Hello - need some direction

[Friezpop]

Hello everyone. I am new here and I am hoping I can get some help and direction. I was raised Catholic but never really "got it". In fact, Catholic Church, Catholic School, Priests and most especially Nuns completely pushed me away from church all together.

About a year and a half ago, my family moved to a new town and both of us (both former catholics) discussed finding a new church. After visiting a few, we found a home. We knew it on the very first day. We love everything about it. Its a small church but we knew God led us there. Pretty soon we were having small group meetings weekly at our house. We read through the Bible (for the first time for me) and my faith grew strong.

We are going through a lot personally. From one of us being unemployed for over two years that has dramatically effecting our finances is a very bad way, to me loosing my grandparents. My grandfather was my role model growing up. Not to mention that my job also had me by the ropes as well. Overall, it was a bad year. But, on the good part, we got through it and all because of our faith in God and our church and small groups.

The problem is, I still don't feel good about my faith. I love God but I still feel like I am missing something. I am missing the next step. Two weeks ago, a teen in front of us who had just come back from camp, got up and shared with all of us how he broke down at camp and threw the breakdown, he accepted Jesus in his heart and as his savior. I was so thankful for him but I immediately wanted to go through the same. I am not sure how, but I feel like that is what I am missing. I thought that maybe I should start to go to the men's group that meets after the chruch service each Sunday but I have not made it there yet.

This Sunday, it got worse. Suddenly I felt horrible. I feel like such a bad and nasty person. I don't know why. The only thing that is weighing on my mind is that I have lied to my ex wife in about things around time with our daughter. I don't want to lie anymore. I have used it to avoid conflict in my life and I have decided to change that. But, I don't understand those feelings.

Over the past two days, I just can't get over the thoughts of me being a horrible Christian. I have prayed many times over the last two days about it but I still feel the same. What can I do to change it? What should be my next steps? I want that breakdown to where I except Jesus as my savior and into my heart. I want to stop feeling like an evil person. I don't really know why I am feeling that way though.

Thank you for any help you may give me.

 

[Shulamite7]

Don't worry too much about yourself. I've been there too. God will work out something for you but in His time. He already has done it by moving you away from Catholicism. You said you haven't read the Bible before. What! He brought you to a nice homely good church. That by itself is a great move by God. But you have to wait patiently for the Lord to move you up higher and higher in Him.

I waited patiently for the Lord he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. Psalm 40:1-2

As you immerse yourself more and more into the word of God, he will reveal more and more to you. Spent some time alone with the Lord in the prayer closet, in the secret place. Just you and the Lord. If you can fast a little bit (if you don't have any medical condition) then that could help. It is God's work in us to transform us. We cannot do that with our own efforts. All we have to do is submit and surrender to His will totally and everything will fall into place.

 

[Bible2]

Friezpop said in post 1:

This Sunday, it got worse. Suddenly I felt horrible. I feel like such a bad and nasty person. I don't know why. The only thing that is weighing on my mind is that I have lied to my ex wife in about things around time with our daughter. I don't want to lie anymore. I have used it to avoid conflict in my life and I have decided to change that. But, I don't understand those feelings.

Those feelings could be loving chastening from the Lord to help you to repent (Revelation 3:19) from lying, which otherwise could end you up in the lake of fire, for "...all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone" (Revelation 21:8).

To repent from a sin means to change one's mind regarding that sin, in the sense of having no plans ever to commit that sin again, knowing that God has made it possible for believers not to sin (Jn. 8:34-36, Rom. 8:2-14, 6:1-23, 2 Cor. 7:1), even when they're tempted to do so (1 Cor. 10:13, 9:27, Rom. 8:13, Gal. 5:16). But if, sometime after repenting from a sin, believers nonetheless wrongly employ their free will to commit that sin again, this doesn't mean they hadn't previously repented from that sin or that they as continued believers in the gospel aren't saved. What they need to do is repent from that sin again & confess it to God, & they'll be completely forgiven (1 Jn. 1:9, cf. Lk. 17:4).

