- Jan 22, 2011
- 22,090
- 5,107
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- In Relationship
I thought I'd share my testimony that I typed a few years ago and had stuck in a folder somewhere on my computer - here it is
My testimony so far..
I was tired of bipolar disorder. It felt like a life sentence I could do nothing to help. There didnt seem to be any rhyme or reason to it that I could see and medications definitely didnt help. Some days I figured eh..its no big deal. Other days the awful scary reality of it overwhelmed me.
I knew part of me was spiritually hungry for God, but I didnt really know him except in some vague way. I knew about Jesus, but my knowledge was rather shallow. Instead of reading the bible I had this idea in my mind of Jesus Christ Superstar, and that image of Jesus was what I had of Him for a long time. He gave me comfort when I thought about him, but that was it. As Id said before I was introduced to him by friends, who gave me a bible, and Id always known in a way that he was truth, Id even gone to church a few times, and got water baptized. But I couldnt say I was a Christian, just that I liked the idea of Christianity. I now admit I was ashamed of the gospel, didnt understand what it really meant, and half-heartedly believed. None of my family believed so I didnt think it was a big deal. Though I started reading books on religion to figure out just what I really believed. My reiki experiment was based on my desire to get well. Drugs couldnt help me, I couldnt afford psychotherapy, so maybe it WAS spiritual. Maybe I just wasnt meditating enough. I tried meditation, and had pseudo-spiritual experiences. I thought about human potential, I read all the self-help books. Most of them were complicated and involved too many steps. I even tried Rosicruciansim, but couldnt keep up with the readings they sent out every week, full of esoteric knowledge that I suspected was made up. Finally I tried the Alpha course. The Alpha course was interesting, it lead people into straight charismatic churches and I knew I wasnt ready for this. However I learned about the Holy Spirit for the first time. Then one day I was convicted. I was searching for wisdom, searching for ways to make ME wise or more spiritual instead of depending on God. So in that sense I was on my way to God. It took me a while to get there.
I decided perhaps I needed to learn more about the Bible, and join a proper bible study group of believers.
I found one, and it was here that I was healed in a group prayer when the Holy Spirit came to me and prodded me to really read the Bible. The prayer I asked for was my desire to know God, and to heal from my recurrent depressions. I wanted to be free of bipolar. Little did I know I was going to be set free from strongholds in my life. There was one instance of demonic manifestations that left me trembling and shaking. At first I didnt know what it was, but now I know it was the demons being cast out, and the Holy Spirit coming in. I spoke in tongues! This overwhelmed me, I didnt know what to make of it. I was constantly doubting. The church I was led to I am grateful for, but I knew some things about it werent quite right. I wanted more wisdom from the Bible, less church marketing, signs and wonders. I wanted God, not God the genie. I read the New Testament. But I was struggling with the Old. I decided to join a bipolar online group. Maybe Jesus hadnt healed my bipolar after all and I had to find a way to health by myself. Wrong, he was helping me along. So I found out about vitamins, herbs and supplements. With some trial and error, I was able to relinquish medications, sort out my doubts with God, talk with others online about the relation with bipolar and beliefs and misbeliefs, recognizing the damaging effects of sin in my life, and finally trust fully in Jesus, who had healed me. I sought out books that on Christianity, I looked up websites, I read about atheists, I read about born agains, and ex born agains. Jesus was still doing some serious stuff with me to change me. He wasnt going to let me go like I imagined. I was now going to follow Him, and for the first time I wasnt ashamed of God. I knew if I did not do this, demons cast out could easily come back in. Now Im thankful I dont fear bipolar episodes anymore. I dont get depressions. I dont get manias. I can shake off the BP label. I am not in bondage to the mental health system and will never be. I am a new creature in Christ. Of course, the road to sanctification is not instant, its a process, but I am growing more and more each day. The Bible now makes complete sense to me, where it didnt before. I plucked up my courage and read the whole thing, from beginning to end and the word came alive for me for the first time. I sought a bible handbook. I am now fellowshipping with Christians who are loving and supportive. I have received a proper baptism of the Holy Spirit, who leads me to all truth. I know that I am responsible for renewing my mind daily with Gods word. I love Gods word, it has now become my daily bread, my source of strength. This was not the case before. I have been led to a church that teaches the direct word of God from the Bible, for us to be humble Christians, who love one another, not a church that teaches you to be a proud Christian and to condemn people who are not.
God has allowed me to learn from my experiences. (A proud Christian is an oxymoron).
I now know I can control my thoughts and my moods. Before, I used to fear that waking up at 4am was a sign I was headed for another manic episode. I thought I would have to take sleeping pills so that I wouldnt get manic. I knew in the past I would be hyperactive, Id disturb others, and Id put on music to blot out thoughts and calm myself. This anxiety stemmed from my experience in the past. But now, even if I wake at 4, it is no big deal, I train myself to rest and eventually fall back to sleep. The mania I feared did not eventuate.
God also showed me other areas in my life that contributed to my problems. He showed me areas where I had been deceived, where I was gullible, my childishness, how what people prized as intellectual was really arrogance and pride, which God sees as foolishness. What is important is whats in the heart, rather than any academic argument or logical debate. People like to think logic and reason is the way to truth. God shows me how people presume false premises, all or nothing attitudes, lead them to come to false conclusions. God shows me how people deliberately deceive themselves based on assumptions that are lies. God knows everything. We do not. That is why I now trust in Gods wisdom, not mans.
What people come to call Bipolar disorder is a symptom of recurrent behaviours that reflected a wounding of the soul. This may have come about because of childhood traumas that have affected our identity. Our state of mind is affected. Our wills are affected. Our emotions. But Jesus promises that he will heal the broken hearted and set captives free. He has come through to me as promised. That is my testimony.
