Having another child after losing a child

[PriyaRoshni]

First of all let me just say that having another child will never replace a child who has died.

My question is how do you feel about falling pregnant again after loss? I had a miscarriage 4 years ago, and I am terrified of losing another. I also worry about being a good mum and caring for them. A big part of my problem is that I am a midwife, and along with the joy and delivering babies, I also am with women who have lost babies as well. I also have a friend who's child has cerebral palsy, and they are devastated. I wonder how I would be in that situation. My health is also an issue, but that has been improving dramatically. I also worry about my husband, he is high maintenance, but he has also surprised me lately, being very supportive and not-so high maintenance. So things are
improving.
I was just watching TV and there was this thing on funniest home videos and there was a baby laughing on it, I just wish that could be my baby, but how do you get over the fear of losing them again?

I guess it comes down to this, Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? I cannot see the answer.

 

[llghoney]

I am sorry for your loss. ((HUGS))

It is kinda hard to think about getting pregnant again due to thinking the "what if's." I do struggle with this sometimes with my loss being kinda recent. I know God has a plan for each & every one of us & I cannot live my life wondering what will happen or worrying. I have to look at the bright side of life & pray that God will bless us with a healthy baby one day.

 

[PriyaRoshni]

Thank you for your answer, and XOXOX back at ya.

I know that I should just trust God, but its hard. My favourite Bible verse is 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me'. Maybe that is what God is waiting for, to just trust in Him. I do in so many things, but in this its hard to let go. Its funny, my Mum has always pictured me having twins, and I do too (Mum had 2 sets of twin brothers but both sets died at birth and her father was a fraternal twin, my cousin has also just had twins, naturally conceived).

So here it goes, I give myself over to God completely, what ever His will is for me, I will follow.

 

[llghoney]

I pray too, that you will have faith & that you will be blessed with a healthy child one day.

((Hugs)))

 

[PegasusOnFire]

I fell pregnant two months after losing my first to misscarriage. I was scared through the entire pregnancy, but God provided and I have an 18 month old now, and another buby on the way. You are right, another buby never replaces the one that was lost, but to be a mum, is a very special thing. I am terrified of losing this buby as well, but I also know that God is in control of this situation.

 

[heatherq17]

I got preg a year and a half after my son wa stillborn and I miscarried so I am not sure if I can go through another pregnancy again....

 

[PriyaRoshni]

Im so sorry to hear about that Heather

 

[TheWakeUpCaller]

First of all let me just say that having another child will never replace a child who has died.

My question is how do you feel about falling pregnant again after loss? I had a miscarriage 4 years ago, and I am terrified of losing another. I also worry about being a good mum and caring for them. A big part of my problem is that I am a midwife, and along with the joy and delivering babies, I also am with women who have lost babies as well. I also have a friend who's child has cerebral palsy, and they are devastated. I wonder how I would be in that situation. My health is also an issue, but that has been improving dramatically. I also worry about my husband, he is high maintenance, but he has also surprised me lately, being very supportive and not-so high maintenance. So things are
improving.
I was just watching TV and there was this thing on funniest home videos and there was a baby laughing on it, I just wish that could be my baby, but how do you get over the fear of losing them again?

I guess it comes down to this, Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? I cannot see the answer.

What a blessing to be a midwife, I am a male nurse, but I have been through this several times personally. I have watched my son take his last breath. Actually this is one of the reasons I became a nurse. I believe everything happens for a reason. There is life after your loss, it takes time and prayer, without that I would not have my two beautiful daughters that I have today. Praise God!!
A few Sundays ago in church, it finally connected. The evangelist basically said " No matter if it is good or bad, you take them both the same way, it really should not matter what comes your way. You should deal with it all the same." I am trying to say that God has your back, and what you think is bad, might be a trial to make you better. Much love and prayers to you all.......... michael

I got preg a year and a half after my son wa stillborn and I miscarried so I am not sure if I can go through another pregnancy again....