You could also (if you haven't already) confess your lies to your ex-wife (James 5:16a). If she already knows about them and could be holding a grudge against you for them, you definitely need to do all that you can (Rom. 12:18) to be reconciled to her (Mt. 5:23-26, cf. Acts 24:16).

And this could lead to an even greater reconciliation with her, which God may be sending loving chastisement your way in order to bring about (Revelation 3:19). For you could be in the unrepentant sin of divorce and second-marriage adultery. For a husband isn't to divorce his wife (1 Cor. 7:11b), just as a wife isn't to divorce her husband (1 Cor. 7:10). A Christian must always completely forgive everyone who's wronged him or her in any way (Mk. 11:25), no matter how great the wrong & no matter how many times a wrong has been committed (Mt. 18:21-35). For if a Christian refuses to forgive anyone for anything, God will refuse to forgive that Christian for his or her own sins (Mk. 11:26).

If a husband divorces a valid wife & marries another woman, he's committing adultery (Mk. 10:11), just as if a wife divorces a valid husband & marries another man, she's committing adultery (Mk. 10:12). The exception for fornication (as distinguished from adultery) in Mt. 19:9 permits a husband to divorce a valid wife for pre-marital sex & marry another woman without his committing adultery. But this applies only to cases where a husband doesn't discover until after he's married that his newlywed wife isn't a virgin (cf. Deut. 22:14, Mt. 1:19). There's no such pre-marital sex exception granted to a wife. Also, there's no pre-marital sex exception granted to a man who marries a divorced woman. If a man marries a woman divorced from a valid husband for any reason, he's committing adultery (Lk. 16:18b).

The only unforgivable sin is blaspheming the Holy Spirit (Mk. 3:28-29), such as by ascribing a work of the Holy Spirit to Satan (Mk. 3:22-30). Any other sin can be forgiven if it is repented from & is confessed to God (1 Jn. 1:9). Just as if Christians find themselves living in the sin of an adulterous affair, they can't continue in that sin, so if they find themselves living in the sin of 2nd-marriage adultery (Mk. 10:12, Mt. 19:9), they can't continue in that sin (or any other sin) and expect God's grace to forgive them (Heb. 10:26-29, Gal. 5:19-21, 1 Cor. 6:9-10). They must break off with the 2nd, invalid spouse, even if they've had children with the 2nd spouse, just as married people must break off an adulterous affair, even if they've had children as a result of that affair.

Rom. 3:31 means that Christians establish the Mosaic law not in its letter, but in its spirit (Rom. 7:6), by loving others (Rom. 13:8-10, Gal. 5:14, Mt. 7:12). Part of loving others is warning them if they're living in sin (Rev. 3:19, 2 Thes. 3:15, Heb. 3:13, Jas. 5:19-20). The worst thing a Christian can do is to coddle people who are living in sin, instead of sharing with them the hard truths of God's Word (2 Tim. 4:2-4, cf. Jer. 23:14,22,29). Telling the truth to people can sometimes hurt them, but that's better than deceiving them with something that makes them feel good (Prov. 27:6, 28:23). The reason 2nd-marriage adultery (or any other sin) is so common in the church today is because so much of the church has stopped preaching & believing the hard truths of God's Word (2 Tim. 4:2-4, cf. Jer. 23:14,22,29).

 

[Emmy]

Dear Friezpop. You had some good replies, here is one more.
In Matthew chapter 22, verses 35-40, Jesus tells us: " The first and great Commandment is: Love God with all our hearts, with all our souls, and with all our minds. The second is like it: Love our neighbour as ourselves."
Then Jesus gives us this great truth: " On these two Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets," How do we do this? Treat all we know and all we meet, friends as well as not friends, as we would love to be treated:
Always kindly and with friendly words, helpful and showing good will, trying sincerely to become as God wants us to be, loving children/sons and daughters for our Loving Heavenly Father.
Jesus will give us His Love and Joy, and the Holy Spirit will empower us with His Love. Jesus told us: " Ask and ye will receive," then we thank God and share all Love and Joy with our neighbour. God will see and approve, and God will Bless us. We might stumble and forget, but then we ask God to forgive us, and God will forgive us, and we carry on loving and caring. We also show God our Love for Him, because we are following God`s Commandments.
To love and obey is the best way to show God our Love for God, and our love and care for our neighbour: love freely given and no conditions asked.
I say this with love, Friezpop. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[timf]

I have prayed many times over the last two days about it but I still feel the same.

