Have a parenting question.......

[StillLearning101]

I have a question.
I am the mother of a 5 year old who is wonderful. His father and I got divorced when he was 1 and I just got remarried. My husband is wonderful...he helps with his bills like he was his own. We go to church together, etc.

My son's father called today because there was a paper in his backpack that had my husband's name on it. The teacher had made a mistake and put my husband's name instead of my son's father's name on it. My ex-husband was very upset, which I can understand.
But my problem is this---I am trying to be very Christian about the whole ordeal..when we got divorced he called me a church b*&^%.
Then, he never helps pay for his son's medical bills, schooling, dental bills, etc. and my son is getting ready to have surgery done. It has been non-stop medications for the past 4 months.

When he takes him, he has him about 1 evening, the rest of the time my son is at his mother's house. Then he has the guts to ask me to use my son on his taxes to "help him out". I'm lucky if I ever get child support, too.

How should I feel about this and what is the Christian was to deal with this? Why should I be put at blame for what a teacher made a mistake on? How do I bring up that he needs to help more without getting irrate?
Plus, his mother is a big nag and she is usually behind causing lots of problems, so I'm sure my son's surgery is going to be excellent. I may have to knock her teeth out (only if God says it's okay first...)

 

[Manna]

First of all.... !!!! I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this garbage.

I can completely understand why your ex-husband would feel threatened by your new husband's name being on your son's paper. But my word, it's not like YOU put it on there! It was a simple mistake, and he needs to let it go.

As for the other problems that you mentioned, these are definitely things that need to be dealt with. I would suggest writing a letter to your ex. That way, you have time to pray about what exactly you're saying so that nothing is incorectly stated. Having it for your records would also be beneficial! If you two can sit down and discuss the problems, that would be ideal...I'd even suggest having a "medium" of some sort (like a pastor, counselor, whateveR) sit in on the meeting so that it's handled in a calm fashion.

I haven't been in a situation like this, so please, take my suggestions with a grain of salt. =) But do know that I'll be lifting you up in prayer! Feel free to send me a PM if you need to vent about any of it! (It's better than knocking your ex's mother's teeth out...lol).

 

[StillLearning101]

Thank you so much.
I have always been the overbearing mother..the one who went the extra mile..of course he is my first child also.
My ex has never threatened me with trying to take my son or anything like that, but I think when he gets irrate, I get concerned. His mother is somewhat of a brainwasher, so she is one to try much of alot of things. She doesn't but her nose in, she just puts her 2 cents in when she sees me. Needless to say, I try to avoid her.

I love my child with everything in me. I don't ever want to do anything that will keep him from his father, if that is where he wants to be. There are times that I'm concerned about him being there, because he won't take a bath or brush his teeth. He has come home with undergarments on that were stained because he couldn't find the bathroom and no one gave him clean clothes. It's a very sad sometimes. I think I try to "overdue" where his father lacks.

His father also can't get him home in time for church sometimes, which bothers me. I don't believe that he approves that I take him. He used to make fun of me because I taught Sunday School...a very sad situation.

Please keep praying for me. My son's surgery is in 13 days--I want all to go well for him and to keep the peace..it will be hard enough on me (even though it is just tubes and possibly his adnoids being taken out.)
Thanks for your guidance--I appreciate it.

 

[Leanna]

You can't "give" him the tax break, he doesn't qualify. The tax break is yours. I don't know the laws in your state, but in mine if your ex goes longer than 90 days without paying child support you can get some kind of legal action started.... maybe finding him in contempt of court? I don't know what it is called. If he's not paying child support I suppose it doesnt make a difference, but he should have to help with the surgery costs too.... yeah he sounds like a jerk.

 

[Leanna]

Hmmm well I am surprised. For my baby's father to qualify to put David on his FAFSA (application for student aid) he had to be paying 50% or more of David's expenses. So I assumed taxes was the same way.

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

I don't have much to contribute other than to tell you I'll be praying for you and your son. My heart just aches for this little guy who is getting the raw end of the deal.

 

[Princessperky]

insisting on proper care (IE bathrooms and clean clothing) isn not keeping him form his father. Insist on your sons rights.

Oh and for the teacher thing, I would remind the ex that teachers have how many kids in class? of course they assume the guy acting like a father is the father, sorry if it hurts, Ex made the decision to not be aroound or involved.

 

[BeanMak]

i have dealt with similar situation with family and friends. The best way to handle his anger at the teacher, is to acknowlege his feelings. "I see you are angry" but leave it for him to deal with the teacher. As far as him helping out more, unless you are willing to go to court, you might as well leave it as a bad debt. I am SURE that in HIS mind he is doing everything :::roll eyes::: I have a friend who is supposed to get $100 a month child support for twin girls. Her ex hasn't paid in months, yet he still has the audacity to say "She owes me!"

 

[Linnis]

Take him to court, get your child support(plus back support) and then if he actually does that, then he can claim the child on his Taxes.

 

[annaapple]

It sounds like you're doing an amazing job in trying circumstances. Fell proud, try to stay encouraged and especially all the best with your son's operation. I hope you both recover quickly.

 

[StillLearning101]

In answer to someone's thoughts there--
I have Parental custody of my son. I am supposed to get 150.00 a month (which is my own fault) in child support plus 50% of all medical, dental, schooling, etc. bills.

I have sometimes received the 150.00 a month--NEVER have I received any of the other 50% bills. That's what I have a problem with, and here my son is getting ready to have surgery.

I can sign over for my taxes to let him claim my son, but I'm not going to. Why should I? My son gets the raw end of the deal here. My ex has visitation rights, but honestly, I hate letting my son go. I never know what shape he is going to be in when he gets home.

I know that sounds unchristianlike, but geez. The mean part of me says that my ex has no right to be mad over a school mistake, he should be mad at himself over not really taking care of his son. BTW, his child support payment is 2 weeks late again---I'm sure that would have helped with the meds I have spent around 60.00 on in the past week.

I am just very thankful that my husband has no quams with helping my son. He never complains that his money helps pay for things with my son. Thank God for that...

Any other suggestions from anyone?
Thanks for the insights so far...and the prayers. They are all very helpful.

 

[susanann]

How should I feel about this and what is the Christian was to deal with this? .)

Maybe you are blessed more than you think.

If you had married a man who was a great father, who was more concerned about his kids than anything else in the world, then you might be in a situation where the father wanted his child, and would let nothing stand in his way - taking his son to South America if necessary to ensure that he got complete and permanent custody.

Granted, that is the opposite extreme, but things could have been much worse.

Then there is the dad who doesnt want to see his kid at all - nada, nothing, he doesnt even telephone his child on his birthday.

Just do the best you can, and realize that things could have been worse either way.