Hello new with a question

david123 said:

Thanks for all of the replies guys. I wonder why no one copied my post where I said my wife and I shared what happened with a 3rd party?? With all due respect some of you are acting like this hppened yesterday. It was almost 5months ago. Your reactions is the very reason why we didn't want to reveal this to anyone at our church. Alas, my wife and i discussed this further, and i told her if she really thought we could benefit from counseling, I'd be willing to go, but it'd have to be someone we don't know.

Wanted to set the record straight and then I'm done. I am not proud of what i did, and I knw it was wrong, like my wife said i could have revealed how i felt alot better. It is not easy sharing that you beat your wife. I thought it might be easir doing it anonymously, but i guess not. We still think the best decision is for her to stay home, and it has nothing to do w/ ME being controlling,and everything about wisdom. I am not holding my wife captive[although I'm sure some of you think that]

Again thanks for the replies

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No problem.

Since you asked...

Thanks for all of the replies guys. I wonder why no one copied my post where I said my wife and I shared what happened with a 3rd party??

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Because with your attitude, it's completely irrelevant.

With all due respect some of you are acting like this hppened yesterday. It was almost 5months ago.

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Oh.

Yeah. I got that. So was her affair. Your point?

She's paid - apparently within an inch of her life - for her sin. You saw to that. Who's "disciplined" you for yours?

Well, as long as the (outward) evidence has been healed up and cleaned up...

Your reactions is the very reason why we didn't want to reveal this to anyone at our church.

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Are you wounded?

The reason you keep it away from those whose eyes you'd have to look into is because you know what you did - and you don't care. Not because the church is so mean.

Any idea how typical a batterer you are?

Alas, my wife and i discussed this further, and i told her if she really thought we could benefit from counseling, I'd be willing to go, but it'd have to be someone we don't know.

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Bingo. See above.

The very fact that you regard yourself as entitled to any conditions whatsoever says just how much you regret your crime.

Not to mention, the probability you'll do it again - how many times do you suppose you'll use the sin she already has paid for at your hands to play "traumatized", and clock her again? If she goes to work? Talks to a guy for 3 seconds too long? Looks too nice, acts too friendly, doesn't genuflect at the right times in the right places, for the reasons you deem appropriate?

I am not proud of what i did, and I knw it was wrong, like my wife said i could have revealed how i felt alot better.

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Uh, yeah - the blood of your child's mother all over your hands did stretch the boundaries a bit.

It is not easy sharing that you beat your wife. I thought it might be easir doing it anonymously, but i guess not.

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Hey, Dave, you're no hero. At least, cloak the martyrdom better brfore you head out to find new supporters - the truth is something guys like you run screaming from.

I've gotten to the point of indifference at the number of times a violent male will pout that others - especially the church - could be so mean to him. Here's my contrary POV: I thought people were supposed to care about the one who's bleeding (and her child) more than the one with the blood on his hands.

We still think the best decision is for her to stay home, and it has nothing to do w/ ME being controlling,and everything about wisdom.

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That's not true, and you know it. That's why you're here - to further the image. Get "support". But as your wife has apparently been crippled by you, the only "wisdom" she and the child will be exposed to is yours.

She had marks which took weeks to heal. You put them there not because you "lost it", but because you gave yourself permission to. You wanted to. But just that one time. And your question here is about her going to work? Your concerns are about how to trust HER?

The biggest indicator of the future in that house she will, one day soon, be too afraid to leave is seen in those facts.

I am not holding my wife captive[although I'm sure some of you think that]

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Really?

Then how's about proving yourself - which YOU have the obligation to do now - and start groveling the way you should have a long time ago to make amends? Go get the Sunday paper, and help her get her resume ready.

BTW, if you think you aren't coercive: How did the OM look after you beat the stuffing out of him?

Keep looking - there are lots of people out there, and right here, who will help you build what you're building. And if you want me off this thread, just say so. I have a ton of other stuff to do, much of it related to what a woman and her kids become as the process you've started moves forward.

Later...

david123 said:

And if you want me off this thread, just say so. I have a ton of other stuff to do, much of it related to what a woman and her kids become as the process you've started moves forward.


What, and miss all this drama. I actually find your rant quite comical. Like you KNOW me or something. Seems like YOU are the one in need of some anger management classes LMAO!
Only reason why I am responding is cuz my wife is out Christmas shopping [gasp, who knew i actaully let her out of the house] and I am bored. For all i care a moderator can lock this since all this has become is lets throw stones,and see if we can get david 123 worked up LMAO!
buh bye.

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Know what?

I've been sitting here waiting for you to tell everyone how "funny" you think I am. That's how well I know what drives you.

I know of you because you have all the symptoms. It's like a virus that a lot of guys carry. Always moves the same way.

Guess Dave is a bit worked up - try using it for healing instead of hiding. You have a lot of work to do, and you're real late to the game.

david123 said:

LOL,first you play dr.phill, now you are shooting for sylvia brown. So what color shirt am i wearing sylvia? What are we having for dinner ms.sylvia?


So wrong about me being worked up. Try again! A mod can lock this now since we've deviated off the original topic. I'm sure MSL will want the last word anyhow, so I'll be anxiously awaiting her reply <snicker>

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This isn't off-topic at all, Dave. You're showing everyone the truth about yourself, and the temperament of the guy who beat his wife. Not the one who hides behind being "wounded" after the mess is cleaned up.

What's going on here is that you're being flushed out. Very relevant for the Christians who will again, repeatedly, come across "nice" guys who beat her up only that one time... because SHE...

Perhaps the next thing for you to do is ask God to reach you, son. Hey, if this is who you want to be, go for it. If you want better, get real.