Feelings are tricky business. They have been given to us to let us enjoy life and to act as a sort of smoke detector to let us know when something is wrong.

Many times someone will hear a person with a dramatic salvation story and think that he may not be a Christian because he has not felt the same experience.

You will feel many ups and downs in the Christian life because God does not let us face everything at once. If we were truly to understand the depth of our sinfulness, we would be driven to utter despair. Consider Solomon who had great wisdom from God yet walked in great sin. He writes such depressing words that you can feel his frustration and despair.

As we grow in Christ, we draw nearer our Savior and are able to draw greater and greater wisdom and understanding. This would lead to the despair of Solomon if we were not also able to draw on an increasingly greater understanding of the depth of the love of Jesus.

The Christian life is supposed to be a transition from walking in the flesh (feeling driven) to walking in the Spirit (truth driven). Walking in the Spirit requires a growth in love which is essentially selflessness (1 Cor 13). This is a process of maturing that church leaders are supposed to help us with (Eph 4).

The sad truth is that as you grow in Christ, you will find fewer and fewer Christians like-minded. The pull of the world and the flesh is very strong.

If you want to stop feeling like an evil person, you need to see yourself in truth. The truth is that in us is no good thing. However, when we became saved, The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit came to live in us by this new life. As we release our hold on our own life and allow God's work in us, we can be transformed into useful for His work.

Your bad feelings are not supposed to be a mental whip with which you beat yourself up forever. They are supposed to spur you on to see your need for a Savior, and after having been saved, to learn to walk by the Spirit in truth and grow in love and good deeds.

 

[Saved_n_kept]

Hi Friezpop,

Welcome to CF. Sorry to hear that you have been going through such a tough year.

Having read your post I am a little confused. You mention the teenager who spoke of receiving Christ as his Saviour, and then a little later you say " I want that breakdown to where I except Jesus as my savior and into my heart."

Jesus describes this experience in (Mar 1:15) "....repent ye, and believe the gospel." and again in (Joh 3:3) " Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God."

As this is the only way one can be saved, I am wondering if you are confused as to how exactly a person becomes a Christian?

 

[LilLamb219]

So you REALLY think being a Christian is about having a breakdown? Does that make you a Christian? NO WAY.

Why can't people accept that becoming a Christian doesn't have to be some mind-boggling experience?

Did you believe in Christ as your Savior when you were growing up Catholic? I bet you thought you did. So you were a Christian back then. It's not like you weren't a Christian just because you were brought up Catholic. Catholics ARE Christians!

You want some marvelous experience? Why? To prove that you're really a Christian now that you've changed denominations?

God came to earth and died on the cross to forgive you of your sins. You feel rotten for the person you are...that's God at work in you. He'll keep doing that throughout your entire life. He will turn you toward Him and let you know that you've sinned against Him. You will want to see His forgiveness and He WILL grant you that because He gave His life for you on the cross.

Since we are all in this sinful human bodies, we will continue to sin. It's good that you recognize that you can't live up to God's Holy Law that demands we be perfect...which is why a Savior was given to us and for us.

So now that you know you are a sinner, what do you do? You look to the Christ and the cross where you are reconciled to the one true God. He forgives you.

 

[Harry3142]

Friezpop-

We become Christians one way, and that way is through accepting Jesus Christ as our Lord and believing that he did raise again from the dead (Romans 10:5-13). That is the only foundation for Christianity. If you have achieved that, what follows will fall into place eventually without your trying to attain it through having 'the right feelings'.

