Hello I am new here

[Lissagirl]

I posted this somewhere else but I think it was in the wrong place.

Hi. I am Lissa. I am 35 and I have had problems with every eating disorder there is. At 14 I was diagnosed with bulimia, by 17 I was anorexic. I married out of HS and became pregnant and gained much more than the normal amount. I have never lost it only added to it. I continue to have problems with bulimia and compulsive overeating. I am extremely obese now. My son is doing a research project on eating disorders and I am really having a hard time dealing with things. I am hearing the voices of my monster beckon me, and I am beginning to feel the immense guilt and shame for eating myself into the blob I have become. I fear that I will never get out of this binge eating way of life that I am currently in. I feel lost and alone, my husband has no idea what I am going through. He is usually to busy drinking.

 

[blankgirl]

hi. welcome to cf! i am sorry to hear about ur distress. it must be hard. i hv no right to say that i understand. but Jesus does. He is near the broken hearted. i will be thinking of u in my prayers tonight....

 

[Soulwings]

Hey beautiful, and welcome to this part of the boards. I hope you find the support and encouragement that you need - because there is an amazing support network going on in this forum!! Sounds like things have been very rough for you, and I hope that things start to get better.

Have you seen any professionals about this? or lately, at least? I'd think that a nutritionist would be a wonderful place to start, as they can help you get on a good meal plan for your BMR (basal metabolic rate, the amount of calories your body burns at rest) and also on an exercise schedule. Swimming would be a good place to start, and even just walking, like a mile a day, or a mile three times a week. But consulting a professional about this is the best thing - don't just blindly take my advice.

Btw, my name's April ... and if you ever need to talk, I'm here - PM box is always ready for a new message! And I'm sure that anyone else here on the board would welcome a chance to chat with you.

 

[MyaShane]

Welcome Lissa!

You've made a huge step in seeking out help, good for you! We are all here to help share, encourage, and pray for you whenever you need it. Getting some professional help is also great advice and probably your best place to start.

I will be praying for you (and your family), too!

 

[Celtic Camel]

praying for you... always here if you want to talk...

 

[Bamboo_Chicken]

Welcome to the forum Lissa . I really agree with what others have said about seeing a professional - you're worth taking the chance at beating this Hun!

 

[BigToe]

You are more than worth taking a chance. You deserve it. *snuggles*

 

[Lissagirl]

Thank you all so much for such a warm welcome. I am currently looking for a therapist. I found out yesterday that my insurance will not pay for any type of weight loss help, so that means no surgery. Unfortunately I was with my mom (MIL) when the doc's office called and so now she knows that I have been lying to her and to my diabetes doctor. She was very supportive and offered her love and strength. I will also be going to a medically supervised gym starting in the next two weeks. I have done things on my own for so long I am scared about going back into therapy, having to answer (honestly) to someone about what I do or do not eat. I feel so overwhelmed. Is there a way to blog on this board? How do I find that?

 

[BigToe]

http://www.christianforums.com/blogs is where the blogs are here.

Would your insurance cover you going to a nutritionist to help control the diabetes? They might be able to help hold you accountable to what you are eating in addition to helping you learn how to make smart choices about what you eat.

I know it is scary, but having to tell these people what you are or are not eating is only going to help you get healthier and eventually happier. I'm glad you're taking those steps to take care of yourself.

*snuggles*

 

[bumblebee62331]

Lissa it's great that you are reaching out in real time too. Finding support and love and advice on the internet is great and hard, and wonderful, but doing what you are doing in real life is also necessary in order to make a recovery. I am so inspired by what you have done so far in looking for a therapist, and reaching out to your insurance company to find out what they cover - that's awesome and so so strong!

Please keep us updated. Draw on the love and support from your mother in law and your family - they LOVE you and they want to help you. You are already taking huge steps towards recovery and getting your weight under control, and it's only ever UP from here. We all stumble sometimes, but as long as we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and keep walking, we'll be fine!

I hope you post here regularly and feel at home, we are always happy to welcome in a new friend to the ED forums!