Here's the next part of the Magdalene Journal. Miriam tells her story...
The Magdalene Journal
The same day.
Tamar and I found a place beneath the shade of a spreading sycamore tree, away from the crowds. Only because I trusted Yeshua and knew he wouldn’t do anything to shame me did I find courage to unveil who I was before I became his follower. I told her about my shameful past, how my mother was a harlot and my father a drunkard. I recalled the trauma of my rape when I was barely fourteen and the miscarriage of my baby. I fought to survive. I schemed and did whatever I could to prosper. And prosper I did all the while denying my past. I did my best to forget my past. And most of all I trusted no one.
I was not surprised when Tamar showed no sympathy but eyed me cautiously, "Some say you are a prostitute." she mused.
“I was well known beyond these parts as The Temptress. I allured men and provoked women through dancing at public parties and in private” I admitted. "I was taught by the best. In Egypt I learned the dance of the seven veils. I was the proprietress of my own business. I created my own fragrances, spices that I purchased from Judea and Rome, ointments from Tarshish. I lived in a comfortable villa by the sea and had servants waiting on me hand and foot.” I ran my hands over my coarse tunic. “You would never know this looking at this old robe, would you Tamar? You remember Sushanna? Do you not?"
Searching Tamar's eyes I waited. She nodded her reply.
"Sushanna was one of my servants," I said. "Now she is my closest companion."
I could see the amazement on my skeptic's face, she softened a bit. And a spark of the spirit of sisterhood lit her eyes as she spoke to me.
"I don't know what you did in your past or where you came from, but you are very beautiful. You look as though you haven't had to work, or struggle like the poor women in our village."
"Magdala is a rich town.' I confessed. "Many wealthy people live there. I had everything I wanted but I was a miserable creature."
She raised an eyebrow. "But why?" she questioned. And then she was looking at her own poor garment. "What I would give to have just a little of what you had."
No! No! No! She mustn’t think that! "Oh no Tamar! Truly I was miserable!” i grabbed hold of her hand. "These things mean nothing to me now."
Desperately I tried to make her understand, not for my sake alone, but for Yeshua's sake. I knew he would want her to understand.
"I grew to hate myself and everyone. Until the Master healed me."
"Yeshua?"
My eyes welled with tears. Whenever I recall how he delivered me, I weep.
"Truly. Yeshua healed and delivered me of tormenting spirits. Seven demon's, the disciples say. I don't remember. They told me the voices that came out of me were terrifying." Again I gripped her hand. "What I say is true. And you are no different than me Tamar. You too have suffered greatly and have known heartache and rejection. I know this. When the demons came out of me I was changed. Did you not feel that change in you today, when Yeshua spoke to you?"
All traces of hardness in her features dissolved. Her barriers at last came down. She was beginning to trust me. For the first time she spoke my name. "Oh Mariam...Yes." she admitted, "When he spoke I felt as though my spirit bowed in submission at his feet. And there is something else..."
Again, I waited.
"Well... the way he... looked at me. No man has ever looked at me like that before."
Her eyes filled with tears. I embraced her. "I know. I know.' I soothed.
"The look you speak of, I know very well." I confided. “His look compelled me to give up everything. The jewels, my beautiful robes and colorful veils. My possessions had become a noose around my neck. I sold my villa and gave the money to the poor and I assisted the Master."
Tamar stifled a sob. This time it was she who gripped my hand. "You gave up everything?"
I spoke with great conviction. "Yes. Love will cause one to do many things."
She gazed at me innocently, like a sister seeking advice. "Then... do you love him, Miriam?"
I nodded without hesitation and returned her gaze. "Yes, I do, Tamar. More than any thing."
I HAD to tell Tamar if she was to know my story as the Master requested. I must be honest. Tamar asked, "do you love him?" The question comes more often from dishonest people wanting to destroy his reputation. A feeling of sadness crept into my soul because of all that Yeshua suffered in choosing one such as I to be in his company.
I knew the next question would come, though she asked it timidly, "Does he...love you?"
I watched the late afternoon clouds moving in for a moment and breathed in the scent of wild flowers growing in the grass where Tamar and I sat.
"Yes he does. We love each other very much."
'But..." protested Tamar, "They say he is not married. And you are without a veil."
I quickly assured her. "Yeshua has a mission to fulfill. His heart is so big, he loves so much. It would be selfish of me to demand such a commitment."
"You said you loved each other."
I pondered what I had said. What did it mean, this word "love" and how dare I apply it to Yeshua and myself? At last I understood. Tamar would be the first to know. I had not told his mother, not even Sushanna. Tamar who did not have but longed for the love of a man would appreciate the precious pearls of my secret love more than any other.
I chose my words very carefully. "Our love, Yeshua's and mine, leads us to love chastely. Our affections are a shared grace. The dream of union is our greatest sacrifice to this love. In a sense, I have died for him because I want many to love him, including you Tamar. If I kept him all for my self how then shall he receive what he truly deserves, the adoration of multitudes? How could others know the joy that I know? Yes and Yeshua dies for me, by not yielding to his desire for married love. He can not or would not selfishly hold unto me. He lifts me to a greater joy. His vision for me includes a greater fulfillment. We seek what is best for each other. He gives me the affection I can bear and
I give what he can bear in our intimacy and that is only what is born of pure love."
Tamar was filled with wonder. I knew I had done the right thing. She leaned very close to me and spoke in a low, hushed voice, yet another probing question, “has he ever...kissed you?"
"Such things are sacred." I replied. I placed my hand on my heart where I treasure every look, every gesture, every word spoken by my Yeshi.
Tamar’s eyes widened, "Ah...then he has kissed you!"
My gaze was unshaken and my reply was certain, "only on my forehead and cheek."
"And?"
"Truly, that is all." I insisted. I waited and then gently touched her hand. "And now that you know all my secrets, do you trust me?"
She lowered her head and thought for a moment. When she at last looked at me I knew she spoke sincerely. "Yes I do Miriam."
We embraced each other again.
"He is beautiful Miriam, in so many ways. But I don't think he knows it. There is not a spot of pride in him...the Rabbi from Nazareth."
I sighed..."Yeshi..."
Tamar's entire face lit up with a smile. She truly looked beautiful.
She too sighed, "Yeshi..."
We shook ourselves from our daydream. I leapt to my feet. I knew she was ready to become better acquainted with the Master. She was already becoming a new woman and wasn’t the same as when she had stood so nervously by the well earlier that day.
"Come Tamar!" I exclaimed taking hold of her arm, "he will be waiting for us. Let’s go and find him!"