Some may become emotional when they initially accept Jesus' atoning sacrifice, while others maintain more composure. But it is the acceptance, not the emotionalism, that determines whether a person is a Christian or not. Personally, I've witnessed both types, and I have found that the one who maintained composure turned out to be the one who stayed with Christianity more often than the one who exhibited overt emotionalism.

 

[Albion]

Over the past two days, I just can't get over the thoughts of me being a horrible Christian. I have prayed many times over the last two days about it but I still feel the same. What can I do to change it? What should be my next steps? I want that breakdown to where I except Jesus as my savior and into my heart. I want to stop feeling like an evil person. I don't really know why I am feeling that way though.

Thank you for any help you may give me.

First, forget the "breadkdown" stuff. Some people have such experiences, but it's not in any way essential or to be preferred. A slow, steady growth in the faith is every bit as genuine and meaningful.

Second, we are forgiven, not made into angels. All who have accepted Christ, and his offer of salvation, are still flawed beings. Remember that the Bible says that even the just man falls seven times a day. So get beyond feeling inadequate, place your trust in Christ's promises instead, and dedicate yourself to strengthening your relationship with him and living as he taught.

The amazing thing about our faith is that it's not nearly as complicated as most people make it. What's more, it may be the work of Satan to continually come at us, trying to get us to think we're not good enough for God to care about. Don't let it take root in your thinking.

 

[Friezpop]

Don't worry too much about yourself. I've been there too. God will work out something for you but in His time. He already has done it by moving you away from Catholicism. You said you haven't read the Bible before. What! He brought you to a nice homely good church. That by itself is a great move by God. But you have to wait patiently for the Lord to move you up higher and higher in Him.

I waited patiently for the Lord he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. Psalm 40:1-2

As you immerse yourself more and more into the word of God, he will reveal more and more to you. Spent some time alone with the Lord in the prayer closet, in the secret place. Just you and the Lord. If you can fast a little bit (if you don't have any medical condition) then that could help. It is God's work in us to transform us. We cannot do that with our own efforts. All we have to do is submit and surrender to His will totally and everything will fall into place.

Thank you Shulamite. Yep, I never read the whole Bible until recently. I won't go into anything against Catholics but I went to Catholic school for 9 years as well and never read the entire Bible. Love the idea of spending time in a secret place. I just have to find one...

Those feelings could be loving chastening from the Lord to help you to repent (Revelation 3:19) from lying, which otherwise could end you up in the lake of fire, for "...all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone" (Revelation 21:8).

To repent from a sin means to change one's mind regarding that sin, in the sense of having no plans ever to commit that sin again, knowing that God has made it possible for believers not to sin (Jn. 8:34-36, Rom. 8:2-14, 6:1-23, 2 Cor. 7:1), even when they're tempted to do so (1 Cor. 10:13, 9:27, Rom. 8:13, Gal. 5:16). But if, sometime after repenting from a sin, believers nonetheless wrongly employ their free will to commit that sin again, this doesn't mean they hadn't previously repented from that sin or that they as continued believers in the gospel aren't saved. What they need to do is repent from that sin again & confess it to God, & they'll be completely forgiven (1 Jn. 1:9, cf. Lk. 17:4).

You could also (if you haven't already) confess your lies to your ex-wife (James 5:16a). If she already knows about them and could be holding a grudge against you for them, you definitely need to do all that you can (Rom. 12:18) to be reconciled to her (Mt. 5:23-26, cf. Acts 24:16).

Thank you as well Bible2. Repenting from sin is something our pastor spoke about and which I won't say started me on it but certainly helped get me moving. I won't go into the whole ex wife and divorce thing but yes, I forgave her long ago and she did I as well. I don't wish to turn this into any judging against me or God's view on divorce and a second wife. For reasons I don't wish to share, we would never have gotten back together. I have made my peace with God on it a long time ago.

