Subject: Noah and the traditions of men.
It is the year 2002 and Noah lives in the United States.
The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed.
But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark.
Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.
"Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?" "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit to believe the words you have said, from the leaders of Church, to see if it complies with what is written in their creeds and the traditional teaching of men before they would let me begin construction on your plans.
Then I got into a fight with the members of the Church because they said, to God a day or a year, is as a thousand years to the Lord. So they would not let me hire an engineering to firm and redraw the plans.
Then my Christian neighbor objected, claiming believing your words was heresies and violating zoning ordinances so they would not let me start building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.
I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the leader of Church wont let me catch any owls because they said a year, or soon, does not mean a year, or soon, in their doctrines. So. no owls.
The Christian carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board. Now I have 16 newly saved carpenters who trust your words and not the ideas of men, on the Ark, but still no owls.
When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by the leaders of the Church groups because they said, at hand does not mean at hand in their doctrines. They objected to me taking any kind of animals aboard.
Just when I got the suit dismissed, the Church leaders notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on the proposed of believing your words about the flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that I did not, believe the ideas and traditional of men, over the Creator of the universe.
Then IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the State that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a recreational water craft.
Finally the Church got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying God does really mean this generation, but a generation in the far future. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
"No," said the Lord. "You mean you are not going to show the word you keep your words?" "No," said the Lord sadly. "The Church has already done that."