Hello everyone

[Daviboy]

Hi everyone. I'm Dave, 31, and I live in Canada. My first language is french, so I apologize in advance if I do some mistakes. I didn't find any interesting christian forum in french, so I looked for ones in english, and this forum seems very nice so I registered.

That being said, I came here to get some help because I really feel lost. I hope I'll have opportunity to talk with you about more agreable topics, but meanwhile here is my testimony. I know it's gonna be a long text, and I'm sorry about that. But it's because I want you to understand my background as clearly as possible. I wonder if I ever was saved, so I would like to get your opinion if possible.

As I mentionned I'm 31. I was born in a christian family, so I've always known the gospel. I remember when I was a child I used to go to church with my parents, and I know that I accepted Jesus as a savior when I was very young, let's say between 5 and 7 years old... I understood that Jesus died for my sins and took the punishment in my place, so I accepted him in my life. I would pray, and I would try to be as good as I could to please God. But I was so young, and I don't think I understood the whole meaning of giving one's life to Jesus, being that you entirely belong to him and that your whole life must be dedicated to serve him. I viewed him as my Savior, but not enough as my Lord as well. Yes I would go to church, yes I would pray, and yes at some point I would try to please him, and yes I understood He was my Savior and that I had to follow him, but I don't think it was enough to be able to claim that I understood the whole meaning of the Gospel and the whole meaning of his work on the cross and how his work is supposed to be to center of our life. Maybe I was actually saved, but I have doubt.

As I grew old, I started little by little to be disinterested by God, even if I would continue to pray. At around 10 years old I started to make some non-christians friends, and I started to have some bad influence in my life. And during my teenage, around let's say 15 or 16 years old I stopped going to church, and I started to go to parties, doing some drugs, drinking some alcool and loving sex. It kills me to say that but I also had a non-christian girlfriend for almost a year at 16 and she never knew about my beliefs, unfortunately... So I was away from God, I no longer cared about him, even though I knew the truth.

At the end of my 18 years old, for some reason I started to go on a christian web site. There were some good messages, and I felt more and more the call of God, because I knew my life wasn't right with him, and I knew that one day I would have to get things right with him again, because I knew I was far. And a few months later, as I kept on feeling the call of God to go back to him, one day I had a deep conviction over my sins. I felt that godly sorrow. I cried, I was completely disgussed about all my rebellion against God, and I ask him to take my life. From that day, I was restored. I had a new heart, I was on fire for Jesus, I loved him, I left all my sins and I hated them, I worshipped God in my car and I truly wanted to live for him and do his will, and I felt a love for people that I didn't use to feel. I made some good works as well, I was helpful to people. I restarted to go to church, with a passion that I never felt when I was younger.

But the thing is that even with all that, when I think back about this period today, I'm not even sure if I was truly saved. I had an experience with the holy spirit that's for sure. The problem is that I've always been a very shy person, always have hard time to express myself. So talking about my faith to people was very hard for me. And as a true christian, we are supposed to be prone to share our faith, but I wasn't. There are a few persons that I got to talk them about my faith, but it was very limited and I wasn't confident. I felt very bad about my shyness.

Another thing that make me doubt that I was truly saved is because a year after my conversion, by reading in the Bible I got to know that there was an impardonnable sin, and I was afraid I commited it for some reasons that I won't detail. And from that time, the knowledge of that sin kept haunting me and stole my assurance of salvation. Some times I would have my assurance, but other time I would doubt, because I kept fearing that I commited that damn sin. Today, I figure that if I had truly placed my faith in Jesus, I wouldn't have had all those doubts... So I'm confused weither I was actually saved or not.

Nevertheless, I continued my walk with God. But from when I was 20 years old, there are things in my life that I wasn't satisfied with and I got kind of discouraged and bitter. Today I realise that when I converted, I thought that life was always gonna be happy, peaceful and fine, and I didn't understand that even though I gave my life to God, I would still go through some difficulties and trials. But it happened and I wasn't ready for it. That doesn't make me walk away from God, but I started to grow cold. Little by little, there are sins that I had previously overcome that I restarted to struggle with. I repented but I the sins kept coming back more and more often. It continued like that until I was 26, when I litteraly walk away from God. I wasn't trying to resist sins anymore. Sins became normal. I stopped praying, I stopped repenting, I stopped reading Bible.

