Hello, new here

[michael714]

Hi Everyone -

I was diagnosed with bi-polar 3 months ago, after spending 8 days in the hospital. It's been a hard time since then, trying to get the meds balanced right. I'm having a hard time today with depression. I tend to be on the "bottom end" of the scale where I fall into depressions rather than going into a manic high.
I appreciate prayers and this topic. I hope to be posting here often and be able to find support. We have a local (secular) group that I attended once, but it wasn't well led and there wasn't a lot of hope that I saw in what people shared.

 

[Alive again]

Let me be the first to welcome you here! This is an incredible group of people who are very understanding and supportive. And wonderful at prayer! We have those who come and go and those who check in often but do not post much and those who are here and then gone and then back. Activity has been kind of low right now, but there is usually someone around almost everyday!

I also tend to the depressive side mostly and have hypomanias, so am technically told I deal with BP type 2. Don't miss the wonderful stickies at the top of the page. There are also many older post that are encouraging!

Welcome and prayers for you as you struggle with this diagnosis and getting meds adjusted. Those are hard days, but there is life with this illness!

 

[PrairieGurl]

Hi Everyone -

I was diagnosed with bi-polar 3 months ago, after spending 8 days in the hospital. It's been a hard time since then, trying to get the meds balanced right. I'm having a hard time today with depression. I tend to be on the "bottom end" of the scale where I fall into depressions rather than going into a manic high.
I appreciate prayers and this topic. I hope to be posting here often and be able to find support. We have a local (secular) group that I attended once, but it wasn't well led and there wasn't a lot of hope that I saw in what people shared.

Hi Michael

Laurie stated it beautifully above

The greatest thing Michael...'there is alot of hope'!!!

We don't always see the light at the end of our tunnels, but they are there.

Please do keep coming back and sharing your thoughts and ideas, your feelings and questions you may have. No one here is a 'professional' perse, but because we are living thru it...we are the best to empathize with you and enourage you.

Looking forward to reading more of your posts and getting to know you here at CF.

Wendy

 

[michael714]

Thank you both, I appreciate the encouragement. What was written about "being in a tunnel" I can relate to. At times I've felt recently like I was in a tunnel where I couldn't see the light at the end. A friend of mine recently challenged me to choose to believe that God could get me through.

If I remember right, I'd be classified as BP 1.

A little more info; I'm a married father of 4 children ages 13 - 3.

 

[michael714]

PS - how long did it take you both to get adjusted on the right medication?

 

[Alaskamomma]

Hi Michael,

Welcome. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder over two years ago. The first doc diagnosed me with BP II, but last year I was reassessed and was diagnosed with BP I. It has been a huge adjustment to make with understanding what the illness is and means not just for myself, but for my family. Dealing with meds has also been somewhat difficult. Felt like a guinea pig for the longest time before my doc found a good cocktail that works alright. I went through stages of anger and denial because after being on meds I realized I can't get high anymore and that makes me mad. I could get so much done with manic. I would write all the time, very creative. And now, it is very difficult for me to write. My muse is gone.

Also had to deal with the weight gain which, for me, has been very hard to deal with, but I have been working out and doc put me on glucophage to help with weight loss.

Anyway, welcome here. Post often. We will be happy to listen and share with you.

 

[Alive again]

PS - how long did it take you both to get adjusted on the right medication?

My course was a long one in that my manias (or hypomanias) did not develop for years. I have been suicidal on and off since my teens. On antidepressants once and off after about a year. then life feel apart and the antidepressants were not helping much if any. Went thru the guinea pig route with all the antidepressants and then add some low doses of mood stabilizers, etc-nothing worked. Still diagnosed chronic major depression, unresponsive. Went onto SSDI. And then my Dad died and foudn out he was diagnosed bp2, which allowed us to correctly diagnose my son, and you can see the marbles falling into place. God opened my eyes an my doc and me changed my diagnosis to BP2-it fit. Third med worked, ended up with a very itchy rash, tired a couple of others (some of this was in combos) and then I asked Doc to put me back on med that worked and see if the rash recurred-it didn't (it had actually been related to bad spa water ). So mine was a long and somewhat complicated journey. But the long and the short of it is that once my diagnosis was correct, it didn't take too long (months, not years) to find the right med. Hang in there-tell your doc the truth about your moods, any odd happenings and side effects, etc. Be willing to give your body time to adjust to meds, but keep your doc informed of any effects from the meds (too sleepy/nausea/whatever) They usually know if it will go a way in a few days. But don't hesitate to say, i can't really deal with this side effect or whatever.

Hope this helps and don't hesitate to ever ask a question here!

