He doesn't call

[Indea88]

My DH has been gone for 6 weeks. He only calls on Saturdays to ask if I'll be home for him to drop off food for my son and drop off money for "child support". It hurts every time he comes then leaves. He spends about 30 minutes with our three year old then leaves. I have been encouraged by other Christian friends to not contact him at all. No calls, no trying to go where he is. I was pretty needy and clingy the first few weeks and I'm finding it hard to let go and let God take care of things.
Even with the children here with me I feel lonely and rejected.
I suppose if I didn't answer those Sat. AM calls he would go to court for visitation. Should I let the answering machine pick up then call him back? He's been staying at so many places I wouldn't know where to reach him. I'm not sure how to handle this mess...

 

[deliciousBass]

I agree with what your Christian friends are saying. I don't think it's a good idea to call because he will just resist more and more. An analogy I read somewhere is that when someone leaves you, it's like you're drowning and gasping for air and you grab whatever is next to you and hold on tight. Unfortunately, in this case it does much more harm than good.

There's no doubt that you're going to feel lonely and rejected for a while but rest assured that eventually the times you feel that way will be fewer and farther between. You will get through this and feeling this way is perfectly normal. If you didn't, then that would be a major concern.

I think you posted something in your other thread about child support... Yeah.... Umm... Your children are entitled to that. They deserve a quality of life better than that. I pay over $510 a month for health insurance and child support for my 1 son...

 

[madison1101]

I do know how hard it is for you. I was in the same situation and felt the same way for a long time.

It is so necessary to cut off the ties to him. Is it possible that someone else could take your son for him to visit with? I was lucky, my youngest was 18 when my ex moved out. He could drive himself to meet his dad and I could arrange to be out of the house if dad came to get him.

The loneliness does get easier to deal with. Immerse yourself in the Bible and get some women folk in your life so you can socialize and have fellowship.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[momoftwocuteboys8]

Here's a hug for you. I know how hard it is, I've been going through the same thing. I think that to some degree you need to keep contact with him because you both have a child and you need to discuss the needs of the child, but other then that I wouldn't go out of my way to contact him. You definately need to work out some kind of agreement with him regarding child support and visitation, that's important.
Just keep praying and take everything day by day, it does get better even though it doesn't seem like it will. If you need someone to talk to I'd be willing to chat. God Bless.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

I understand how you are feeling. The best thing to do is not to contact him. When you have the urge to, just call a friend of support person. Or you could just try to occupy your mind with something else. Don't avoid his calls for visitation, it may end up affecting you in a bad way legally, just don't go out of your way to contact him. Good luck and I will be praying for you.

 

[Indea88]

Here's a hug for you. I know how hard it is, I've been going through the same thing. I think that to some degree you need to keep contact with him because you both have a child and you need to discuss the needs of the child, but other then that I wouldn't go out of my way to contact him. You definately need to work out some kind of agreement with him regarding child support and visitation, that's important.
Just keep praying and take everything day by day, it does get better even though it doesn't seem like it will. If you need someone to talk to I'd be willing to chat. God Bless.

Hi, I wanted to know if you would like to chat, I'm having a real hard time...Thanks for your prayers. I don't see an email to contact you?

 

[Misty Minister]

Why did he leave?

 

[zoila]

Hi, I am praying for you. I have been going through a similar thing, and it hurt me so much that it was so easy for him not to have any contact with me or our kids. I couldn't understand why he didnt care when it hurt me so much. I would look for reasons to text him or call. I havent done that this week and for the first time today realise hey I dont need you in my life I wont fall apart. Truefully I dont think he liked it. Today was the first time in the last two months it seemed like he was effected by this at all, he lingered for quiet some time after visiting the kids. I would agree with the advice given by your friends dont go out of your way to contact him, instead look to God and find your strength there.

Zoila

 

[churchgurl]

I am going through the same thing. My husband left me in October. I love him so much and he seems to not care at all. I would try to hold on to any part of him, like others trying to find any reason to call him or text him. I have decided to only contact him if I need to for my son's sake. This has made me feel so much better. It's really hard though because he was my bestfriend and the first person I want to talk to but, instead I now call my family. A book that really helped me was Love Must Be Tough by James Dobson. This book also suggests that you only contact your spouse when absolutely necessary.

 

[Indea88]

He has left numerous times in the past, each time he says he can't live with the house being disorganized, he says I don't care about anything, "I don't want this relationship" "your no wife".He tries to blame me for everything.He has addictions to alcohol and drugs. I must be codependent. I always blame myself after he leaves. He leaves and stays with his mother, his friends, his brother. He has left his clothes! It has been six weeks..He left for 6 months, nine months after we were married! I have let him return everytime.
He was saved last Easter, he really loves the Lord and we were very active in our church. He has not been able to be delivered from his addictions.
When I had our son three years ago my bladder was cut in half during my c-section and I almost lost my life, my life has never been the same since then. I have memory problems and bladder/kidney problems.I have found it more difficult to keep up with daily activities without pain. In addition, our son was diagnosed with Autism last year. I can't do it all. Did I say things to him that were mean, yes. I am now left alone caring for two boys and it takes all the strength I have. I know God can strenghten me.
He is out staying wherever, 3/4 of his paycheck in his pocket, drinking, smoking, having his meals and laundry done by his mother and friends. I can't stand it! I need to get mad. I resent his freedom and caefree existence.
This last time he came here was Thursday, then again Friday, to drop off money and see his son for 30 minutes. I don't see the anger with him anymore, but no attempts to return...
I wan't to have him pay spousal support, the bills are > 2,000.00/month. He just says " You make more than I do" I was an RN before the birth of my son and I now receive SSDI for my injuries because I can't work at my profession with the injuries I have sustained.I am carrying the whole house/bills on my income.He gives me $75.00/week.
Why do I miss him, why do I want him? I thouught this was a covenant I entered into, not just a relationship.Were is the accountability. Is it because I married unequally yoked and he came to the Lord later? I don't even know how to pray for him