I had some emotional lack in my life, but I don't want to use it as and excuse because it was purely selfish. instead of asking God to heal that, I tried fill in those lacks with sexe. I no longer lived for God, I lived for my flesh. I lived like that for 5 years. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I wasn't feeling good in my consciousness, but I was still persisting in my sins, and I enjoyed them, to be honest. During those 5 years, there were times where I repented and ask God for forgiveness. I wanted to stop living in sins and come back to God, but I was unable to control my lusts, and finally I would give up and continue in my lifestyle of sins.

I lived like that until the day I realise how empty I was. How empty my life without God was. I've tried to come back to God for 6 months now but I feel like I just can't. I asked him for forgiveness many times. For all my sins, not only the big ones but also my inner sins : pride, selfishness, etc... I think I am sincere, but I am not sure if I truly have the godly sorrow.

There is Hebrew 6 4-6. I think it talks about me. I willfully sinned for so long. My consciousness warned me, but I didn't listen to it and I continued in my sins. During those years when I walked away from God, I made the mistake of thinking that I was going to come back anyway, and that meanwhile I could delay my repenting, since God would always forgive me. I realised today how fool I was. I never wanted to despise Jesus. I never wanted to despise Christianism. But since I chose my sins over Jesus, I think I did it, even if I didn't realise it at the time.

Now I abandoned all my sins, and I really want to live for God entirely, I want to obey Him, and I definetly don't want to play with sins EVER AGAIN but I feel like it's too late. I don't feel forgiven, and I don't feel peaceful. Do you think there is any hope for me or it's too late ? Because I'm so depressed and I'm at a point where I feel like asking God : if you abandoned me, just kill me. I know you're gonna tell me about the Prodigual son. But this applies for believers. In my case I don't even know if I ever was saved. That's why I detailed my background like that.

Thank you to those who took time to read this, I know it's very long, sorry once again about that.

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

Welcome to CF mate.

1 John 4:15
Your salvation is not a feeling, it's something that's given to you. It's something that has happened to you and will exist independent of any negative feelings. We have all had them and struggled with them at least once so there's no cause for alarm, just don't ignore it. Repent and ask for help and clarity. Also your salvation is based on works, just not yours, you're saved by grace through faith in Christ and no amount of obedience will merit a thing. Because of Christ obedience is now about love and is done through love. If you're struggling with this then ask God for help, He's not going to refuse your prayer for sanctification.

Now I'm not OSAS, I believe the Bible's warnings about losing your salvation through willful disobedience are true but with respect to that belief I would also argue the fact that you're here and repent of your sins shows that 1. You haven't committed the unpardonable sin and 2. You haven't lost your salvation. God died for you while you were a sinner, He died for you while you were living unrepentantly. If you truly had lost your salvation you not only wouldn't be here, you wouldn't even be thinking about sin in the first place. If our Creator's grace is big enough to save someone who murdered Christians (Paul), whom he called himself the chief of sinners, He will lovingly forgive you too. Whether you feel like He has or not.

Continue in your way of repentance, pray every single day, create routines and habits like saying a psalm before bed every night (I say psalm 23 & have it memorised now), sing The Lord's Prayer, watch sermons, read Christian books, study Theological topics, read or listen to The Bible and most of all be grateful that God has made you clean through His mercy & love. Seperate yourself from things that lead to sin, including being around people who live in sexual immorality that drag you down with them. If you struggle with Porn on your phone buy a dumb phone that doesn't have a browser but can still call and text, if it's on your PC turn it off and do literally anything else until you HAVE to use it for work. Don't browse, don't do anything but what you have to. These are all acts of faith in keeping with repentance, they don't merit you anything but they are harmonious with the life that has been given you. It's really hard sometimes but like Lord Christ said "If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body than for your whole body to go into Gehenna".