PS I have to seasonally adjust my meds up and down as the depression tends to return in winter for me and let up some when the sun returns.

 

[PrairieGurl]

PS - how long did it take you both to get adjusted on the right medication?

Due to the fact that I was misdiagnosed with Depression for so long I had tried alot of the anitidepresents.
I was blessed with an old very wise phsychatrist who diagnosed me with b/p. The cocktail mix was right just the dosage amount was increased.

Just remember, we are all different when it comes to medications and how they affect us. Just know there is the right medications out there that will work for you. Find a good doc and be honest with all your symptoms.

My being completely honest helped diagnose me correctly. It was hard to be honest, but I was.

 

[sherr33]

Welcome to the forum!!

 

[michael714]

I deeply appreciate the support and knowing I'm not alone today. Am having a hard time with depression today. I read the sticky about the definition of bi-polar, and the word "mental illness" was hard to digest, yet I know I have to come to terms with it. I'm told it will be a lifelong issue.
needing medication.
Did any of you have problems with getting your thought life back in order?
How has this affected (or how did it affect, when you were in a hard place) your relationship with the Lord?

 

[michael714]

This is from the sticky of "what is bipolar":

- medication (mood stabilizers, antipsychotic, anticonvulsant, antidepressant, etc.)
- no alcohol or drugs
- psychiatric appointments
- support groups
- cognitive behavioural therapy
- interpersonal and social rhythm therapy
- develop and stick to a personal schedule
- family therapy
- art therapy
- physical exercise
- balanced diet
- good sleep
- avoid stress, or develop ways to cope with it. (don't procrastinate)
- develop a support system
- family support
- psychoeducation (i.e. study and understand bipolar)
- plan what to do in case of an episode while well
- mood charts
- make it a point to engage in activity, especially if in depression
- avoid over-stimulation if manic
- avoid triggers
- vitamin supplements, like omega-3 fatty acids found in fish oil
- prayer
- don't be a victim!

What have you found to be the things that help the most?

 

[Alaskamomma]

My relationship with God has suffered more than anything else. I was once a deep, committed, faithful follower. I served as worship leader, women's leader,etc. My connection with God was so awesome and powerful. I could feel His Spirit with me continually.

Since I was diagnosed I became angry, distant and didn't want to listen to Christian music anymore (still don't), don't read my Scriptures, I do pray, but don't do it as much. I don't want to go to church. I can no longer feel His Spirit. I talk to HIm everyday still. But my heart and faith are just weak.

It has been a real struggle that has left me confused and wonder if I will ever feel the same way I did before. People tell me it will take time. It is just hard. "Mental illness" is hard to swallow.

I still believe, Michael, but I have to work at it.

 

[Alive again]

I deeply appreciate the support and knowing I'm not alone today. Am having a hard time with depression today. I read the sticky about the definition of bi-polar, and the word "mental illness" was hard to digest, yet I know I have to come to terms with it. I'm told it will be a lifelong issue.
needing medication.
Did any of you have problems with getting your thought life back in order?

Absolutely! It was difficult to work on this (though I struggle with it) until I was on the right med combo. It is possible though and the stuff I worked thru before meds kicked in just laid the ground work for this. Some of us need therapy to help with this and I recommend it, as it gives you another person view of your thoughts! I salso did a lot of work on my own and through books. All of these greatly helped me. I also was blessed with a Pastor who helped me focus on the truths the Bible talks about as being so when you are a believer. The I am salt and light, I am a saint, etc type things. My filter for truth and lies was the Bible, for it was truth I could trust! I have foudn there are still things I am figuring out each day, but I enjoy learning and growing. When I heard myself think things like "no one lives me, I immediately stated the truth. God loves me, and though I feel like others don't care right now, I know my feelings can bee impacted by this illness and therefore can be a lie~!! etc, etc, etc. For me amazingly when the meds kicked in my life was no longer hopeless or my marriage horrible or my husband the only one at fault, etc These thoughts do creep back and I have to watch for them and recognize them as potential signs of a need for a med adjustment of taking better care of myself or even a potential warning of a mood change. (a warning sign) I have learned to think more along the lines of things like, That choice my husband made was hurtful to me, but it is not the end of the world

How has this affected (or how did it affect, when you were in a hard place) your relationship with the Lord?

My hard place with the Lord came in all the depression where I withdrew from church people hubby etc When God "feels" distant I now remind myself of verse like in Job and other places that speak of the heavens feeling like brass and remind myself that my feelings can lie to me, God has promised to never leave or forsake me and just trust that and keep praying, trusting that God is there and bigger than my feelings. Again I do not battle this as much with my meds.

