Hi All!
I am 37 years old and am working through my past pain with God. I tried to do it without him but it didn't work.
Today God gave me some of the most beautiful gifts of encouragement and love and I want to share them with you all! I hope that "God's Love will give you roots so you can find your wings". Now don't get me wrong, I am seriously struggling! I am at the beginning of my journey and have a ton of things to work through still.
As far as I can remember now, at this moment, I was gang raped/assaulted when I was 7 years old by the neighborhood bullies and my mom never addressed it. Some other kids wanted me to play "doctor" and I refused and ran. The mean boys tracked me down and the rest is unfortunately history. Then after that for 6 or 7 years my step father repeatedly beat me and verbally abused me. Basically he cemented in my poor self image and helped develop my deep fear of punishment (Borderline Personality Disorder).
I currently am experiencing all the symptoms of PSTD and depression. I have not uncovered my full memories yet but I believe they are coming. I am currently wanting to flee, I shake inside and I feel like something very bad is going to happen.
Anyway, on to the encouragment... I am/was having a hard time with this healing process so far. I couldn't understand why would God make me go through this pain? Where is/was my help? How am I going to recover? Am I going to make it?!!(Big one!). Well, I came across this story that hit me like a ton of bricks! "And Joshua said, 'Ah, Sovereign LORD, why did you ever bring this people across the Jordan to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us? If only we had been content to stay on the other side of the Jordan" Jos. 7:6-8
If you desire to be closer to God, to get rid of your pain, then we must cross the Jordan to do it. Why would God send us into healing if we would only die at the hand of the enemy? He wouldn't! God is sure of our victory! We just need to trust him and persevere! We cross over to begin healing and we see all these huge walls! Oh No! is our thoughts, fear steps in and any other bad thoughts. Especially the poor voices from the past. But God says our victory is sure!
Then God gave me a song for the day: (if you ask, I am sure he will give you a song or some sort of encouragment)
1. Come, thou Fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing thy grace; streams of mercy, never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise. Teach me some melodious sonnet, sung by flaming tongues above. Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it, mount of thy redeeming love. 2. Here I raise mine Ebenezer; hither by thy help I'm come; and I hope, by thy good pleasure, safely to arrive at home. Jesus sought me when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God; he, to rescue me from danger, interposed his precious blood. 3. O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be! Let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee. Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love; here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above. Take some time to take in the words and may they help you in some way! So if you are struggling today: Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment. Matthew 9:22
God Bless to all!
I am 37 years old and am working through my past pain with God. I tried to do it without him but it didn't work.
Today God gave me some of the most beautiful gifts of encouragement and love and I want to share them with you all! I hope that "God's Love will give you roots so you can find your wings". Now don't get me wrong, I am seriously struggling! I am at the beginning of my journey and have a ton of things to work through still.
As far as I can remember now, at this moment, I was gang raped/assaulted when I was 7 years old by the neighborhood bullies and my mom never addressed it. Some other kids wanted me to play "doctor" and I refused and ran. The mean boys tracked me down and the rest is unfortunately history. Then after that for 6 or 7 years my step father repeatedly beat me and verbally abused me. Basically he cemented in my poor self image and helped develop my deep fear of punishment (Borderline Personality Disorder).
I currently am experiencing all the symptoms of PSTD and depression. I have not uncovered my full memories yet but I believe they are coming. I am currently wanting to flee, I shake inside and I feel like something very bad is going to happen.
Anyway, on to the encouragment... I am/was having a hard time with this healing process so far. I couldn't understand why would God make me go through this pain? Where is/was my help? How am I going to recover? Am I going to make it?!!(Big one!). Well, I came across this story that hit me like a ton of bricks! "And Joshua said, 'Ah, Sovereign LORD, why did you ever bring this people across the Jordan to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us? If only we had been content to stay on the other side of the Jordan" Jos. 7:6-8
If you desire to be closer to God, to get rid of your pain, then we must cross the Jordan to do it. Why would God send us into healing if we would only die at the hand of the enemy? He wouldn't! God is sure of our victory! We just need to trust him and persevere! We cross over to begin healing and we see all these huge walls! Oh No! is our thoughts, fear steps in and any other bad thoughts. Especially the poor voices from the past. But God says our victory is sure!
Then God gave me a song for the day: (if you ask, I am sure he will give you a song or some sort of encouragment)
1. Come, thou Fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing thy grace; streams of mercy, never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise. Teach me some melodious sonnet, sung by flaming tongues above. Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it, mount of thy redeeming love. 2. Here I raise mine Ebenezer; hither by thy help I'm come; and I hope, by thy good pleasure, safely to arrive at home. Jesus sought me when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God; he, to rescue me from danger, interposed his precious blood. 3. O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be! Let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee. Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love; here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above. Take some time to take in the words and may they help you in some way! So if you are struggling today: Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment. Matthew 9:22
God Bless to all!