My testimony so far..
I was tired of bipolar disorder. It felt like a life sentence I could do nothing to help. There didnt seem to be any rhyme or reason to it that I could see and medications definitely didnt help. Some days I figured eh..its no big deal. Other days the awful scary reality of it overwhelmed me.
I knew part of me was spiritually hungry for God, but I didnt really know him except in some vague way. I knew about Jesus, but my knowledge was rather shallow. Instead of reading the bible I had this idea in my mind of Jesus Christ Superstar, and that image of Jesus was what I had of Him for a long time. He gave me comfort when I thought about him, but that was it. As Id said before I was introduced to him by friends, who gave me a bible, and Id always known in a way that he was truth, Id even gone to church a few times, and got water baptized. But I couldnt say I was a Christian, just that I liked the idea of Christianity. I now admit I was ashamed of the gospel, didnt understand what it really meant, and half-heartedly believed. None of my family believed so I didnt think it was a big deal. Though I started reading books on religion to figure out just what I really believed. My reiki experiment was based on my desire to get well. Drugs couldnt help me, I couldnt afford psychotherapy, so maybe it WAS spiritual. Maybe I just wasnt meditating enough. I tried meditation, and had pseudo-spiritual experiences. I thought about human potential, I read all the self-help books. Most of them were complicated and involved too many steps. I even tried Rosicruciansim, but couldnt keep up with the readings they sent out every week, full of esoteric knowledge that I suspected was made up. Finally I tried the Alpha course. The Alpha course was interesting, it lead people into straight charismatic churches and I knew I wasnt ready for this. However I learned about the Holy Spirit for the first time. Then one day I was convicted. I was searching for wisdom, searching for ways to make ME wise or more spiritual instead of depending on God. So in that sense I was on my way to God. It took me a while to get there.
I decided perhaps I needed to learn more about the Bible, and join a proper bible study group of believers.
I found one, and it was here that I was healed in a group prayer when the Holy Spirit came to me and prodded me to really read the Bible. The prayer I asked for was my desire to know God, and to heal from my recurrent depressions. I wanted to be free of bipolar. Little did I know I was going to be set free from strongholds in my life. There was one instance of demonic manifestations that left me trembling and shaking. At first I didnt know what it was, but now I know it was the demons being cast out, and the Holy Spirit coming in. I spoke in tongues! This overwhelmed me, I didnt know what to make of it. I was constantly doubting. The church I was led to I am grateful for, but I knew some things about it werent quite right. I wanted more wisdom from the Bible, less church marketing, signs and wonders. I wanted God, not God the genie. I read the New Testament. But I was struggling with the Old. I decided to join a bipolar online group. Maybe Jesus hadnt healed my bipolar after all and I had to find a way to health by myself. Wrong, he was helping me along. So I found out about vitamins, herbs and supplements. With some trial and error, I was able to relinquish medications, sort out my doubts with God, talk with others online about the relation with bipolar and beliefs and misbeliefs, recognizing the damaging effects of sin in my life, and finally trust fully in Jesus, who had healed me. I sought out books that on Christianity, I looked up websites, I read about atheists, I read about born agains, and ex born agains. Jesus was still doing some serious stuff with me to change me. He wasnt going to let me go like I imagined. I was now going to follow Him, and for the first time I wasnt ashamed of God. I knew if I did not do this, demons cast out could easily come back in. Now Im thankful I dont fear bipolar episodes anymore. I dont get depressions. I dont get manias. I can shake off the BP label. I am not in bondage to the mental health system and will never be. I am a new creature in Christ. Of course, the road to sanctification is not instant, its a process, but I am growing more and more each day. The Bible now makes complete sense to me, where it didnt before. I plucked up my courage and read the whole thing, from beginning to end and the word came alive for me for the first time. I sought a bible handbook. I am now fellowshipping with Christians who are loving and supportive. I have received a proper baptism of the Holy Spirit, who leads me to all truth. I know that I am responsible for renewing my mind daily with Gods word. I love Gods word, it has now become my daily bread, my source of strength. This was not the case before. I have been led to a church that teaches the direct word of God from the Bible, for us to be humble Christians, who love one another, not a church that teaches you to be a proud Christian and to condemn people who are not.
God has allowed me to learn from my experiences. (A proud Christian is an oxymoron).
I now know I can control my thoughts and my moods. Before, I used to fear that waking up at 4am was a sign I was headed for another manic episode. I thought I would have to take sleeping pills so that I wouldnt get manic. I knew in the past I would be hyperactive, Id disturb others, and Id put on music to blot out thoughts and calm myself. This anxiety stemmed from my experience in the past. But now, even if I wake at 4, it is no big deal, I train myself to rest and eventually fall back to sleep. The mania I feared did not eventuate.
God also showed me other areas in my life that contributed to my problems. He showed me areas where I had been deceived, where I was gullible, my childishness, how what people prized as intellectual was really arrogance and pride, which God sees as foolishness. What is important is whats in the heart, rather than any academic argument or logical debate. People like to think logic and reason is the way to truth. God shows me how people presume false premises, all or nothing attitudes, lead them to come to false conclusions. God shows me how people deliberately deceive themselves based on assumptions that are lies. God knows everything. We do not. That is why I now trust in Gods wisdom, not mans.
What people come to call Bipolar disorder is a symptom of recurrent behaviours that reflected a wounding of the soul. This may have come about because of childhood traumas that have affected our identity. Our state of mind is affected. Our wills are affected. Our emotions. But Jesus promises that he will heal the broken hearted and set captives free. He has come through to me as promised. That is my testimony.