This is from the sticky of "what is bipolar":

- medication (mood stabilizers, antipsychotic, anticonvulsant, antidepressant, etc.)
- no alcohol or drugs
- psychiatric appointments
- support groups
- cognitive behavioural therapy
- interpersonal and social rhythm therapy
- develop and stick to a personal schedule
- family therapy
- art therapy
- physical exercise
- balanced diet
- good sleep
- avoid stress, or develop ways to cope with it. (don't procrastinate)
- develop a support system
- family support
- psychoeducation (i.e. study and understand bipolar)
- plan what to do in case of an episode while well
- mood charts
- make it a point to engage in activity, especially if in depression
- avoid over-stimulation if manic
- avoid triggers
- vitamin supplements, like omega-3 fatty acids found in fish oil
- prayer
- don't be a victim!

What have you found to be the things that help the most?

These are the ones that are most important to me.
- medication (mood stabilizers, antipsychotic, anticonvulsant, antidepressant, etc.) Absolutely!!!
- no alcohol or drugs Never did anyway.
- psychiatric appointments about once a month for med management , but sometimes not much going on
- cognitive behavioural therapy YES!
- develop and stick to a personal schedule For me this is mostly dealing with a set bedtime and set get up time
- family therapy I did send my dtr to a counselor for help in understanding my son and myself, a safe outlet , My dh counselor for depression likes to see us both, so it ends up being more marriage counseling
- physical exercise it really helps, but i am not great at this
- balanced diet I cannot tell you how much better I feel when I am eating healthy food. For me I try to avoid all wheat, I honestly don't know if this is illness related or just me
- good sleep see above schedule
- avoid stress, or develop ways to cope with it. (don't procrastinate) YEP!!!
- develop a support system Yes
- psychoeducation (i.e. study and understand bipolar) this is a major one for me as I am in the medical field
- plan what to do in case of an episode while well in a few things this has been important for me, but remember I get hypomanias which tend to be primarily rage
- mood charts I kept one for over a year including things like caffeine and sleep and it was very helpful, others with longer mood swings need to keep for longer, BTW spring and fall tend to be major times when many notice mood changes
- make it a point to engage in activity, especially if in depression yep
- avoid over-stimulation if manic yes!
- avoid triggers Yes, and learn what yours are, some may surprise you, certain noises and a dirty butter on the counter are a couple of mine that make no sense whatever
- vitamin supplements, like omega-3 fatty acids found in fish oil I take my vitamins and omegas everyday this is also a place to stay very informed about
- prayer absolutely positively the most important thing to me
- don't be a victim! yes, including don't be a victim of this illness, sorting out your thinking errors is the first step in this process, as well as recognizing the "crazymakers" around you

My relationship with God has suffered more than anything else. I was once a deep, committed, faithful follower. I served as worship leader, women's leader,etc. My connection with God was so awesome and powerful. I could feel His Spirit with me continually.

Since I was diagnosed I became angry, distant and didn't want to listen to Christian music anymore (still don't), don't read my Scriptures, I do pray, but don't do it as much. I don't want to go to church. I can no longer feel His Spirit. I talk to HIm everyday still. But my heart and faith are just weak.

It has been a real struggle that has left me confused and wonder if I will ever feel the same way I did before. People tell me it will take time. It is just hard. "Mental illness" is hard to swallow.

I still believe, Michael, but I have to work at it.

Dear friend, yes, anybody truly walks this road at some point in their lives. I will add this to my prayers, for when you are weak it is for us to surround you and hold you up. Know that God is there, He has promised this and you can trust God and God alone to keep His promises. Your faith is not any weaker that it was before, it is there as you so eloquently state your heart here! I truly believe that God gave us feelings for a purpose, but here in this fallen world (and among Christin's we often do not teach the truth about emotions) our emotions get mixed up. In this way I truly believe that our feelings can"lie" to us.

 

[michael714]

Wow, I have some questions (and thank you very much for the detailed post, Alive Again). I'll ask one or two at a time...

- avoid triggers Yes, and learn what yours are, some may surprise you, certain noises and a dirty butter on the counter are a couple of mine that make no sense whatever

What is meant by triggers? That which might trigger me into a mood swing? Can you provide more examples and/or explain more what this looks like?

My hard place with the Lord came in all the depression where I withdrew from church people hubby etc When God "feels" distant I now remind myself of verse like in Job and other places that speak of the heavens feeling like brass and remind myself that my feelings can lie to me, God has promised to never leave or forsake me and just trust that and keep praying, trusting that God is there and bigger than my feelings.

