Having a hard time letting go.

[Cracks]

This is my first post…but here goes.

About a month ago, I had to "let go" of somebody that meant a great deal to me because loving him was way too hard. He wasn't my boyfriend or anything like that...but I wouldn't call us "friends" either. I can't really think of a word that would describe our relationship but it was definitely more than just friendship.

I don't want to get into the specifics but he was a great guy and wasn't doing anything to "deliberately" hurt me. But there were a lot of times when I felt hurt cause I felt he made promises he couldn't keep, and he was all talk but his actions didn't back his words up. Do actions really speak louder than words???

I miss him so much... I thought I could get past being upset with him and I could get past feeling hurt but it's been 8 months and those feelings haven't gone away which is why I had to do what I did. I have never turned my back on somebody but I feel like I'm turning my back on him because of these emotions I can't control. But if I didn't cut him loose, it would've driven me crazy and it was just getting to the point where I felt like having him in my life was just unhealthy for me. I feel like everyday I go through the whole " lets see if I can go through another day without breaking down and contacting him" or "lets see if I can make it through the day without crying over him" I had a really huge emotional attachment to him, and whenever things were going tough, he was somebody I could turn to... now I'm just sort of lost. I have preyed to God to help me get over whatever hurt and disappointment that I'm feeling so I can still have him in my life because I don't want to lose him... I think that my pessimism and stubbornness is getting in the way but I can’t seem to get a hold of my emotions. I wish I could just shut them out so I don’t feel the hurt and disappointment.

I don't regret my decision for cutting him loose, but I know that if something awful were to happen to him... I would regret it. I’m still hurting over this…and I have no idea how it will take before I can let this all go. Given the choice, wouldn't it be better to have 5 mins with him than none at all?

 

[ApostateAbe]

Cracks, I think maybe the best thing for you to do is to find another man who can occupy your mind and your emotions.

Here is another suggestion: write down the name of your old lover on a piece of paper. That piece of paper will represent all your old feelings, thoughts, and concerns you had for the man. Take it outside, crumple up the paper, burn it, and stamp the ashes into the ground. That experience will serve as a reminder for you to keep him in the past. You have a better future awaiting you.

 

[GreenPartyVoter]

Definitely move on. Sounds like it was an unhealthy relationship for you. Try to deal with being alone for now and know that someone healthier for you will arrive in your life when the time is right.

*hugs and blessings*

 

[Maplehugger]

Hey cracks... been there and doing that. I had a good friend like this and the friendship just kinda ended. I miss the friendship, but know in my heart it was time to move on and let it go. It is hard. Very hard. But all things can be done through Christ who strengthens us. So stay strong. Remember the good and hold that part, but look to tomorrow.

 

[TheOriginalWhitehorse]

I know how that goes, too. You'll be happy again.

The thing that caught my eye is that you mentioned these were things you were afraid of, and that fear may be very well founded, since people in love often promise things they cannot deliver. One cannot promise to stay in love forever, die for the other person, etc., although they promise it all the time, and if promises such as these are used to elicit a given beahviour from you, then that is definintely not healthy.

Do you think this guy wants to marry you, though, even though this romantic side has never been declared? Do you feel in love with him but not sure if he would reciprocate your feelings, since so far everything has been on a friendship level? Are you running from him because he's hurting you or because he loves you and that can be frightening?

Friend, I pray all works out well for you.

Blessings,
Whitehorse

 

[CHESS]

This is my first post…but here goes.

About a month ago, I had to "let go" of somebody that meant a great deal to me because loving him was way too hard. He wasn't my boyfriend or anything like that...but I wouldn't call us "friends" either. I can't really think of a word that would describe our relationship but it was definitely more than just friendship.

I don't want to get into the specifics but he was a great guy and wasn't doing anything to "deliberately" hurt me. But there were a lot of times when I felt hurt cause I felt he made promises he couldn't keep, and he was all talk but his actions didn't back his words up. Do actions really speak louder than words???

I miss him so much... I thought I could get past being upset with him and I could get past feeling hurt but it's been 8 months and those feelings haven't gone away which is why I had to do what I did. I have never turned my back on somebody but I feel like I'm turning my back on him because of these emotions I can't control. But if I didn't cut him loose, it would've driven me crazy and it was just getting to the point where I felt like having him in my life was just unhealthy for me. I feel like everyday I go through the whole " lets see if I can go through another day without breaking down and contacting him" or "lets see if I can make it through the day without crying over him" I had a really huge emotional attachment to him, and whenever things were going tough, he was somebody I could turn to... now I'm just sort of lost. I have preyed to God to help me get over whatever hurt and disappointment that I'm feeling so I can still have him in my life because I don't want to lose him... I think that my pessimism and stubbornness is getting in the way but I can’t seem to get a hold of my emotions. I wish I could just shut them out so I don’t feel the hurt and disappointment.

