Have you experienced bullying?

salamacum · Jan 30, 2009

Have you been bullied at work? Or even in church or at home?

How was it resolved?

What sort of people bully? What sort of people are bullies?

What about turning the other cheek?

Faulty · Jan 30, 2009

Bully? You mean like in a physical way or more by way of harassment?

In school, I had three potential bullies. The first hit me in the face and I laughed at him. The second I threw down a set of bleachers in the gym. The third wound up getting hurt rather badly. Right or wrong, I was of the mindset that if I caused them enough trouble they wouldn't bother with me anymore, and it worked.

I think bullies in work (or church) are more people seeking to establish their place of dominance for whatever reason. It's important to establish boundaries to let them know exactly where that line is they shouldn't cross. For example, my manager hired a new contractor in December to help me with my workload. On about her second day there, she started criticizing everything we did as wrong, and how screwed up our processes were and how much work she'll have to do to correct it, blah blah blah.

When she finished whining, I ever so politely explained to her that the processes were not created for her, the world did not start revolving around the sun the day she started working there, and her job was to 'assist' me, not run the place. And I said it in such a way the she knew I was willing to put all this behind me but if it happened again I would rip the throat out of her neck. She been a great help ever since.

As for the 'turning the other cheek' part, I'm still working on that.

sk8Joyful · Jan 31, 2009

CF is inexcusably rife with underhanded/secret plus gutless/heartless bullying, that
It's amazing more christians aren't either turning agnostic, or atheist, or become hopelessly depressed, or commit suicide.
What transpires here daily in the name of God amounts to (sacrilege: as an intrinsically outrageous violation of what is sacred)
What is sacred, is GOD/Jesus from His love created us to positively & constructively Thrive: in soul, in mind, & in body for the up-building of His kingdom.

NOT to destroy others in any power-tripping they can get away with. God weeps.

Christ+a · Feb 1, 2009

FaultySurplus said:
Bully? You mean like in a physical way or more by way of harassment?

In school, I had three potential bullies. The first hit me in the face and I laughed at him. The second I threw down a set of bleachers in the gym. The third wound up getting hurt rather badly. Right or wrong, I was of the mindset that if I caused them enough trouble they wouldn't bother with me anymore, and it worked.

I think bullies in work (or church) are more people seeking to establish their place of dominance for whatever reason. It's important to establish boundaries to let them know exactly where that line is they shouldn't cross. For example, my manager hired a new contractor in December to help me with my workload. On about her second day there, she started criticizing everything we did as wrong, and how screwed up our processes were and how much work she'll have to do to correct it, blah blah blah.

When she finished whining, I ever so politely explained to her that the processes were not created for her, the world did not start revolving around the sun the day she started working there, and her job was to 'assist' me, not run the place. And I said it in such a way the she knew I was willing to put all this behind me but if it happened again I would rip the throat out of her neck. She been a great help ever since.

As for the 'turning the other cheek' part, I'm still working on that.

sounds like you handled it well! - AND effectively!

salamacum · Feb 1, 2009

I know that the bullies I've encountered on an outreach project (not bullies, but spiritual authority people), would have crumpled if I'd opposed them.
They just weren't prepared to cope with it. When I met one of them later, I 'got my retaliation in first', and yes, she crumpled. Because she no longer could play that authority card she had through her husband over me. But the thing that annoyed me was the way she treated my wife. Once you stripped away the bibliolatry and pseudo-charismatic spirituality and missional-verbiage, you discovered 2 profoundly insecure and even adolescent people.

Now we are ALL weak, and sinful and messy. The issue is when we hide it all.

Christ+a · Feb 1, 2009

i agree: hiding it is the problem. human (see Adam), but still a problem.
it takes strength and humility to be transparent. and when we are not, but put on a front/show/facade (i like your -alities btw), it does more damage to believers and non believers alike than it does promote Christianity, bring glory to God or foster personal growth.

but - and although not pleasant, but still as necessary as alcohol on an open wound - God will not let us get away with such facades forever. for our own good and for His name's sake, i am convinced.

heron · Feb 3, 2009

I find myself feeling the most bullied by people that I like or respect. Because I agree with them on many things, they get used to me agreeing, and then when I don't, they think there's a flaw in my reasoning.

There are some horrible abuses that go on in the church, but the sources of some of the abuses and neglect are decent, well-meaning people who are on a roll.

Now everyone can disagree with me -- I'm just throwing in a point that might not come up otherwise.

salamacum · Feb 3, 2009

Sometimes the hurt comes with just failing with the common courtesies.
The being taken for granted, over and over again.

I've heard Church leaders say "Well, I'd didn't know there was a problem. She never said anything". Well, they don't do they, they are trained not to object or criticise. They are in the army, and taking orders is what it's about....