I really needed to read this, because I'm fumbling around in my faith trying to figure this all out. I was in a place like Alaskamomma, in ministry, etc. before this all hit. Now it's hard some days just to understand what I'm doing. Most mornings I read a prayer from one of Neil Anderson's books that emphasizes who we are in Christ.

 

[michael714]

PS - Is there a good book you would recommend on bi-polar from a Christian perspective?

 

[Alive again]

Wow, I have some questions (and thank you very much for the detailed post, Alive Again). I'll ask one or two at a time...

- avoid triggers Yes, and learn what yours are, some may surprise you, certain noises and a dirty butter on the counter are a couple of mine that make no sense whatever

What is meant by triggers? That which might trigger me into a mood swing? Can you provide more examples and/or explain more what this looks like?

Triggers for me usually come before anger or rage episodes. For others they may be for other things. My rages come in my hypomanias, others I know have them with depression, but I think this is not as common. For me my dangerous periods are represented by anger inward (sucidality)or anger outward (rage). (though there are other emotional/mood pieces to it) . I move from rage to acute suicidal thoughts because I am so horrified by my rages and what I do in them. What has helped me immensely has been recognizing the warning signs before my trigger. So If i notice that I cannot stand my husband's noisy chewing for example. I have learned this is a warning sign that something stupid like a dirty butter knife on the counter, or a simple disagreement with my husband can trigger a rage episode. Then I learned that if the butter knife is really upsetting me vs just a nuisance/frustration then I have learned this is a warning sign as well. In this way I have learn that how much my hubby's favorite rock station bothers me or music in general or the noise of the vacuum are also. Thus I was always able to look at what happen right before and gradually over time (and sadly repeats) refine early warning signs to avoid getting to the trigger phase. Thus I also can now say to my hubby-your chewing is really bothering me and we both know I am in a dangerous zone and he doesn't bring up difficult issue during that time. Reality is that his chewing is any different any given day of the week! Hope that helps some.

My hard place with the Lord came in all the depression where I withdrew from church people hubby etc When God "feels" distant I now remind myself of verse like in Job and other places that speak of the heavens feeling like brass and remind myself that my feelings can lie to me, God has promised to never leave or forsake me and just trust that and keep praying, trusting that God is there and bigger than my feelings.

I really needed to read this, because I'm fumbling around in my faith trying to figure this all out. I was in a place like Alaskamomma, in ministry, etc. before this all hit. Now it's hard some days just to understand what I'm doing. Most mornings I read a prayer from one of Neil Anderson's books that emphasizes who we are in Christ.

My journey back to health started with Neil Andersen. Starting with the "Who I Am in Christ" helped me fight the horrible feeling depression overwhelmed me with. I also was able to look back at a car accident in my teens where except for a fallen dead tree I would have been trapped under water in my car someplace where no one would ever find me & my car (until many months had passed). I could hang onto the truth that God has our days numbered before we were born! So the combo of Neil's list of truths and this reminding me that there were many others sent me on a journey looking for the truth, God's truth as a path towards wellness. I will also tell you that though I still struggle with this illness, the right meds and clearer thinking has given me so much more than the ministry and work I was doing before the depression robbed me of my entire life. I spent years very depressed due to the wrong diagnosis. So do know that there is hope for treatment of this illness. I was a hospice nurse (previous icu/ccu and management nurse) I have recently used voc rehab to get my rn license back and am looking for some low hour work after not working since 1994. But my life is filled with many meaningful ministries that I am not sure I am willing to give up to go back to work. But I know I need to try as I am on SSDI and do not want to take advantage of that system either. For me this si the only way to evaluate what I am capable of or not at this point in time. I only trust that God will make it obvious.

PS - Is there a good book you would recommend on bi-polar from a Christian perspective?

