LovebirdsFlying
My husband drew this cartoon of me.
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The way my brain works...
Do you ever have seemingly minor events (at least in comparison) from the past jar you out of sleep?
I guess I'm still processing these things, even in my sleep. I've had practically no contact with my mother for a couple of years now, and I moved thousands of miles away from my family to start healing and getting my head on straight. But they had me for 42 years. My husband (who had done the same thing almost from the day he turned 18, and so much of my healing is coming from following his example) has only had me for the past 8 years. It's going to take some time to balance out.
So I woke up out of sleep thinking about how, with my mother, if there is ever a conflict between me and someone else, it doesn't matter the details. I am always the one who's wrong. There is one set of rules for me, and an entirely different set for others.
The specific example (from adult years, not childhood) that came back to me as I was waking up was a neighbor who couldn't afford her apartment and was looking for another place to move. When I suggested one nearby that was cheaper, she reacted badly because there were so many ethnic minorities living in that complex. My neighbor's mouth opened in shock. "Oh (name of the Lord in vain). Live around a bunch of (racial slur)'s and (other racial slur)'s? I'd rather die and hope I go to (not heaven)." I threw her out of my house, because I don't go for that kind of racist attitude, and I won't be friends with people who do.
And when I told my mother what happened, of course I got a dismissive, "Well, so what? They're just words." If she had heard it for herself, she would have been pontificating about what an awful attitude the neighbor had, and how much better she taught her children. And of course if I, or any other member of her family were to say such a thing, it wouldn't be "just words" anymore, would it? No, it would have been a terrible offense.
But of course, since I was the one offended in this situation, I was wrong. Not allowed to have principles that I stand on, am I?
Do you ever have seemingly minor events (at least in comparison) from the past jar you out of sleep?
I guess I'm still processing these things, even in my sleep. I've had practically no contact with my mother for a couple of years now, and I moved thousands of miles away from my family to start healing and getting my head on straight. But they had me for 42 years. My husband (who had done the same thing almost from the day he turned 18, and so much of my healing is coming from following his example) has only had me for the past 8 years. It's going to take some time to balance out.
So I woke up out of sleep thinking about how, with my mother, if there is ever a conflict between me and someone else, it doesn't matter the details. I am always the one who's wrong. There is one set of rules for me, and an entirely different set for others.
The specific example (from adult years, not childhood) that came back to me as I was waking up was a neighbor who couldn't afford her apartment and was looking for another place to move. When I suggested one nearby that was cheaper, she reacted badly because there were so many ethnic minorities living in that complex. My neighbor's mouth opened in shock. "Oh (name of the Lord in vain). Live around a bunch of (racial slur)'s and (other racial slur)'s? I'd rather die and hope I go to (not heaven)." I threw her out of my house, because I don't go for that kind of racist attitude, and I won't be friends with people who do.
And when I told my mother what happened, of course I got a dismissive, "Well, so what? They're just words." If she had heard it for herself, she would have been pontificating about what an awful attitude the neighbor had, and how much better she taught her children. And of course if I, or any other member of her family were to say such a thing, it wouldn't be "just words" anymore, would it? No, it would have been a terrible offense.
But of course, since I was the one offended in this situation, I was wrong. Not allowed to have principles that I stand on, am I?
