Having babies.

[Sacha Saint Francis]

Hi there my esteemed fellow Catholics!

My husband and I are new Catholics, having been confirmed in July this year. We've been married for almost 4 years, together for over 6, and in all that time, we were both in agreement that we would never have kids! We were like the spokespersons for the whole new age anti-kids movement!
Thankfully, we came home to Rome, and now we are faithfully practicing NFP with the full intention of being open to life.

Now our question is that: how much say do we have as good Catholics, as to when we have to allow ourselves to fall pregnant? Obviously NFP is pretty advanced, so we can try to not fall pregnant.
Is it OK to wait two more months, to see if my husband can get a better job first? We immigrated to Canada a year ago and our lives are still quite topsy turvey, so we would like to just wait about 2 or 3 more months before getting pregnant, but are under pressure from our Catholic Sponsors to "be open to life" because we're young, and financially stable.

Any ideas? We want to be good Catholics.

Thanks!
Sacha

 

[Wiffey]

Have you discussed it with your priest? He might be able to give you an answer that addresses your particular situation.

in IC XC,
Wiffey

 

[Sacha Saint Francis]

Have you discussed it with your priest? He might be able to give you an answer that addresses your particular situation.

in IC XC,
Wiffey

Thanks Wiffey, but our Priest is sooooo very busy. He's on all sorts of talk shows and things and so popular that the earliest appointment we can make with him is at least a month in advance. And he's so busy that we wouldn't want to bother him.

Not only that, but he's also quite lenient in his approach to things, and we want to live as Saintly as possible and don't want someone feeling sorry for us to be lenient in giving advice.

 

[Veritas]

Hi there my esteemed fellow Catholics!

My husband and I are new Catholics, having been confirmed in July this year. We've been married for almost 4 years, together for over 6, and in all that time, we were both in agreement that we would never have kids! We were like the spokespersons for the whole new age anti-kids movement!
Thankfully, we came home to Rome, and now we are faithfully practicing NFP with the full intention of being open to life.

Now our question is that: how much say do we have as good Catholics, as to when we have to allow ourselves to fall pregnant? Obviously NFP is pretty advanced, so we can try to not fall pregnant.
Is it OK to wait two more months, to see if my husband can get a better job first? We immigrated to Canada a year ago and our lives are still quite topsy turvey, so we would like to just wait about 2 or 3 more months before getting pregnant, but are under pressure from our Catholic Sponsors to "be open to life" because we're young, and financially stable.

Any ideas? We want to be good Catholics.

Thanks!
Sacha

Greetings Sacha and welcome to OBOB!

While "pressure" wouldn't be appropriate, if you are financially stable, I wonder why you would need to wait. I understand the job thing, but trust me, there's never a perfect time to have kids. Do you realize that just a couple of generations ago, contraception (not to mention abortion, sterilization, etc.) was virtually unheard of in a married situation? Sometimes, we forget that many of us were conceived without any planning whatsoever. I'm so glad that you're "open to life". Why not just trust the Lord with your fertility? I'm sure He'll bless you abundantly.

 

[Sacha Saint Francis]

Thank you Veritas We will have to think about all you said...

One of the ladies at my work said something today which shouldn't disturb me, but it is niggling at the back of my mind... she said that if God will only give me a baby if it's the right time (which was my argument), then why do young, teenage rape victims sometimes fall pregnant? :o

Any ideas on this? I'm just so afraid that we're jumping head first into being 110% Catholic, only to realise later on that I was a bit misguided in the baby department! We're still so new to these concepts, but we're trying hard to understand and obey!

Thanks for helping us with this, putting all our heads together to understand God's Will.

 

[MagicalMerriment]

One of the ladies at my work said something today which shouldn't disturb me, but it is niggling at the back of my mind... she said that if God will only give me a baby if it's the right time (which was my argument), then why do young, teenage rape victims sometimes fall pregnant? :o

Who's to say God doesn't have a plan for that rape victim and her baby? Rape is a tragedy and a horrible thing for a woman to have to go through, but remember, it's God. He can do whatever He wants with the situation. That rape victim may not realize it, but perhaps God is changing her life for a reason or trying to reach someone else... maybe the experience will bring her to Him. Just because it's an act of violence doesn't mean something good might not come out of it.

 

[Wild_Fan4Christ]

Have you read the book "Life Giving Love?"

 

[BAChristian]

Sacha, #1, your nickname -- loves it!! #2, welcome to CF. (I've been here for over a year but I've been on a hiatus here as of late...there's new faces around these parts!)

Don't feel alone in your situation. Trust me -- you're not. For one, our Lord is with you, and he knows what you're going through. Secondly, we're all with you!

Don't expect to just be down with everything Catholic. I can tell you that there's one thing that I have issues with but I pray and talk to my confessor about it all the time. I ask the Lord to show me why he has instructed his Church to teach that such and such is a sin. And while you and your husband are vibrant and excited about your faith right now (and there will be downtimes, don't kid yourself), you need to realize that some things will take prayer and time in order to understand the "why" of "what" the Church teaches.

God does not expect you to just one day believe that contraception is a bad thing. Especially when you've been taught your entire life that it's normal. Heck, before I was Catholic, I saw contraception like anything else -- it's what you had to start doing before you got married. Heck I've seen people ask their friends, "So, she's on the pill right? You don't want no bambinos running around there as soon as you get married!" It's hard to just let this go.

Continue to pray to the Lord about this though. And ask our Blessed Mother for her intercession to help you and your husband understand.

And most importantly, consult with a priest or deacon. Trust me -- the Lord will show you the answer.

 

[geocajun]

Sacha, welcome to CF!
Having a child is a Blessing, a real gift from God, and we participate as co-creators with God in making children.
This is not something which I would refer to as "falling pregnant" as if I was 'fallen sick"
As far as how long you should wait... determining if your reasons are serious enough to space children is only a decision which can be made by you and your husband, but ultimately, this is between you both, and God. You should be sure to make it a prayerful decision, and every month prayerfully evaluate your reasons to make sure they are still there. It would't be prudent to say "We will wait 6 months" as our lives change drastically from month to month. You should take it one month at a time is my point. The Church will help you form your conscience which helps you to evaluate that decisions (or reasons) moral quality.
I suggest you have one right away if you can

 

[ZooMom]

Hi, Sacha.


First, I want to tell you to not stress over this. Your priest isn't marking a calendar with your name on it and going, "She really should be pregnant by now..." No.


Pray, have faith, be open to God's will. Just because you stop 'preventing' doesn't mean that you are actively 'trying' to get pregnant. It will happen when it happens. The biggest thing is to not be afraid of having a child. Babies have a tendency to come at what we we think is the worst possible time. But the truth is that they just make us take a good hard look at our priorities. You'll be amazed at how that list shuffles once a baby enters the picture.

My prayers are with you and your husband.


Peace be with you!

Sandy

 

[Sacha Saint Francis]

Thank you BAChristian, Geocajun & ZooMom! I feel so overjoyed and blessed to have all your input and care! I feel all tearful just realizing how caring and supportive my Christian family is.

I was hoping you might reply, ZooMom. Being a mom and a Catholic mom at that, and also being HAPPY and proud to be a mom... wow. I aspire to be like you one day! Would it be ok if I pm-d you sometime about these type questions? (I don't have any older mother-type women in my family or friendship circle).

Thanks for all your advice gang! May the Peace of our Lord be with you all, and here's some blessings for each of you.

Sacha-Francis