T

o love and obey is the best way to show God our Love for God, and our love and care for our neighbour: love freely given and no conditions asked.
I say this with love, Friezpop. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

Thank you soo much Emmy!! I appreciate it very much. Those are the words my Grandfather loved by. He is the one I had mentioned was my role model. Thank you for bringing a tear to my eye and love in my heart.

Feelings are tricky business. They have been given to us to let us enjoy life and to act as a sort of smoke detector to let us know when something is wrong.

If you want to stop feeling like an evil person, you need to see yourself in truth. The truth is that in us is no good thing. However, when we became saved, The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit came to live in us by this new life. As we release our hold on our own life and allow God's work in us, we can be transformed into useful for His work.

Your bad feelings are not supposed to be a mental whip with which you beat yourself up forever. They are supposed to spur you on to see your need for a Savior, and after having been saved, to learn to walk by the Spirit in truth and grow in love and good deeds.

timf - Thank you. I do believe what you have said is part of the lesson God has been teaching me. I was thinking that as deep as the feelings I was having, it was simply God's way of teaching me. Pushing me in the right direction if you will.

Welcome to CF. Sorry to hear that you have been going through such a tough year.

Having read your post I am a little confused. You mention the teenager who spoke of receiving Christ as his Saviour, and then a little later you say " I want that breakdown to where I except Jesus as my savior and into my heart."

Jesus describes this experience in (Mar 1:15) "....repent ye, and believe the gospel." and again in (Joh 3:3) " Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God."

As this is the only way one can be saved, I am wondering if you are confused as to how exactly a person becomes a Christian?

Saved N Kept - It does sound confusing and I guess in my rant last night, I did just type and not think to much about it. I am not confused about how to become a Christian, I guess what I was trying to say is that for some reason this past Sunday, I started to doubt myself, wondering if I was truly a Christian even though I accepted Christ as my savior. I have been looking for the next step forward for me and I guess after I heard that teenager speak of his breakdown, I wondered if because I did not have the same, was I truly a Christian. However, thanks to a great and peaceful time with God for awhile this morning and after reading some of these posts, I understand it was God teaching me and pulling me more towards him.

So you REALLY think being a Christian is about having a breakdown? Does that make you a Christian? NO WAY.

Why can't people accept that becoming a Christian doesn't have to be some mind-boggling experience?

Did you believe in Christ as your Savior when you were growing up Catholic? I bet you thought you did. So you were a Christian back then. It's not like you weren't a Christian just because you were brought up Catholic. Catholics ARE Christians!


So now that you know you are a sinner, what do you do? You look to the Christ and the cross where you are reconciled to the one true God. He forgives you.

Thank you LilLamb - You are right. It is sort of ridiculous to think I need somekind of big breakdown.
I am not really sure about being a Christian back when I was Catholic. I study it in school, went to church because I had to. I was a good person and I certainly have always beleived in God but I don't think I was a Christian.

We become Christians one way, and that way is through accepting Jesus Christ as our Lord and believing that he did raise again from the dead (Romans 10:5-13). That is the only foundation for Christianity. If you have achieved that, what follows will fall into place eventually without your trying to attain it through having 'the right feelings'.

Some may become emotional when they initially accept Jesus' atoning sacrifice, while others maintain more composure. But it is the acceptance, not the emotionalism, that determines whether a person is a Christian or not. Personally, I've witnessed both types, and I have found that the one who maintained composure turned out to be the one who stayed with Christianity more often than the one who exhibited overt emotionalism.

Harry, I understand you completely and this is a big help. You are all right, I don't need to go through some dramatic emotional mess in order to move forward with my relationship with God. I will continue to grow with him more and more on my own.

Thank you for everyone's response. I truly appreciate your thoughts and help. This has been a big help. Thank you for taking your time to respond. It means a lot to me.

 

[Friezpop]

What's more, it may be the work of Satan to continually come at us, trying to get us to think we're not good enough for God to care about. Don't let it take root in your thinking.

Albion, that is an excellent point. It was making me doubt myself as a Christian. Satan does always find ways to come at us. We all deal with it every day. I did not recognize it as such. Thank you for opening my eyes!!