There's a quote from a church father that I have found helpful, though it's not The Bible so it's not true all the time it still can be profitable to keep in mind. "He who does not voluntarily withdraw himself from the causes of the passions is involuntarily drawn away by sin." -St. Isaac the Syrian
Now this isn't always the case, there have been times in my life where I've felt drawn away by sin already but have prayed and God has helped me and delivered me from temptation but it is a good general rule for removing strongholds in your life.

God bless mate. Always remember that The Being who made everything thought that existence wouldn't be existence with you left out of it. God loved you before He intentionally made you and He still loves you now.

 

[Brother-Mike]

Greetings David and thanks for posting your testimonial

 

[Michie]

Welcome!

 

[Daviboy]

Welcome to CF mate.

1 John 4:15
Your salvation is not a feeling, it's something that's given to you. It's something that has happened to you and will exist independent of any negative feelings. We have all had them and struggled with them at least once so there's no cause for alarm, just don't ignore it. Repent and ask for help and clarity. Also your salvation is based on works, just not yours, you're saved by grace through faith in Christ and no amount of obedience will merit a thing. Because of Christ obedience is now about love and is done through love. If you're struggling with this then ask God for help, He's not going to refuse your prayer for sanctification.

Now I'm not OSAS, I believe the Bible's warnings about losing your salvation through willful disobedience are true but with respect to that belief I would also argue the fact that you're here and repent of your sins shows that 1. You haven't committed the unpardonable sin and 2. You haven't lost your salvation. God died for you while you were a sinner, He died for you while you were living unrepentantly. If you truly had lost your salvation you not only wouldn't be here, you wouldn't even be thinking about sin in the first place. If our Creator's grace is big enough to save someone who murdered Christians (Paul), whom he called himself the chief of sinners, He will lovingly forgive you too. Whether you feel like He has or not.

Continue in your way of repentance, pray every single day, create routines and habits like saying a psalm before bed every night (I say psalm 23 & have it memorised now), sing The Lord's Prayer, watch sermons, read Christian books, study Theological topics, read or listen to The Bible and most of all be grateful that God has made you clean through His mercy & love. Seperate yourself from things that lead to sin, including being around people who live in sexual immorality that drag you down with them. If you struggle with Porn on your phone buy a dumb phone that doesn't have a browser but can still call and text, if it's on your PC turn it off and do literally anything else until you HAVE to use it for work. Don't browse, don't do anything but what you have to. These are all acts of faith in keeping with repentance, they don't merit you anything but they are harmonious with the life that has been given you. It's really hard sometimes but like Lord Christ said "If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body than for your whole body to go into Gehenna".

There's a quote from a church father that I have found helpful, though it's not The Bible so it's not true all the time it still can be profitable to keep in mind. "He who does not voluntarily withdraw himself from the causes of the passions is involuntarily drawn away by sin." -St. Isaac the Syrian
Now this isn't always the case, there have been times in my life where I've felt drawn away by sin already but have prayed and God has helped me and delivered me from temptation but it is a good general rule for removing strongholds in your life.

God bless mate. Always remember that The Being who made everything thought that existence wouldn't be existence with you left out of it. God loved you before He intentionally made you and He still loves you now.

Welcome to CF mate.

1 John 4:15
Your salvation is not a feeling, it's something that's given to you. It's something that has happened to you and will exist independent of any negative feelings. We have all had them and struggled with them at least once so there's no cause for alarm, just don't ignore it. Repent and ask for help and clarity. Also your salvation is based on works, just not yours, you're saved by grace through faith in Christ and no amount of obedience will merit a thing. Because of Christ obedience is now about love and is done through love. If you're struggling with this then ask God for help, He's not going to refuse your prayer for sanctification.

Now I'm not OSAS, I believe the Bible's warnings about losing your salvation through willful disobedience are true but with respect to that belief I would also argue the fact that you're here and repent of your sins shows that 1. You haven't committed the unpardonable sin and 2. You haven't lost your salvation. God died for you while you were a sinner, He died for you while you were living unrepentantly. If you truly had lost your salvation you not only wouldn't be here, you wouldn't even be thinking about sin in the first place. If our Creator's grace is big enough to save someone who murdered Christians (Paul), whom he called himself the chief of sinners, He will lovingly forgive you too. Whether you feel like He has or not.

