I know what you are saying, I have been through the same thing. I beat myself up with it. I beat myself up with trying to believe, trying to minister, trying to please the Lord and it was driving me crazy.
Then I ran away from it all. I couldnt cope with it anymore. One day I just screamed at Jesus "if I'm going to lose you by being myself then I dont know what to do about it!! I was frantic, while others said you have to stick it out, it will be alright, you dont have enough faith, on and on.. But at that time I didnt care. Then Heaven was silent for a few months. I thought I have blown it now!!
But the Lord was so good to me. I was asleep and about 2am I woke up, I could feel that the spirit of the Lord was wanting to say something to me, but I just couldnt receive. This happend 3 nights in a row. Then finally He got through to me, He said, "I have not asked you to do.. I have asked you to be"
"When you can be real with me, I will be real with you". And it was like the biggest weight was off my shoulders. My faith in his word was not compromised at all, but I was not being real, I was trying to copy others, speak their words, act like them, do like them. But I was not being the one that Jesus saved. This revelation was the biggest turning point in my life. Now I rest, and He brings the circumstances into my life that I can witness. I'm not fighting it anymore. My Motto: Let Go, and Let God.