, but it will diminish with time. While you are healing seek comfort in the arms of God and allow yourself time to recover.
     
  10. ReesePiece23

    ReesePiece23 The Peanut Buttery Member.

    +4,233
    Christian
    So, I'm about 100% sure that this time next year, you'll look back on this day and say categorically that leaving him was the best thing that ever happened to you.

    You'll realise that:

    - You're young
    - Independent
    - Solely responsible for your OWN internal condition (how you think/feel/etc)
    - The world is waiting for you (and we're all very nice, trust me.)
    - You're more talented that you thought
    - NOT who you thought you were (you're not 'a wife' you're an individual.)
    - And that it's better to live alone in the desert than with a muppet (stolen Proverb)

    Take each day as it comes NOW, and see the rebuilding process as laying down pieces of a mosaic. Sure, it might not look like much in the moment when you're laying a piece down, but in 365 days time those individual pieces will come together to form a magnificent image.

    Just make sure that you're taking the step each day to lay that piece down. And this is where you're going to need to love yourself enough to be hard on yourself to make that move. You deserve progress - so just keep telling yourself that. And remember, you're 33! You CAN'T be a failure, because you're only a third of the way through!

    Once you get momentum going your confidence will be Himalayan, so do yourself a favour and get moving. Don't roll around in the mire for much longer - if you do that, he's beaten you.
     
  11. Victoria2020

    Victoria2020 New Member

    6
    +31
    Canada
    Christian
    Separated
    Thank you for the encouraging words!!! And I am an ear to hear and a shoulder to lean on so please feel free to share all your burdens with me. Together we can pray the Lord brant is peace and happiness!!!
     
  12. Victoria2020

    Victoria2020 New Member

    6
    +31
    Canada
    Christian
    Separated
    Thank you so much I took a screen shot of your comment toner-read this.
    Thank you!!
     
  13. Deade

    Deade Called of God Staff Member Trainee Supporter

    +1,054
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    US-Republican
    Hello Bartholomew,
    welcome to CF.

    I hope you'll enjoy your stay here.



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    [​IMG]
     
  14. kingsdaughter85

    kingsdaughter85 Well-Known Member CF Ambassadors

    416
    +771
    Albania
    Christian
    Private
    Welcome Victoria. I will pray for you . Hugs and blessings sister ❤️
     
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  15. sunshineforJesus

    sunshineforJesus is so in love with God CF Ambassadors Supporter

    +10,328
    United States
    Pentecostal
    Single
    US-Republican
    Hi and welcome to the forums.
     
  16. Ann Provence

    Ann Provence New Member

    7
    +7
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Hi Victoria,
    You are grieving right now. You are young, your life is not over, there is always hope. You did what you could to bring your husband to Christ, but YOU didn't fail. We cannot make anyone come to Him, all we can do is share Christ's love, be His truth and grace, be a good witness, and leave the outcome in God's hands.

    Be kind and good to yourself. Surround yourself with wise, mature Christians who can pray you through this hard time and be a shoulder to lean on. Make sure you don't give up church or fellowship. It's tempting to isolate when we're down, but that only makes things worse.

    God makes beauty from ashes. I encourage you to journal during this season of sorrow, so someday you can look back and see how God has worked in your life. He's waiting for you to invite Him into your brokenness and ask Him to heal you and teach you lessons. He never wastes our sorrows, our heartaches, and our losses IF we let Him in.

    Don't believe lies of the enemy, such as "God failed you, so why believe in Him or trust Him now?" He will find your vulnerable spot and attack it. This is the time when you need the Lord's healing and comfort more than ever, so please don't turn against the very One who can help you. God doesn't force people to believe in Him either...He gives us free will. You did your part, and God is probably still working on your husband. He gives all humans endless opportunities to come to Him until our last breath. He never gives up. Keep praying for your husband.

    If you need more help, you can pursue counseling. Please call 855-382-5433 which is a Christian organization that offers a free chat with a counselor and they can give you a referral. What you're going through is hard and challenging, and your emotions could be intense, but if you feel like you're not coping well or getting through it slowly but surely, please reach out.
     
  17. Anthony2019

    Anthony2019 Pax et bonum! CF Ambassadors Supporter

    +7,698
    United Kingdom
    Anglican
    Single
    Hello Victoria
    Sorry to hear about your situation - prayers that God will bless you and direct you.
    Hope you will enjoy the fellowship here and find helpful support on the forums.
     
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  18. Victor Humphreys

    Victor Humphreys New Member

    9
    +8
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
     
  19. Victor Humphreys

    Victor Humphreys New Member

    9
    +8
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Hello Victoria2020. There are alot of things in play in the world today. Taking them into consideration myself. You are only 33. You have your whole life ahead of you. I would suggest you stay at home and go back to school online with your home computer. Liberty University in Lynchburg, VA is a great CHRISTIAN college. They have 450 programs. I would recommend you nominate a major and take classes for a minor. And become an avid reader. You have your whole life ahead. You just need a little guidance. Be blessed!
     
  20. Victor Humphreys

    Victor Humphreys New Member

    9
    +8
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Now is the time to be in school. It will take a few years for things to get better. If Biden gets elected, you will want to have as much education possible to navigate the tidal wave of garbage he wants to implement. That will cause ripples in the economy. Education and a wise team is
    very important. I am 48. If I can help just ask. I would love to help you.
     
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