Having Children when BiPolar

[SinkingShip]

Hey Everyone,
I had a general question for those who are parents with regards to how having a child impacts your mental state? I've told my wife since we were dating that I was absolutely against having children if we got married due not only to my being bipolar with psychotic depression, but also due to my childhood and my desire to "end my family line with my generation". My thought lines were that if I caught myself replicating my parents in any way, that would send my back into depression, which would trigger a psychotic suicidal reaction OR that if I did end up committing suicide from the ups and downs, I would not want any child to have to live with that.

BiPolar runs in both me and my wife's families (though her family's has a later onset historically - so she may develop symptoms in the next few years), so there is the added weight of the knowledge that if we had any children, there is a very high probability that they will also end up BiPolar. From my perspective, this life has been more pain than good far too frequently and considering how often I have wished I had never been born, I'd really hate to be even partially responsible for a similar outcome.

With all that being said, I'd be interested in hearing the perspectives of others.

Thanks

 

[mum24]

Its a risk. I have 4. I had my first episode when I was 14, then 19, then when I gave birth. Women who are bipolar are susceptible to post partum depression/psychosis. I fought one ugly battle to stay alive and keep myself and everyone safe. I'm still struggling. That being said, by the grace of God, I have always been a good mother... I have been able to take care of my children even when I couldn't care for myself. My kids don't even know of my illness. The oldest is still pretty young. ALSO, my latest episode came after my fourth was born, BUT HE IS WORTH EVERY MOMENT OF PAIN I've gone through.

I guess I would say weigh it. What are the chances that your psychotic episodes will harm your child? Do you have support? Family that can help you? That is key. If your wife is predisposed, have her be carefully monitored for a year after the baby is born.

Your child might be bipolar too... but maybe not. That is up to God. My children may develop it, maybe not. But I wouldn't trade a moment of being a parent. You don't know how much you can love somebody until you have kids.... they are worth it.

I will pray for you with this difficult decision!

mum24

 

[mum24]

I thought I would also share... that you can try to kill yourself but the Lord plans when your life will end. I tried more than once and the Lord intervened. I'm not kidding or exaggerating.

One time I was drunk, in a field of snow in the winter... and I had an exacto knife. I pulled it out to cut my wrist, and just as I pushed the button up, the blade fell out and was lost in the snow. I went to look for it, but my glasses were not on my face, I couldn't see. An ambulance arrived soon after.

Another time, I bought a brand new exacto knife with a new blade. I was hiding in a coffee shop bathroom. I took out the blade, and tried cutting my wrist. Nothing happened. The blade was too dull to cut me. Not for lack of trying.

Another time, I wasn't trying to kill myself but to hurt myself. I had a wooden rolling pin and I was hitting myself with it. Then I was going to hit myself HARD, I knew that was my intention and that it might do damage. I raised it up and swung as hard as I could, and as it descended near my body, it fell apart. Literally there was nothing in my hand, but the rolling pin was in pieces on the floor.

Maybe these humiliating experiences mean nothing to someone reading this, but to me I know the Lord protected me. I know the Lord wants me to be home and available to my children. He could have left me to my own devices but He didn't.

The Lord will plan your life, whether you should have children and whether you will live to raise them if you do. He will love His children. Please seek the Lord in your decision.