 

[Bible2]

Friezpop said in post 11:

It was making me doubt myself as a Christian.

Every believer in the gospel (of 1 Cor. 15:1-4, Jn. 20:31) can know without any doubt whatsoever that he's presently saved (1 Jn. 5:13, 1 Cor. 15:1-4) if when he became a believer in the gospel he repented from his sins (1 Jn. 3:6) & confessed them to God (1 Jn. 1:9). And he can be sure as a saved person that he can never be separated from the love of God, so long as he loves God (Rom. 8:28-39), which means obeying him (1 Jn. 5:3, Jn. 14:21-24). And no matter how many tests a saved person fails during his lifetime (sometime subsequent to his initial repentance), even if he fails & commits sin 70 times 7 times in a single day (Mt. 18:21-22, Lk. 17:4), he can be sure that so long as he sincerely repents from every sin & confesses it to God, he'll be completely forgiven (1 Jn. 1:9). He'll lose his salvation in the end only if he wrongly employs his free will to do something like committing a sin without repentance (Heb. 10:26-29, 1 Cor. 9:27, Lk. 12:45-46), or becoming utterly lazy without repentance (Mt. 25:26,30, Jn. 15:2a, Rom. 2:6-8), or committing apostasy (Heb. 6:4-8, Jn. 15:6, 2 Tim. 2:12).

 

[Leviman]

Over the past two days, I just can't get over the thoughts of me being a horrible Christian.

I get that too sometimes, but no one is perfect and everyone is a sinner. And Jesus Christs is our path to perfection. God and Jesus will never let you down so pray to God and Jesus for an answer and guidance. Grow your Love and Faith for Jesus and God and even in the worst challenges you can have trust in God and Jesus that They will guide you to green pastures.

Everyone slips up from time to time when it comes to sinning, but the best advice is to accept your sins, repent and move on with a better understanding on how to avoid sinning in the future. We dont avoid sinning to please our self we do so to please Jesus and God.

 

[chilehed]

...The problem is, I still don't feel good about my faith. I love God but I still feel like I am missing something....

What you're missing is the Body and Precious Blood of Christ. Return to the Sacraments.

 

[craig34]

So you REALLY think being a Christian is about having a breakdown? Does that make you a Christian? NO WAY.

Why can't people accept that becoming a Christian doesn't have to be some mind-boggling experience?

Did you believe in Christ as your Savior when you were growing up Catholic? I bet you thought you did. So you were a Christian back then. It's not like you weren't a Christian just because you were brought up Catholic. Catholics ARE Christians!

You want some marvelous experience? Why? To prove that you're really a Christian now that you've changed denominations?

God came to earth and died on the cross to forgive you of your sins. You feel rotten for the person you are...that's God at work in you. He'll keep doing that throughout your entire life. He will turn you toward Him and let you know that you've sinned against Him. You will want to see His forgiveness and He WILL grant you that because He gave His life for you on the cross.

Since we are all in this sinful human bodies, we will continue to sin. It's good that you recognize that you can't live up to God's Holy Law that demands we be perfect...which is why a Savior was given to us and for us.

So now that you know you are a sinner, what do you do? You look to the Christ and the cross where you are reconciled to the one true God. He forgives you.

Hello, I just read your reply and I'm a bit concerned about your view of salvation. Yes everyone since Adam & Eve have failed to live up to God's standard and have gone astray from His authority, but the benefits of what Jesus did on the cross only apply to those who receive it through repentance and faith. Repent means to turn from sin and turn to God(change of attitude). Our sinful nature(old man) was crucified with Christ and we now have a new life where we walk in obedience to God with the aide of His holy spirit that indwells us. If a born again Christian sins daily, he is a hypocrite and is still in darkness. We are not perfect, but are being perfected. Sin has no dominion over the life of a Christian. If it does, we are not of Christ.(See John 15:1-6, 2 Peter 2:20-22, Romans 11:15-22, 1 John 1:5-7, 2:3,4). (staff edit)