Help, a guy is bugging me!!

[relientKchic]

I need some addvise. you see I was this missions trip with my youth group and I met a guy there, he is a Christian. i was being nice like my mom taught me to be. and I was telling everyone that I hoped to see them the next day (it was a local missions trip at a teen hangout, it was a battle of the bands type thing.) and this one guy took me literal like I espeacilay wanted to see him the next day. well he started following me around while we were on our missions trip, and evern awhile afterwards. I still think he follows me when we are in the same building but I'm not sure. he would sit in the seat right next to me, and he would call me chic and babe and such. and that alone annoys me like nothing else. I hate it when a guy calls me a babe. well anyway, this guy asked me if I would date him, and I said that I wasn't dating because I wanted to grow in my relationship with God before starting a relationship with a guy. and that was true. well he thought that I was just saying that because I didn't like him. and he takes everything personaly. he didn't get the hint that I didn't want to go out with him and he kept bugging me. now any normal guy I would have told off faster then you can say get lost. but you see this guy wasn't normal. first off he was literaly mentaly retarded. not so that he couldn't do anything, but it was like hanging out with a 7 year old that has a crush on you, I mean you can only take so much. the other thing that made this guy diffrent was that he is 22 years old. I was 16 when he first started following me around and such. and now I"m 17 but I still think that he's to old for me. well he fianly came to terms with the fact that I don't like him (mostly because my youth group and my big bro were watching out for me and told him to leave me alone) well I think he still likes me and now he's trying to be like my best friend. and I am not comfertable with being just friends with someone who likes me. I think it sends the wrong message to the guy. or at least can. and with his mental condition (that sounds bad) I feel really bad about it becaus eI might tease him or something and he would take it literal. I talked to my youth leader and she told me to tell him tha tI love him like a brother. but if I said I love you at all this guy would think that I really really liked him. I guess I need some addvise on wheather or not I should try and be friends with him, because in the Bible it says that we are to love our neighbors, and I don't hate him he jsut annoys me. he tries to impress me. and I see him every week at our sunday night youth church. and now he started comming to our sunday morning church, even though I haven't seen him much because I've been working in kid's church sunday mornings, I'm still not sure how to approach him.

if anyone can help me out please do!

Je-Je

 

[desi]

You could always tell him you don't hate him but you feel better when he's not around.

 

[Angeldove97]

Dealing with someone like this is hard. I was in a really serious relationship with a guy and after I broke it off when he started acting more like my father than boyfriend, he didn't get the clue and it's been aboue seven months and still tries to bug me. I however do not talk to him what so ever because he would never understand how I feel. But I don't hate him, I just chose to protect myself from his very strong feelings for me.

Because you're dealing with a mentally disabled person, saying something like You love him like a brother probably would not register properly to him. He would hear "LOVE" and just try to be with you even more. But you should talk to him, with somebody there. Try to get your youth pastor, him, and yourself together so you can openly talk to him and your pastor could help him to see how your true emotions are. This would seem more of a loving way than blowing him off.

You should never have to feel threatened by anybody, especially at church functions and I pray that your Pastors will step up and do something to help you out. Let us know how it turns out! I'm sure a lot of people have gone through this before.

 

[rogsr]

Be shrewd as a snake and peaceful as a dove. Be really nice but also really firm. Don't mince words, but also don't be cruel (since he is mentally handicaped). Tell him what you told us about the 'babe' calling, and tell him that you are not interested in a boyfriend. Make sure you keep eye contact and stare him down, by doing this you take control. Then he will get the hint. Good luck

 

[scott29]

You should definitely get your pastor involved to help you since all of your efforts aren't getting the job done. He (or she) should be more than happy to step up and help you with this situation. My thought is that your youth pastor should have taken care of it in the first place, but that's neither here nor there right now. The fact that this person is mentally retarded makes it more sensitive and more important that the message is delivered firmly, but also with tact. I would think your pastor should be able to do this.

The bottom line is that the church should be a safe place for you to worship and spend time with other christians in fellowship without being made to feel uncomfortable. If something is happening there that is making you uncomfortable, it's the pastor's job to address it and help you out.

Good luck,
In Him,
Scott

 

[Rage4Christ]

relientKchic, this guy has serious boundary issues. By not enforcing your own healthy personal and spiritual boundaries you've given him a big green light to continue his wrong behavior.

Learn how to set healthy boundaries. Express how he makes you feel, that you don't want to feel that way. Then tell him with no ambiguity to leave you alone.


Boys can be strange, confused and pretty dense at that age. He won't understand subtlty, you have to be direct and consistent.

Don't feel any guilt here. Christ never tells us to let people walk all over us, or allow people to be rude. Love yourself by setting healthy boundaries. Enforce those boundaries out of respect for yourself, not out of hatred (or at least dislike) of this creep.