Continue in your way of repentance, pray every single day, create routines and habits like saying a psalm before bed every night (I say psalm 23 & have it memorised now), sing The Lord's Prayer, watch sermons, read Christian books, study Theological topics, read or listen to The Bible and most of all be grateful that God has made you clean through His mercy & love. Seperate yourself from things that lead to sin, including being around people who live in sexual immorality that drag you down with them. If you struggle with Porn on your phone buy a dumb phone that doesn't have a browser but can still call and text, if it's on your PC turn it off and do literally anything else until you HAVE to use it for work. Don't browse, don't do anything but what you have to. These are all acts of faith in keeping with repentance, they don't merit you anything but they are harmonious with the life that has been given you. It's really hard sometimes but like Lord Christ said "If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body than for your whole body to go into Gehenna".

There's a quote from a church father that I have found helpful, though it's not The Bible so it's not true all the time it still can be profitable to keep in mind. "He who does not voluntarily withdraw himself from the causes of the passions is involuntarily drawn away by sin." -St. Isaac the Syrian
Now this isn't always the case, there have been times in my life where I've felt drawn away by sin already but have prayed and God has helped me and delivered me from temptation but it is a good general rule for removing strongholds in your life.

God bless mate. Always remember that The Being who made everything thought that existence wouldn't be existence with you left out of it. God loved you before He intentionally made you and He still loves you now.

Thank you for the answer.

You say I didn't lose my salvation but the problem is that I am not even sur if I truly had the saving faith.

Welcome to CF mate.

1 John 4:15
Your salvation is not a feeling, it's something that's given to you. It's something that has happened to you and will exist independent of any negative feelings. We have all had them and struggled with them at least once so there's no cause for alarm, just don't ignore it. Repent and ask for help and clarity. Also your salvation is based on works, just not yours, you're saved by grace through faith in Christ and no amount of obedience will merit a thing. Because of Christ obedience is now about love and is done through love. If you're struggling with this then ask God for help, He's not going to refuse your prayer for sanctification.

Now I'm not OSAS, I believe the Bible's warnings about losing your salvation through willful disobedience are true but with respect to that belief I would also argue the fact that you're here and repent of your sins shows that 1. You haven't committed the unpardonable sin and 2. You haven't lost your salvation. God died for you while you were a sinner, He died for you while you were living unrepentantly. If you truly had lost your salvation you not only wouldn't be here, you wouldn't even be thinking about sin in the first place. If our Creator's grace is big enough to save someone who murdered Christians (Paul), whom he called himself the chief of sinners, He will lovingly forgive you too. Whether you feel like He has or not.

Continue in your way of repentance, pray every single day, create routines and habits like saying a psalm before bed every night (I say psalm 23 & have it memorised now), sing The Lord's Prayer, watch sermons, read Christian books, study Theological topics, read or listen to The Bible and most of all be grateful that God has made you clean through His mercy & love. Seperate yourself from things that lead to sin, including being around people who live in sexual immorality that drag you down with them. If you struggle with Porn on your phone buy a dumb phone that doesn't have a browser but can still call and text, if it's on your PC turn it off and do literally anything else until you HAVE to use it for work. Don't browse, don't do anything but what you have to. These are all acts of faith in keeping with repentance, they don't merit you anything but they are harmonious with the life that has been given you. It's really hard sometimes but like Lord Christ said "If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body than for your whole body to go into Gehenna".

There's a quote from a church father that I have found helpful, though it's not The Bible so it's not true all the time it still can be profitable to keep in mind. "He who does not voluntarily withdraw himself from the causes of the passions is involuntarily drawn away by sin." -St. Isaac the Syrian
Now this isn't always the case, there have been times in my life where I've felt drawn away by sin already but have prayed and God has helped me and delivered me from temptation but it is a good general rule for removing strongholds in your life.

