Haunted by "tickle torture" memory

[radhead]

This is almost laughable. But it's not.

I was recently thinking back to a trip I took years ago to visit family. I was in grade school. We had been riding in a van with some other family members and they had brought a friend with them, a girl about my age or younger.

For years I just remember her "teasing" me once we were outside playing in a yard. The yard was open between the front and back yard. She was smiling me and kept tickling me. I was sort of taken by surprise.

Well, just a few days ago, the memory came back to haunt me. I literally hadn't thought about what really happened in over twenty years. I started having images of someone forcing me down onto the floor in a bedroom, in the narrow space of the floor area between the bed and the far wall. There are people out in the living room but they can't see or hear us. I was being suffocated. I felt like I was drowning.

What REALLY happened was this. This skinny girl (my age or younger) was doing nothing more than tickling me. I was caught off guard and we kept moving towards the backyard. I didn't know what to do. She definitely had me at an advantage. She was also probably sort of athletic. I worry that if it had gone on much longer I might have hit her in self defense. Fortunately, it only lasted a minute or so. I felt so relieved I just ran back to the front yard to where my parents and everyone else was.

What's the reason for my posting this? I think I understand why women might be afraid of being alone with men. Their fear had always bothered me before. It was insulting. How dare they fear a nice person like myself. But now I understand that there is some validity to that fear. How often to men actually put themselves into a vulnerable position with someone who might have reason to overpower us.

If something this mild (and almost laughable) can put such a fearful (artificial) memory into my head, I can't even imagine how other people who have experienced more serious abuse must feel.

 

[Fremdin]

Traumatic Childhood experiences can and do exert themselves all over the rest of your life

 

[traingosorry]

My cousin was this way and he used to torment me, in a way that was anything but innocent. An uncle was inappropriate this way too. Ever since then, I have avoided men that share the same physical and personality characteristics they both had.

Not to mention, they totally ruined tickling for me. I can come close to a panic attack if my first 'NO!' is not obeyed.

 

[Fremdin]

I'm sorry to hear that traingosorry, I understand how you feel

 

[traingosorry]

I'm sorry to hear that traingosorry, I understand how you feel

they both turned out to be pathetic and miserable men— i consider it payback.

 

[Fremdin]

They always were pathetic miserable men

 

[WileyCoyote]

I dunno. I kinda LIKE it when girls tickle me.

 

[atuck00]

I have a violent reaction to having my feet tickled. My brothers used to pin me down and "tickle torture" me until I would cry or give in to whatever they were trying to get out of me (usually just an extra turn on the Nintendo). Even my nieces and nephews know not to go toward my feet because my reaction is to kick. Growing up with all boys definitely ruined tickling.

 

[Inkachu]

My cousin was this way and he used to torment me, in a way that was anything but innocent. An uncle was inappropriate this way too. Ever since then, I have avoided men that share the same physical and personality characteristics they both had.

Not to mention, they totally ruined tickling for me. I can come close to a panic attack if my first 'NO!' is not obeyed.

I am exactly the same way. I do NOT like to be tickled, and I make that very clear to any guys I date. A lot of them think I'm just being silly, and I have to really make it CLEAR...do NOT tickle me. My brother tormented the heck out of me growing up (he was bigger, stronger, and had a lot of emotional problems) and more than once he held me down and wouldn't let me up, sometimes tickling, and sometimes just being physically mean.

 

[kingoffools13]

I dunno. I kinda LIKE it when girls tickle me.

smooth, right on.

K
O
f

 

[Inkachu]

I dunno. I kinda LIKE it when girls tickle me.

Gentle, playful tickling is a wonderful thing. God gave us our ticklishness, after all. It's just too bad that it gets abused and ruins the fun for a lot of us.

My son LOVES to be tickled. He's a tickling maniac. He'll ask me to wrestle with him and tickle him until he gets the hiccups, lol. I hope he always has that fun streak. I'm glad his tickles haven't been ruined

 

[Athalia]

I really hate it when guys think they can just tickle or poke you. I don't know why they do it - yes I do, its funny to them. But I just smack 'em and that solves that :halo:

 

[CoachR64]

Ok, I have a couple of questions. I hope I am not crossing a line, cause I know this could be hard for some people to talk about.

How did these people cross the line when you were bing tickled (for those who have major issues with this?) Did it cross the line to inappropriate touching where you felt uncomfortable?

I ask this because I have 3 nephews and 2 nieces. When i see my nieces, I will often times pick them up and tickle them, and toss them around a bit. They always just laugh and giggle and smile. Same things with my nephews.

What cross the line? As far as I can tell, they like it and they laugh. I would never do anything inappropriate with them, so that is not even an issue. They even beg me to carry them and play with them like that, because they are both getting too heavy for their mom (she is tiny) and dad (major back injury) to pick up. So when I am around, they like me to pick them up and tickle them.

I guess I am just saying I have always seen the tickling thing as innocent and playful. When does it change to something wrong?

Coach

 

[Fremdin]

It's hard to say when something like that changes. You shouldn't be afraid of being affectionate with your nieces and nephews. When I was a kid I loved to be held. I think that the issue in most of these cases is intent. Children understand intent and can feel intuitively when something is wrong. Also it's a question of power being taken away and being made to feel helpless and attacked.

 

[atuck00]

Personally, nothing was inappropriate for me. It was the fact that I was restrained and overpowered. I liked being tickled by my mom. It didn't ever last too long and if i asked her to stop, she would. i have always hated losing physical control and that's what would happen when my brothers would do it. (just for the record, they never meant it maliciously)

 

[radhead]

I guess I am just saying I have always seen the tickling thing as innocent and playful. When does it change to something wrong?

I'm sure you've got a good head on your shoulders. There is a positive, playful form of tickling like would occur between a parent and young child. But the problem is when kids engage in it, they sometimes don't know when enough is enough. It's really just a matter of degree until it becomes dangerous and abusive.

I compared it to drowning earlier. Physically it probably has a similar effect on the body. The best guage I would give is if you compared it to "dunking" or the thing kids like to do when they force someone's head underwater. The first time it is (or might be) funny, but it gets less funny each time after that. How long do you let the person breathe in between dunkings (or ticklings). How excessive does it become?

Coach, I'm sure that there are few people on this planet who have ever tried to physically overcome you and survived (lol, just kidding). But imagine if the Incredible Hulk was "playfully" dunking your head underwater repeatedly, because he found it amusing. That's what it might be like.

 

[GuacaMolly]

Yeah, that's an unfortunate memory, but at least you gained some insight from it.

I've been in situations where I felt helpless, almost panicked, and it is not pleasant.

I'm very ticklish, but only in the right spots.

There have been times where I've been tickled by people I don't know well and it is NOT cool! I've been known to bend back fingers and turn cocky guys into crumpled, pleading whiny babies.

Oh, and jabbing someone in the ribs is NOT tickling, it's assault. The self defense that follows is entirely justified.

 

[radhead]

I still need prayer for this memory. I was haunted by it again a few nights ago and couldn't get to sleep.

I started imagining millions of kids worldwide doing this to younger kids.

 

[latteda]

I'm sorry it's still bothering you.

I somehow missed this topic when it came up last year, but it's neat that the unfortunate memory gave you insight to be sensitive to other people.

I definitely know that abuse or molestation or even close calls of it from the past can be debilitating when something or someone triggers that memory.

I'll pray that your dreams don't come back.

 

[Blank123]

sorry to hear that. i know when i was little i *hated* to be tickled and not totally sure why, i just never liked it. there was never anything malicious about it, but some people were a bit rough. maybe thats why *shrugs*

but i will pray these memories stop haunting you.