Gotta go make dinner. See ya later.

david123 said:

Sorry, just playing you at your own game. In my ''serious'' post, you had a ''kick him while he's down'' attitude [which of course didn't work] So I just responded to you in a parody sort of way. Playing by your logic you should have carefully danced around your words....you never know I just may end up taking out my frustrations on my wife. By YOUR LOGIC!![NOT mine]

Have fun cooking.

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Hi!

Keep talking...

david123 said:

Sorry, just playing you at your own game. In my ''serious'' post, you had a ''kick him while he's down'' attitude [which of course didn't work] So I just responded to you in a parody sort of way. Playing by your logic you should have carefully danced around your words....you never know I just may end up taking out my frustrations on my wife. By YOUR LOGIC!![NOT mine]

Have fun cooking.

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You'll beat her again if you want to. Is that why you're here? To find the trigger?

Dancing around trying to keep an abuser like you from abusing again is what gives you your power to continue. It works only to embolden you. So, if you're intent on asserting your potency by drawing her blood again, do it with the knowledge that others know that you planned it ahead of time, and that you let your inclinations be known. Of course, it's just someone else's fault, right? Hallmark of a true abuser.

What you decide to do, Dave, is your choice.

Now, if we don't hear from her on a regular basis, we'll know what you chose.

David123:

Are you willing to print out this thread and take it to a professional counselor? Surely you're able to find just one certified counselor that you can trust, right?

If you came here for advice, then that's my advice. Anyone echo that?

Paul

I wonder why no one copied my post where I said my wife and I shared what happened with a 3rd party??

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You think you're so "entitled." Her affair has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you are an abuser. You have no "right" to anything - not from us, and not from the wife you like to think of as a "pet" to beat if she strays so she will no longer "dare" to stray.

you never know I just may end up taking out my frustrations on my wife. By YOUR LOGIC!![NOT mine]

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Interesting: "shut up or I'll beat her worse."

ManSeekingGodsPeace said:

David123:

Are you willing to print out this thread and take it to a professional counselor? Surely you're able to find just one certified counselor that you can trust, right?

If you came here for advice, then that's my advice. Anyone echo that?

Paul

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Good idea, Paul.

ManSeekingGodsPeace said:

David123:

Are you willing to print out this thread and take it to a professional counselor? Surely you're able to find just one certified counselor that you can trust, right?

If you came here for advice, then that's my advice. Anyone echo that?

Paul

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Excellent advice. Perfect. And ASAP.

With that, I'm outta here.

david123 said:

Ahh a post that's short, to the point and without emotion filled musings. As I mentioned before bro, i told my wife if counseling is something she really wants, I will comply. Right now she is on the fence about it too. She doesn't feel our marriage is in grave danger. Granted if I physically threatened or harmed her since then [or before then] she'd probably be dragging me. Unlike posters here, she has given me more credit and the benefit of the doubt, that I am not a perpetual abuser. I love my wife very much, and this thread has shown me how lucky I am to have a diamond in the ruff. Every man should be soo lucky. I thank God she is not a dripping faucet like some are here

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Actually, I was thinking more along the lines that you'd print this out and go to a certified counselor yourself, in secret so to speak, so you can get a trustworthy objective second opinion, for your eyes only. See where that leads.

Sorry that this happened in your (both of you) life..

I've read it all & just have one point to make..

Anyone can make a mistake.. you.. she.. me.. anyone..

But one has to make up his mind.. one way or the other..

Can you trust again?? Nothing will ever work again if you can't..

Forgive.. (not necessarily forget) and move on..

Trust is the key..

Why did you post in the marriage forum if you only wanted to hear from men? It is clear that you disrespect women, since you have mocked, made light of and disregarded the posts from women as “emotional”. I have read the posts in the mens forum, and many of them have said similar things us “flighty emotional females” *roles eyes*. But it is easier to put us into categories, right? Female = emotional (therefore you don’t need to listen to that, right), and Male = rational (so at least you try to appear respectful when you disreguard their same advice). Your mask of self-assuredness that you cloak as masculinity is wearing pretty thin. A brave man wouldn’t be hiding. A truly courageous person would be able to humble himself, admit he needs help, stop making excuses and get to counseling.

You and your wife keep reiterating that “this” is the reason why you won’t seek help, because people will judge you and think negatively of you. I can almost guarantee that the responses would be extremely different if all the facts were the same, except, that you know what you did was heinously wrong, and that you are therefore seeking professional help. Most of us would be rooting for the improvement as individuals and as married couple, that you two are able to really deal with this. It is the secrets, the whitewashing, the hiding in the shadows, and the attitude that your wife has to be held accountable while you don't that we find so wrong and disturbing.

david123 said:

Ahh a post that's short, to the point and without emotion filled musings. . . .

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What’s wrong with having emotion? When I heard that a guy beat a woman to the point that her eyes were shut for a week, I was quite saddened. When I realised it was a husband beating his wife, I was sickened. You say that you are not a perpetual abuser, but the problem is, if you can do it once, you can do it again.

You appear to believe that because it was an isolated event, it should be forgotten easily. I don’t think so. To agree with many posters, you should have gone to counselling right after the incident. You should still go to counselling on your own to deal with whatever is bundled up inside of you that would cause such a deplorable outburst.

david123 said:

I thank God she is not a dripping faucet like some are here

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Often a dripping tap is trying to tell you something. Something needs to be fixed.

Ok, there are some questions:

First do you want to go get help or not? See, initially you said no you didn't need to, now you say you were willing to. Seems your wife isn't the only one on the fence.

Second, and this was brought up a bit ago, why is it five months ago so leave it for you beating the tar out of you wife, but it's only five months and not enough time to let her out when dealing with what happened with your wife? That to me is hypocritical.