You can! Smile God loves you. He knows the plans He has for you......michael

 

[gracefaith]

Yeah, I'm already starting to wonder when I'm going to be ready. The timing of this baby was going to be so perfect and among all my other distress, is seeing my well-laid plans going to pieces.

I think one of the lessons God is helping me learn though all this is that I never live on my time. I live on HIS. My plans are already shot up, so what's the point in worrying about it anymore?

I'll think we will use BC until I finish my first post-m/c cycle and then just let what happens, happen. I can't imagine going though the torment of 'trying' again.

 

[PegasusOnFire]

if you use any form of BC use condoms, not pills. I lost mine due to pills.

 

[gracefaith]

if you use any form of BC use condoms, not pills. I lost mine due to pills.

Don't worry. No more BC pills for me ever.

 

[PegasusOnFire]

me either, I think that is what Hubby and I decided.

 

[llghoney]

if you use any form of BC use condoms, not pills. I lost mine due to pills.

I agree whole heartedly. I was never on BC of any kind. The doc had said that my tube was damaged & all I kept thinking was goodness why that tube. But jsut like Gracefaith has said God does ahve plans it is jsut hard to see them when you are grieving.

 

[Jennie726]

This is something I'm going through now. When I found out I was pregnant in December (10 months after losing our twins) I didn't know if I should be excited or not. I have been so scared, but I'm trying my best to enjoy the time I have been given with this little one. I can only hope that this baby makes it to us in August. It's all in God's hands.

 

[Denisecollins04]

Hi,

It is hard to have another child after losing a child. I lost my 2 year old daughter Stacia in 2002 and last year I gave birth to her little brother. At first, everytime I looked at him I felt like crying. He looked so much like Stacia when she was a baby.

But as he grew, into his own person, with his own character and his own personality, I learnt to seperate the two of them and now whenever I look at him I just beam with happiness because he is such a sweetie.

I think it can be particularly hurtful when you are not yet over the loss of your other child. It sometimes feels like you are trying to replace them or something but you're not, because you could never replace them.

I make sure I visit Stacia's grave often and made her a memorial at http://remembered-forever.org/stacia1/. This helps me because I know I am not replacing her, or trying to forget her. I am still celebrating her life and I still love her more than anything.

Denise xxx

 

[Pursue]

I too know what it feels like to have lost children. I lost 2 before having 2. With both pregnancies it was always at the back of my mind that I may lose this one too. There was something I held on to with the third pregnancy and it was Luke chapter 1, when Mary went to visit Elizabeth. It says,"because you have believed there will be a fulfillment of those things which were told you by the Lord". I held onto this verse everyday. It wasn't an easy road for any of my pregnancies. The doctors found out I had incompetent cervix (makes you not be able to hold onto the child as it grows). Both child that did make it were born very early weighing 3lbs,14oz and 4lbs,9oz. They were miracles. I named them Promise and Rhema. They are 2 years apart. Would this have been a road I would have planned for my life...NO. But many are the plans of a mans/womans heart, but it's the purpose of the Lord which prevails. Now, because I walked through it with faith I can noe help others who deal with the fear of the unknown.

Be encouraged...there will be a fulfillment if you just believe.

 

[lavenderskies]

I had my first child with no problems at all. I was beaten by my exhusband while pregnant the second time. I miscarried one twin and carried the other 8 months. I then got pregnant and miscarried. I later got pregnant and was terrified. I feared miscarriage with my last one and I had lost my father shortly after finding out I was pregnant. I was blessed with my third child. Later I was blessed again with two step children whom I love as my own. Its a hard road, but you have to have faith and know that God has a plan.
I went to a christian concert a few months ago and the lead singer was talking of how he and his wife lost 2 or 3 children before being blessed with their first daughter. He talked about the pain on his wife's face with the miscarriages and he said the words the Lord gave him were "In my perfect time"