God bless mate. Always remember that The Being who made everything thought that existence wouldn't be existence with you left out of it. God loved you before He intentionally made you and He still loves you now.

Thank you. You say I didn't lose my salvation but the problem is that I am not even sure if I've ever truly been saved. I've always known about Jesus, but I don't know if I've ever truly received him as my Lord and Savior. Even when I seemed to have done it when I converted at 19, I'm not sure if I based my salvation on Jesus, or on myself (my love for Jesus, my love for people, all my inner changes, etc). I mean I did understand he died for me and I loved him, wanted to live for him, but did I actually base my salvation 100% on Him and on his work for me, or on my own transformed life ? I don't know.

I don't want to debate about that, but me I believe in OSAS. That's why the question about knowing if I've ever been saved matters so much to me. If so, then that's good, that means that I'm like the Prodigual Son. But if not, then I'm really afraid of being like those in Hebrew 6 4-6. Because I think this verse talks about non-believer, who knew the truth, who took part of the Holy Spirit, but never received Jesus with faith and then walked away from Christianism. There are also many verses that warns people who have those criteria, but then later walk away from God deliberately. I'm afraid I might be like them, and that now it's too late. I messed up way too much, in spite of knowing the truth.

 

[Daviboy]

Greetings David and thanks for posting your testimonial

Thank you.

 

[Daviboy]

Welcome!

thanks

 

[Lost Witness]

Greetings and Welcome to CF, Brother. (I'll Be Praying for you)

 

[SunshineHollyDay]

It sounds to me that you were saved, we’re you ever baptized?

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

Thank you for the answer.

You say I didn't lose my salvation but the problem is that I am not even sur if I truly had the saving faith.
Thank you. You say I didn't lose my salvation but the problem is that I am not even sure if I've ever truly been saved. I've always known about Jesus, but I don't know if I've ever truly received him as my Lord and Savior. Even when I seemed to have done it when I converted at 19, I'm not sure if I based my salvation on Jesus, or on myself (my love for Jesus, my love for people, all my inner changes, etc). I mean I did understand he died for me and I loved him, wanted to live for him, but did I actually base my salvation 100% on Him and on his work for me, or on my own transformed life ? I don't know.

I don't want to debate about that, but me I believe in OSAS. That's why the question about knowing if I've ever been saved matters so much to me. If so, then that's good, that means that I'm like the Prodigual Son. But if not, then I'm really afraid of being like those in Hebrew 6 4-6. Because I think this verse talks about non-believer, who knew the truth, who took part of the Holy Spirit, but never received Jesus with faith and then walked away from Christianism. There are also many verses that warns people who have those criteria, but then later walk away from God deliberately. I'm afraid I might be like them, and that now it's too late. I messed up way too much, in spite of knowing the truth.

Were you baptised? did you believe and confess Jesus as your Lord? If the answer to both of those things was yes, then you were saved. If you were to judge where I was the first year after I was saved through the Calvinistic lens you're using to judge yourself you would have concluded I wasn't saved. Yet here I am years later and I'm a completely different person. The problem lies within the theological systematic you're using. Omni-determinism combined with monergism & limited atonement is a recipe for disaster. It completely destroys people's confidence in their God and turns their salvation into judging it by works, exactly like you're doing now. You'll forever be judging your own fruits to see if you're saved even 10 years from now. "I'm not sure if I did x or y" It's not based on what YOU did or do. If you can't get past the theology you're using to judge yourself and you still believe you truly didn't accept Christ as your Lord 5 years ago, then do it now. Also the only time it's ever too late to repent is when that last breath leaves your body.

 

[Daviboy]

Were you baptised? did you believe and confess Jesus as your Lord? If the answer to both of those things was yes, then you were saved. If you were to judge where I was the first year after I was saved through the Calvinistic lens you're using to judge yourself you would have concluded I wasn't saved. Yet here I am years later and I'm a completely different person. The problem lies within the theological systematic you're using. Omni-determinism combined with monergism & limited atonement is a recipe for disaster. It completely destroys people's confidence in their God and turns their salvation into judging it by works, exactly like you're doing now. You'll forever be judging your own fruits to see if you're saved even 10 years from now. "I'm not sure if I did x or y" It's not based on what YOU did or do. If you can't get past the theology you're using to judge yourself and you still believe you truly didn't accept Christ as your Lord 5 years ago, then do it now. Also the only time it's ever too late to repent is when that last breath leaves your body.