Now, of course, there are those who can never integrate. But I've seen burn-out and depression. And in my case, it was due to the fact that I was right on many things as it turned out, but I just sublimated it (I must be wrong - I'm more of a sinner than they are and after all, they are the leaders) and carried on smoothing the way for those over me.

heron · Feb 4, 2009

Burnout, yes. Some of us have to admit that we are adrenaline junkies, and "doing for the Lord" is sometimes based on how much energy we're feeling that day... go with it until we're overloaded.

When we get sick or find out limits, we snap. And then others sense the irritation, think it's our perception of them.

There's also the bullying of uneven expectations. People who make time for serving in the church, comparing themselves with those who have not been able to find the time.
The standard is set by the most active, wishing others could be equally assertive and involved, to share the load.

The load is sometimes created by the busy. Not always necessary activities, just good ideas. Then new expectations are applied, for others to join in and help.

lismore · Feb 14, 2009

salamacum said:
Have you been bullied at work? Or even in church or at home?

How was it resolved?

What sort of people bully? What sort of people are bullies?

What about turning the other cheek?

Yes, I was bullied at school. Pure hell. The least little thing and some people were bullied. Bullies are smug and self-centred.

Two people I was at school with committed suicide aged 17. I think peer bullying was maybe a part of it.

The only thing I can see is that when you have been bullied yourself you will not bully anyone else or suffer anyone to be bullied in your presence. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. You know what its like to be bullied so will treat everyone kindly and with respect and consideration.

salamacum · Feb 15, 2009

< < Do unto others as you would have them do unto you > >

In the moral maze of how you should behave towards others, I find this the most helpful principle. (Unless of course you are a [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] - there are people with very low self-image or who are perfectionist who treat others despicably)

Maid Marie · Mar 15, 2009

Have you been bullied at work? Or even in church or at home? I was bullied in 5th grade by classmates, by my grandmother, former college friend and doctors in the last 5 years.

How was it resolved? In 5th grade my teachers and principal stood up for me. Gma - sore issue with me as this was never really handled right by the family. With the friend and doctors God told me to stand up to them and then if they didn't apologize, leave. They didn't so I did. Best day when I stood up to the bullying friend.

What sort of people bully? What sort of people are bullies? My grandmother bullied cuz that was her personality, and that of the father that she loved and wanted his attention. My former friend bullied I think for maybe a little bit of the same reason as my gma...but also alot of it because she had her own problems and didn't know how else to relate to people.

What about turning the other cheek? This is the sore issue with my grandmother. The family by "turning the other cheek" basically enabled her to continue to bully and abuse. I am still struggling from the after effects of this today. And it doesn't help that I hear unhealthy definitions of turning the cheek from folks who have never been abused.

BenAdam · Mar 16, 2009

salamacum said:
Have you been bullied at work? Or even in church or at home?

How was it resolved?

What sort of people bully? What sort of people are bullies?

What about turning the other cheek?

I ran him through with me cutlass, turned me head and ran the scurvy dog through again.

salamacum · Mar 17, 2009

I think we've nailed the idea that bullies are somehow 'victims'!!

Psalms34 · Mar 19, 2009

salamacum said:
What sort of people bully? What sort of people are bullies?

Me. Actually in HS I used to bully a lot! And some during middle-school

Well... actually, to define my response better, I used to bully the bullies. They were fair game, and good for practice after the gym. Turn the other cheek? bleh... that has to do with not returning insult for insult. Learn your bible.

salamacum · Mar 26, 2009

< < Turn the other cheek? bleh... that has to do with not returning insult for insult. Learn your bible. > >

Surely it's more than insult. It's about not seeking revenge. Very hard.

Psalms34 · Mar 27, 2009

salamacum said:
< < Turn the other cheek? bleh... that has to do with not returning insult for insult. Learn your bible. > >

Surely it's more than insult. It's about not seeking revenge. Very hard.

Jewish culture. You slap someone on the cheek as a great insult. Don't return insult for insult.

Doesn't mean take it and be humble about it, ignoring it. What did Jesus say when He was struck before the high priest? He gave a rebuke (John 18:22-23).

TalkJesus · Apr 11, 2009

Christ+a said:
sounds like you handled it well! - AND effectively!

huh?

Im sorry but I do not see telling a person you would rip their throat out from their neck as handling it correctly at all. I do not see saying that to a person as a good Christ witness at all either.

I hope you are teasing and didnt really say that to the person. The Assistant my have been wrong but so was the response.

gratefulgrace · Apr 13, 2009

I think there must be some posts missing as I don't understand this last post at all. gg

gratefulgrace · Apr 13, 2009

I was teased a little bit in elementary school about my last name but really never noticed being overtly bullied. I always felt put down but that was more my shyness and insecurity showing. gg

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