He wants more input in what happens with my child.

[Leanna]

one problem i do have is that i have been a parent for years and he seems to think his experience with his younger siblings make him an expert and he has tried to trump things i say or correct my choices - which frankly just makes me mad (as it would if any non-parent tried to tell me how to be a mom). is this my problem or legitimate?

This concerns me as well. He shouldn't question you in front of your daughter, EVER. My husband and I would never question each other in front of our children. My husband doesn't correct me, and I don't "go to him" all the time about disciplining our son. We talk about it and how things are going and anything we want to change, but I don't need his permission to make simple choices. Also I find it laughable that he thinks a sibling relationship makes him an expert on child-raising....

 

[gengwall]

you would think so...right? but my bf and my daughter want to go shopping for new clothes and i want to go fishing and camping. Hmmm maybe I should listen to his advice more LOL

I give - let me rephrase - it might be different if it were a son.

 

[dawnsday]

I'm just saying it was ugly, and if my stepmom had been wise she would have let my dad do the disciplining for a few years until she had gained my respect as a parent. That doesn't mean she needed to back down or let me walk over her, that means she shouldn't try to do things differently than my dad did and all the stuff she chose to do. The kind of respect needed for a parent-child relationship is earned, not inherent just because the person happens to marry the parent. It concerns me that your boyfriend already thinks he should be changing things and being overly involved in discipline....

he's never REALLY disciplined her. He says things like "I heard your mom say you can't do that..."
And he has rule of his property of course "don't touch the computer" etc.

but i think what he is saying is he wants to have input and the same authority her godparents or my mother has --- and for me to respect his disagreeing positions. where as i have been like you, the stepchild...and am seeing things from her position as well as my own...but don't necessarily understand HIS position

 

[Birbitt]

I think it would be a good idea to sit down with your bf and explain to him your rules and then talk about them see if it works for everyone...basically just sit down together (maybe your child could go to gramma's for a few hours while you sort this out) and make a game plan that works for both of you.....IE No spanking (if that is your choice) Major dicipline left up to you but he may send her for time out if she is disrespecting him or his rules...Then after you have decided between the two of you, You need to sit down with your daugher and explain that he's going to be part of her life for a long time and what is expected of her where he's concerned...and maybe a few outing with just her and your bf wouldn't be a bad idea either....so they can get to know each other better.

 

[Neenie1]

well i talked to him and he admitted that he hadn't noticed this, but i have been letting him have the small things. "sit up", "don't talk back" "clean your room" etc. and i included him in the Report Card Discussion (we hold a meeting to praise the good and make a plan to fix the bad) but i think i was actually trying to make my BF feel like he is NOT required to be a father...and don'tcha know it...he wants to be...

one problem i do have is that i have been a parent for years and he seems to think his experience with his younger siblings make him an expert and he has tried to trump things i say or correct my choices - which frankly just makes me mad (as it would if any non-parent tried to tell me how to be a mom). is this my problem or legitimate?

See well that has got to stop. One thing with dh and I (we are both biological parents for both our children) try never to do, is undermine each other in front of our children. It is EXTREMELY important, because the kids need to see a united front in the things we do.

So if dh tells ds (who by the way is 6 too) to go do something, I never tell him to not do it. Or if dh makes a decision that I disagree with, or asks ds to do something or I feel is too harsh with discipline, I wait until ds is out of the room to give my input and vice versa.