He is Talking

[lucybee]

I met a guy recently that I really liked, for the first time I felt alive and special. Well one night we were talking and he was asking me why I wouldnt open up and why I kept holding back. I decided that that was the time to tell him about my past and the fact that I was raped. I was not going to tell him who it was, because he knew the guy who hurt me as well.

About that time, my friend told me that he already knew, and that I didnt need to explain. He knew!! I didnt tell him and only 2 people, me and the guy who hurt me, knew about that night. I felt like my insides had been ripped out. My friend proceded to tell me that it didnt matter and he didnt care, but I do.

Now he doesnt understand what my problem is. For 2 years I blamed myself for that night and told myself that I was making it up and it didn't happen the way I remember, that it wasn't a big deal. My friend wont tell me what he knows or who told him, but I know that at least 6 more people know about it. I dont know what to think, If they all know, the guy told them, and if he told them, what did he say?

This has brought back all the old memories and insecurities, I'm scared, and hurt. He says no one blames me, but how can that be? I feel like I need to know what he heard, who told him and what is being said. He wont tell me because he says he was sworn to secrecy, some stupid guy thing, and I'm too scared to ask anyone else that I know has heard.

I dont know what I need, advice or kind words. Mostly I think I needed to get it off my chest, and share with people who understand. I was doing so well, and now I'm back to the old ways of thinking and I hate it.

 

[EbonNelumbo]

I am so sorry. I know what it feels like, in my personal life, to have a similar event happen, and how traumatizing that alone can be.

As much as it pains you, perhaps it's best to clarify what really happened, to those you have confidence in, and let any go you don't need, as they may become sore triggers for that event.

My prayers are with you on this night.

 

[Johnnz]

Ouch. Probably some male bragging was the source. You must believe in your own integrity and how you have worked through what happened. You must not let fear of who might know what cripple you. Hard, but necessary. You cannot live life fearful of what someone may hear about you.

John
NZ

 

[Carolyn H]

Praying for you, sis!!!!!

 

[JesusFreak2008]

LucyBee,

My prayers are with you. My name is April-Marie and I have been raped in the past also. Hun, just know that you did not make it up, and that when you say No, it is no. When he continued to do sexual things with you was when it was considered rape. You will live every day with these feelings, but you need to seek counseling for them. If indeed this guy was bragging about it, and these people whom you call friends are not helping, and supporting but instead talking behind your back and about you to other people, they are not your friends.

Just know that if you ever need anything I'm here for you both as a CF Angel and a friend. I'll be praying for you, feel free to pm me if you need to.

 

[myanchor]

Weeel if the scumbag is bragging, he is nailed. Get him charged with rape. Call this guy as a witness, if he is any kind of friend he will cooperate.

 

[visionary]

I would say that the last poster has something that needs to be addressed.. tell the guy you like to report it to the police... then you will see whose side he is on, and who he is willing to defend. If it is not you, then break off with him, he is probably just as bad if given the chance.