I confessed Jesus as my Lord but wasn't baptised. At the time I didn't understand the meaning of baptism. I meant to be baptised, I knew I had to do it, but didn't understand the meaning of baptism so I didn't make time to be baptised.

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

I confessed Jesus as my Lord but wasn't baptised. At the time I didn't understand the meaning of baptism. I meant to be baptised, I knew I had to do it, but didn't understand the meaning of baptism so I didn't make time to be baptised.

Go be baptised now, what's stopping you? You believe Christ died for your sins, you believe He died in place of you and suffered what you deserve, you believe He rose from the dead and ascended to the right hand of The Father, you believe all authority on heaven & earth has been given to Him and you repent of your sins. Go, schedule a baptism. The only thing stopping you is yourself mate. You're a christian in your heart already, it's evident you're repentant.

 

[Daviboy]

Go be baptised now, what's stopping you? You believe Christ died for your sins, you believe He died in place of you and suffered what you deserve, you believe He rose from the dead and ascended to the right hand of The Father, you believe all authority on heaven & earth has been given to Him and you repent of your sins. Go, schedule a baptism. The only thing stopping you is yourself mate. You're a christian in your heart already, it's evident you're repentant.

I would like to but at the moment I'm caught up with so many doubts about my salvation and I don't want to be baptised before all doubts are gone.

I fell into sin very bad. I fell so far away from him. I would like to believe that he died for my fall as well but I keep doubting because of Hebrew 6 4-6. And even if I asked for forgiveness and I want to follow Him, I still have some big issues with sexual drives. I would like to be free from them, but it seems that I just can't overcome this problem. So that makes me wonder if my repentance was genuine.

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

I would like to but at the moment I'm caught up with so many doubts about my salvation and I don't want to be baptised before all doubts are gone.

I fell into sin very bad. I fell so far away from him. I would like to believe that he died for my fall as well but I keep doubting because of Hebrew 6 4-6. And even if I asked for forgiveness and I want to follow Him, I still have some big issues with sexual drives. I would like to be free from them, but it seems that I just can't overcome this problem. So that makes me wonder if my repentance was genuine.

You're making reasons why you can't be baptised. If you're worried about the passage you keep posting, read the 6th verse again "to be brought back to repentance". You're repentant. You can drop everything, you will have desires and temptations we all do but Christ will help you if you rely and fall on Him instead of your own ability to sanctify yourself. Every Christian sins every single day at least once, either mistakenly or a lot of the time unknowingly. We rely upon Our Lord's sacrifice to make us clean, Christ didn't say the words "it is finished" in vain. If you're in Christ, it is finished. You need to stop the self-flagellation, repent and believe my friend. Your repentance is genuine now, otherwise you wouldn't be here.

 

[Lost Witness]

I would like to but at the moment I'm caught up with so many doubts about my salvation and I don't want to be baptised before all doubts are gone.

I fell into sin very bad. I fell so far away from him. I would like to believe that he died for my fall as well but I keep doubting because of Hebrew 6 4-6. And even if I asked for forgiveness and I want to follow Him, I still have some big issues with sexual drives. I would like to be free from them, but it seems that I just can't overcome this problem. So that makes me wonder if my repentance was genuine.

yea hebrew's is a stumbling block for me as well as I've HEARD the LORD and disobeyed him when he first blessed me with his HOLY Spirit but he since then called me back to repentance and for several days all i could do was CRY as his GODLY SORROW was upon me and my heart was filled with GLADNESS as a result. hallelujah! (never have i ever felt physical, emotional and spiritual pain from tears until his sorrow was upon me) I wouldn't give up. Those Doubts you are having are the ENEMY. GOD wouldn't drive you to seek him if you had lost your salvation.

