Hello

I am not a Councillor. I can only tell you what I might do to get free from the pain and the sorrow and the betrayal and the rejection.
Forgive him, and make an action to show it. Give him something.
This is not for him... it is for you. Break it. Clear your heart and mind and the break it off completely.
He has hurt you enough. Do not let him hurt you any more.

Msj2001 said:

I have a situation that I need help on. I was involved with a man for about 14 years. We have 3 beautiful girls together. I just recently found out that he is a narcissist. Anyways, the day that I found out that I was getting laid off my job in 2017 is the same day that I found out that I was pregnant. My birth control failed(essure). Of course he wanted me to have an abortion, but I chose life. He only went to 3 doctors appointments during my pregnancy and I even found out that he was seeing another female.
I was trying to find work to support our family, but to no avail. He was there for the birth of our daughter, but when the lease was up on our home, he moved into his house and I was homeless. I had to give him our girls until I got myself together. I found a parttime job and dealing with my depression of the break up and being away from my girls, he tried to seek sole custody and child support. He put a restraining order on me, and it was difficult to see my children because of him. So many times I wanted to commit suicide because I felt like God wasnt hearing me.
In January I got a permanent full time position, and in April I signed my name on a lease. I am slowly piecing my house back together. The one thing that I cannot get over is this soul tie that I have with him. Him and the girlfriend are still going strong and she is around my children more than I am.
I know that I am suppose to sing praises that I came out on top with a new job and a place to live, but what about my hurt from the loss of the relationship? How do I let go? Whenever I see him, I have to pretend that everything is okay. That I am at peace.

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Why did you have sex for so long with a man you to whom you were not married?

@Msj2001 Not a common law wife?

Msj2001 said:

I have a situation that I need help on. I was involved with a man for about 14 years. We have 3 beautiful girls together. I just recently found out that he is a narcissist. Anyways, the day that I found out that I was getting laid off my job in 2017 is the same day that I found out that I was pregnant. My birth control failed(essure). Of course he wanted me to have an abortion, but I chose life. He only went to 3 doctors appointments during my pregnancy and I even found out that he was seeing another female.
I was trying to find work to support our family, but to no avail. He was there for the birth of our daughter, but when the lease was up on our home, he moved into his house and I was homeless. I had to give him our girls until I got myself together. I found a parttime job and dealing with my depression of the break up and being away from my girls, he tried to seek sole custody and child support. He put a restraining order on me, and it was difficult to see my children because of him. So many times I wanted to commit suicide because I felt like God wasnt hearing me.
In January I got a permanent full time position, and in April I signed my name on a lease. I am slowly piecing my house back together. The one thing that I cannot get over is this soul tie that I have with him. Him and the girlfriend are still going strong and she is around my children more than I am.
I know that I am suppose to sing praises that I came out on top with a new job and a place to live, but what about my hurt from the loss of the relationship? How do I let go? Whenever I see him, I have to pretend that everything is okay. That I am at peace.

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Well no... I don't actually believe that. I think that throughout all human history, people had what was called a "time of mourning".

One example was when Jacob in Genesis 50, observed the 7-days of mourning when his father passed away.

This idea of a time of mourning is kind of lost on western culture, but it wasn't always lost. Even the native Americans when a spouse died or left or something terrible happened, they went through a time of mourning.

So no, I don't think you have to sit there and pretend everything is ok, when most obviously it isn't. Now I don't know what you need to do. Maybe move home with your mother for a month, and just cry.

Or something else, I don't know your specific situation and what would be best. But, everyone need a time of mourning, where you stop with the fake 'got it together' crap, and just cries for awhile.

It's ok for you to stay at home and watch church online for a few weeks. You don't have to go to church, and put on this plastic smile, where you tell everyone, everything is peachy, when it isn't.

Now, you do have to go to work, and do have to be polite at work. But otherwise, I have problem with you just crying your heart out at home, and telling people no you need some alone time.

Or just FYI, some people mourn in different ways. I knew some girl that when she went through something terrible, she would go to the soup kitchen and just had out soup to homeless people. That was her way of mourning. I don't know what will work best for you.

But whatever the case, no... don't just tell everyone you got it all figured out, and paint on this clown smile on your face, and try and make the fakery last.

Everyone needs time to mourn.

It's completely natural to still be hurting over this relationship, and I'm so sorry it ended so badly for you. That hurt won't immediately go away, but you're doing really well to be grateful for the blessings of a new job and home.

As far as finding peace about it, did you even have peace when you were still with him? It can be hard (and I've struggled with this myself) not to look for our happiness in our human relationships, but personally I only find true peace through my relationship with God.

I hope this helps a little, and you've done a great job so far of working your way through this and getting on your feet. Just keep hanging on and moving forward with your life and one day you'll wake up and realize you haven't been hurting over him for a long time. Blessings!

Msj2001 said:

I have a situation that I need help on. I was involved with a man for about 14 years. We have 3 beautiful girls together. I just recently found out that he is a narcissist. Anyways, the day that I found out that I was getting laid off my job in 2017 is the same day that I found out that I was pregnant. My birth control failed(essure). Of course he wanted me to have an abortion, but I chose life. He only went to 3 doctors appointments during my pregnancy and I even found out that he was seeing another female.
I was trying to find work to support our family, but to no avail. He was there for the birth of our daughter, but when the lease was up on our home, he moved into his house and I was homeless. I had to give him our girls until I got myself together. I found a parttime job and dealing with my depression of the break up and being away from my girls, he tried to seek sole custody and child support. He put a restraining order on me, and it was difficult to see my children because of him. So many times I wanted to commit suicide because I felt like God wasnt hearing me.
In January I got a permanent full time position, and in April I signed my name on a lease. I am slowly piecing my house back together. The one thing that I cannot get over is this soul tie that I have with him. Him and the girlfriend are still going strong and she is around my children more than I am.
I know that I am suppose to sing praises that I came out on top with a new job and a place to live, but what about my hurt from the loss of the relationship? How do I let go? Whenever I see him, I have to pretend that everything is okay. That I am at peace.

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Good Job in putting your life back together. But Only God can give you the peace that you need. If you trust in His plan and honor Him in all you do, you will know you are doing the right thing and He will grant you the peace that you need. It will be difficult, if not impossible, to do It only your own. Jesus says in Matthew 11:28-29: "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Give the burdens to Him, and walk in His ways. It may be hard right now but eventually He will work everything out.

I think you didn't guard your heart enough. For 14 years you were in a relationship, bearing children out of wedlock. I think you can get over him by growing in intimacy with God. When you realize that you aren't supposed to be fornicating and having kids out of wedlock as a Christian, you'll be happier if you care about your relationship with God as you're not carrying the guilt you used to when you were still with the father of your kids. Pray about it and ask mature Christians to join you in praying that God should heal your heart. God bless