Having hard time letting go of the betrayal

[Holiday]

My husband left in oct to stay at his dad's to think about things. He never has moved back in. He told me in March that he wanted a divorce. He swore up and down from the time he left in Oct til March when he asked for a divorce he was faithful. Come to find out he never lived with his dad. He has been living with another woman and her kids...the mistress.

Now he wants to take the kids sometimes overnight which means they have to stay at her apartment. She hates me. He has changed so much since being with her (not as good of a parent). I have to hand my kids over to my husband and this woman who has caused me soo much pain. This whole time they were making plans to be together and be a family. This woman was plotting behind my back, to live with my husband and my kids.

I'm having such a hard time just moving on. I cry for the past when he was a better person/husband/father. I have no clue what to do with my future. I can't get over the pain she has put me through. I can't get over the pain he has put me through. I have prayed and prayed and prayed. I have panic attacks now. Even ended up in the ER once. I don't know what to do.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Holiday,
Do reach out to people here and anyone else that will be willing to listen and offer support.

Doing some work toward your future may help some.
You need to start by seeing a lawyer. You want a lawyer that is going to stand up to him and his lawyer.
Start documentating the money you have. Any property in your name. What you will need to live. Get your own bank acounts. Get your name off the credit cards he is using. Separate your finances fast. You don't want any debt he creates now to have your name on it. Its war .. get this done FAST.

Start documetating how he and this woman treats your kids. Not just your feelings, but some hard facts that will stand up in court.

I don't recommend demonizing your kids father in front of them. Sounds like they may do that. But your kids will see thru that if they do.

Ya, your pain isn't over ... but use that pain to start to fight for what is yours. Don't give up and let him walk away with everything.

 

[mr73140]

Hello Holiday, my advise is for you to first and foremost, fall on your knees and petition the Lord for strength to endure this trial/tribulation. He understands for he too was betrayed. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers us out of them ALL; furthermore...weeping endures for a night but joy comes in the morning. I hope this post helps. I pray: Father, please give Holiday the strength to endure the pain of betrayal; give her your peace; the peace that will allow her to forgive.

 

[Holiday]

Another thing that is hard, is I have been in pain with this for over a year... and they are happy in love with each other. Having fun, going out on dates. and she sleeps in the bed every night with my husband. Where I'm miserable and alone

 

[dayhiker]

yup, he had moved on for a long time before you caught on. So now it looks like you have to go thru the grieving process of the death of your marriage as part of the process to get to a new life. Your feelings are common to those that are abandoned.

 

[dbhost]

My response here may be not 100% helpful. But you never forget. You heal, you grow, and you become a better person in the long run.

For starters get into a Biblical, Christ centered divorce recovery program. These people can, and often do become trusted friends, that you can yell, and cry with. The pain you are feeling is sadly far too common. The wounds run awfully deep, and there will be sore spots for years to come. But just like muscles after a good hard workout, that soreness builds strength, and endurance.

And the one thing you most likely don't want to hear is the one thing that will bring you the most healing, and the fastest. You need to forgive him, completely. It took me a while to learn that to forgive does not necessarily mean to restore the relationship to what it once was. But it does mean to let go of any trace of a desire to get back at them for hurting you. And not so much for their benefit, but for yours. When you get to the point where you wish them God's best, you are truly free, and the pain slips away. It is that bitterness, and unforgiveness that keeps jabbing us with the crippling emotional pain.

Remember God through Jesus forgave you for your sins by placing them on the cross with him. Who are you in comparison to hold on to unforgiveness.

I must admit I have edited the Lord's Prayer a little bit...

"Forgive us our sins, not as we have forgiven those that have sinned against us, because I know I fail miserably there sometimes, but forgive us our sins as we ought to forgive others, and give us the grace and strength to forgive others the way we ought. Teach us to forgive as you forgive."