 

[sunshineforJesus]

Hi and welcome to the forums.

 

[SunshineHollyDay]

I would like to but at the moment I'm caught up with so many doubts about my salvation and I don't want to be baptised before all doubts are gone.

I fell into sin very bad. I fell so far away from him. I would like to believe that he died for my fall as well but I keep doubting because of Hebrew 6 4-6. And even if I asked for forgiveness and I want to follow Him, I still have some big issues with sexual drives. I would like to be free from them, but it seems that I just can't overcome this problem. So that makes me wonder if my repentance was genuine.

I would like to but at the moment I'm caught up with so many doubts about my salvation and I don't want to be baptised before all doubts are gone.

I fell into sin very bad. I fell so far away from him. I would like to believe that he died for my fall as well but I keep doubting because of Hebrew 6 4-6. And even if I asked for forgiveness and I want to follow Him, I still have some big issues with sexual drives. I would like to be free from them, but it seems that I just can't overcome this problem. So that makes me wonder if my repentance was genuine.

The verse says for one’s who have been enlightened and then fall away, you said you had an encounter with the Holy Spirit convicting you of sin and you repenting and seeing a change on the inside. The blood of Jesus washed you clean and then the Holy Spirit indwelled inside of you. Yes, you should be baptized. But I do believe that prior to baptism the Holy Spirit dwells within us because the blood washes us.

So you were sealed with the spirit, over time however, you went back into sin and then you realized after years of sinning you wanted to get right with God. What that verse implies is that whenever someone encounters God and then falls away cannot be brought back to repentance because there’s no more sacrifice for those intentional deliberate sins after being converted.

You probably lost your conviction of sin overtime and sin will harden your heart, and sear your conscience.

So what now? I wouldn’t keep storing up wrath against myself by living in sin. I would ask God to grant me repentance of sin and walk in repentance now. Some people feel like they’re too far gone and they’re not, so all you can do is seek the Lord and pray it’s not too late. But there comes a time when repentance isn’t available any longer, despise what’s taught in church. It’s a scary thing for this to happen, I only know this much because I am also in this same boat.

please forsake your sin and plead for mercy.

 

[JohnC101]

Welcome to CF!

God knows that we make mistakes, as long as we repent of our sins, he'll forgive them.

 

[SunshineHollyDay]

Welcome to CF!

God knows that we make mistakes, as long as we repent of our sins, he'll forgive them.

Sure, but God isn’t a revolving door. If we continue to repent of the same things over and over, is that true remorse? Will God be mocked? The OP said they stayed in unrepentant sin for years and is now seeking repentance but not finding it. This is a possibility because I have experienced the exact same thing.

 

[Daviboy]

The verse says for one’s who have been enlightened and then fall away, you said you had an encounter with the Holy Spirit convicting you of sin and you repenting and seeing a change on the inside. The blood of Jesus washed you clean and then the Holy Spirit indwelled inside of you. Yes, you should be baptized. But I do believe that prior to baptism the Holy Spirit dwells within us because the blood washes us.

So you were sealed with the spirit, over time however, you went back into sin and then you realized after years of sinning you wanted to get right with God. What that verse implies is that whenever someone encounters God and then falls away cannot be brought back to repentance because there’s no more sacrifice for those intentional deliberate sins after being converted.

You probably lost your conviction of sin overtime and sin will harden your heart, and sear your conscience.

So what now? I wouldn’t keep storing up wrath against myself by living in sin. I would ask God to grant me repentance of sin and walk in repentance now. Some people feel like they’re too far gone and they’re not, so all you can do is seek the Lord and pray it’s not too late. But there comes a time when repentance isn’t available any longer, despise what’s taught in church. It’s a scary thing for this to happen, I only know this much because I am also in this same boat.

please forsake your sin and plead for mercy.

Yes, I forsook my lusts and most of my sins. There are some that I try to get rid of, but that I haven't completely overcome yet. And I still feel temptations from my flesh.

You say you are in the same boat. How are you doing ? Did you get to truly repent ?