I don't regret my decision for cutting him loose, but I know that if something awful were to happen to him... I would regret it. I’m still hurting over this…and I have no idea how it will take before I can let this all go. Given the choice, wouldn't it be better to have 5 mins with him than none at all?

I commend you for letting your mind and not your heart rule your life,to many times we allow our emotions to overide our good judgement and as a result bad relationships follow.Stay the course,as hard as it is you will be stronger as a person for it.Purpose in your mind to move on and do it,A great verse in the Bible for this situation is in the Book of James "A Double minded man is unstable in all his ways"dont be double minded move on with courage and conviction in your decision.Develop strength in yourself not in someone else because secure stable men look for secure stable women.
If you need something to occupy your time and mind then volunteer to do good works at a hospital or deliver for meals on wheels.Helping others is one of the best prescriptions available to soothe a troubled mind and heart.

 

[PACSUN]

I deleted the long post -- Don't really like reading over it Anywho -- Let's just say for those looking now that it wasn't a good relationship

 

[TheMainException]

If you have those five more minutes with him, it will hurt all the new. I know this is hard...I've thought often about how painful it would be to "let go" of my dear brother, friend and mentor.

I believe that actions do speak louder than words. But there comes a time when you can forgive him, but can't let the pain continue. Forgive him and love him, but stay away from him and find someone else. Or even better, lean on the God who blessed you with this great guy. God will never leave you or forsake you. He will always be there for you and won't screw up...I promise.

 

[holyroller2005]

This is my first post…but here goes.

About a month ago, I had to "let go" of somebody that meant a great deal to me because loving him was way too hard. He wasn't my boyfriend or anything like that...but I wouldn't call us "friends" either. I can't really think of a word that would describe our relationship but it was definitely more than just friendship.

I don't want to get into the specifics but he was a great guy and wasn't doing anything to "deliberately" hurt me. But there were a lot of times when I felt hurt cause I felt he made promises he couldn't keep, and he was all talk but his actions didn't back his words up. Do actions really speak louder than words???

I miss him so much... I thought I could get past being upset with him and I could get past feeling hurt but it's been 8 months and those feelings haven't gone away which is why I had to do what I did. I have never turned my back on somebody but I feel like I'm turning my back on him because of these emotions I can't control. But if I didn't cut him loose, it would've driven me crazy and it was just getting to the point where I felt like having him in my life was just unhealthy for me. I feel like everyday I go through the whole " lets see if I can go through another day without breaking down and contacting him" or "lets see if I can make it through the day without crying over him" I had a really huge emotional attachment to him, and whenever things were going tough, he was somebody I could turn to... now I'm just sort of lost. I have preyed to God to help me get over whatever hurt and disappointment that I'm feeling so I can still have him in my life because I don't want to lose him... I think that my pessimism and stubbornness is getting in the way but I can’t seem to get a hold of my emotions. I wish I could just shut them out so I don’t feel the hurt and disappointment.

I don't regret my decision for cutting him loose, but I know that if something awful were to happen to him... I would regret it. I’m still hurting over this…and I have no idea how it will take before I can let this all go. Given the choice, wouldn't it be better to have 5 mins with him than none at all?

My sister recently lost a guy that wasnt really a boyfriend but they were closer than best friends. By lost I mean he died. When they broke up, she felt the same way you do now. Now she regrets not letting know that she cared for him. Although he knew, she feels that doubt that maybe he didnt know taht she loved him. Even if it wasnt a serious, relationship love she loved him. Im just saying that you dont want him to not know that you care. If you do, you need to let him know...dont let it wait till its too late. I believe actions sometimes do speak louder than words. Forive, forget and maybe try again. God bless and Good luck!

 

[TLC4God]

you know what God is here for you and he will never leave you.

 

[LilRitt04]

i had a similar experience with a actual boyfriend that we had to break up...for reasons i am not going to go into. but we did, and i was hurting. i had to come to a place in my walk with God were i just gave it to God. i put everything in my past in Gods hands, i put my future in Gods hands...i just gave my all to God. that is what you have to do. you have to lay it all down. God will mend a broken heart...he will eventually fill that void that you are missing from you friend. somoene had said in this thread that you need to write him down on a peice of paper and burn it, i think that is an awesome idea. except maybe what i would do, is write down everything that you did with him, things that you may never want to forget but you want to push it to the back burner, and then burn it. your friend will always be there, but you have to put him on the back burner, and realize that there was something, but that something is no longer. you did what you did for a reason, now you have to leave it alone! God Bless!

Jenn