I dont know forum etiquette, so please dont go mental if iv posted this in the wrong place.
As the title suggests, Im currently dealing with 'heartbreak'. It isnt lost on me that this is pathetic, but the sad reality is that for 6 months now iv felt worse (and more confused) than i have in my life. Im not particularly fond of talking about 'feelings' so I wouldn't be doing this if i genuinely didnt appreciate whatever useful advice people might have.
About a year ago my girlfriend of 7 years broke up with me; we met at college and she was the only girlfriend I'd had. We had only recently moved away from our families to live in a house i bought, and in which now live alone and miles away from my friends and relatives. After the breakup i felt rough for a couple of months, got fired from my job and generally felt pretty bad (i guess im understating this a little). I lost 2 stone and started going to strip clubs, i fooled myself into thinking i had something going on with one of the strippers; needless to say, it was bad.
Anyway, when spring turned to summer i got friendly with a friend of a friend who i met at a music festival and proceeded to have the best 4 months of my life. It sucks just writing about it; but i guess i had never been 'in love' until this point despite my previous relationship. to tell you the truth, i didnt realise what i was feeling until this brief and fleeting period of intense happiness inevitably came to an abrupt end.
That was now six months ago, and im still waiting for relentless misery to stop. For a while I had no idea why she broke up with me, but i have since learned that she was in love with an ex of hers, and had decided to give that relationship another shot which inevitably failed. I kept contact to a minimum after we split, and when i finally met her again just before Christmas, she said that she enjoyed the time we spent together but that she had now met someone else. For about a month i thought i was getting over it, but for the last two months i have to fight the urge to think about her every single day (for most of the time), and i cant really hack it anymore.
Nowadays other girls just do not interest me; I avoid relationships now because i feel incapable of getting excited about anyone, and i dont particularly want to hurt anyone. Iv never specifically asked God for anything (i pray that his will be done and assume that his will has my best interests at heart anyway), but yesterday a preyed for a sign as to whether i should contact her again. No word of a lie; i woke up this morning and i had [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] the bed. Untill last night, I had not [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] the bed since i was a child. Clearly this represents a definitive 'no', and you'd think that this would have answered all my questions; but knowing i shouldn't pursue something that currently overwhelms my life leaves me all the more devastated.
This devastation is compounded by the fact that i messaged her on facebook before going to bed that night. I played it cool and acted like i had barely thought about her. I asked her how she was doing and whether she fancied hanging out now that the nights are starting to draw out. In response, she told me that she was seeing someone. I said i was glad for her, but that she might keep me in mind further down the road. Rightfully, i didnt receive any further response.
Now i sit in my empty house with nothing to do but count down the dying hours of another sad, monotonous and lonely day characteristed by ceaseless and unavoidable pining. where i not sat right now writing this pathetic and overly long drivel, id be doing what i do every other evening after work; laying in the dark against my living room radiator, trying desperately to sleep lest i face hours of nothingness and misery.
I dont want to stress the point, but it feels like things are starting to get really quite bad. I dont need to be told that clearly i need to get over it; i desperately want to, i just dont know how.
As the title suggests, Im currently dealing with 'heartbreak'. It isnt lost on me that this is pathetic, but the sad reality is that for 6 months now iv felt worse (and more confused) than i have in my life. Im not particularly fond of talking about 'feelings' so I wouldn't be doing this if i genuinely didnt appreciate whatever useful advice people might have.
About a year ago my girlfriend of 7 years broke up with me; we met at college and she was the only girlfriend I'd had. We had only recently moved away from our families to live in a house i bought, and in which now live alone and miles away from my friends and relatives. After the breakup i felt rough for a couple of months, got fired from my job and generally felt pretty bad (i guess im understating this a little). I lost 2 stone and started going to strip clubs, i fooled myself into thinking i had something going on with one of the strippers; needless to say, it was bad.
Anyway, when spring turned to summer i got friendly with a friend of a friend who i met at a music festival and proceeded to have the best 4 months of my life. It sucks just writing about it; but i guess i had never been 'in love' until this point despite my previous relationship. to tell you the truth, i didnt realise what i was feeling until this brief and fleeting period of intense happiness inevitably came to an abrupt end.
That was now six months ago, and im still waiting for relentless misery to stop. For a while I had no idea why she broke up with me, but i have since learned that she was in love with an ex of hers, and had decided to give that relationship another shot which inevitably failed. I kept contact to a minimum after we split, and when i finally met her again just before Christmas, she said that she enjoyed the time we spent together but that she had now met someone else. For about a month i thought i was getting over it, but for the last two months i have to fight the urge to think about her every single day (for most of the time), and i cant really hack it anymore.
Nowadays other girls just do not interest me; I avoid relationships now because i feel incapable of getting excited about anyone, and i dont particularly want to hurt anyone. Iv never specifically asked God for anything (i pray that his will be done and assume that his will has my best interests at heart anyway), but yesterday a preyed for a sign as to whether i should contact her again. No word of a lie; i woke up this morning and i had [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] the bed. Untill last night, I had not [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] the bed since i was a child. Clearly this represents a definitive 'no', and you'd think that this would have answered all my questions; but knowing i shouldn't pursue something that currently overwhelms my life leaves me all the more devastated.
This devastation is compounded by the fact that i messaged her on facebook before going to bed that night. I played it cool and acted like i had barely thought about her. I asked her how she was doing and whether she fancied hanging out now that the nights are starting to draw out. In response, she told me that she was seeing someone. I said i was glad for her, but that she might keep me in mind further down the road. Rightfully, i didnt receive any further response.
Now i sit in my empty house with nothing to do but count down the dying hours of another sad, monotonous and lonely day characteristed by ceaseless and unavoidable pining. where i not sat right now writing this pathetic and overly long drivel, id be doing what i do every other evening after work; laying in the dark against my living room radiator, trying desperately to sleep lest i face hours of nothingness and misery.
I dont want to stress the point, but it feels like things are starting to get really quite bad. I dont need to be told that clearly i need to get over it; i desperately want to, i just dont know how.
