Having a hard time

[Godsgirl481]

I can't come in here often. I have not cut in almost 2 years...but the posts here are still very triggering. The urges have been SOOO strong lately. I don't want to fall back into it. It was all I had just to stop. I replaced the cutting with drugs...now that I am trying my best to stop the drugs...the urge to cut is surfacing again. I feel like I am going to self distruct. I don't have an outlet for my anger and my pain anymore. I blow up at work over stupid stuff...say some of the most crude things...and then sit there...hurt because everyone hates me now...and I have no clue why I just blew up. I am having a very very hard time right now

 

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

You can do this. You can beat this. You don't need drugs, or cutting, or anything that can hurt you to make it through this. You can do this. It will get better. Trust God. Stay Strong, hun.

[bible]Deuteronomy 31:8[/bible]
[bible]Isaiah 41:10[/bible]

-Jo.

 

[BlackRain]

have you tried writing out your feelings? maybe take up kick boxing or something like that. i run a lot because it helps me release some stuff goin on inside that i can express and i can't figure out. either way, God loves you, girl! tell him what's goin on. let him take away the burden that crushes you and allow him to take away your anger and deep frustration and he'll lead you to the break.

 

[goldenviolet]

i wonder if the best thing to do is not to avoid the posts, just the triggers.
see the posts and recongnize the pain and suffering, plus the hope and recovery . ofcourse i don't want to decide what is best for you (as if i actually could anyways). i just thought about this, because often times our thoughts are much worse than the facts... i mean we can think ourselves into some situations.
we all have fears and ups and valleys.... i will commit to pray for you everyday for your spiritual growth, fellowship, and search for answers. love dee

 

[jarshwoo]

This is the hardest thing to do but what kind of music do you listen to?

Do you continue to hang out with non-believers?

I had the hardest time learning to make new friends and when I say that I am still friends with my old friends but I do not hang out with them any more. When we come to salvation are slate is wiped clean and all past, present, and future sins are forgiven by the blood Jesus shed. We have to make the effort to not only change our minds but we have to renew are minds. We have to swallow our pride and apply the truths of the bible to our lives and start out fresh. I would suggest that you get baptized in water if you havent allready. It is significant for when you go under you put to death the sinful nature which was inherited from Adam and when you come out is symbolic of Christ's ressurection and starting a new life.

The problem you are facing is you have deep emotional scars and the guilt from those past sins are haunting your conscience. You have to remember that sins that are confessed are sins forgiven. Trust me I used to be a cutter to and I wasn't allowed to share my stories here. I also used to be a skinhead and was a metal maniac. I had 5 types of mental illness which runs in the family and was on so much medication. I turned my whole life over to Jesus and gave up all my old friends. It was hard and I was lonely for a while but you need to train your mind to read the bible and I would suggest you get a life application bible. It has modern day explanations, charts, maps, scripture references, introductions to chapters, and much more. It will help you better understand what the scriptures really mean. You can also ask questions here for this site is very good for fellowship. Spend more time here receiving support and ask for scriptures to reinforce your needs right now. I would focus on Romans for it helps you to get over the guilt of sin, tells what will happen to us in heaven, and has plenty of other valuable themes.

I know it is tough when you have cutting issues and drug problems. The only problem is they become strongholds and are hard to overcome at first. You need to turn your problems over to Jesus. Read Matthew 11:29. You want to take on Jesus yoke for it is light and he is humble. He will nurture you in your need and you have to learn to trust him and have faith that he will bring you through it all. The struggles we go through only strengthen our character and you will be blessed for it. You will have days of great joy and days of sorrow but remember Jesus will never forsake you. He needs to let you struggle at times so you won't develop pride that you overcame everything but that he overcame with you. Also you have to prove to him and yourself that you have faith and trust that he will heal your brokden heart. You can do and all you have to do is turn it over to Jesus for he is in control and all you have to do is acknowledge his perfection and accept his unending mercy, grace, and love.

John 8:32 And you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.

I know you want to be free of all the guilt and past depression. Turn it over to Jesus and let him be your Psychologist and the Bible will be your new best friend.

May God Bless you and I wish you the best in your struggle to overcome these conflicts in your life.

 

[Godsgirl481]

This is the hardest thing to do but what kind of music do you listen to?

Depends on the day I suppose. I like all sorts of music. I like Christian music too...and when I was living with my drug dealer roommates, it was the only thing that kept me together.

Do you continue to hang out with non-believers?

I don't hang with anyone. I work with people who use....it is like impossible to get away from it. I can't quit my job...the job market is terrible here and I am moving in 3 and a half months...and I need to save a bunch of money in those months.

rdee] i wonder if the best thing to do is not to avoid the posts, just the triggers.

Well yeah...if I knew what my triggers were. At the moment, they tend to be everything. Just the word cut can trigger the strongest urge....and it is getting so hard to fight it. Sometimes...just seeing the headline for the forum will trigger an urge.

have you tried writing out your feelings? maybe take up kick boxing or something like that.

Yeah, I write....journal entries...poems....how i would like to hurt people (i throw those away because that's not me, that's my anger.

Thank you JO...love you girl

 

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

Thank you JO...love you girl

Anytime. I love ya too. *BIG WARM SNUGGLY *

 

[goldenviolet]

Well yeah...if I knew what my triggers were. At the moment, they tend to be everything. Just the word cut can trigger the strongest urge....and it is getting so hard to fight it. Sometimes...just seeing the headline for the forum will trigger an urge.

sorry i didn't exsplaine very well. i mean you will see things, avoid thinking about what you are remembering as addicting but do see what you know is a very dark and sad road. don't avoid looking at everything negative about these issues. ask anyone of us who use to SI or still do.
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT coming back to this dark place!
see that you are free. don't do it. instead ... POUR ALL YOUR ENERGY INTO FIGHTING YOUR drug issues. honey DON'T add to it...... Pray about it and do whatever it takes, what ever works for you. *prayers* love dee

 

[Godsgirl481]

sorry i didn't exsplaine very well. i mean you will see things, avoid thinking about what you are remembering as addicting but do see what you know is a very dark and sad road. don't avoid looking at everything negative about these issues. ask anyone of us who use to SI or still do.
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT coming back to this dark place!
see that you are free. don't do it. instead ... POUR ALL YOUR ENERGY INTO FIGHTING YOUR drug issues. honey DON'T add to it...... Pray about it and do whatever it takes, what ever works for you. *prayers* love dee

I know...I'm fighting....hard. It's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard....but I am cut free for almost 2 years now