It is hard to find any from the Christian perspective, but let me share with you the three I have found. I also enjoy BP magazine though not Christian. http://www.bphope.com/ There are many wonderful book out their from the secular market. And NAMI has a Faithnet dept .http://www.nami.org/MSTemplate.cfm?....cfm&TPLID=66&ContentID=33925&micrositeID=176
As for books- the ones I know of share their story as a way to share there tips.
1) In The Pit: A Testimony of God's Faithfulness to a Bi-polar Christian, lists six practical steps that anyone can apply as they search for victory. It includes chapters on Doing Battle, Standing Firm, and Telling Yourself The Truth. The last chapter offers an invitation for those in emotional pain to rest in God's faithfulness. The author, Nancy Hagerman, knows her subject well. The book addresses the author's long battle with bi-polar disorder and how God took her from the brink of suicide into freedom and victory. She offers much-needed help to Christians struggling with depression or mania. This book will also prove to be a valuable resource to friends and family members as they seek to understand and support loved ones battling the illness. ( I cut and pasted that review-it was quicker!) http://www.amazon.com/Pit-Testimony-Faithfulness-Bipolar-Christian/dp/1553065565
2) Seek His Face He will Provide by Gayle Darhower link to reviews http://members.aol.com/shp03/page07.htm
link to book http://christianforums.com/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=46147437
3)Darkness is My Only Companion link to review http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2006/august/19.64.html
link to book http://www.amazon.com/Darkness-My-Only-Companion-Christian/dp/1587431750
I was able to find used very cheap ( 2 bucks) and one at ebay. I have also read some books by Paul Meier of the Minirth Meier Clinics that were helpful, but I cannot remember which one(s), and he has written more since then. My journey to wellness started with God's truth, then with correct diagnosis/correct med and then with further work on thinking errors and eventually finding a good Christian counselor (who has unfortunately moved) that was not just a counselor that happen to also be a Christian. I would still love to find a counselor to work with, but have not been successful again, as I know I have more work to do. But God will provide what I need, I am sure, for He promises to.

So ask away. I hope you also will be blessed with others input, for as many similarities as we have with this illness, there are some differences for each of us.

 

[Alive again]

BTW if you have to pick one book, get In The Pit, it was the most helpful in my depression. Both In the Pit and He Will Provide are shorter books and easy to understand. Darkness is my only Companion is amazing but has some very deep thinking behind it that ma suit a more level or possibly manic phase! Depends on you, some in depression would love this depth of thinking.

Also some of the clearest thinking I have ever heard in Christianity about emotions comes from Dr Jim Cecy. He was very helpful to my understanding of God's design for our emotions esp with anger, but all of them! http://www.jaron.org/
http://www.jaron.org/He helped me understand how our enemy twist our emotions and how they can lie to us about reality, whether you have bp or not.

Blessings on your journey to recovery!

 

[bipolarbear]

Sorry I am comming to this so late. Welcome! I also have the lower end of Bipolar. I think I am just living each day in a base line depression that gets worse, or slightly better at times... Anyway, I have so much going on right now, but I wanted to say Hello, and welcome...

 

[PrairieGurl]

This is from the sticky of "what is bipolar":

- medication (mood stabilizers, antipsychotic, anticonvulsant, antidepressant, etc.)
- no alcohol or drugs
- psychiatric appointments
- support groups
- cognitive behavioural therapy
- interpersonal and social rhythm therapy
- develop and stick to a personal schedule
- family therapy
- art therapy
- physical exercise
- balanced diet
- good sleep
- avoid stress, or develop ways to cope with it. (don't procrastinate)
- develop a support system
- family support
- psychoeducation (i.e. study and understand bipolar)
- plan what to do in case of an episode while well
- mood charts
- make it a point to engage in activity, especially if in depression
- avoid over-stimulation if manic
- avoid triggers
- vitamin supplements, like omega-3 fatty acids found in fish oil
- prayer
- don't be a victim!

What have you found to be the things that help the most?

Hi Micheal

Looking over this list...I believe it's different for all people. What works for me might not work for you or others.

Medication (once you find one that 'works' for you) to me is very important.

I have a very close knit family who knows what I struggle with. Their support is most important. I have also been blessed with a few friends who, even though they don't understand my disease...they love and support me. My heart goes out to those that do not have this in their lives.

Diet is important. Best to cut down on the junk food. I don't believe there is any specific diet... following the food guide is good.

Exersise is most important. I know how hard it is to do when you feel but in some way it helps.

Avoiding 'triggers' here again everyone is different with the 'triggers' they must deal with. I know sometimes I can't avoid the triggers...but when 'in my right mind' (for lack of a better phrase) I deal with them much better.

SLEEP yes! Just don't allow yourself to stay in bed 16 hours a day. I find a 'warning sign' go off in my head if I try to avoid life in general. But in the afternoon if I am extremely tired...I will have a nap because I believe my body needs rest to rejuvinate.

Prayer...I am so grateful other's are lifting me up in prayer...I have not gotten back into this great 'habit'

So glad to see you posting

Wendy

 

[michael714]

Thanks everyone, I deeply appreciate all the feedback.

I just ordered In the Pit...

I've struggled at times with fear/anxiety since getting out of the hospital in January, and I've heard that it's not uncommon in the beginning. Has anyone else had this experience? I've got a ways to go to getting my thinking right. It's hard to come to grips with why my thinking can suddenly go off in a crazy (sometimes dark) tangent at times, when before I never had problems like this.