***** Possible ROCD/Scrupulosity Trigger: Do not read if you have ROCD/Scrupulosity *****
Hello, I have frequently come across this issue of whether or not having close friendships with unbelievers is unbiblical or wrong. For me, there are two arguments to this issue, and I will provide several sources which support each argument.
Argument 1: As a Christian, it is unbiblical or wrong to have close friendships with unbelievers.
In an Ask Dr. Stanley episode titled
"Can I hang out with unbelievers and be a good witness?", Dr. Charles Stanley quoted Proverbs 13:20 (NKJV), which says, "Walk with the wise and become wise,
for a companion of fools suffers harm." Now, the Bible defines a fool in Psalms 53:1 (NKJV), which says, "The fool has said in his heart, 'There is no God.' They are corrupt, and have done abominable iniquity; There is none who does good." In other words, a fool is associated with wickedness and a direct denial of God; an unbeliever. Now, Dr. Charles Stanley's argument to the fact that Jesus was regularly hanging out with sinners and even called "a friend of tax collectors and sinners" was that Jesus was holy and certainly could not be tempted in ways that we are.
Furthermore, Got Questions Ministries, in an article titled
"Is it good to have close friendships with unbelievers?", states that "Many people have been saved because of the prayers and service of Christians, so don’t turn your back on unbelievers, but having any kind of intimate relationship with an unbeliever can quickly and easily turn into something that is a hindrance to your walk with Christ. We are called to evangelize the lost,
not be intimate with them. There is nothing wrong with building quality friendships with unbelievers – but the primary focus of such a relationship should be to win them to Christ by sharing the Gospel with them and demonstrating God’s saving power in our own lives."
Or, some sources such as Answers From The Book, in an article titled
"Is it okay for Christians to have close friendships with unbelievers?", states that
a Christian should not have close friendships with unbelievers as we are not to be "unequally yoked together with unbelievers" as stated in 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NKJV).
Therefore, do you think that it is unbiblical, or even a sin, to pursue close friendships with unbelievers if the end goal is to win them to Christ? If not, is it unbiblical to retain your close friendship with unbelievers if they have resisted Christ in the past, with the hope that they may still be saved one day?
Argument 2: As long as you are not dragged into worldly behavior, having close friendships with unbelievers are okay - or may even be beneficial as you can understand them at a deeper level and lead them to Christ more effectively.
In an Ask Pastor John episode titled
"Wisdom in Friendships with Non-Christians" by DesiringGod.org, Pastor John Piper outlined two sets of admonitions:
- Which way is the transforming influence flowing? When you are with someone, are they being transformed, or are you being transformed? Are you being drawn to minimize the value of holiness? Have your standards been compromised? Are you being made callous and hard toward things in, say, movies or on television or in language that you weren’t once hard to, but sensitive to? That is the first question.
- And the second question is, are we loving these people for their sake — that is, that they would come to faith and they would become godly — or do we really love them because we love what they enjoy and really just like being with them in their worldliness?
Or, CompellingTruth.org, in an article titled
"Should Christians have close friendships with unbelievers?", concluded that "What is the proper balance of these biblical principles? It is clear we are to build friendships with unbelievers. It would be extremely difficult to share Christ with others and show the love of God without building some level of friendship with an unbeliever. Yet, we must be cautious in our friendships with unbelievers. In our attempts to share the love of God with others, we can find ourselves falling to sinful desires if we are around certain people or situations for a long period of time. We must pray for wisdom regarding which unbelievers we can best reach and how to best reach them. Overall, our goal must be to both live a godly life while also sharing our faith with those who have yet to believe."
Now, to me, both of these sources support the argument that it is okay to pursue close friendships with unbelievers as long as you are not dragged into their worldly behavior and that your goal for the friendship should be leading them to Christ.
I am certainly careful with the unbelievers that I choose to be with in my close circle of friends and the influence they have on me. However, I am concerned that having them in my close circle of friends in and of itself is unbiblical, wrong, or even a sin. Just as a note, I have been diagnosed with Religious OCD or Scrupulosity, and this may be the reason I am excessively careful with the dos and don'ts in the Bible. However, it would be comforting to know a clear perspective from other fellow Christians on this issue. Thanks for reading, and have a nice day!
Note: I have excluded some points from the articles/episodes/podcasts of both arguments. It is not my intention to make these sources seem adamant to the argument they are under. I only want to know what other fellow Christians think about these arguments
solely as they have been troubling me lately. In fact, I encourage you to click on the hyperlinks attached to the titles to watch/read/listen to them in full if you are interested.